"Protein Cheerios"--Are Bullshit!!
Now there is a product for sale called “Protein Cheerios” and—surprise—it is not a good source of protein, for you, the consumer.
Campbell's Has a New Product For Every God Damn Food Trend
Food product conglomerate Campbell's is having a shaky year selling food products, which the company blames on a "seismic shift" in how people eat. Campbell's solution: to grab onto every last trendy food trend and ride those babies till the wheels fall off.
Motherfuckers Just Want Protein, Any Protein
Americans, who value both rippling muscles and a staunch philosophy that science is the devil, will purchase and consume anything emblazoned with the word "PROTEIN." And it's not just us—the whole world is crazy about these amino acid compounds!
High Protein Diets Make You Look Good, Kill You
Americans do not remember anything from chemistry or biology class, but they will damn sure buy anything that contains "protein," because I think it gives you muscles? Sadly, it appears that high protein diets may also cause you to die.
The advertising slogan "Got Milk?" is being retired. The new milk advertising slogan: "Milk Life," which is supposed to "make that connection between milk and protein." Americans love protein, as well as milk-themed pornography, and the milk industry needs to evoke those unique selling propositions. Milk Life™.
Tetris Cures PTSD, and Other Things Scientists Claim Are True
Dog treatment! Nail chemicals! Tetris PTSD! Obesity bro advice! Birth control stroke! Exercise cancer! ADHD skyrockets! Protein benefits! Kids stress! Lady gout! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—traumatically!
Hardcore Doesn't Come in Powder Form
Pain and fitness! Functional food! Indecision! Horseback yoga! Expensive obesity! Tai chi danger! Protein facts! Too much sweat! And pure inspiration! It's your Tuesday Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—with a straight face, and back!
