That's right, last night during the disastrous season six finale, Lifetime announced that season seven will debut on the network the second week in January. It's a good thing too, because after this awful, rushed season, both Lifetime and Bunim/Murray, who produces the show, need to show that they can make a good season. Maybe season six was like the muslin version of a gown that a couturier makes so she can figure out what she's doing and next season will be the finished red-carpet ready product. Let's hope.

So, onto last night's finale. Irina, Althea, and Carol Hannah all showed their 13-look collections in Bryant Park during fashion week (way back in February). We actually found some things to love about it, but first:

Things We Hate:

• Crying: Everyone cried. Althea cried, Carol Hannah cried, Irina cried, Irina's parents cried, Tim Gunn cried into his handkerchief backstage that he still has three seasons left on his contract. Everyone cried except Cry-stopher, which was strange. We love drama, but all this excessive crying just makes us want to, well, weep.
• The Other Designers: We didn't even like Logan, Cry-stopher, and Gordana before they were kicked off, and we don't want to see them around again. They really had nothing to add. If the producers wanted to do something interesting, they would have brought back the first three designers kicked off. They all sucked! Imagine weeping Carol Hannah having to deal with Malvin of egg dress fame. Awesome.
• Cry-stopher's Eyebrows: While we're at it, let's talk about Cry-stopher some more, because his eyebrows were so drawn on, he looked like a third-rate drag queen doing an impersonation of Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford, but without the camp. And why, for fuck's sake, didn't he go to the L'Oreal Paris Make Up room to have them at least draw them on symmetrically.
• Fake Introductions: We all know that the final collections were filmed back in February when the show was still embroiled in about 23 different lawsuits and they were trying to keep production details a big secret. All the press accounts of the runway show mention that the designers made no appearances at all. So, what was up with the fake introductions they each gave their collection? Did they assemble a faux audience and recreate the set and film the introductions then? Or did they do it later that day, but with a cast of extras instead of the general public and a bunch of media types? And did they think that we wouldn't notice?
• Irina Invented the Smokey Eye: It really irked us when Irina accused Althea of stealing her makeup scheme for the final show. As if she just heard what Irina wanted and copied her. Oh, because smudged makeup has never been done before ever in the history of fashion or the world. You made it up, Irina! We know you think otherwise, but you are not original. You didn't invent any of the ideas you have accused Althea of stealing. And all of fashion, like most other art, is about stealing and reappropriating anyway. And this coming from a girl who stole T-shirt designs—twice!
• Heidi's Pink Outfit: It wasn't as horrible as the pink ruffle shirt and sparkly biker shorts she wore earlier in the season, but it looks—as Ms. Kors would say—very mother of the bride. Actually we think Endora wore it to a wedding once on Bewitched.
• No Celebrities: We've said this before, but part of the move to L.A. was supposed to be about getting great celebs as guests and judges. Who do they get for the finale? Suzy Menkes! Who? Exactly. Suzy is great and all (see below), but in the past we had Parker Posey, Debra Messing, Posh Spice, people who have great style and a little bit of pizazz. Suzy has the cred and would have been a great replacement for one of the two frequent absentee judges this season, but she is no finale judge. And if you're going to have another horrible year in L.A., then we want to see some serious star wattage!
• Cohesion: Making a collection of clothes that has cohesion is kind of like creating a concept album—the only people who care about it are industry types. It's not like there are women marching around who buy entire collections or want all their clothes for a season to look like they "tell a story." When everyone is downloading singles, who cares how all the songs sound together on an album? "Cohesion" is some bullshit that the fashion industrial complex cooked up and holds designers to when no one else really cares about it. The only time it looks good is in the 20 minutes when everything walks down the runway.
• No Color: Would it have killed you guys to do something other than shades of drab? Your collections all looked about as washed out as Tim Gunn after three weeks of swine flu!
• Nothing Stands Out: After watching the finale last night, I was thinking about the ghosts of finales of seasons past. Remember Jay McCarroll's multicolored tier tatter dress, Chloe Dao's sculpted satin gem-tone sheath, Daniel V's brown dress with the little embellished flap on the boobs, Santino Rice's babydolls with the breasts flying about, Laura Bennet's glamorous bedazzling, Michael Knight's mess of an urban collection, Christian Siriano's brown and white ruffled ball, Chris March's dresses made of human hair, Jillian Lewis' knits with the poodle tail sleeves, Kenley Collin's retro gowns, and Leanne Marshall's waves? Remember those? I can recall each of those collections distinctly from memory. I couldn't even describe one thing I saw last night other than Irina's stupid hats and Carol Hannah's lilac buttplug dress. That makes me sad.

Things We Loved:

• Tim Gunn Freaking Out: Finally, all the stress of the shitty season got to Grampa Gunn and he snapped. Brilliant. More about it in the videos.
• Jaslene!: Our favorite moment of every television year is when there is complete trashy fashion reality show synergy and contestants from America's Next Top Model strut the runway on Project Runway. The only one we noticed last night was the Cha-Cha Diva herself (and one of our favorite Top Models ever) Jaslene Gonzalez. One is more than enough.
• Suzy Menkes: Now we feel a little bad for picking on Suzy Menkes, the legendary fashion journalist and International Herald Tribune fashion editor. It wasn't fair to not tell us who she is and put her in front of the camera with There's Something About Mary hair and a sparkly gold coat. Of course we were going to crack jokes. We know she is a great writer and deserves all of our respect, but had no clue what she looked like. It's not fair to put her out like that without an id. Don't do that to poor Suzy Menkes. Make her look good.
• Ari Fish's Look: Remember Ari? She was the first one kicked off this season. While Nicolas was at the runway show looking like Pudgy Kurt Cobain as always and Shirina was wearing some gypsy costume from last Halloween, Ari had totally reinvented herself. She looked like a cross between Isabella Blow and Boy George playing Leigh Bowery in Taboo. Genius!
• Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine Hate's Irina's Collection: Did you see the stink eye that NGFDMCM gave Irina on the runway last night? When she saw that everything was black she said, "We talked about that," like she was the disappointed mother of a daughter who keeps wetting the bed. Then she told Irina that black never gets any editorial coverage. Looks like someone's spread in Marie Claire magazine will be begrudging.
• Lifetime's Commercials: Lady vitamins, pregnancy tests, fat Carrie Fisher, the horrible Georgia O'Keefe Paints Vagina Flowers Lifetime movie promos, cleaning products, tampons—this is what we had to endure being hawked during the commercial breaks, and it provided some wonderfully easy targets. Thanks Lifetime. Also, you made up for it with the trailer for The 12 Men of Christmas. Kristen Chenoweth starring in a movie about making a naked calendar with hot guys? Oh yes, my gay ass will be tuning in, without any irony and a big fat smile on my face.
• Michael Kors Says "Bravo Guys": Was it an intentional dig at Lifetime by bringing up the show's old network? We don't think so, but it was a perfect bitchy end to this horrible season.

So, in the end, as we accuately predicted Irina won for her crappy black collection with ugly hats. Rather than talk about the clothes, go watch the full collections in the videos. How quickly can we forget that this season ever happened? We hope it's sometime around Sunday afternoon, because we want to get back to loving Runway.

For the last time until 2010, let's sashay and chanter our way to the videos.

Meltdown of the Week
Context: Carol Hannah is sick and trying to finish her collection and snaps under the pressure. Thankfully Cry-stopher is there for a shoulder to cry on.
Vision: That she's not going to make it through, and that Cry-stopher and his eyebrows can help her.
Delusion: Of course she'll make it. She's a can-do kid. This was the one moment of real emotion we felt all season. She may not be the greatest designer, but this is a highlight of her young life, and to have it ruined by circumstances beyond her control really sucks. We're glad she made it work.
What Would Nina Say: "Get it togther!"
Dramometer: 10

Under the Gunn
Context: All the girls are late getting their models ready and Grampa Gunn freaks out. He does it in the same way that our high school Latin teacher, Sister Nicotena of the Holy Smoke, used to, where she barely raises her voice, but manages to shame everyone into submission and make them feel like 20,000 monkeys just took a shit on their heads.
Vision: That he can get these looks ready for the runway.
Delusion: The only way to make any of these models acceptable is if Gunn goes back and redesigns every collection himself.
What Would Nina Say: "You should have screamed louder."
Dramometer: 8

Althea's Collection
Context: Here is the finished product.
Vision: The future.
Delusion: There is nothing futuristic about any of these pieces. In fact, you can buy most of them right now at Express—on the sale rack.
What Would Nina Say: "I would put that suit in my magazine. But you won't let me, because you chose another winner."
Dramometer: 0

Carol Hannah's Collection
Context: Here are here 12 disparate looks. A couple of them we actually like.
Vision: Making a bunch of really great clothes, even if they are disconnected, will win the prize. Also, lilac buttplugs.
Delusion: That these fashion types don't care about "cohesion."
What Would Nina Say: "Can we take another look at Althea's?"
Dramometer: 0

Irina Won for This
Context: The most original collection ever on the face of the earth.
Vision: Black, black, black, brown, more black, and hats. It's like armor!
Delusion: The only thing we have to guard against is our eyes ever seeing something like this ever again.
What Would Nina Say: "All black will get no editorial coverage, even though my magazine is contractually obligated to cover it."
Dramometer: 0

To view both options, click here. Then cast your vote in the comments section below this post. That's the place where (as veterans of this feature know) tonight's live blog will take place, created as a group effort by the Gawker commenting community. The results are always funny and entertaining, no matter how lame a season (like this one) may be. As evidence, click here to view a sampling of some of the brilliant comments y'all posted last week. Highlights from that edition included the following:

• Carol Hannah puked a lot. If she ever ate Froot Loops before doing that, it might mark the first time any of these finalists produced something with some color in it.
• Commenter swedishcouscous theorized that Carol Hannah hugged Christopher just to give him her stomach bug and keep him out of the workroom.
• Seeing Tim Gunn in an apron made us happy. Seeing Tim Gunn dance did not. I guess that means our reaction would be neutral if Tim Gunn donned an apron and started dancing around in it.
• Commenter Old Ocho theorized thusly: "Irina is clearly the lost Kardashian sister. Self-important. Dead behind the eyes. Of Asia Minor descent. It all makes sense! I'll bet her name is really Kirina."

As for tonight's episode (which starts at 10 Eastern on Lifetime), I don't have a "things to watch for as we live-blog" list because Lifetime didn't send me the usual "highlight reel" DVD this week—perhaps because tonight's episode has no highlights, and they saw no point in sending me a DVD with nothing on it. But I do know that there's one genuinely interesting aspect to this season's final runway show: The finalists had to show their collections "anonymously"—that is, they had to hide backstage to keep their identities a secret from the audience as their collections were shown. You see, back in February, when tonight's runway show was actually taped, they had to avoid revealing any designer identities to the public because the season was still in legal limbo. But Lifetime will want to pretend the Bravo lawsuit never happened, so I doubt they'll allude to any of that in tonight's episode. Instead, they'll probably end Project Runway's least interesting season by editing out what was the one truly interesting thing about it.

So this season sucked, as we all know — but I, ever the optimist, am determined to believe that next season will be better. In fact, Lifetime seems to suggest as much in its announcement about next season, which stresses that (1) the show will be back in New York City, and (2) Michael Kors and Nina Garcia [Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine] will appear in every episode. They might as well have added: "It won't suck as much—we promise!" They also say next season will start in "early 2010," so I'm guessing we'll probably meet again for next season's premiere (assuming the folks at Gawker let us do this again) very soon after New Year's Day. And then we can all take a cup o' kindness yet, for auld lang syne.

