So to recap: Barack Obama is a Kenyan, a Muslim, Paris Hilton, a Nazi, a Communist, a gay crack addict, a racist, and the secret leader of a nationwide network of ACORN brownshirts and now the antichrist. It's almost as if there's one thing that makes people really mad about him, but for some reason people can't say it, so they have to come up with ever-more-fanciful and complicated theories to explain what's wrong with him.

This one's simple, really, so listen up: In the Bible, Jesus said, "I beheld Satan as lightning falling from the heavens." OK, but did you know that Jesus didn't speak English? No, he spoke Aramaic, which is kind of like Hebrew. It's also different from Hebrew, but so what—we'd like to know how you would say you beheld Satan falling as lightning from the heavens in ancient Hebrew, just for kicks.

Well, you'd start with lightning, which is "baraq." And then you'd have to find out how to say "the heavens," which you could say any number of ways. But for the purposes of this exercise, we'll pick, I don't know, let's say "bamah," which means "an elevation — height, high place, wave." Hey! That's weird.

What's more, when you want to connect two words in Hebrew so as to prove someone is the antichrist, you insert a "u" or an "o" in front of the word that would be most convenient to have a prefix on it for the purposes of proving that the person you're trying to identify as the antichrist is, in fact, the antichrist. So in this instance, you'd put it in front of "bamah."

So how would you say "I beheld Satan as lightning falling from the heavens" in Hebrew, the language that Jesus did not speak when he said those words? It would go something like, "I saw Satan as Baraq O Bamah." Spooky! According to the person on whose YouTube page we found this video, it's "probably just a coincidence...Just an interesting word association. The film does NOT proclaim that BHO 'IS' the AC." But it doesn't proclaim that he's not!

At least Hillary voters had the balls to say what they really think:

[Via LGF.]

Other seven-ish things about Michael Jackson: He was born in 1958, and 19+58=77. He died on June 25, and 2+5=7. There are the makings of a Jim Carrey movie in this.

Brewer is on the right track, but she's missing the big picture: Michael Jackson ain't Seven. He's Six. New Wineskins, a blog devoted to guiding us through the End Times, has pegged Michael Jackson as the latter-day incarnation of the Golden Calf, because we all worshiped him yesterday on the exact 3,322nd anniversary of the creation of the actual Golden Calf from the Bible:

Tammuz 16 [July 8th] was the 40th day following the Giving of the Torah at Mount Sinai, and the people of Israel wrongly expected Moses' return from the mountain (he would actually return on the following day). When their leader failed to return, they demanded from Aaron: "Make us a god that shall go before us". Hur (Moses' nephew, the son of Miriam and Caleb) tried to stop them and was killed by the mob. Aaron fashioned a calf of molten gold.

MJ's golden-coffin funeral, idolized by (perhaps) billions. The service began (in LA) just after sundown Israeli time. In other words: Tammuz 16, aka July 8th.

Oh yeah—did we mention that Michael Jackson's coffin was made of gold!? According to Wikipedia, here's what happened with the real Golden Calf, which some Jewish people started worshiping after Moses brought down the Ten Commandments from Mt. Sinai and then disappeared for a while, back in the Bible-times:

Moses burnt the golden calf in a fire, ground it to powder, scattered it on water, and forced the Israelites to drink it.... Moses then gathered the sons of Levi and set them to slaying a large number of men (3000). A plague struck the Israelites.

So be prepared for whoever the modern-day Moses is—we're thinking Larry King, maybe?—to force a vile slurry of Michael Jackson's cremated remains down your throat and then kill 3,000 Armenians, or something. And then we'll all get swine flu.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.If you think prophesies and numerology and such are the lunatic fantasies of marginalized and lonely people, you're not listening to the mainstream media enough. Take this CNN report, from the day of Michael Jackson's death:

A Prophetess by the name of Terri Smith-Little prophecy that she did not think that Michael Jackson would live long. This prophecy was recorded I still have the cassette. Over the years I have always thought about the prophecy,June 25,2009 this prophecy comes to pass.

That's from CNN correspondent "bgilbreath" on the network's iReport site, which is reserved for breaking news. OK, ok. It's a nutjob that CNN decided, in the name of user-generated-social-networking hysteria and desperation, to provide a platform for. But in the realm of actual news media, USA Today actually entertains the question of whether Michael Jackson is a contemporary incarnation of the Golden Calf. They don't really know for sure. We'll all find out soon enough.