It was four juveniles walking around with a toy gun, that they scored rummaging through all the crap Princetonians leave behind as they rush away for the summer. In other news, Princeton students are corrupting the youth with intoxicants!

Police believe the incident stemmed from a bigger problem of kids from town going on campus and rummaging through dumpsters looking for unused alcohol, which campus security says has been on ongoing problem.

These drunk kids wandering around with a "green toy handgun" and a half-empty bottle of Malibu that they filched from the trash caused the entire campus to be on full lockdown for 90 minutes. The lesson for Princeton students: Don't leave behind anything dangerous that could be used for mischief by your inferiors.

[CentralJersey.com. Pic via]

• Use sarcasm to mock the easy life that college students lead: Goodness, I hope these sheltered students will be able to bear the strain of a simulated version of "The stressful task of providing for one's basic necessities and shelter on a limited budget" during the course of "four 15-minute 'weeks.'" That's an entire hour of limited budgets!
• 
  
• Emphasize the gulf between college students' self-regard and their paltry accomplishments: I bet you feel real accomplished after "experiencing" poverty, eh? Eh?
• 
  
• Point out that the do-gooding activities of college students tend to help their egos rather than the actual problems at hand: Dartmouth students recently ended world hunger by challenging themselves to survive for one full day on only $2. They also got free t-shirts! Food surpluses are now flowering throughout sub-Saharan Africa.
• 
  
• Find an example that embodies the simultaneous disconnect from reality and excess self-esteem of the modern student: "Derek Lyon ‘11, who said his experience volunteering in the Ecuadorian rain forest compelled him to eat the $2 dinner Wednesday night, said he believes Dartmouth students are not truly in touch with global poverty and hunger on a daily basis." Dartmouth students outside Derek Lyon '11, that is!
• 
  
• Quote at least one student whose reasonable perspective makes his peers look that much more ridiculous: “'As a person who lives and sees poverty at home, I think it’s sort of a stupid exercise,' [Zimbabwean Dartmouth student Tanaka] Mhambi said. 'I mean, fasting for a day isn’t going to tell you what hunger is like.'"
• 
  
• Finally, acknowledge playfully that you yourself may have suffered some of the same defects of the character back when you were in college. (Don't want people to think you're self-righteous): But hey, we all did some ridiculous things back in the old college days, amirite? Can't be too hard on the kids. They're not half as bad as I was! Why when I wasn't getting heavily intoxicated, I was having sex with countless fetching coeds, who were attracted to my "bad boy" persona. Crazy times!

See how easy? And coming after my next birthday passes: "How To Make Fun Of 20-Somethings." [IvyGate]

From a tipster:

"As we progress, let us remember every mistake, every memory and every dream…everything that made us who we are today. The mistakes transform us into bigger people; the memories get us out of hard times; and the dreams become realities."

Which totally echoes the part of her letter where she was all "Take pride in every little mistake, every little stumble because it just means it won’t happen again"! She just left out the parts about tantric sex, broken condoms, the "divinity" of Princeton students, bloody lips, Napoleon, Hitler, "merciless beating", saving the world from God's mercy, making other people into slaves, etc. Oh yeah, and probably also this part.

Boys and Girls, there are no rules to this game. Someone crosses you? It’s BURN BITCH BURN.

Ha ha ha in HELL, Stephany Xu! Seriously though… any exurban high school experience can lead a trench coat-MMORPG-bipolar kid on Accutane to think he's some sort of Nietzshian Antichrist, but to do the same to a supercute, well-adjusted girl with perfect grades? That takes religion.

College OTR
John Paul II High School Boasts Future Leaders [People Newspapers]

You have mercilessly beaten out your friends, your girlfriends, your boyfriends, your brothers, your sisters and every one you have loved...

Try everything once: Pilates, squash, open mic night, tantric sex. What do you have to lose? When you risk everything, you have anything to gain...

Laws are nothing but restrictions: break every one you possibly can...

Pain is weakness leaving the body. That ache in your muscles? The ripped papers? The taste of blood on your lips? The broken condom? The fatigue in your bones? Those are the victories. Life is a beautiful game and you sure as hell are winning...

Boys and Girls, there are no rules to this game. Someone crosses you? It’s BURN BITCH BURN...

This is the death of dynasty. The authorities may make the rules, they may think they have control, but we cannot forget we are Princeton. We are her blood and her bile. And we are the generation they have never seen before.