And ever if there were a group I'd want to take a cup o' kindness with, it'd be with you folks who live blog with me here every week. Because you all are what makes this thing special, and I'm damn glad to have gotten to know you.

In fact, I think maybe I'll go take a cup o' kindness right this minute. Or maybe two. You know … just for auld lang syne.

But there isn't really any suspense during the preparations for Bryant Park because hardly anyone watching the show cares about who the winner is. It's going to be one of three bland and visionless designers. The only interest we have in the final runway shows is that it will mark the end of our torture, and like a reality TV POW, we will take our first tentative steps from the cage of this season, blinking in the light and viciously stumbling toward the next season hoping that it has a warm bowl of soup and a phone call from home. Being the "finale" there was no challenge, it was just a lot of Tim Gunn, which was great, and designer whining, which was not.

Things We Hated:

• Two Part "Finales": This does not really exist. It's sort of like having a two-part execution. Either the thing is over or it's not. In this case, it is sadly not over. Instead of knowing who the winner is and putting this behind us, we had all the wind up and none of the pitch last night. It was not part one of the finale. It was the second to last show. Don't even try your marketing mojo on the angry villiagers that are PR fans. We are sitting outside Lifetimes offices with torches and pitchforks and just hurtling this Frankenstein monster of an ending to come lurching toward us is not going to calm us down.
• Tim Meets the Family: This was originally a great feature, when Tim would go visit the designers at home and learn a bit about them and where they came from. Now it's a stunt for Tim to engage in some fake shenanigans for the camera. You made Tim Gunn utter the phrase, "I love a kitchen!" and for that, we will never forgive you.
• The Lilac Buttplug: Did anyone else notice that Carol Hannah is constructing a dress that looks exactly like a purple buttplug? And shame on Tim Gunn as the only gay standing not to mention it, because you know Ms. Kors has been waiting six seasons just to screech, "That thing looks like a lilac buttplug" from his judges chair.
• Self-Taught Designers: Sure, there must be some out there who do some good, but they're never on Runway. Whenever someone is self taught, they just don't have the goods to make it all the way through until the end. Hear that, Carol Hannah. It can't be that hard to go to fashion school. You don't have to get an MFA at Parsons, but if Christopher had gone to design school, he would probably be a working fashion designer right now, not some kid with a bad beard who cries alot and still lives in Minnesota.
• Irina's Yippie Dog, Princess: There is nothing worse than a bitch with a tiny little dog. We doubly hate Irina's dog because as soon as that little ball of dryer lint attacked Tim Gunn it was just so obvious that she would have one. Way to break the mold, Irina.
• Coney Island Design Gate: OK, so Irina can't use designs of Coney Island landmarks in her collection because they are trademarked designs, but Lifetime can clearly show them on the air? Did they call up whoever made that sketch and get him to sign a waiver or was that some lame last-ditch effort to try to work some scandal into the proceedings (a la Kara Saun not paying for her shoes or Jeffrey Sebelia maybe not doing all his own sewing).
• No Tension: There is just no tension in the work room at all. The surprise twist to make a 13th look was utterly predictable, as was bringing back the old designers to "help." No one has any serious problems with their clothing or is under serious time constraints and there are no model casting mishaps. There is just nothing compelling about this whole situation.
• Judges in the Work Room: Last night Ms. Kors and Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine were behaving like parents who have joint custody of the kids but keep skipping their weekends and so they show up with a really elaborate gift to make the kids love them again. Guys, showing up to give the designers crappy "advice" before their runway show isn't going to make us like you, and it's not going to make you remember their names since you've been gone all season! Also, MK and NGFDMCM should not be slumming with no talent hacks like these. Their job is to talk trash about their cockamamie couture, not to nuture them.

Things We Loved:

• A Stitch in Time Saves Nine: The most enjoyable part of the whole hour was during the commercials when an extended trailer for the upcoming movie musical Nine completely transfixed us for two minutes. This is what Runway used to do, transport us to a world where we could see very fabulous and glamorous people doing miraculous things. We could peek behind the scenes and see how fashion was made, and by doing so, we were a part of it, like the magic of the runway was some somehow oozing out the television set and we were all little Carol Annes—our hands tingling with static next to the screen waiting to be sucked into the light and delivered from mundane existence for good. They did this with a fucking commercial!
• Being Back in New York: Just knowing the final three were back in the Big Apple made us feel happy and safe. Yes, we're Manhattan snobs. So what?
• Irina's Mom: She looks just like her daughter, but she seems fun and exciting, and was beautiful when she was young. And she didn't try to make Tim do something goofy. We like this lady.
• Althea's Boyfriend: He's cute. And keeps his mouth shut. What's not to love!
• Tim Gunn Drinking Champagne: He holds the flute by the stem with both hands very daintily, like a raccoon handling a half-eaten corn cob. It was just a moment of cute, unmanufactured beauty and quirkiness that reminded us why we love Tim Gunn. After the travesty of the home visits, we needed this.
• Swatch the Dog: The New York branch of the fabric store Mood has a dog that lives there named Swatch. He is the opposite of Irina's annoying ball of cliche. When we saw him on screen, all we could say was, "Aww." While that is a bit annoying, it's still cute.

So, in the end, we're left waiting until next week to see the final runway shows and see who wins. That means this week we're going straight to the videos! More designer stupidity ahoy!

Tim Gunn in an Apron
Context: Tim Gunn goes to Carol Hannah's friend's house in Huntington, NY ("the suburbs of New York City," ha!) and finds there her family has flown in to help them cook a southern meal. Tim Gunn has to make biscuits and they give him an apron.
Vision: To put Tim Gunn in an apron.
Delusion: To put Tim Gunn in an apron!
What Would Tim Gunn Say: "I don't know if I'm comfortable with this. I wouldn't want to look matronly."
Dramometer: 10

Copy Catty
Context: After Tim notices that both Althea and Irina are doing huge knits, Irina accuses Althea of copying her.
Vision: Irina has the vision that she invented the oversized sweater.
Delusion: She's just wrong. She's not that original and people don't want to copy her. Also, she's using other people's prints for her T-shirt, so she should just be quiet.
What Would Tim Gunn Say: "This looks like something I've seen before."
Dramometer: 8

Under the Gunn
Context: Irina explains how she changed her design after the producers told her she couldn't use a print of The Cyclone roller coaster because someone else designed it.
Vision: To write about the reasons why she loves New York on a T-shirt instead.
Delusion: That referencing Madonna will make all the queens in the audience love it.
What Would Tim Gunn Say: "I went back stage during the Sticky and Sweet tour. Let me tell you, it was both sticky and sweet!"
Dramometer: 4

Old Friends
Context: To help with the surprise 13th look the designers have to make, they brought back the last three designers to be their helpers. This has never ever happened ever in the history of Runway ever. We're shocked.
Vision: That bringing back the eliminated will create some kind of drama.
Delusion: These guys were bland and boring the first time around, nothing is going to change. Also, the "help" that they could give anyone in a sewing competition is negligible.
What Would Tim Gunn Say: "Isn't it great to have everyone gather round again?"
Dramometer: -167

Carol Hannah Puking
Context: Carol Hannah was late to the festivities because she had the stomach flu. After rallying all day, she's fallen ill again.
Vision: As one of the commenters on the live blog pointed out last night, that when Bunim/Murray—the company that now makes Runway and still makes The Real World—needs to create something interesting to watch, they show footage of two blondes crouched over a toilet.
Delusion: This really needs to be preceded by a hot tub scene to be effective.
What Would Tim Gunn Say: "This isn't very lady-like!"
Dramometer: 5

The Cruelty of Life as Illustrated by Models of the Runway

Well, we already know the answer: It's a girl(s)! Three of them. And consistent with the many cruel fates that have cursed this season, the one thing that should have made it surprising, uplifting and memorable—an all-female group of finalists—already happened last season. So ironically, that's just boring now too.

But you know what's never boring? Live-blogging with a bunch Gawker commenters! Hell, this group could live-blog the broadcast of a wet tarp during a rain-delayed baseball game and we'd still have a blast. So let's type, drink and be merry! The party happens down in the comments section below, and the show starts at 10 Eastern on Lifetime. Here are a few highlights from the one we held last week:

• We found Christopher's description of himself as "a rock with algae on it" to be quite apt. Apparently, he has more talent for introspection than he does for fashion design.
• Everyone thought Cindy Crawford looked awesome. Sadly, it was probably the first time we thought that about anything in the vicinity of the runway this season.
• Tim Gunn squinted his eyes and saw "a panel of puckering"—something only Tim Gunn would see that when he squinted his eyes.
• We said goodbye to Gordana and Christopher, who both cried. The former seemed in dire need of some of those lady vitamins that Lifetime is always advertising. The latter set a new Project Runway record for consecutive suckery, so he can always wear that distinction with pride. Auf wiedersehen to them both. Gut an sie loswerden!

A collection of my favorite comments from last week is linked here, so be sure to check them out before the start of tonight's episode. Speaking of which—long-time fans shouldn't expect many surprises tonight, since the format of this show's penultimate episodes has been very consistent over the years. However, having watched a few preview clips, I do have these tidbits of interest for us to watch for as we live-blog tonight:

• We'll get to see Tim Gunn dance behind that silhouette-screen thing. And yes, the sight will be as disturbing as it sounds—not as bad as Tim saying "holla at your boy," but close.
• Althea will sit and comfort an ailing Carol Hannah, even though stomach flu Carol caught is contagious. So good for Althea. Maybe we'll finally have a reason to really like and root for one of these finalists after all?
• Irina will accuse Althea of idea theft again, and generally keep acting like a bitch—but a very boring one. They just don't make reality show bitches like they used to. Kenley Collins, where are you?
• In a "surprise twist," the designers will be told that they must create an eleventh-hour "bonus look" after returning to New York. At least, I assume they will, since this has happened during every finals for five seasons now. But it's a Project Runway tradition to pretend that this twist is unprecedented, so remembered to act dutifully shocked when it happens.

Ok, it's getting close to 10. Let's spank this live blog baby on the bottom and get its life started!

[Image via FreeParking's Flickr]

If Althea, Carol Hannah, or Irina have ever seen a season of Runway before, they should know that the producers always pull something like this. If the twist is just that they have to make one more outfit, they should be more than ready for such a curveball. We would like to hope that they have to construct the whole thing out of dried cactus flowers, construction paper, and the gray hair from Tim Gunn's brush and it has to be inspired by the Anime classic Akira, but that would be way too inventive for this year. They'll probably just get more money to go spend at the fabric store and make whatever the hell they want.

Considering this season finale was filmed in 753 B.C. right after the founding of the city of Rome (or last February, which is about as long ago in fashion terms), it's amazing that it made it to light in the first place. We have seen the lackluster final collections and we even accurately predicted two out of the three finalists (Logan? What were we thinking?!). And, yes, we kind of care who wins this thing—mostly so that we can forever forget about this crappy season and move on to better things.

So, here is everything we know about the three finalists, and who we're picking to win. Let's see if we can get this right as well.

