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more about #athletes more comments → rubyruby: There's a CDC initiative out there to get kids to cut their sugar / HFCS- sweetened beverages by 5% per year, or four gallons per year. That math mea... more » Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate: Those pants are why Fat Bastard wears a kilt. #fitness more » Claire Buoyant: That cigar in his left hand just really completes the picture. #fitness more » Richard Petty Bourgeoisie: I think I saw the bigger fella on that program where they show footage from a mini night vision camera that's pointing up from inside a toilet to show... more » scroll_lock: You can redeem two six packs of the new Coke cans for $10 off a coronary bypass at participating cardiologists. #fitness more » scroll_lock: Black socks would be much more slimming to his legs. Also, from the waist down he's shaped like that Heart monster on Bugs Bunny. #fitness more » Thatcornellguy: from a distance the fat man kind of looks like a hot fudge sundae. #fitness more » goetz: Do these soda cans come in black, with vertical stripes? #fitness more » Tremonius: I used to consume one solid quart of gelato, but not at one sitting. Heavens, no. I would scoop it out for a while, stand up, sit down, continuing sco... more » Swifter: The only "news" topic Americans really care about any more is innovative ways to lose weight and become superhuman athletic "champions," in order to g... more » badasscat: Yes, but the real question is, can Obama dunk? more » leonleonleon: Wait, is that the official White House Theme Music? Shaft has become President more » CaptainFantastic: "Steve Kerr-like" tag = Awesome. Also: no Fletch basketball dream on Youtube? more » If_I_Had_a_Poodle: oh barry ... so awesome in so many ways more » cdmunch: Strange that the White House has a basketball court (and only a half-court at that!). They really should have some cool backboard with a presidential ... more » -
#trendwatch
America Pursues Fitness Through Pseudoscience
The only "news" topic Americans really care about any more is: Innovative ways to lose weight and become superhuman athletic "champions," in order to get sex. Alas, we only try to achieve this by scientifically repackaging snack foods. And perfume. More » -
#stevekerrlike
What is Barack Obama, Some Sort of Basketball God?
The government has de-classified this video of Barack Obama shooting hoops with some women today, proving he NEVER MISSES, and is therefore irresistible. Did fellow diverse basketball star "Tiger" Woods teach the president his secrets? More » -
#paparazzi
'Shooting' War: Tom Brady and Gisele's Hired Thugs Protect Mag Exclusive With Gunfire
Paparazzi life is war! Two photographers who were trying to photograph Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen's wedding ceremony in Costa Rica say the couple's bodyguards shattered their car window. With a bullet, from a gun! More » -
#ohmom
Michael Phelps' Mom Gives Book Excerpt to Enemy News Outlet
Hold on to your frumpy Chico's fashions: Michael Phelps' mom has written a tell-all book! Star has an exclusive excerpt. Can you guess why that fact alone is very, very strange? More » -
#nightlife
Sean Avery to Be Owner of Club, Not Bouncer or Interior Designer
Vogue-interning hockey star Sean Avery is opening a Tribeca "sports bar meets country club" with the proprietor of drug-free downtown nightspot the Beatrice Inn. A joke about Avery, Josh Hartnett, and coke goes here. [NYO] -
#drugs
Michael Phelps: 'We All Know What You And I Are Talking About'
The swimming fella Michael Phelps was on the Today show this morning talking about his BONG SCANDAL, now that everyone has stopped caring. He's not saying what he did but he won't do it again*. More » -
#publicrelations
Michael Phelps Assures China: Mazda is Better than Weed
Ha: Mazda, the corporate owner of merman Michael Phelps, made Phelps apologize to the entire nation of China for inhaling THC-laden smoke, from a bong. Just imagine the devastating effects that had, on China. More » -
#higherlearning
Inside The Michael Phelps College Doofus Party
Who took that photo of dolphin-boy Michael Phelps hitting a bong? Who cares? It's no worse than that photo of you in college, licking liquid acid off a naked mule. But the media is investigating! More » -
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#endorsements
Subway Distancing Themselves from Michael Phelps, Too (Fools)
Kellogg dumped merman Michael Phelps after finding out he smokes weed, even though everyone knows Frosted Flakes are so good, toasted. Now it looks like Subway—also great toasted!—is making the same mistake. [Update: Subway statement.]
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#advertising
Michael Phelps Sponsors Are Chill About the Weed
So far, so good: Speedo and watchmaker Omega said they're keeping endorsement deals with Michael Phelps, despite pictures of the champion swimmer smoking pot. But he must pretend to quit weed forever. More » -
#marketing
Michael Phelps Must Embrace His Inner Rock Star, However Imperfectly
Oh no, Michael Phelps and the demon weed marijuana! He's going to lose all his endorsements and his motivation, besides! Relax, people. This can all work out to the advantage of his nerd-ass reputation.
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#tragedy
Knick Star's Awful '09: Baby's Mother Murdered
Good lord. New York Knicks center Eddy Curry was hit with a shady gay sexual harassment lawsuit earlier this month. And yesterday the mother of his child was murdered, in front of the child. More » -
#tabloids
Shady 'Gay' Athlete Sextortion Allegations: NY Post Wins
Ohmigod, in an NYC sports-related tabloid scandal even bigger than the Pedro Martinez cockfighting video—made better by the distinct possibility of being totally false—a New York Knick has been accused of being gay (for dudes!): More » -
#lennydykstra
Athletes Can Wreck Magazines, Too
Lovable, tobacco-spewing former ballplayer Lenny "Nails" Dykstra is having serious problems at his new ballplayers-with-money magazine Players Club. Proving you don't have to be a media professional to run a magazine into the ground: More » -
#yourefired
Sean Avery Sent Packing For Wack Macking
Listen, kids: Your dream of growing up to be a famous hockey goon and Vogue intern can all be scuttled by obliquely referring to Elisha Cuthbert as a cum dumpster. Sean Avery has fallen! More »