We are the anti-Christs to save the world from the mercy of God, the self-pity that festers within the masses. Religion is the opiate of the masses, so drug them until they are nothing but slaves at your will. You have deserved this. You are Hitler the fourth, Alexander the Great the Second, Napoleon the Fifth, here to destroy the world we know.

The (presumably Ivy League) commenters on IvyGate can't decide if Stephany is a prankster who infiltrated the Princeton 2012 group or if she's a hero because she lacks "success guilt," LOL.

But it's kind of great that she's repositioning Princeton as a kind of Madrassa for extremist, hyper-hedonistic secular humanism rather than an institution of higher learning. Because, for many students, that's basically what it is, no?

[IvyGate]

Hey girls–

I just wanted to let everyone know that the group has been made secret for at least the next week in order to protect members’ privacy. If you are the admin for a pledge class group, I would recommend that you make that group secret as well, and to all members, I would strongly encourage you to either up your privacy settings or weed out your facebook profile so that nothing is on there that you wouldn’t want the world to see. Finally, if a reporter contacts you, through facebook or any other means, do not speak with them. It is Kappa National Policy that actives not speak with the press. If you have any questions, you can call or email me.

L,

Diana

But America wants to meet the hot co-eds of domestic bioterror! Don't disappoint! Come on, charity car wash on Good Morning America or something!

Each participating Whitman senior will be assigned 2 underclassmen who will be "on call" during the final thesis push. If you are working away in your room and feel like you need a midnight snack all you have to do is contact your thesis buddy and he/she will bring you a hot dog and a red bull or whatever else you need to burn the midnight oil.

Obviously, the idea isn't to take advantage of your buddy, but to have him or her help out in a pinch. Other examples of acceptable duties include: taking care of a load of laundry, picking up/dropping off some library books, or proofreading a chapter for typos. Unacceptable duties would include: attending a class in your stead, cleaning your room, doing your homework, or getting your thesis bound... The program goes into effect 3 weeks before your thesis deadline and concludes after you turn it in.

Please welcome Mike Wang, the USG Vice-President and, according to his friends, a guy with "nice hair" who is a "chill guy" and "magic!"

The iPod, of course. AdAge cites a study of college students' preferred brands — the iPod is a 65 percent favorite, which actually seems low to us. The iPod has been touted as having a "halo effect," reminding users of Apple's other products. You buy an iPod and like it so much that when it comes time to buy a new computer, you pick up a MacBook instead of a Dell. The third calendar quarter for student purchases ended last week. We'll see if the trend makes a difference when Apple reports earnings on October 15.

While more typical downtown partiers, dressed in bohemian duds, are jockeying in the wee hours on Chrystie Street to be let into the Box, the preppy partiers head a few blocks west, where button-down shirts and penny loafers are not sneered at.

Mr. Cleary was perched at the bar on the restaurant level on a Thursday night with a Gaffel Kölsch beer in his hand. He met Tom Martignetti while spending his junior year abroad at the University of St. Andrews in Scotland and said he was happy to be in a place where his kind was welcome. "For some people who see the pink shirts," the investment banker, 25, said, "they ostracize, they say it's uncool. But just because you went to Princeton doesn't mean you're a jerk."

Mr. Cleary, handsome if one considers Gary Sinese handsome, prefers meeting women in the street-level restaurant rather than in the noisier basement-level club, which usually starts hopping around 11:30 p.m., although both offer an excellent caliber of women, he said. "You don't meet girls here you want to hook up with once," he said. "You meet girls here you want to hook up with multiple times."

Clementine Crawford, 25, a Princeton graduate, rephrased that sentiment from a female perspective. "Women come here looking for their future husbands."

Ms. Crawford, who was born in South Africa and attended the private all-girls Ascham School in Sydney, Australia, before Princeton, sees Bar Martignetti as a typically American institution. "America's all about the sifting process, like fraternities and sororities," she said. She praised the doormen, the nightly sifters, for making her feel welcome, unlike the way she and her friends are treated at the "hipper" clubs. "There are doormen in N.Y.C. who make you feel like a criminal when you get out of the cab," she said.

This really brings the deleterious effects of the Iraq War home. But needless to say, we're out of our depths here — you'll have to wait for the Gawker weekday staff to make sense of it all. For now, here's a close-up of some of the "books" adorning 'Netti's downstairs "bar." What? Was Tangerine getting uppity? —Jon

Pink Shirts Welcome [NYT]
EARLIER: Douchebag Restaurant Hall of Fame Entrant: Bar Martignetti

Some students yesterday, however, were angered by what they said was unethical and inappropriate conduct on the part of the Observer's reporter.