Althea Harper
Her Signature Look: Combining strips of fabrics in interesting patterns, detailed work, ill-fitting tops.
Why She Deserves to Win: She has been consistently good throughout the season and her downfall is usually that she gets too ambitious. That sucks when she has a day to make a design, but will be good when she's had months to work.
Why She Should Lose: If she is sloppy, her ambition might still work against her. Also, she plays it a little too safe. Many of her designs look the same, and not in a good way.
Is She the Winner?: No

Carol Hannah Whitfield
Her Signature Look: Dresses. Lots of dresses. Short dresses, flowy dresses, intricate dresses. But, yes, dresses.
Why She Deserves to Win: Another strong contender all season and probably the best of the three at construction.
Why She Should Lose: There's no variety at all. Also, she doesn't seem to have a clarity of vision.
Is She the Winner?: No

Irina Shabayeva
Her Signature Look: Big collars, fur, embellishments, basically anything that would make the 20-year-old girlfriend of a Russian oligarch drool.
Why She Deserves to Win: Cause she is the bitchiest and the only exciting person on this season. Also, she has a clear perspective on fashion. It's always nice and interesting, and while not groundbreaking, it is at least a point of view.
Why She Should Lose: Her taste level is sometimes a little low and her looks are sometimes not as finished as they should be.
Is She the Winner?: Yes. We put our money on Irina, even though any of the three of them could win. As designers we feel like they're on even footing, but we have a feeling her collection will be the most cutting-edge, which always takes the prize.

Finally, the last challenge of this dreadful season of our favorite the fashion design competition. It was yet another "here's some cash, go buy a hooker and some fabric, then make her an outfit" challenge. This time they had to be inspired by something at the Getty Museum and they imported the hookers from the show that dare not speak it's name that airs after Runway. It shouldn't be hard to get excited about beauty in the Getty, but the problem is that the collective talent pool of this group is about as deep as Mad Max's well. How can they be inspired by art when they wouldn't even know how to create something mildly interesting, or at least with a bit of color!

Things We Hated:

• Conspiracy Theories: We really hate it when people say things like "they know he's not talented, but they're keeping him around because he's good TV" and things like that. While we know this is television, we like to think that the competition's producers have at least a little bit of integrity. So now we hate ourselves for thinking that the final three is a great conspiracy by Lifetime to make sure that a woman wins this thing. Sure, the boys pretty much sucked this season (even though Epperson and Ra'Mon deserved more of a chance to show us the goods), but it's a little suspect when the final three are all woman and they are picked by an entirely female panel on Lifetime, television for women. We would never begrudge a woman success, but doesn't this just seem a little bit fishy?
• More Bitching about the Judges: Last night Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine had the gall to say "I don't know who Gordana is as a designer." That is because you didn't even know her name and had to look it up on an index card. Maybe you would have known her name and her (paltry) aesthetic if you bothered to show up every week to do your job. Also, Ms. Kors couldn't make it in for the final judging when two designers were booted off and the final contestants are picked. Isn't that a pretty big deal? And if we couldn't get MK to do the duty, why not ask Tim? Other than Heidi, he's the only person that has seen the work week in and week out.
• Choosing Sides: It seems like the producers are working really hard to make the "bitch edit" happen and have all the designers hate each other. It's like if they manufacture some drama it might distract us from the fact that they are all no-talent, no-personality hacks.
• Having No One to Root For: Does anyone care who wins this whole thing? We don't.
• Michelle Pfieffer and Aston Kutcher: Wow, how sad is it for these two that they're now making movies for Lifetime. And how sad is it that Lifetime thinks we'd actually watch this movie. We'd rather tune in for a Dude, Where's My Car marathon than this sappy estrogen fest.
• Being Bored by Runway: Every reality show has its good years and its bad years. But we just hate hating Runway. It's off year just came at the worst possible point, with a new network and a new production company, which probably means that everyone is going to jump ship and in a year we'll be talking about how "remember when Runway used to be good?" We don't want to give up on it, but this season is making it hard.

Things We Loved:

• Cindy Crawford: Damn, how good does she look guest judging!
• Tim Gunn: It was so sweet when Tim told the designers to go "knock Nina Garcia (FDMCM)'s stillettos off so they fly across the runway." But really, did he think that was going to happen? No. But it's cute that he's still enthusiastic.
• The End: Thank God this season is over. Let's all pray that next season is great again and then instead of saying "remember when Runway was good on Bravo" we can just say "God, remember that really shitty season they rushed into production because of a lawsuit? That was the worst."

In the end, both Gordana and Cry-stopher were sent home to crush smurfs and drown in their tears in solitude. It's not like we'll miss either of you, but it is a little crushing that there won't be one Y chromosome in the finale. But they really deserved to be auf-ed, Cry-stopher for his heavy skirt and runway theatrics, and Gordana for her dress that looked like a giant vagina Georgia O'Keefe painting.

Carol Hannah's stunning gold column, Althea's messy gold somethingorother, and Irina's swishing seafoam structured muumuu were enough to take them to the final in Bryant Park. Yay! The end is in sight.

But there was no end to the bitchiness, the crying, or lack of inspiration this week. To the videos!

Art Thieves
Context: The designers stroll around the Getty Museum looking for inspiration.
Vision: That using something beautiful will help them create beautiful clothing.
Delusion: Silly designers, you need talent to turn art into something creative.
What Would Nina Say?: "What's your name again?"
Dramometer: 4

Fashion Factions
Context: It's Carol Hannah and Althea vs. Irina and Gordana in a fight to the death. But only three will survive.
Vision: Bitching about the other designers will someone make your work better.
Delusion: None of you deserve to be there, and the audience hates all of you. So there!
What Would Nina Say?: "Who is fighting with whom?"
Dramometer: 6

Under the Gunn
Context: Tim Gunn knows that Cry-stopher is going to make an ugly dress and go home. It's what he's been doing for about a month of episodes now—minus the going home part.
Vision: Using a rock to make a dress.
Delusion: Better to use scissors and paper to cut it to shreds, roll it up in a ball, and just throw it away.
What Would Nina Say?: "Tim, why are you talking to that...that, boy!"
Dramometer: 4

Runway Arrogance
Context: Althea watches her dress walk down the runway.
Vision: She uses a bed as inspiration and makes something that is actually pretty cool.
Delusion: No delusion here, other than that having the best dress means she's a great designer.
What Would Nina Say?: "If I knew who you were, I would pick this as a winner."
Dramometer: 3

Meltdown of the Week
Context: Cry-stopher defends his dress with, what else, tears! He compares himself to a rock with a piece of algae on it. That's funny, because we think of him more like a mildewy prom dress that has been left in your parents' basement for 20 years. Really, this is the sorriest thing we've seen since we watched Kim Zolciak sing "Tardy for the Party" live.
Vision: That getting emotional will make the judges see that he made something great.
Delusion: Except the skirt is ugly and looks like a Victorian hooker after she's been graffiti-ed on.
What Would Nina Say?: "I don't know who you are, but I know you won't stop blubbering."
Dramometer: 7

The Cruelty of Life as Illustrated by Models of the Runway

Actually, on second thought, don't do that. I hate that song. Damn, now it's running through my head! I hate that. I'll try to think of something else...um, Lifetime. That's it. The show starts on Lifetime at 10 Eastern, and the live blog happens down in the comments section below. It should be a blast—like last week's was. To read a few of my favorite comments from that one, click here. Here are a few highlights:

• Althea got mad at Logan for ripping off her ideas instead of her clothes. As Paul7777 noted, the girls were "upset with his zipper etiquette."
• Lizawithazee wondered whether guest judge Kerry Washington was "supposed to be the next big somebody when these episodes were shot 12 years ago."
• Logan got eliminated, said "thanks for everything" and walked off the runway. Then the judges called him back and made him walk off the runway again. Then they made him go put on his shiny gold pants, come back, turn around and walk away again. Hey, they didn't let him hang around all this time for nothing!

Also, per my request, many folks shared their Halloween-costume plans. Lizawithazee's was to dress as Athena (toga, shield, Greek soldier helmet, stuffed owl). missing_piece made a swine flu germ costume (grey hoodie with rows of pea green fun fur on it). doittojulia was a tea party (dip-dyed gauze dress, pearl necklaces, crochet gloves, cup-and-saucer hat). katekate is squared was Snidely Whiplash (cape, top hat, curly moustache). Brian Moylan dressed as '80s performance artist Klaus Nomi.

Well, at least those were the plans as of last Thursday. Since then, I have received photographic to prove that only three of these costume concepts were actually created: katekate's, Brian's and Liza's (click here to see them). Snidely, Klaus & Athena. Sounds like a pop group or a TV show, doesn't it?

Hey speaking of TV—I've played my weekly DVD o' preview clips from the good folks at Lifetime, and identified these things to watch out for as we live-blog tonight.

• Christopher will appear with a new "do" that's even more stupid than his "beard." I don't know how to describe it … a faux faux-hawk maybe? (I captured a still image of it from the DVD — click here and see what you think.) Now I feel like attacking this guy's entire face and head with a bottle of Nair.
• The guest judge will be Cindy Crawford, who will be introduced as a "style icon." In my case, she was also "dorm room poster icon," but that was a couple of decades ago. Ah, Cindy, Cindy … where have the years gone?
• L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa will appear to congratulate the Final Five in one of the tritest little promote-your-city rituals I've ever seen. If they'd just given him an oversize prop—like a big "key to the city" or giant pair of ribbon-cutting scissors—it probably would have been less stilted and more natural.

Ugh. Good riddance, L.A. Next week, Tim Gunn will get to return to New York and become whole and human again. I can hardly wait.

And I can hardly wait to start live-blogging with y'all. So let's get to it!

[Image via Carbonated's Flickr]

Yes, this challenge on our favorite NASCAR sewing race left us totally befuddled. Our hapless designers had to use their past winning looks as inspiration for a new look that would accompany them. So, it's kind of like take a winner and try to do it again. That makes sense. However, if the winner looks are such duds, that they don't't really make for such great touchstones to launch into the future. And Logan's wasn't even a winner. It was the only piece of his clothing they actually like that isn't the tight, shiny pants that he wears that make his little tush look so tasty! Then guess what happened? They gave them some money, told them go to Mood and make whatever the fuck they want. Way to really mix it up and get them out of their comfort zone by having access to the exact same materials they had access to before and telling them to make something just like something they made in the past. This isn't about innovation, it is about regurgitation.

