Unemployed Cosplay Enthusiast Prince William Visits Japan
Prince William visited Japan this week and took some photographs there with some people and some things, BuzzFeed News reports.
King and Queen Make Time to Greet Unemployed Fan, Her Balding Husband
Two British tourists received the thrill of a lifetime Monday night when they were allowed to interrupt Beyoncé and Jay Z's private conversation as the Carters took in a basketball game in Brooklyn.
Royal Baby 2 to Burst Out of Royal Uterus Next April, Blood Everywhere
The British royal family confirmed Monday that the chilling sequel to 2013's "Royal Baby" is scheduled to hit Britain in April of next year. Also Kate Middleton still can't stop throwing up. It's worth it, though, for her beautiful family.
Kate Middleton Is Pregnant With a New Royal Baby
Kensington Palace confirmed Monday that the Duchess of Cambridge is expecting her second child, which the media are tentatively calling New Royal Baby. According to the official statement, the Duchess is once again experiencing Hyperemesis Gravidarum, the severe morning sickness that plagued her first pregnancy, and…
Telegraph Accidentally Calls Kate and William Dangerous Extremists
The Daily Telegraph ran a front-page story this morning about England's attempts to teach nursery-school kids "fundamental British values" to protect them from radical indoctrination. After all, you wouldn't want them to end up like the poor baby in the photo, pictured with two dangerous religious extremists.
Royal Family's Apartment Has Asbestos, Will Cost Only £4 Million to Fix
Kate Middleton and her double tufts of hair in body sacks, Prince William and porkpie Prince George, have been living in Medieval squalor at their Kensington Palace apartment. With no running water and tons of asbestos infiltrating their happy home, the repairs on the palace are reportedly going to cost UK taxpayers…
Funky Fresh DJ Kate Middleton Adores Peplums, Tripping Balls
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge had a lot of fun in Australia on Wednesday, lightly placing their fingers on records under the close supervision of a professional disc jockey. After being reassured several times they had not been party to criminal conduct, the royal couple likely returned to their hotel and made…
Who Has More Hair, Prince George or Prince William? An Investigation
Prince William and his son Prince George have many things in common: a patriotic duty to the nation of their birth; an intimate working knowledge of Kate Middleton's breasts; a high risk of hemophilia. Between them, they also have enough hair to cover the head of one human male.
Kate Middleton's Royal Tour Journals: Day 1
This month, powerful baby Prince George performs his first official royal duty—an inspection of British penal colonies and their outlying areas—as he and his parents, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, spend three weeks traveling across Australia and New Zealand. During this time, Gawker.com will publish a selection…
Prince William Is Going Back to School
The Duke of Cambridge may be even more boring than we thought. To his credit, he has enrolled at Cambridge University, one of the top schools on the planet. But it's just a ten-week program. In agricultural management.
Taylor Swift/Prince William Sing-Along Video Ruins Thanksgiving
Prince of England Prince William and Princess of Snails Taylor Swift joined Jon Bon Jovi on stage for a quick sing-along at a charity gala Tuesday night and, if you expected the resulting performance of "Livin' on a Prayer" to be the most awkward thing that has ever transpired between three humans, what occurred was…
Prince William Stares at Titties
[Prince William, observes breast reconstruction surgery on a female patient during a visit at the Royal Marsden hospital in Chelsea. Image by Lefteris Pitarakis via AP]
Royal Baby Officially on Christ's Radar
A baby who we all know, Prince George of Cambridge, is having yet another of the hundred billion strange experiences that, taken together, constitute a human life today: his parents are dressing him in a big lace dress, singing songs at him, and putting water on his head in exchange for one (1) General Admission…
Prince William Loves to Swear So Much People "Think He Has Tourette's"
On October 7th, Prince William, a grown, married man who has a child and a bald spot and a real job that requires him to fly helicopters and save people's lives, will do something very exciting, which is: organize the first-ever official soccer game at his nana's house.
Here Are All the Things Wrong with Prince George's First Portrait
A couple weeks ago, Kate Middleton's father, Michael Middleton, gathered up his daughter, son-in-law, grandson, and a couple dogs he knew, and bade them come out into the harsh August sunlight for an informal photo session in his garden. The resulting pictures were great by family photo standards: no one was sneezing;…
Super Secret Royal Baby Family Portraits Leak on Twitter
On Monday, the press office for Prince William announced that the first official family portraits of Prince George would be released at 12:00 a.m. BST Tuesday morning. However, given the choice between waiting 3 hours to see the pictures or seeing them NOW NOW NOW RIGHT NOW RIGHT FREAKIN' NOW, the world chose the…
Quaint Sand Sculpture Depicts Royal Family as Terrifying Beach Demons
What is it about Kate Middleton's lovely face that makes it impossible to register as anything other than nightmarish when rendered artistically?
Kate Middleton's Occupation Listed as "Princess" on Birth Certificate
As of Friday, Britain's Prince George is no longer an undocumented drifter living off the grid, subsisting on secrets and shadows; he's a person with a birth certificate. For whatever reason, the birth certificate was not filled out very neatly, but what are you gonna do? Summer Fridays, everyone's in a hurry. (Here's…
And Now For Something More Important Than the Economy: A Baby's Name
Here's Fox News cutting away from President Obama's economic speech today to tease the naming of the royal baby.
Here's the First Picture of the Royal Baby
Everyone's close personal friends Prince William and Kate Middleton emerged from St. Mary's hospital on Tuesday with a brand new baby boy they made or found or something.
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