Somehow, impossibly, we’ve made it through five total GOP debates over the course of five months. We’ve seen spirits crushed (Jeb), lies told (everyone), and would-be dictators rouse the masses (Trump). At a certain point, all the racism, bickering, and stupidity just start blending together. Here’s a refresher.
After weeks of GOP candidates pandering to the anti-Planned Parenthood masses, it looks like the one man who should know better re:fetal tissue donations—famed ex-neurosurgeon Ben Carson—actually does know better. Or at least, he did back in 1992 when he did his own research on 17-week fetal tissue. But, according to…
It’s time. Tomorrow night, at 9 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time, ten drunk clowns are going to fight with each other on national television for the chance to make wildly important decisions that affect each and every one of our livelihoods. It is going to be a god damn masterpiece.
Have you ever wanted to shoot the shit with sentient mint julep and South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham? Probably not—he’s awful! But just in case you want to give him a piece of your mind, ever-worse-human and godsend to the Republican primaries Donald Trump just read off his phone number in public.
Surprise! Experienced exorcist and current Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal is running for President. Now, some candidates’ announcement videos may focus on things like production, a candidates’ values, and actors who have consented to being filmed—but Bobby Jindal isn’t like other candidates. Instead, here’s a video…
Touché to Michael, a.ka. commenter MichaelX, for his quick response to our Republican Primary Bounty List. He sent us several photos of Republican candidates getting makeup applied, and will be duly rewarded with a check for $22.75. But now that this loophole has been exploited once, we'll clarify the rules for all…
The Republican presidential nominating contest is blowing wide open, as candidates move from the boring grassroots-organizing lowlands of Iowa and New Hampshire to the broader markets of South Carolina, Florida, Arizona, Michigan, Nevada, Colorado, and everywhere else. So we've compiled a list of collectibles that you…
Republican Inter-State Party Catfight Alert! New Hampshire is threatening to move its first-in-the-nation primary date to either December 6 or 13 if Nevada doesn't move back its scheduled January 14 caucuses. The Nevada party chair's actual text-message reaction: "WHAT??!!!"
What new, irritating things have recently gone down in the fire-soaked hell fields of America's anti-best state, Arizona? It's always important to check in, in case, say, Steven Seagal is riding a tank en route to a chicken/puppy massacre. The latest news doesn't involve any murder, thank goodness. Only the possible…
Everyone welcome Thad McCotter to the race for the Republican presidential nomination! Who? you ask. Well, according to our notes, McCotter is a... congressman from... Michigan who, let's see, is supposed to be sort of funny? (According to Andrew Breitbart McCotter is "blunt, sarcastic, pop-culture-savvy,…
Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels has decided not to run for president. He alerted followers of the news in an email sent out early — really early — Sunday morning, probably while he was drunk, or at least, feeling restless after Saturday Night Live. Daniels, an establishment Republican favorite, had built up a…
The underdog at the top put on his special rapture glasses and announced his campaign bid to 10,000—or was it 15,000?—of his closest friends in Atlanta, spreading the message of "shucky ducky" and showering the crowd with love. He also says he's that he's not running for "second," but fourth.
New Hampshire's Republican voters will have so many wonderful candidates to choose from in the first 2012 presidential primary, but two of them rise above the field.
Massachusetts Sen. Scott Brown's surprising January special election victory made him an instant Tea Party hero and threatened the survival of health care reform. But it passed anyway, and then Brown voted for every other Democratic bill. Will he survive?
Failed Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell went on Good Morning America today to discuss politics with D.L. Hughley. Sure, why not? And apparently she loves Hillary Clinton enough to join the Democratic party and support her in a 2012 primary.
There's no chance that Hillary Clinton will challenge Barack Obama in a 2012 primary. None! Stop thinking this. But Gallup has polled it anyway, and finds Obama leading her 52% to 37%. It's bad news for a certain Chicago dentist.
Establishment Republicans are (understandably!) furious after last night's Senate primary in Delaware, where '90s MTV anti-masturbation advocate Christine O'Donnell defeated the more-electable candidate Rep. Mike Castle. Karl Rove, for example, is still trashing her, although O'Donnell calls his criticisms…
What a night for the Tea Party! The far-right, Sarah Palin-endorsed, anti-masturbation Christine O'Donnell, won the Republican Senate nomination in Delaware, while racist New York multimillionaire Carl Paladino took the Republican Governor's nomination in New York. What else happened?
New York Sen. Chuck Schumer apparently got all worked up this morning at his Brooklyn polling station, after he showed up too early and waited for the voting machine to load. Don't these ignorant machines know who Chuck Schumer is?
NYC's voters are encountering all sorts of terrible problems with the electronic voting machines today.