Things We Hated:

• There Are No One-Trick Ponies This Year: Well, actually, there are plenty but no one is getting called out for it, because we don't have the same judges two weeks in a row! That's right, Queen Tangerine was fighting the Great Bronzer Uprising of 2009 in her home kingdom last night and could not be on hand to judge the challenge. So, Carol Hannah is all "I shouldn't make a dress, they're going to notice that I only do dresses." No they won't! They don't even know your name, how can they know your design aesthetic. This infurates me, because it means that good designers—Epperson, Shinira, Spell Check (ha, just kidding)—have been kicked out for having a bad week when we have people like Logan, Gordana, and Christopher still hanging around like that button on your winter coat that you know, just know, is going to fall off any day now and every day it annoys you but you think, "I can get rid of it tomorrow," so you just leave it there to dangle indefinitely until it falls off in a cab or the gutter somewhere never to be heard from again. They're just like that.
• Althea Hates Bras: Apparently part of the inspiration she took from her first look was letting her models titties just flop around like ADD toddlers in the back seat of a station wagon. Just because you're as flat as the pre-Columbian world doesn't mean that your model is. Get her an undergarment!
• Not Knowing What Is Good and What Is Bad: Usually when the six final winners and losers are called to stay on the runway, there is some idea about who is good and who is bad. Last night, everyone got to stay, but we had no idea what the judges were going to think, because they were all pretty shitty and uninspired. That makes us sad like the death of a kitten from swine flu.
• Heidi's Motherfucking Outfit: What the fuck was Heidi wearing at judging? (If you want to, you can click on it below. It's number 7, and it is the scariest thing you will see this Halloween). We had to rewind to make sure that we saw it correctly, because at first we thought she was Liberace's houseboy who washed up on shore after doing too much meth during the costume party of a gay cruise. Let's break it down. First, there is a blue blazer, that looks Ralph Lauren Polo enough, until you notice that there are random patches of sparkle on the sleeves. Did a bunch of Bob Mackie's sequin shit rub off on her when he was a guest judge? Then, she is wearing a pink, printed, ruffled, tuxedo shirt. This points out the problem of conjunctions in fashion. Just imagine the difference between a stylist saying "Wear that with pink or a print or a ruffle or a tuxedo shirt," and saying "Wear that with a shirt that is pink and a print and a ruffle and a tuxedo!" And then, and then, we have to discuss the sparkly Bermuda short situation. Now, fetish gear can be great to spice up the bedroom, but please, do not wear it outside the house, especially when it looks like something Team Rainbow might have worn in the Las Vegas AIDSRide in 1999. Does Heidi realize that the show she hosts is about fashion! Did nobody realize this ensemble before it sashayed down the runway like a hooker looking for its pimp? What did Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine say? Why didn't Nick speak out? And why do they continue to let this woman continue to judge other people's clothes!
• Using the Model's Names: Just because they have their own show now does not mean we care about them, their personalities, or their feelings. Please stop using their names. They are not people, they are the help.
• "Celebrities": One of the positives of the move to L.A. was supposed to be that we would get celebrities on the show. Who have we gotten? Rachel Bils-who? Milla Jovo-who? Lindsay Lohan (we know her), Christina Aguillera (her too, but we forgot about her for awhile), and Kerry Who-shington? Remember when Sarah Jessica Parker was on the show in New York? Just saying.
• Neutrals: Does the palatial L.A. Mood not have a color aisle? Why is every outfit every week either grey, black, white, brown, beige, or something else that is the color of emu vomit. At this point navy blue would be so bright that it would burn up the retinas of all the designers like a film strip left in the projector too long. If someone wants to differentiate themselves, why not make something out of bright yellow neoprene with a giant octopus jizz stain on it. Oh, Ra'Mon. How we long for your apostrophe-riddled days of yore.

Things We Loved:

• Nick Verreos: What a delightful surprise! Nick was kicked off way too early in season two and was one of the most talented and likeable designers in Runway history, and he filled in for Ms. Kors last night. Rather than a shrill, orange gay in a dumpy outfit, we got a witty, naturally olive gay in a dapper ensemble and it made us weep nostalic tears of joy. We're starting a campaign right now: for the upcoming L.A. seasons, replace Ms. Kors with Mr. Verreos. He's smart, knowledgeable, funny, and he knows exactly what the designers are going through on the show. He may not have the name recognition of Michael Kors, who is well know to all TJ Maxx shoppers the world over, but all the Runway diehards know who he is, and that will go a long way toward making us kinda sorta deal with this Lifetime bullshit.
• Gordana The Kung Fu Mom: She may murder Smurfs with her hands and the audience with her boring clothes, but Gordana actually made us laugh last night when she made a funny and said she was going to kick everyone's ass like a "kung fu mom." Oh, the delicious delusion! And how cute were her baby pictures in Bosnia or Serbia or wherever her and Uncle Gargamel are from. Aww.
• Althea Sees Past Logan's Sparkly Tight Pants: "Just because he's cute, he thinks he can do whatever he wants." Yes, Althea, he can, but don't you let him get away with it. You go and win this challenge and show him who is the homely boss!
• Mean-a Irina: This is what the designers call her, and as much as we hate anyone who says "I'm not here to make friends," we love her for being the only one interesting enough to watch on live television. If only she know how to make something that wasn't the color of baby diarrhea.

In the end, we were spared ever having to look at our former crush Logan and his droopy condom of a hat again. Althea won, for some strange reason, but no one deserved to. Althea's winner looked like something Daniel V made and then euthanized, because it was too ugly to live. Logan's loser would be the butt of every joke Jay McCarroll ever made. Carol Hannah's was some boring babydoll thing that Santino Rice could poop out in 26 minutes. Christopher's looked like the best thing that Wendy Pepper ever made, which means it deserves a special medal of disgusting. Irina's was actually like the first dress that Laura Bennett ever made when she was 15 and paired with a sweater she bought at Goodwill. And Gordana's was the visual equivalent of Ambien.

We're going to snore our way through the videos now to see Althea and Irina accuse others of theft, and to see everyone just laugh at Christopher. It will be worth the journey, but just remember this is a monster at the end of this book, and it's name is Heidi.

Turn Down the Volume
Context: Christopher decides to buy as much cheap fabric as he can to make a giant dress. Logan thinks he's nuts. He's right, but that doesn't mean that Logan isn't going home anyway!
Vision: To take a perfectly nice, original party dress, and make a giant version of it that looks like "one dress throwing up another dress." Thank you, Irina.
Delusion: That there is no such thing as too much of a bad thing. More is not better, you size queen.
What Would Nina Say?: "Heidi (snicker) where did you get those knickers?"
Dramometer: 3

Under the Gunn
Context: Carol Hannah is clueless, as she usually is the first two hours of a challenge. Tim Gunn comes over and inspires her to create a "fabulous textile moment."
Vision: To put a colored fabric on top of a black fabric, to make it black. And then design a kind of cute, but ininspired dress. With pockets!
Delusion: That green and black doesn't make black. Black will not set you apart unless you are Christian Siriano and actually have some design talent.
What Would Nina Say?: "Hey, Heidi. I don't think your (hehe) jacket is sparkly enough."
Dramometer: 2

The Heart of Darkness
Context: Althea thinks that Logan is using her "zipper collar" idea from the Christian Aguillera challenge. She asks Irina if she should say something. Being the resident bitch, Irina tries to blow on the spark to make a towering blaze. We love that Irina is bringing her down with her.
Vision: To call someone out for stealing your vision.
Delusion: To think that Althea is actually strong enough to stand up to anyone.
What Would Nina Say?: "Hey, Heidi. Who made your shirt? The Bozo collection?"
Dramometer: 7

Runway Arrogance
Context: Althea watches her winning outfit walk down the runway.
Vision: Something nice and safe inspired by the nice safe thing that won her a challenge the first time around.
Delusion: That she doesn't need to give this girl a bra. Seriously. Her boobs like like the eyes on a hammer head shark.
What Would Nina Say?: "No, Heidi. You really look great. Right Nick?"
Dramometer: 3

Back Talk
Context: Heidi calls Althea out for her outfit looking like Irina's. Althea defends herself honorably. Irina goes for the bitchy gusto and says that Althea is copying her look from last week. Althea is still to classy to bring up the Logan thing.
Vision: Irina steals Althea's idea of accusing another designer of stealing her ideas.
Delusion: That this tactic will work. Mr. Verreos is having none of it.
What Would Nina Say?: "Why don't one of you make a look based on Heidi's outfit instead. That wouldn't bore me."
Dramometer: 8

The Cruelty of Life as Illustrated by Models of the Runway

The Legion of Klum!

• The Wrap reports that Project Runway's move to Lifetime has not quite worked out as Harvey Weinstein and company expected. After a very strong debut, ratings have fallen off more than 20 percent. Worse for Lifetime, having the show on its network, for which it paid a hefty price, has done little for its overall ratings picture. In fact, Lifetime's ratings in the critical 18 - 49 female demo are off 13 percent from last year. On the other hand, after losing its signature show, Bravo's ratings are up this year by 5 percent in the 18- 49 demo, and it had its "best ratings quarter ever this summer." So who is auf now Frau Klum? [The Wrap]

• Anthony Hopkins has signed on to play Thor's dad Odin in the Marvel film adaptation of its comic book series. Chris Hemsworth will star as the thunder god, while Natalie Portman will take on the thankless love interest role. Kenneth Branagh is, amazingly, directing. [Variety]

• And the new Mad Max will be...Charlize Theron. Little is known about the working script, but the Oscar winner will apparently be the front woman in director George Miller's reboot of the classic series. [Variety]

• Sethe MacFarlane's American Dad has been renewed for a sixth season. [Hollywood Reporter]

• Sony reported its fourth straight quarter of losses, although the hurt this past quarter was not as bad as analysts had predicted. The company saw sales fall off another 20 percent overall. The motion picture division saw a "30.4% year-on drop in sales — or 20% on a U.S. dollar basis. But as the NY Times reminded us this weekend, what matters is that Michael and Amy really really like each other. [Variety]

• Tensions flared at the wrap of the theater owner's ShowEast conference over the taking forever rollout of digital technology. The Hollywood Reporter reported, "it sounded more like a threat than a promise when University Mall Theatres' Mark O'Meara kicked off one d-cinema presentation by declaring, 'Digital cinema is here to stay.'" [Hollywood Reporter]

• Prepare yourself for Fish Hooks. The first new animated show to be greenlit by the Disney Channel in three years will soon be tormenting your dreams as it is forced down grown-up America's throats by a nation of over-hyped children. [Hollywood Reporter}

So I'm going to propose a fun little diversion for us to participate in before and during tonight's live blog (which, as always, happens in the comments section below, when the show gets underway on Lifetime at 10 Eastern). In the comments section, please describe any Halloween costumes you plan to create/wear this weekend, and I'll post a selection of some of more interesting or funny ones in next week's live blog post.

Also, if you're so inclined, e-mail a picture of yourself in your costume to me by clicking here (between now and next Tuesday). I may include a link to a selection of those pictures in next week's post as well. Just be sure your face is obscured in any picture you send me if you want to remain anonymous. Depending on how many pictures I receive, I may even turn it into some kind of "Project Halloween" contest and ask folks to vote for a winner.

I'm guessing that would be a blast because, as I mentioned above, you're a witty bunch. As evidence of that, click here to read a selection of some of my favorite comments from last week's live blog. But don't do that just yet, because I've spun my little preview DVD from Lifetime and have the following "sneak peeks" to share regarding tonight's episode:

• Christopher will describe his time so far on Project Runway as follows: "Congratulations, great work, fantastic, stunning …. sucky, we hate it, we hate you, you're fat." That's actually a pretty apt summary (except for the "fat" part).
• Logan will say: "Irina has the nickname ‘Mean-a-rena' for a reason." Hey Logan, you have the nickname "Fug-Clothin' Logan" for a reason too.
• Althea will accuse Logan of stealing her ideas. Talk about petty theft!
• The guest judge is actress Kerry Washington who, according to IMDB.com, is part Native American. Maybe Bob Mackie can design her one of these.

Ok, time to get tricking and treating, kids. See you down in the comments!

[Image via Getty]

I don't know whether it was because I was tired and cranky or because of another "here's some money, go to Mood and buy fabric and make something" challenge, but my Project Runway malaise settled in something fierce last night. And not something fierce like Christian Siriano would have cranked out. Something fierce and evil like one of Nicolas' outfits or Irinia's attitude.

