Thinking of buying a new home in Moscow Oblast, but still on the fence? Perhaps a cat will convince you. Sign the promissory, take the cat. Look, cute cat! Это красивая кошка! Just hold him for a sec. Awwwwwwwww. Now, do you want a fixed-rate or a 5/1 ARM?

Think of your workplace. Now, think of that little prick who always, somehow, seems to get promoted, despite being a little prick who is not even that smart, Nathan. Researchers say that they have discovered why little pricks like this always succeed.

Pizza-within-a-pizza was previously a menu item that existed only in hypotheticals.

An announcement on jihadi message board Ansar al-Mujahideen today states that Osama bin Laden's right hand man, Egyptian surgeon Ayman al-Zawahiri is now in charge of Al Qaeda. As the old man celebrates his promotion, here a few facts about "The Doctor":

Nations Trucks in Sanford, Florida has come up with a clever promotional deal to sell used trucks: With every purchase comes a free AK-47 assault rifle! Says manager Nick Ginetta, "My buyer is absolutely a gun owner, no question." Great.

The Artists Den is giving Gawker readers a chance to win tickets to a secret Grace Potter & The Nocturnals concert in NYC on 8/19. For a chance to win, head over to our official Gawker Facebook page.

Ivanka Trump recently had a fairy tale wedding. Now she'll help you have one, too! Ivanka's jewelry company has teamed up with her dad's chain of hotels to offer "The Quintessential New York Proposal." And it's quite a package. Purchase a ring from Ivanka's "Bridal Bar" ("prices starting at $800"!) and you'll…

We on the record as being tired of waiting for our own American Bullet Trains, but Amtrak is obviously trying to sabotage potential public support for high-speed rail transit, if this upcoming celebrity appearance is any indication.

Rebekah Wade, editor of the UK tabloid The Sun, has been promoted to overseer of all five of Rupert Murdoch's newspapers in England. Let's hear about her fabulous life of bliss with her horse trainer/ vibrator entrepreneur husband!

Chevy's new promotion on college campuses: "giving free rides to students who will be filmed via the interior 'Cab Cam.'" Then all the videos go on the web, and the one that gets the most views wins you a new Chevy. In other words, "HEY GURL FUCK ME IN THE BACKSEAT AND WE GET A CAR." [via Adrants]

The entire music industry is slowly becoming a simple extension of corporate marketing programs—but at least most companies are forced to pay a lot of money for their new pets. Taco Bell, though, has learned that it doesn't take that much to have an "indie" (Ha! Ho!) group cosign your company. The souls of musicians…

"There are 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris and this son of a bitch couldn't find one of them." Sound like an opening sentence to a trashy beach novel that aims to be read by thousands of housewives lolling on the Jersey shore before becoming landfill refuse? That's exactly what it is! But since it has such a killer…

Dude, it is so refreshing to listen to "indie" musicians because "indie" musicians are "independent" from corporate control. Ha. We should pretty much eradicate the word "indie," which has become a total, depressing farce. In order to sell a single freaking song in today's environment, musicians must rush around…

Here's a useful thing: Mike's Hard Lemonade has a neato promotional toy on its website that will let you insert your own name and picture into a news clip, then send that clip to your boss as evidence of why you can't come in to work today. In unrelated news, Julia Allison won't make it to work today; she's been…

Vanity Fair is a national publication, but it's gone to a lot of trouble to market itself to the tastemakers of New York City. The magazine has produced a 40-page guide to the summer in NYC, with lists and quick critiques of everything from the best outdoor bars with roof decks to the hottest summer concerts. It's a…

Taco Bell's Value Menu slogan is "Why Pay More?" But if a rapper were to say it, they would say, "Why Pay Mo'?" Because black people can't talk right, ha! Cannily tapping into urban culture, the fast food chain is running a "Why Pay Mo'?"online promotion, complete with a Rap Name Generator (mine is Super Fly H.…