Where is the Royal Baby? The tiny heir to the British throne has been born (we're told!) but remains in the Lido Wing of St. Mary's Hospital with his parents—though he may make an appearance today.

Hordes of sleepy Australian cameramen and rumpled Russian news anchors will have a great orgy in the streets of London tonight, for the Duchess of Cambridge has finally given birth to the Cookie Monster that has been growing inside her like a parasite for the better part of a year: a healthy baby boy.

In February, the threat of HISTORIC, EXTREME SNOW whipped Weather.com into such a frothy euphoria that it combusted from within, vomiting broken mountain graphics all over its homepage. Now, the unbearable ecstasy of the final days of Kate Middleton’s pregnancy has driven E! Online—the relentlessly chipper,…

Earlier this week, St. James’ Palace and Good Manners Emporium confirmed to the world that when Kate Middleton has her baby in a few weeks, the whole affair is gonna be real cool and classy, not dirty and stupid.

Poor Kate Middleton. A couple years ago, she married a guy she met in college and thought her life was really on track. She quit her job as an assistant buyer for Party Pieces ("What a great piece to have at a party. We'll take three, please.") because her husband said he could support their family on his pilot's…

Chi, the Italian gossip magazine that incurred the wrath of the royal family last September when it printed topless photos of a sunbathing Kate Middleton, is at it again — this time publishing the first photos to show the Duchess' growing baby bump.

Exciting news today for the people who have been saying for weeks that Kate Middleton is having twins: YOU'RE ALL WRONG. How's it feel to be wrong? How does it taste? Metallic, like blood, or bitter, like rue?

Sounds like Cathy Middleton and her husband Bill had a real nice time for her birthday the other night. They and Cathy's parents and her brother and sister all went and saw that circus—what's that circus? It's like a French circus. Circus du Soleil. Canadian, I guess, you know the one I mean.

Come Christmas morning Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, will awake - not in his royal bed of roses, a traditional Christmas morning figgy pudding waiting on a silver serving tray by the bed - but upon the dirt floor in the straw hut his commoner in-laws call home. That's right, Bucklebury, the royals are coming to…

Kate Middleton left the hospital this morning after giving birth to a beautiful bouquet of yellow roses. According to an official statement, she will now travel to Kensington Palace "for a period of rest."

You may have heard yesterday that famous uterus Kate Middleton confirmed she is pregnant, proving once again that women can become pregnant.

Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge and future Queen of England, is pregnant, thanks (we presume) to her husband, Prince "Duke of Cambridge" William. This child will likely one day rule England, and therefore you are probably asking yourself: When and where did the royal couple have royal procreative sex? Some…

Buckingham Palace has confirmed our friends Bill and Kathy are having their first child, according to the AP. Here's the statement:

While teasing an upcoming segment about the Douche and Duchess—sorry, Duke and Duchess—of Cambridge, a CBS newscaster showed us a glimpse of his foul-mouthed and likely more honest subconscious. Sure, he meant to say "Duke," but his casual chuckle betrays him. "Heh heh," he says to himself and everyone watching CBS…

We've seen the royal duchess Kate Middleton's naked top and we've seen her bare bottom too.

What is the female equivalent of "dong shot"? Whatever it is, we need it for these new photos of Kate Middleton, published in Danish tabloid Se Og Hor. Between those recent topless shots and now these bottomless ones, you've now basically seen Kate Middleton naked! Click through for the pictures.

A court in France has ruled in favor of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, ordering the gossip magazine Closer not to publish any additional photos of Kate Middleton sunbathing topless.

Thumbing its nose at legal threats made by the royal family, the Italian magazine Chi today went ahead with its promise to publish a multi-page spread featuring topless photos of Kate Middleton taken from the set that first appeared last week in its French sister-publication, Closer.

As promised, lawyers for Britain's royal family are seeking an injunction to prevent further publication of the Kate Middleton topless pics.

William and Kate aren't going to let a little nude photo scandal spoil their plans: the couple continues their tour of Southeast Asia, today exploring the rainforests of Borneo.