This week, it was Ms. Michael Kors, Queen Tangerine herself, giving the designers something easy to do. That is, buy some fabric and make an outfit inspired by one of the places he loves. It's sad that they were all cities and not things like "The Mystic Tan Booth" and "The Bathroom of Debra Messing's Guest Cottage in the Hamptons," because that might have been challenging. Instead it was places like Greece—yes, the whole entire country—or St. Tropez and a bunch of other places these young, poor, struggling whippersnappers have never been to. Just like a long plane flight, I just want someone to wake me when it's over.

Things We Hated:

• Ms. Kors Flagship Store: Has this man never met a shade of ecru that he doesn't like? He's certainly worn plenty on his face, but he looked shockingly pale last night. Maybe it was just the bad lighting in his all-white store. We wouldn't shop there.
• Gordana's Outfit: Why was she wearing a Pucci-style print dress over a poorly fitting brown sweater? Both were horrible and they didn't look that much better together. It's like she woke up and decided, "I need to look trendy and cool like these kids. What can I throw together?" Better to look old, dowdy, and mother-of-the-bride (to quote Ms. Kors) than to wear this hideous concoction again.
• "Fashion Forward": Next to "Old Hollywood Glamour" this is a phrase always foreshadows something that makes us want to burn our eyelids shut forever. Nicolas used it last night and what he created was neither fashion, nor forward. "Fashion Forward" is like begining a sentence with "but" or "and." It's hard to pull it off, so you just tell first graders not to do it because if they try, they're going to mess it all up. Galliano is fashion forward. McQueen is fashion forward. Garreth Pugh is fashion forward. The rest of you are a bunch of first graders.
• Boys Room and Girls Room: Why do they insist on the boys and the girls sleeping in different apartments? It's like this is '70s sleep away camp. Are they afraid that Logan, Christopher, and Fat Kurt Cobain are going to get in a canoe and row across the lake in the middle of the night to steal Gordana's granny panties? There would be a whole lot more drama if everyone lived in the same loft. It's not like these gay boys are going to try to sleep with the girls. And even if Logan made a move on Carol Hannah, that would be the most exciting thing to happen since Tranny Meth had a breakdown in the first episode.
• Gordana's Necklace: Yeah, it was kind of cool, but this is not Project Jewelry Showroom, and the dress it was attached to sucked. If you can't use the Macy's Great Accessory Wall of Made In China, then you don't get to make jewelry.
• Milla Jovovich: This season the guest judge spot has been the best seat in the house, but last night Milla Jovovich sullied it with her shrill voice, annoying comments, and her affected fashion knowledge. Heidi said that she was a CFDA-nominated designer. Well, she was nominated in 2006 for a line she co-designed with Carmen Hawk. Her label, the creatively titled Jovovich-Hawk, hasn't had a new collection since Spring '08. So, stop thinking you're a real designer, Milla. You are on this show because you work for L'oreal, not because of your hippie frocks. Your job here is to nod your head, say two bitchy things, have no real observations, and leave the real assessment to Ms. Kors and Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine.

Things We Loved:

• Reunited and It Feels Kinda Alright: Ms. Kors and Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine were together again for the first time since the Ice Age, and it was very nice. There were no real fireworks or histrionics from either, but it was so comforting to have everything back to normal. It's like coming home for Thanksgiving freshman year of college and getting a big hug from your mom.
• My Mom: Speaking of my mom, she always says, "Michael Kors can't be that great of a designer. Whenever I go to TJ Maxx, they always have a ton of his crap!" That's so true. And we thought about that a lot last night, during the "Michael Kors Race to the Discount Racks Challenge."
• Logan Didn't Channel "Old Hollywood Glamor": Our old crush Logan pulled Hollywood as his inspiration destination, and he didn't even once think about going "OHG." His crappy outfit looked like something he fished out of his own closet, but bravo on the restraint.
• "I Guess You Could Wear It In Greece": This what Nicolas said about his outfit, which was supposed to be inspired by the cradle of civilization. It turned out to be about as Grecian as a bus tour of Turkey. Yes, it was a real turkey, but we love his blatant disregard for a really stupid challenge.
• Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine Has Been Hanging Out With Drag Queens: She said the word "fantasy" three times last night. She never used to say this before. Fashion people don't use this word. Know who does? Drag queens! They love to conjure "the fantasy." During all those episodes she missed, NGFDMCM must have been hanging out at La Cage Aux Folles, and that is pretty rad.

In the end, Nicolas was sent home for his ode to a Grecian urn that looked like a mummy was attacked by a pair of discount Michael Kors pants from TJ Maxx. He really deserved to go home. As did Christopher. And probably Logan. If we're sending people packing, might as well put Gordana, Irina, Carol Hannah, and Althea on the kicked off express too. Not one of these outfits deserved to win. None of them was stunning or particularly inventive or attractive. I don't know if these guys aren't as talented as designers in other seasons, if they are under worse time constraints, if they're sad because they never know if Papa Kors and Mama NGFDMCM are going to show up to rescue them from sleep away camp—but whatever the reason is, they suck. At least when all the designers sucked last season we had Evil Queen Kenley to bring some drama, but this time we got two giggly blondes, two bitches, two clueless boys, and Gargamel. Not compelling television.

Oh, Irina won. Again.

Before we give up on this enterprise altogether (and really, we never would, because talking about how much Runway sucks is a whole lot more fun than talking about how much we love some other show), let's take a look at the videos and try to find some redemption, shall we?

Contents Under Pressure
Context: Crystopher (because he always crys!) and Fat Kurt Cobain are all in a tizzy because they have to design for Queen Tangerine. They will end up in the bottom two.
Vision: To come up with a dress that is going to wow a great American designer and doing it with a belt and some blouse that looks like a white venus flytrap eating a model.
Delusion: That Michael Kors is some great man who doesn't design exclusively for TJ Maxx.
What Would Nina Say?: "Sorry, Michael, but this is not the fantasy you were hoping for."
Dramometer: 2

Under the Gunn
Context: Tim Gunn tries to guide the once-promising Christopher to keep him from making another horrible creation. Tim tries so hard, but once he gives up, we shall all crumble beneath him.
Vision: To make a really cool belt that Milla Jovovich will go back to 1983 to buy and rip off.
Delusion: That this is Project Belt Shop. Make a good dress or go home. Epperson would gladly take over for you, and we would gladly welcome him back.
What Would Nina Say?: "This isn't a fantasy. It's a nightmare!"
Dramometer: 4

We're Friends. Really.
Context: The producers make everyone hang out so that something compelling might happen. All they really get is some footage to run under Fat Kurt Cobain talking about how much he loves everyone.
Vision: Nicholas believes that they are all friends and really talented.
Delusion: He's been talking shit about these people all season and saying how much they suck. They hate you, Kurt! You people are not friends. And you're not talented. Everything you say is a lie.
What Would Nina Say?: "Do you believe your own fantasy?"
Dramometer: 3

Runway Arrogance
Context: Carol Hannah watches her Palm Beach-inspired maxi dress walk down the runway.
Vision: To create a summery print dress that rich people will want to wear to the beach.
Delusion: It's nice, but not groundbreaking.
What Would Nina Say?: "For a minute, I was fantasizing that a hot blond guy named Pierre was bringing me an Orangina and vodka on the beach."
Dramometer: 3

Long Live the Queen
Context: While harshing on Logan's latest mediocre creation, Queen Tangerine hits the nail on the head. "They're clothes, they're not fashion." Welcome to season six, people.
Vision: Logan thinks he deserves to be designing for someone other than H&M. Also, zippers.
Delusion: Based on this showing, he's wrong. Also, zippers?!
What Would Nina Say?: "If you think I'm not going to strangle Milla, then you have a serious case of fantasy."
Dramometer: 5

The Cruelty of the World as Illustrated by Models of the Runway

I encountered it for the first time during last week's live blog, when commenter Adiam7 noted that the designers had underused their bedazzlers and needed to "get a glitter grenade up in this bitch." So I suggest we do the same—let's get a glitter grenade up in this bitch! I don't know what that means either.

We're now up to episode 10 in what has (let's admit it) turned out to be a season-o'-suckiness. But who cares? We always have fun in our commenter live blogs, no matter how lame this show gets. So why not join us? The action happens in the comments section below, and the show airs on Lifetime at 10 Eastern. Here are few highlights from last week:

• Nicolas said "The opportunity to blah blah on Project Runway is just the most awesome blah blah blah to happen ever in history of any blah blah!" Then he added, "Blah!"
• Early on, commenter jann9884 said, "Tonight is going to be a big pile of ugly." This statement proved to be prescient.
• Thanks to Gordana's immunity, she didn't just phone it in—she beamed it from a satellite orbiting somewhere in the far reaches of the Earth's outer atmosphere.
• Most commenters were pissed that Shirin got the boot over so many less-talented males. Why must so many women be victimized on Lifetime?

There were many more humorous moments; I've assembled a selection of them here. I've also assembled a selection of things to watch for tonight, having spun the ol' "highlight reel" DVD that Lifetime sent me. Here's a sneak peak:

• The Michael Kors-themed challenge, which promotes Kors' West-coast store, will be to design a location-inspired outfit to the exacting standards of Michael Kors. So guess who decided to put in a rare judging appearance tonight?
• We'll learn that Kors' inspiration comes from locations like Palm Beach, Greece, Santa Fe, Aspen, and St. Tropez. So basically, Kors gets inspired by leafing through copies of Travel & Leisure magazine.
• Cry-stopher will cry again.
• Guest Judge Milla Jovovich will say, "You gotta take it to the next level, because jeans and a T-shirt just doesn't cut it." This comment will earn an emphatic nod of agreement from Kors, who will be clad in same black T-shirt and jeans he's probably worn every day for the past 10,000 days of his life.

OK, it's almost 10 — live blog time. Get ready to sparkle, everyone!

Yes, last night was another shocking episode of Project Runway. No, Lifetime didn't stop airing lady vitamin commericals and we didn't have both of the judges, but for the second week in a row, the elimination was a bit surprising. We will get there soon enough, but before that we have so much to discuss, like another "Here's some money go buy some shit and make a dress" challenge. But this one starred Cher's main bedazzler, Bob Mackie, and all the kids making a dress for Christina Aguillera. When they find out they're working for her, they jump up and down like a good bunch of trained monkeys or a group of gay boys in 2002. It's all very exciting.

