You don't need John Oliver to tell you that state lotteries—or, as your mom calls them, "the stupidity tax"—are a bad deal, but you may not have realized the extent to which they suck.

Last night, three lottery-ticket-purchasers won the lottery, sharing a total jackpot of $448 million. Two of the winners are from New Jersey, one is from Minnesota.

Mother-of-two Mindy Crandell was standing in line at a Publix supermarket in Zephyrhills, Florida, waiting to buy a Powerball ticket in the hopes of claiming her share of a historic $590.5 million payday, when 84-year-old Gloria C. Mackenzie suddenly cut in front of her.

Octogenarian Gloria Mackenzie, a resident of Zephyrhills, Florida, came forward today to claim last month's $590 million Powerball jackpot, the largest in the lottery game's history. Mackenzie wisely opted out of participating in a press conference, but Florida lottery officials read a statement from her in which she…

When Jennifer Maldonado opted out of her office's lottery pool, she figured it was no big deal.

On Thursday evening, a Facebook user named Nolan Daniels posted a poorly-photoshopped picture of his supposedly-winning Powerball ticket, along with the offer that he would give $1 million to a random person who shared it. So far it's been shared over 200,000 times, because Like-addled Facebook users will share…

Gas station surveillance cameras apparently captured the moment one of this week's two Powerball winners realized he'd won. He reacts just about how you might expect someone who just won nearly $300 million: by freaking out.

This post was originally published in March and is being reprinted now, with some slight adjustments, because it is still true, you fools.

The Powerball jackpot is up to $320 million. Why do you play the lottery? Is it because you have a dream? Because you have hope of a better future? Because—though you know it's a long shot—you just have a good feeling about this one? Because the twinkle in your eye and the spring in your step signify your jaunty,…

Virginia Fike from Virginia […Fike] bought two lottery tickets from a truck stop a few weeks ago, one of which turned out to be worth a million dollars.

Turns out that the trio of rich asset managers might not actually be the winners of the $254 million Powerball. A different and richer anonymous client of the bankers is the real winner here. And it makes sense: those pinched and constipated faces are not the faces of lottery winners.