Former Ivy Club president Wyatt Rockefeller '07 said he thought the article was unfair and inappropriate. "The press has for a long time demonstrated an inclination to scandalize Ivy and the clubs in general — so be it," he said in an interview. "But the fact that specific sophomores were named and used to serve someone's agenda against the club is infuriating. They're just kids. They've done nothing to deserve this."

Undercover at Princeton's Eating Clubs [NYO]
'Undercover' story upsets Bicker clubs [Daily Princetonian]
[Photo: Melanie Flood]

When I was in high school, I said to my friends, 'By the time I'll be 21, I'm going to start a revolution.'
"You have to have your 'in,' It's not about what you know, it's about who you know. We know who to talk to. We know executive heads, we know producers, and that's how OSF serves as the medium between the University and the entertainment world.
What sets us apart is our contacts. We have contacts with MGM, Sony and Paramount, as well as major record labels. It's all about getting your name out there and having someone who matters look at you, and that's what we intend to do with OSF magazine.

Incidentally, Rick and Jim Kelly are the oldest of friends. They first met in John McPhee's writing class at Princeton.

Of course they did. How cute that you women and Jews* and gays in the running ever thought you had a chance.

Full memo after the jump.

* Yes, we know Henry Grunwald was Jewish. But, you know, one of those WASPy Jews.

* OK. We're told Stengel is Jewish, too. But, you know, one of those Princeton Jews. You know what we mean, right? No? Oh, fine. Never mind the Jew part.

May 17, 2006
To: Time Inc. Staff
From: John Huey
Re: Staff Announcement

Searching for a new Managing Editor of Time is a daunting task, especially when trying to find a successor to one as able and successful as Jim Kelly has been.

Well, the search has ended, and I am pleased to announce the appointment of Richard Stengel, President and CEO of the National Constitution Center in Philadelphia, as the new Managing Editor of Time, succeeding Jim.

Rick, of course, is familiar to most everyone on the Time staff, of which he has been a part on three different occasions. He was first hired in 1981, and has served as Nation Editor, Culture Editor, and Editor of Time.com. As a senior writer, he covered both the 1988 and 1996 presidential campaigns. Rick has also written for The New Yorker, The New Republic, and The New York Times.

I find him an especially exciting new M.E. because he has both the outsider's perspective and the insider's appreciation and knowledge of who and what makes Time tick. His intellectual depth and breadth are long established, as are his leadership qualities and competitive spirit. But in his stint as head of the Constitution Center he has gained a new appreciation for the skills and strategy required to harness the energy of an organization like Time and drive it into the future.

His resume is rich and varied. A 1977 magna cum laude graduate from Princeton University, Rick played on its 1975 NIT winning basketball team. As a Rhodes Scholar he studied English and history at Christ Church College, Oxford. The author of several books, he collaborated with Nelson Mandela on the South African's bestselling autobiography "Long Walk to Freedom", and also helped produce the 1996 Oscar nominated documentary, "Mandela." And he has been a frequent television commentator on CNN and MSNBC.

Rick once taught a course at Princeton called "Politics and the Press" then moved into the political arena himself as senior advisor and chief speechwriter for presidential candidate Bill Bradley.

Rick is a true multi-media editor who is approaching this daunting new assignment with tons of ideas, energy, and just the right amount of confidence. It should be an exciting period for Time, which is in the middle of a great run right now, having just won two national magazine awards, one for general excellence, and one for its 52-page special report on Hurricane Katrina.

A native New Yorker, Rick is married to Mary Pfaff, who is from South Africa, and they have two young sons.

Incidentally, Rick and Jim Kelly are the oldest of friends. They first met in John McPhee's writing class at Princeton.

Let's all welcome Rick back to Time Inc. once again and wish him the best in his new job.

J. H.

The editorial internship at New York Magazine is a wonderful opportunity to learn how a relatively small, weekly magazine gets put together. While there are some administrative tasks, interns work closely with editors and writers in all aspects of the magazine and have a wide variety of responsibilities. From doing background research, to formulating story ideas to running downtown to pick up last minute photo-shoot necessities, interns are truly involved in the editorial process from start to finish. The hours are flexible and everyone at New York is highly competent and very intelligent. Honestly, it is the best internship possible, in a constructive environment, where interns are given genuine responsibility.

Well of course the interns are given real responsibilities. It's just what the Princeton brochure promised.

Earlier:
Is the Media One Big Ivy Reunion? At 'New York," Definitely.
The Media Is One Big Ivy Reunion, Cont'd: Yale Edition