Things We Hated:

• This Space is Reserved for Bitching About Judges: Finally, finally we got back Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine. But that means that Michael Kors was missing. Are these two feuding or something? Give us back our fucking judges. Actually, I was a little sad that Nina was back, because I actually wanted to see either Vice Principal Glassner or Second Assistant Headmistress Roberts last night, because I finally decided I was going to call them "Pinta" and "Santa Maria" becuase, they came after Nina and aren't as cool. Then Nina sails back from judging an indigenous peoples' beauty contest in 1492 and ruins my joke. Ugh.
• Heidi's Pants: If you ever want to know what a slutty biker chick from hell looks like, it was Heidi during her first appearance yesterday wearing a pair of red leather pants with black scrawl all over them. Not only was the crotch insane (as an absent Ms. Kors would say), but they were totally nasty. Heidi actually bought these at Britney Spear's yard sale. Heidi was all "These are great, why are you getting rid of them?" And Britney said, "I've never worn them. I think they're too trashy." There you have it.
• Immunity: Gordana should have gone home last night for that thing that looked like her model took a gigantic dump in her sequined diaper. Adult baby is never sexy, no matter what your husband's favorite website tells you. But no, she had immunity. Nicolas should have gone home last week for his pool of Ent vomit, but immunity saved him too. Now it's off the table for the rest of the season and we can send some jokers home.
• Old Hollywood Glamor: Stop trying to channel it. It is not going to happen. And no one wants to look old. This is fashion, it's about making something new. Stop trying, and get some originality. That means you, Shirina.
• Carol Hannah and Logan: Not only are we over our ex-boyfriend Logan, but we are over the show trying to make him out to be some sexy Lothario. Didn't we see the exact same "Carol Hannah thinks he's sexy" segment a few weeks back? We get it. He's hot, and straight, and all the ladies love him. Giggle, giggle.
• The Boys: Christopher, Logan, and Nicolas all suck. Usually there is a fair balance of (gay) male and female talent on the show, but this time around, the ladies are smoking the guys. Did they do this for Lifetime's benefit?
• The Great Orange Plague of 2009: The judges need to get some designer swine flu maskes, proto (we're amazed that Louis Vuitton hasn't already come out with these, they'd be huge in the Asian market). The great orange infection is spreading, and Queen Tangerine Michael Kors wasn't even around this week. However, Bob Mackie got the infection from sitting in his chair, and he passed it on to Heidi, NGFDMCM, and Christina Aguillera. If Tim shows up next episode looking any shade darker than his usual death pallor, we're calling the World Health Organization.
• Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine's Necklace: Is this what they gave you for sitting on the Miss New World pageant's dais? It was huge and ugly. We thought it was either an anchor to keep her from floating away or some sort of boomerang weapon that she was going to take off, swing around her head, and let go, flinging it in the direction of any outfit that bored her, knocking it off the runway and then screeching back into her hand for the next assault. Whatever it was, it was definitely hideous, even for Chicos.

Things We Loved:

• Bob Mackie's Dresses: The little exhibit of his fashions they took the designers to was seriously awesome. Bob Mackie may be over the top and crazy, but he has made some great show pieces in his day. Too bad none of these designers could live up to him, but how could you. And how did they get through the whole episode without one mention of the Carol Burnett Curtain Rod Dress? Mackie was also a great judge. He was orange, bitchy, and loved to look at the models' asses. Wait, are he and Ms. Kors the same person?
• Bitchy Tim: We hated this a few weeks ago, but we have learned to love Tim, who is the bomb. This week he had all sorts of harsh criticism for this bunch of marginally-talented sewers (yes, they are both people who sew and underground channels for human refuse). At this point in the season it's obvious that Tim is sick of L.A., that he thinks all these designers are hacks, and he just can't want to get back to New York so that he can spend a week straight sitting in Marie's Crisis singing show tunes and bitching about how there isn't a good piano bar for miles in L.A.
• "Just Put Some Diamonds on the Crotch and You're Home Free": That is Bob Mackie's fashion advice. This man shits sparkles and his pubic hair is made out of maribu. Live his fantasy!
• Saw VI: This movie got hip to the fact that the ladeez love horror movies and they are advertising on Lifetime during Runway. Strangely enough, watching the people react to torture is exactly what it sounds like in my living room every Thursday while we sit through countless commercials for lady vitamins, pee sticks, cleaning supplies, and Sorority Wars.

So, in the end, it was Shirina who went home for trying to channel "Old Hollywood Glamor" and winding up with something that looked like a dizzy whirling Dervish stuck in a blender. It was bad. Still, Shirina had come up with some good looks in the past, unlike Christopher, who has been floundering after a strong early showing. This is his third trip to the bottom in three weeks. Christopher, we know what your bad luck charm is and it is attached to your face. Shave it off. These were by far the worst two of the evening, barring Geordana's which was a sight so horrible that she should have had her immunity revoked and been sent home anyway. You know Ms. Kors would have demanded it if she were there.

We were fans of Our Girl Althea's silver sequined number, even though the train was too long. Carol Hannah deserved the win for her all-black sequin and feather number, though we bet it looked even better in person. This really did Mackie proud. We didn't think that Logan's was that horrible, and neither was Fat Kurt Cobain's. It was a retread (but none of the judges would know that, because none of them were there the last time he made this outfit), but it was something that Christina Aguilera really would have worn. A begrudging good job, Kurt.

Want to see more bitchy Irina, crazy contestants, and one of Tim Gunn's best take downs of all time? Then slip into this sparkly video number. You'll look just like Cher at the Oscars!

Under the Gunn
Context: Christopher tells Tim about his drag queen moment for Christina, and Tim is concerned it is ugly.
Vision: "Remember that time in Minneapolis where Shaleda Henry came out wearing this crazy black coat and then took it off and had sparkle panties and a corset on underneath? That was fierce."
Delusion: That anyone wants to look like a drag queen. Not even drag queens want to look like drag queens!
What Would Nina Say: "I wouldn't even wear that on a dare!"
Dramometer: 4

The World's Most Boring Asylum
Context: Gordana hiding from her heinous creation and everyone behaving crazy in the workroom.
Vision: The producers think they can show how the pressure is making everyone crack. So dramatic! And wild!
Delusion: Really, it's just some people giggling, putting fabric on their heads, and wheeling around mannequins. They don't need medication. Like a whiny four year old, they just need some cookies and a nap.
What Would Nina Say: "Never in my life have I behaved this way."
Dramometer: 1

The Bitch Edit
Context: The Bitch Edit is a phenomenon discovered by our perilous live blogger MisterHippity, who noticed that, all of the sudden, the show is turning Irina into a villain of the highest order.
Vision: The producers suddenly discovered that there is no one to hate, and they are including every one of her mean comments on the show.
Delusion: We do not hate her. We applaud this, because we can't be the only one hating on this show.
What Would Nina Say: "Why do they always call women like us a (makes air quotes) 'bitch?'"
Dramometer: 6

Runway Arrogance
Context: Carol Hannah stops making kissy face with Logan long enough to watch her dress walk down the runway.
Vision: To have no clue what you're doing, buy a bunch of fabric, and try to pull something off based only on skill.
Delusion: Usually this is the biggest delusion of all, but CH pulls it off. Good job.
What Would Nina Say: "I like it, but it won't read on TV. I don't read at all. It hurts my eyes."
Dramometer: 3

Back Talk
Context: Christopher tries to defend the outfit that should have sent him home. He gets savaged. At least he's stopped crying when he's on the bottom.
Vision: That if he says the designers hurt his pride, they'll stop making fun of him.
Delusion: Sorry, Chris, the only way they're going to leave you alone is if you start making something good again.
What Would Nina Say: See for yourself.
Dramometer: 6

The Cruelty of Life as Illustrated by Models of the Runway

Well, if not years, a few months at least.

I mention Mackie because he's a guest judge tonight, and is also a 70s-era relic who's probably unfamiliar to many youngsters out there. So for their sake, allow me to explain: Mackie is a "fringe designer." And by that, I don't mean that everything he did was on the fringe. Rather, I mean that that there was fringe on everything he did.

Also, I mention the age thing because it's my birthday today, which always leaves me feeling a little old. So I'm counting on the rejuvenating powers of tonight's live blog to help restore my spiritual age to … well, to at least where it was last June. Back when Michael Jackson and Billy Mays were still alive, and the world was like a bright, shiny new penny.

Hey, you can partake in the age-defying miracle that is the Gawker Project Runway live blog, too! So why not join us? The show starts on Lifetime at 10 Eastern, and the live blog happens in comments section below. Last week's edition included many humorous comments (for a selection, click here). Highlights from the fun we had include the following:

• We never solved the mystery of Gordana's strangely darkened hands, but Brian Moylan advanced the theory that she'd been crushing smurfs. So I hereby propose that Gordana's new nickname be: "Smurf Crusher."
• Commenter Spirit Fingers noted that Gordana "always makes an S&M fetish maxi-mini fit for a warehouse rave in the Czech Republic." I'm not sure exactly what that description means, but I still think it's awesome.
• We noticed a new pattern: The "phone call home to loved ones" sequence now foreshadows victory, rather than elimination (to wit: Jordana last week, and Epperson previously).
• Commenter Erinna noted that Christopher's facial hair is so unfortunate, his friends and loved ones ought to stage an intervention and forcibly shave it off.
• We were disappointed that Michael Kors returned just in time for a bridal-related challenge, but failed to describe anything as "mother of the bride." What a missed opportunity!

As for tonight's episode, having viewed a few highlights, I suggest we watch for the following:

• Irina will shit-talk other people and basically be a total bitch. It's odd how the editors are only fully revealing this aspect of her personality now. It's like they suddenly realized nine weeks in that this season has no villain yet, and hastily assembled an "Irina bitch edit."
• Heidi will announce that there will be no more immunity from now on. Maybe this thing Nicolas designed during his immunity week was the final straw?
• Tonight, all four judges—Mackie, fellow guest judge Christina Aguilera, Heidi and a (finally!) returning Nina Garcia—will look orange. This is ironic, because the original Orange Man will be AWOL again. Maybe the producers think we'll notice Kors' absence less if they slather orange pancake on the rest of the judging panel?

• Ok, enough with my pre-show twaddle. Let's grab a drink, start typing and get rejuvenating!

  [Images via Getty and Carbonated's Flickr]

Yes, we have a bunch of divorced brides on last night, and they wanted to turn their wedding dresses into something new and fashionable for a "new chapter" in their lives. Except some of the ladies were divorced more than a decade, so this outfit is more like the fourth book an author churns out to follow up on a successful trilogy 10 years after it was completed because he needs the money to pay his child support bills. Each of the designers got saddled with a "client" who got input into what they should make and they had a limited budget and limited amount of fabric, so they had to rely on the all dressed in white these ladies marched down the aisle to meet their ill-fated grooms.

Not a bad challenge, but we saw it before with fat brides who wanted a skinny outfit, and we liked it better then, because getting skinny is always a better cause for new couture than being single. And of course, having to listen to clients, especially in a wedding-related challenge is always a killer for some weak-willed designer who won't stand on their own.

