Following a push by the state of Connecticut to tax Yale University, New Jersey residents are pushing to tax Princeton University as well. Yeah. Pay up, motherfuckers.
Big Sean Is Turning Princeton Students Into Idiots
There is a crisis at Princeton University. This Sunday, the rapper Big Sean is scheduled to perform at one of those school events where bored underclassmen gather to watch a semi-famous musician they don’t actually like that much. This bit of the college experience should be numbingly routine, but instead it’s making…
Ted Cruz Was the College Debate Prick's College Debate Prick
Imagine a drama kid—without good looks, singing or dancing ability, who wants to be president, is pretty sure your opinions suck, and thinks you’re an idiot. You just imagined a college parliamentary debater. And who do college parliamentary debaters think are irritating, pitiful jagoffs? In the 1990s, it was Ted Cruz…
Princeton Losers Taunt Women With Lame Insults
Princeton, an insane asylum for sickly, translucent-skinned WASPs camouflaged as an Ivy League university, has scandals, too. Not urgent, talk-of-the-town scandals that have bearing on reality, like at the University of Virginia, but scandals that make headlines in the New York Times, because they have to do with…
"Wanted" Posters Call for Vigilante Quarantine of NBC Ebola Doc
Dr. Nancy Snyderman—the NBC medical expert who was working in Liberia until a freelance cameraman working for her contracted Ebola—is currently under a mandatory quarantine after residents of Princeton, New Jersey recently witnessed her breaking a voluntary quarantine. At least one person wants to ensure Snyderman is…
Ayn Rand scholar Dave Brat, who just trounced House Majority Leader Eric Cantor in the Virginia primary, did not attend Princeton. In fact, he attended the Princeton Theological Seminary, which is separate from the Ivy League university. Why would anyone lie about attending Princeton?
Conservative Money Front Is Behind Princeton's "White Privilege" Guy
In all the furor over Tal Fortgang—the privileged white Princeton freshman who wrote so passionately about how he's not a privileged white guy—no one, not even the New York Times, noted that his post was made possible by a conservative group that bankrolls and grooms college kids for right-wing leadership.
A Valentine from Princeton's Most Infamous Mom: Settle Down Already!
Happy Valentine's Day! If you haven't settled down with a nice Ivy League man yet, you're going to die alone.
Harvard Kids Even More Entitled Than You Think
Harvard: where the men play croquet, the women wear pearls, and everyone has an A average. Or A-, if we're being specific.
FDA Supports Unapproved Meningitis Meds For Princeton's Crazy Outbreak
Following another confirmed case of meningitis on campus this week, the FDA has urged Princeton University to offer a drug that hasn't even been approved for use in the United States yet.
There have been reports of gunshots at Princeton University's Nassau Hall. University officials say no one is hurt but they have set up a perimeter around the building. Students are reporting via Twitter that the helicopters are now leaving and that it doesn't seem to be an "active shooter" situation.
Texas Senator Ted Cruz, the Princeton graduate, Obamacare-hater, and self-fashioned class warrior, apparently refused to study with students who graduated from the “minor Ivies”—Brown, Penn, Columbia and so forth—when attending Harvard Law School in the nineties. We’re assuming Cruz simply spat upon Williams alumni.
Princeton has reopened. The University was evacuated today after it received a phone call from someone claiming multiple bombs were placed in various buildings throughout campus. No explosive devices were found.
New York Times Commenters Are Having "butthurt" From Ross Douthat's Column on the Ivies
Ross Douthat, the young conservative on the Times op-ed page, weighed in today on Susan Patton's totally fucked-up advice for Princeton women. His piece, which lays out that the Ivy league represents the kind of compromised meritocracy that caters to elites like Patton, especially because they give the elite a chance…
Some Poor Kid's Mom Wrote a Letter to Princeton's Student Newspaper Begging Girls to Date Her Son (UPDATE)
Attention: Women of Princeton.
Tina Fey Did Not Get Into Princeton Either So Quit Your Whining
It's only 25 days until the 24,000 of you who applied to Princeton University will receive a letter on Princeton letterhead regretfully informing you that your application does not meet the University's standards, a thanks-for-playing certificate. But you know who else was rejected by the No. 2 school in the…
Whoever Stole the 'Elven Weapon' from a Princeton Student at Wawa, Please Return It
A tipster passes along the following missive, sent on Saturday to the residents of Forbes College. We reproduce it here only to help its author find his (her?) belongings.
Payroll Manager Not White Enough for Ivy League Club
Are you sitting down? Good. Because this may come as a shock to you, but you're going to have to grow up sometime: The Princeton Club of New York, a "private social club" catering to Princeton graduates, might be just a little bit racist.
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