What We Hated:

• Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine: We never thought we'd say this, Nina, but we hate you. We hate your blithe disregard for not showing up to do your job. Yes, being on Runway is your real job. The only reason Marie Claire hired you was so that they could get their ass on the show and hopefully get some of that mojo that Elle acquired by placing itself in the center of every silly reality contest on the globe. That's right, NGFDMCM was absent again this week. The last time she was a judge was at the last Salem witch trial in 1692. And when you're gone, we're saddled with Second Assistant Headmistress Zanna Roberts, who we don't like, mostly because she's not you. It's time to wake up and go to work, Nina.
• Nicolas: Who is the most vile, untalented, lucky, and annoying person on this season? The answer is Fat Kurt Cobain. We will also accept Adult Chucky for partial credit. This week he even made an admittedly ugly outfit, and he gets away with impunity. Even when he won in the movie challenge, he robbed the victory from Christopher and Epperson. And then he talks shit about everyone else and has really bad hair. We hate him. And not in a fun way like we hate Santino and Kenley. In a bad way, like we hate Second Assistant Headmistress Roberts and Lifetime.
• Listening to the Client: Contestants on Runway that listen to the client are as stupid as the castaways on Survivor who don't learn how to make a fire before being stranded on a desert island. They are easy things to learn, and both will get you booted off the show something quick. So, for all future Runway contestants, I'm going to spell it out now: never listen to the client, dumbass. They are ugly untrained masses who probably buy polar fleece at Old Navy. They are like a 4 year old that wants ice cream for dinner, and you are a very stern mother who must tell them that, while that sounds fun, you'll be better off without it. Whip them up a nice tuna casserole, and they'll think it's tasty and Ms. Kors is always hungry, so she'll be happy you brought leftovers.
• The Macy's Accessory Wall: Please, stop making Tim Gunn tell us to go there every week. No one uses it, ever. And then, two designers grabbed a bag off of it this week when they had bad outfits, hoping that just having a purse up there might make Heidi and Co say "Wow, they used the Macy's Accessory Wall" and they would be so distracted they wouldn't see the trail of ugly before them. It didn't work. Also, it reminds me of Tamara Melon's daughter's dress-up box, which is full of tired and worn selections that no one really likes, but they trot them out just to have a laugh. That does not make me want to shop at Macy's.
• No One has a Point of View: There are a few talented designers on this season—like Irina, Shirin, Christopher, Epperson, and Althea—but I would never see a garment and say "Oh, that is a Shirin." Shit, I can still barely tell the difference between her and Irina! In the past, even the crappy designers had an aesthetic. Yes, sometimes it would get boring when Laura or Chloe would trot out similar things each week, but at least they had some personality.
• Models of the Runway: I know I vowed not to discuss it. But I hate this show more and more each week, and how they take precious time out of our Runway to promote it even when they aren't using the stupid models. If all the hatred in my heart wasn't occupied with lady vitamin commercials on Lifetime, this abomination would get even more.

Things We Loved:

• Tamara Melon: Again, the guest judge chair is a seat of honor. If this were a Valentine's episode of The Simpsons, we'd Choo-Choo-Choose You, Tamara. She is fair to the good designers, and delivers a stiletto to the throat of the horrible. Our new favorite guest judge. And how did they land a real designer like her? Oh, she works for Halston, which happens to be owned by The Weinstein Company. Oh, crafty!
• Heidi's Outfits: We may not know what to call Just Say Heidi, but she looked great last night. Maybe Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine gives her bad fashion advice so that Heidi will look stupid on camera, and now that NGFDMCM is gone, she's improved.
• Fewer People, More Sewing: The best part of this show is watching talented people do something we could never do at home. Now that the pack has been thinned a bit, we don't have to spend as much time with all the dead weight and we can actually see a bit of the creative process.
• Everyone's Over Logan: Nothing about how hot he is this week, and his design sucked and his shiny pants couldn't save him. Here's what it feels like to be an ugly, Logan. Get used to it.
• Oktoberfest Moments: We heard this phrase more than once last night. We're sure calling outfits "moments" has been in fashion parlance for years, but in pop cultural parlance it started with Rachel Zoe—along with "bananas," "shut it down," and "I DIE!" Where is Zoe's show? Bravo! So, it just goes to show you, Lifetime, you can take your judges off of Bravo, but you can't take the Bravo out of your judges. Suck on that, lady vitamins!

In the end, Gordana justifiably won with her tattered dress made out of the lining of her bridal gown. When her client said she wanted something "punk rock" we thought, "Good luck!" But that was just the push this usually safe seamstress need to go from making something competent to making something great. Also, we learned why her hands are always black. It is because her brother is Gargamel, and he ships Smurfs back from the old country and she mashes them between her hands and then uses the juice to dye fabric. There is always a bit of pain in beauty. Shirina's dresses (that is both Shirin and Irina, since we can't tell them apart anyway) were both good, but not great.

Fighting for the night's ugliest award was Logan and Epperson, and it was our wise silent sage who went gently into that good night to clean up his workspace and go home. We bet he flipped off the camera and made a really ugly face on the way out, but never spoke a word. But really, everyone was competing for the ugly award last night, especially Fat Kurt Cobain who dressed his client up in another Oktoberfest nightmare, and he didn't even end up on the worst dressed list. Clearly he deserved a calling out more than Christopher, who also had an ugly bloated gown that looked like Laura Palmer when she was fished out of the river covered in plastic. Our Girl Althea made a rare misstep and Carol Hannah looked like she made something for the J. McCarroll line at JCPENNEY. A bunch of ugly, people. You all deserved a harsh drubbing.

Oh, and somebody got one. For more on Epperson, Evil Fat Kurt Cobain, and Oktoberfest, we are taking our steins to the videos in the biergarten. Prost!

Don't Listen to The Client
Context: Shirina meets with her model, and she wants a dress to perform in that is like Cher at the Oscars. Shirina makes the smart move of not listing to her. Never listen to the client, people!
Vision: A crazy, fashion-forward stripper ensemble that Bob Mackie would love.
Delusion: That a 23 year old straight girl will know what Cher "Half Breed" is. If she had said it to Fat Kurt Cobain, he would have said, "Work!" and tilted his head back and snapped his fingers and gotten out the feathers. He would have listened and gone home, and we would all rejoice by playing Cher songs.
What Would Tamara Mellon Say: "Darling, I just hate Cher, but I love her plastic surgeon."
Dramometer: 5

Under the Gunn
Context: Shirina is having a hard time grasping the challenge, and doesn't know what to make. Grampa Gunn offers her some advice and a Werther's Original.
Vision: That listening to Tim Gunn will save you.
Delusion: No delusion there. "Don't listen to the client" is as true as "Always listen to Tim." Shirina didn't win, but she came close.
What Would Tamara Melon Say: "Darling, I would offer you a job working for Halston, but you're prettier than me, and we can't have that."
Dramometer: 4

Smells Like Fat Kurt Cobain Spirit
Context: Nicolas is a turd. He tells his divorcee that his outfit looks great on her, and then calls it an ugly piece of shit behind her back. He's right. It is. She looks like a schizophrenic Ewok princess. Still, somehow, the judges don't rip him apart over this.
Vision: "But it's what she wanted."
Delusion: Fat Kurt, what did we tell you before. God, don't you people listen!
What Would Tamara Melon Say: "Darling, she looks like when my daughter dressed up as Swamp Thing for Halloween."
Dramometer: 5

Runway Arrogance
Context: Gordana watches her winning garment go for a stroll.
Vision: To rely on her skills as a seamstress and make something that is a little bit more wild and creative than usual.
Delusion: None. Gargamel will be so proud.
What Would Tamara Melon Say: "Darling, I think I stole this out of Vivianne Westwood's closet once at a party. I had too much coke and champagne and I probably shouldn't have, but it fit so well!"
Dramometer: 2

Judge, Jury, Executioner
Context: Epperson not only got the boot, but he got a beautiful tongue lashing from all the judges, except Second Assistant Headmistress Roberts. She is not allowed to speak. This one was harsh, and a classic. At least he didn't cry. Also, we love hearing Heidi speak German.
Vision: That no one is going to make fun of this crazy ass get up.
Delusion: The judges were delusional for sending Epperson home and not Logan with his ugly Oktoberfest vest and pants. How do you say "gross" in German?
What Would Tamara Melon Say: Watch for yourself!
Dramometer: 8

The Cruelty of Life as Illustrated by Models of the Runway

Why not weigh in with your own views on this and other weighty matters during our commenter live blog of Project Runway tonight? The show starts at 10pm Eastern on Lifetime, but the live-blog itself starts whenever the hell we feel like it, in the comments section below. Last week's edition featured many funny quips from y'all (for a sampling, click here). Here are few highlights:

• Commenter ms_priestypants alertly observed that this season features a "talking-shit" mobile camera. Who says there are no innovations on this show lately?
• We may have found out why Tim keeps warning everyone not to bore Nina. Apparently, Nina got bored with judging and stopped showing up.
• During a commercial break, Zooey Deschanel sang about the cotton between her ears.
• We finally came up with a good handle for Louise: "Diablo Bloaty" (thanks to commenter DahlELama). And then she promptly got booted, which always seems to happen just when we come up with a good nickname for someone (as recently noted elsewhere).

Ok, this is the spot where I normally complain about how stingy Lifetime is because they post so little in the way of preview clips of upcoming episodes—but no longer! I e-mailed Lifetime about that, and they've agreed to send me a DVD in advance of each episode with "highlight reel" clips on it (not seen elsewhere)! So I feel like such media journalist now! Anyway, having spun the ol' DVD, I suggest we watch for the following things as we live blog tonight:

• The challenge will be to take divorced women's old wedding dresses and turn them into "hip, cool outfits they can wear in the next chapter of their lives." Unfortunately, because this "next chapter" begins on the Lifetime network, it will probably end with their creepy ex-husbands returning to victimize them all over again.
• One divorcee will actually say to Shirin: "Can you do something with feathers? I'm thinking Cher 'Half-Breed.'" Soon thereafter, Shirin will cry—and really, can you blame her?
• Gordana will look like she's been touching horcruxes, since her hands will appear strangely blackened like Dumbledore's right one in the latest Harry Potter movie.
• Gordana will cry too. So much crying this season! It's enough to make you wish Johnny's ex-dealer would show up with some mood enhancers for everyone.

Ok, gang, that's enough previewing — let's have a fun discussion now. But don't forget to use conundrums!

[Image via NYPL Digital Library]

Yesterday, Just Say Heidi filed papers in L.A. County Court to take on his last name. Did anyone tell her that he doesn't have one?

Well, actually he does, he has about nine of them. His birth name is Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Adeola Samuel. So, how many of those does Heidi get? Just the last one to become Heidi Samuel or is she going to go for the full Heidi Olusegun Olumide Adeola Samuel?

If she did, she wouldn't be the only one with a ton of names. Her and Seal's children are named Henry Gunther Ademola Dashtu Samuel and Johan Riley Fyodor Taiwo Samuel. Wow, that is a lot of names, and of all different origins as well. And Klum's first child, with Flavio Briatore got the standard three names: Helene Boshoven Klum. She must have gotten jealous of her brothers, because they gave her a nickname, "Leni," but she's still one name shy.

Considering that everyone has the last name Samuels, we'll have to assume that is what Klum is going to go with. Is she going to make us all call her Heidi Samuels or will she stick with Klum in the press and Samuels (and the world's classiest ID photo) on her driver's license? But poor neglected Leni will be the only Klum left in the house. If she's smart she'll go full-tilt Cher and leave everything behind but Leni. How else are you going to differentiate yourself in a house that is as full of names as it is furniture.

Last night we were back with a "go to Mood and buy some fabric and make a dress" except there was a twist: the fabric had to be blue! Not green or yellow or pink or beige, but blue—the color of lagoons, moons, and your face when you stubbornly yell at Runway to bring back Nina Garcia and they don't listen. They also had to make a holiday dress, which we thought at first meant it was going to be a parade of sweaters with little yarn Santas and bulbous Rudolphs, but the holiday thing, like a Christmas when you live in Who-ville, never came this year. Unless the holiday was Billie Holiday, cause she got some serious blues. Also, death. Poor girl.

So, the designers had to pitch designs to INC, the bargain brand for people who are too fancy to shop at JCPenney or Sears but really enjoy their prices and design aesthetic. It's also the in-house label for Macy's, famous for it's great unused accessory wall, and the people who pay the bills for this fair show. Has Runway ever made you want to go to Macy's or buy INC? That's what we thought. Well, maybe if you spent some money there they could afford to hire real designers and not poach our scared little fellows.

Things We Hated:

• Missing Judges, Week 17: This was the 19 trillionth episode in a row that Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire magazine missed. Not only could they not get NGFDMCM, they also couldn't get Vice Principal Glassner. Instead, we got stuck with Second Assistant Headmistress Zanna Roberts, who has a name like a Wonder Twin, but talks like she is the daughter of the cafeteria worker at Hogwarts. We would say that getting stuck with her is like when the President and the Vice President can't come to the funeral and they send the first lady instead, but we would much rather have Michelle Obama sporting couture during our final moments above the ground than Barry or Joe, so we're not going to say that. We'll say that next time Ms. Kors needs a snack, he should eat her.
• The Great Orange Infection of 2009: We are beyond thrilled that Queen Tangerine decided to come back from his villa in Oompah Loompah land, but he seems to have brought with him a very virulent strain of discoloring fever from the Wonka Wilderness. All of the judges were his patented shade of fake tan last night, including Heidi, Assistant Headmistress Roberts, and that lady from INC who can't even wear a blazer that fits. Apparently, she got the Apricot Flu so badly it went to stage two—fashion dementia—because she thought it was OK to wear a cap-sleeved white blazer that won't close over her stomach on national television.
• Neck Doilies: They are just wrong, always.
• Team Challenges: Team challenges like this are the easiest way for mediocre designers to get promoted. So, the five best designs were chosen by the INC lady, which theoretcially means those are the five best designers for the challenge, and they each choose a teammate. You know that the team leaders are always the ones who go home, so the crappier designers who didn't get picked are all safe. Isn't that stupid? Also, if a crappy lady gets stuck with a visionary—like Uli's mom who got dragged across the finish line kicking and screaming by Irina—she gets to stay when someone like Kenley Jr. gets the boot. Not like KJ was any better than Gordana, but she was at least a little bit better. Right?
• Bitchy Tim: Grampa Gunn hates L.A. There is too much sun and people wear flip flops in public and he has to drive a car. It's horrible, and he's taking it out at work. He snapped over leggings, and got bitchy with Kenley Jr for losing her money, and this continues a pattern of our mentor getting a little snippy. Where's our old lovable Grampa G who would give us Werther's Originals and tell us stories about what really goes on back stage at fashion week. Come back!
• Loving Logan: We dumped Logan. This is the second week in a row that we got a montage about how cute he is and whenever all the girls in the work room are around him, all they can do is hang their hands and giggle while covering their mouths going, "I don't know," like he's some handsome stranger asking a group of Japanese schoolgirls for directions on the Tokyo subway. Thinking he's cute is just a cliche.
• Crying!: Hey Chris, we were about to ask you to go steady since we dumped Logan and all, but you have a chin strap beard thing, made a neck doily, and then you cried at judging. This is only acceptable if you are going to have full-scale, blubbering meltdown like season two's Andre. We want no party of your paltry little tears. If you want to make a spectacle, that's fantastic, but trying to hold it back just makes you look pathetic.

Things We Loved:

• Ms. Kors, Our Burnt Sienna Savior: This is why you hired this man in the first place, people, and why he needs to be here every week. He came back from his sabbatical and not only dropped the line about Kenley Jr.'s dress looking like it was attacked by a loofah, but then he totally eviscerates Chris with a simple flick of his limp wrist. Well done, Ms. Kors.
• Irina and Nicolas: While it's still nearly impossible to distinguish Irina from Shirin, the producers have figured out the difference: she's the bitchy one. Almost as bitchy as Nicolas. These are the two they turn two when they need catty comments about the other designers. Neither is as pithy as Jay McCarroll or as egotistically original as Christian Siriano, but their barbs are a welcome distraction from all the lousy design that is going on this season.
• Sorority Wars Commercials: If we have to watch Lifetime's horrible vagina-based advertisements each week (welcome back, lady vitamins), we are glad that the boring promos for Joan Allens very serious Georgia O'Keefe and the Secrets of Lady Flowers Brought to You By Secret have been replaced by this bit of pop trash starring Alison from Melrose Place. That's much more our speed.

In the end, Kenley Jr (nee Louise), was sent home for her misuse of Ruffles. Apparently, Heidi likes pork rinds, Michael Kors is a Doritos man, and Assistant Headmistress Roberts doesn't eat because she works at a fashion magazine. They held the threat of a double elimination over our heads, and we think that we would gave gotten one if, say, Louise and wise old sage Epperson were on the same team, but she was saddled with Fat Kurt Cobain, who won immunity last week, so she was the only one cleaning up her work space.

The winners were Shirin Irina and Gordana whose outfits were just boring enough to actually be in Macy's. Really not one of the looks was overly appealing last night. If you're going to get a boring old brand to pay the bills, you're going to get at least one boring ass challenge each year. Maybe in the future we can have the Gareth Pugh chain mail accessories and dove-shaped hats wall. At least then the designers could make asymmetrical frocks with boobs hanging out.

So, if you want to see some '70s stewardess dresses and Ms. Kors acid tongue, then get yourself to the videos!

Sold My Soul to the Company Store
Context: The designers pitch their ideas to some lady from INC. She smiles and nods and doesn't say much.
Vision: They are going to get international recognition for making a dress that will be sold in Macy's!
Delusion: That they are going to bring their individual talents to a brand that is more like an infinite number of seamstress monkeys at an infinite number of typewriters, and ends up with a bunch of pissed off seamstress monkeys who don't know how to type.
What Would Ms. Kors Say: "She looks like Farrah Fawcett came back from the dead as a brain-dead alcoholic!"
Dramometer: 3

Under the Gunn
Context: Tim Gunn schools Carol Hannah and IrinaShirin on his hatred of leggings.
Vision: That a bitchy quip from Grampa Gunn can cease the tide of skintight trousers.
Delusion: Have you been to New York lately, Tim. They're everywhere! Oh, sorry, you're stuck in L.A. Nevermind.
What Would Ms. Kors Say: "Your legs look like two pork sausages stuffed in an aubergine casing!"
Dramometer: 6

Righteous about Ruffles
Context: Louise is forcing Fat Kurt Cobain to make a dress with ruffles.
Vision: He's taking orders because he has immunity and wants her to fuck up so badly she gets thrown off. Like a Magic Eight Ball with limp hair, Fat Kurt has got some serious vision.
Delusion: That he stands a chance of winning even with her gone.
What Would Ms. Kors Say: "It looks like a loofah attacked your dress!"
Dramometer: 5

Runway Arrogance
Context: Carol Hannah and Irina (Shirin? Oh, who cares...) watch their looks walk down the runway. They are the best of the bunch.
Vision: Retro stewardess is going to be super hot this year. Quick, put your tray table in the upright position and grab a Pan Am bag from the Macy's accessory wall.
Delusion: Not so much.
What Would Ms. Kors Say: "This is very chic. If you got in a time machine and went back to when I was in fashion school and snorting lines of blow with Halston in the bathroom at 54."
Dramometer: 2

Queen Tangerine's Reign of Infamy
Context: Michael Kors shows us how the experts rip apart two outfits in under 45 seconds. Christopher cries.
Vision: That you reinvented the shirt dress.
Delusion: That you can survive Queen Tangerine after her punny wrath has been bottled up due to 978 weeks of absence.
What Would Ms. Kors Say: Watch the damn video! It's a classic.
Dramometer: 9

The Cruelty of Life as Illustrated on Models of the Runway

I got to thinking about this when I took another look Nicolas's supposed "science-fiction-inspired" dress (last week's winner). To me, in today's avant-Gaga age, it looks about as "sci-fi" as something Barbie might wear to a ballroom-dancing contest. (I just made up the term "avant-Gaga," by the way. If I repeat it enough, do you think it might catch on?) Commenter Notes From the Underwhelmed first opined weeks ago that this season looked rather dated due to the Gaga syndrome, and I'm now inclined to agree. What do you all think? Is this factor what's making so many looks seem boring this year? Would Malvin still be around in the avant-Gaga age (there I go again)? I'm just tossing that out there as fodder for discussion tonight during our live blog.

Yes, I said our live blog, because—for the benefit of any newbies out there—this feature is group-created by all of us, down in the comments section below. Join us! Here's a selection of highlights from last week:

• When we saw a close-up of Louise's gory, needle-pricked fingers, Old Ocho remarked: "She should have bled on her dress to make it more interesting."
• Makeup dude Collier Strong reminded me of Mr. Clean. I think it's the earring that does it. Is it just me? Click here and see what you think.
• Nicolas uttered the phrase "I'm not here to make friends" for what must be the thousandth time in reality-show history. Just to be counterintuitive, I'd like to create a reality competition called Here to Make Friends, the object of which would be to make as many friends as possible. So, on my show, nobody would ever say that.
• We noticed that Nicolas seems to get more camera time lately than Barack Obama. Quoth michelegilliam01: "I wish Bravo would stop trying to make Pudgy Kurt Cobain happen."
• Louise, who is dull, was spared by the dull, non-orange judging panel, and many outraged commenters thought Ra'Mon got a Ra'deal.

What's that? What should we watch for tonight? Well, I'm glad you asked that. First and foremost, tonight marks the long-overdue return of Michael Kors. That's right: the bitch is back, and not a moment too soon. As the past few weeks have taught us, an episode without the orange man is like a day without sunshine. Other things to watch for include:

• The challenge will have a Macy's theme. Maybe the designers will have to make gigantic outfits for parade balloons?
• There will be a "probable double elimination." That's how the promo ad puts it, anyway: "probable." I guess the episode happened so long ago that they can't remember for sure.
• Teammates Gordana and Irina will quarrel. Given the double-elimination thing, this does not bode especially well for Uli's Mom and …. um, the woman we never came up nickname for. Maybe we should think of one quick tonight; it may be our last chance.

Ok, gang … let's make tonight's live blog a real avant-Gaga extravaganza! (Ok, ok. I'll stop trying to make "avant-Gaga" happen.)

And it's a bun! That's right. Padma Lakshmi, the gorgeous, allluring, beautiful, exotic, wonderful, slow-talking, beautiful, gorgeous host of Top Chef is with child. No one is saying who the father is, as of yet, and Padma is keeping a low profile, since her battle with endometriosis means its a high-risk pregnancy. We wonder if the cheftestants will have to cook extra in those Quickfire Challenges if she's eating for two.

In other good news, three of the channel's other reality stars—Real Housewives of New York's Bethenny Frankel, Top Chef's Fabio Viviani, and Project Runway's Christian Siriano—have been given shows of their own. Well, it appears that Bravo got custody of it's little gay stepchild during the divorce with Runway! Siriano will have a show about setting up his own business as a designer. This is going to be a must-watch, catch phrase-spewing machine.

Viviani will also have a show about his business, as he tries to take over California with his charm and accent. Frankel will just be saying bitchy things to the camera and getting in fights with Kelly Bensimon for an hour each week. We wish. Actually, we're going to have to watch her cook and try to make sweet, sweet love to the men of New York. I spotted her at a party the other night on the arm of a very handsome gentleman, indeed, so at least there will be some eye candy. Anyway, now that Bravo is spawning its own stars and giving them their own shows, just how long before it folds in on itself in a black hole of meta? Not sure, but I'll probably be watching when it happens.

[Image via Getty]