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more about #kidsthesedays more comments → Maxichamp: What is the deal with menthols? It's like smoking cold air conditioned air. more » AzureTexan: I don't know about you guys, but I really miss the Very Berry Opioids and the Tutti-Frutti Phenobarbitol. more » braak: You are, as usual, completely correct.: Also, can we finally start tracking gym classes? I get that there are all kinds of arguments why maybe you shouldn't separate smart kids out from lam... more » kappakappaspankme: At the risk of sounding like Bill Maher (really - it pains me to write this), aside from the complete inertia of today's kiddos, I find fault with all... more » Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate: I remember having to take fitness tests in 6th grade. There were also several recesses a day; long, exercise-encouraged recesses. 7th-12th, we were re... more » Smitros: As a former fat kid (with ongoing large motor skills gaps) I am in favor of this. Teaching physical education and nutrition as the foundation of a hea... more » scroll_lock: I just want to throttle parents who are grossly overweight and have LITTLE kids who are already overweight. The kids probably are destined to remain ... more » BadUncle: so, are they going to put fat kids on their own short - yet wide - bus? more » Botswana Meat Commission FC: That NES controller with with the round directional pad absolutely SUCKED. (I think it was the NES MAX.) In fact, I would go so far as to say the ori... more » misslinda: Having just returned from Europe, all I can say is thank goodness someone is doing something about America's next generation of fatties. There wasn't ... more » Spirit Fingers: Yeah, I'm calling kids today pansies. I can recall several instances of being downright threatened to exercise during school. And probably because of ... more » Swifter: I see you've found a photo of General Winfield Scott IX, commander of the Galactic Infantry and military governor of Tatooine. more » Jim Topoleski: its a combination of a whole lot of things. 1) PE along with art and music is almost always the first thing to be cut. There are schools with good sp... more » DennyCrane: Dad?!?!??? more » PaisleyPajamas: I've often wondered what it would mean for future generations to learn yoga and Pilates rather than dodge ball (a game I loathed) in physical educatio... more » -
#cigarettes
Kids Heed Government's Call to Smoke Menthols
Earlier this year, the US government banned "flavored" cigarettes, saving kids the shame of having to admit decades later that they used to smoke "Kauai Kolada Camels." In the meantime, more kids than ever started smoking menthols. Health policy success! More » -
#trendwatch
How Are We Whipping Our Kids Into Fighting Shape?
If the youth of America don't lose that weight, how will they fare in the deserts of Iraq, waging our 100 Year War of Imperial Conquest? Exactly. That's why schools across the country are literally forcing kids to shape up. More » -
#fierydeath
Pyro Teen Is Hieroglyphic Fiend: Zodiac Copycat Burns School While Cops Turn Fool!
Stuyvesant High School junior Mohammed Hassan was arrested last week for setting fires at school. Sounds like the case is all wrapped up, eh? Wrong. Now there are more fires. And taunting notes! And hieroglyphics! A fiery criminal thrill ride! More » -
#advice
How to Deal With Teens
"A 13-year-old girl won't interact with her long-distance father, and she even called him 'gay' for caring. What's a dad to do?" Point out that she's the gay one, and she looks like a slut. Kids' respect is earned. [WaPo] -
#amazing
Tween Protests Anomie of Modern Urban Life
A 13 year-old Brooklyn boy with Asperger's syndrome got scared of being scolded about school so he spent eleven f'ing days riding the New York subway—alone and undetected—because this world is a cold and heartless place. More » -
#violence
Jude Law Will Hurl Oranges at Any Girl Watching Him Do Yoga
Marble-eyed Englishman Jude Law made the mistake of moving into a condo right next door to an NYU dorm. What are you, Jude Law—dumb? Heh. He deals with female fans by throwing produce at them.
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#jihad
NYU Tolerancemongers Attack Intolerance With Pie
Last week, Forbes columnist and NYU professor Tunku Varadarajan won our Outrage-off for his column about crazy Muslim murderers lurking amongst us. NYU radicals have struck back with a revolutionary pie-ing of Varadarajan's Islamaphobic allies! More » -
#kidsthesedays
9-Year-Old Outshines Claque of Entertainment Journos at Fantastic Mr. Fox Premiere
Grace McManus is a reporter for Scholastic, and she asked Meryl Streep "the most sophisticated question that anyone in this entire press line has asked," about the difference between voicing and playing characters. Wait, that was my question, too! [P6] -
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#crime
Chicago Cops Cripple Preteen Food Fight Ring
They say when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Likewise, when you call the cops to a middle school cafeteria food fight, they will take 25 kids to jail. It's what they do! More » -
#panic
Fancy Stroller Recall Brings Park Slope to Grinding Halt
Why does the average Park Slope parent enjoy pushing around their vulnerable young children, Daffodil and Ainsley, in a stroller that could, at any moment, chop off their tiny defenseless fingers?
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#schooldaze
Teacher Suspended For Implying Chuck Palahniuk Is Cool
It's the oldest tale in the book of high school cliches: Kids love Cool English Teacher for treating them like adults; administration hates Cool English Teacher for same reason; and then somewhere in there, there's a carrot in the butt. More » -
#parenting
Are You Sufficiently Exploiting Your Child's Looks, For Money?
Raising a child in our modern world can be expensive, what with their constant nagging for new "Gameboys" and "contraception." Fortunately your child's dewy, youthful innocence can be sold off to a modeling agency, for sweet, sweet money.
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#trendwatch
The War on Fat Is a Holy War
America is prepared to sacrifice its own children in order to win the War on Fat, with the help of Jesus, and The Government. More » -
#crime
Utah Authorities Nab McRappin' Teens
Alarmed employees at an American Fork, Utah McDonald's called police when they found a carload of teenagers attempting to "rap" their order in the drive-thru microphone. Authorities issued the hip-hoppers a citation, and the town is calm. For now. [Adfreak] -
#higherlearning
New Teen Craze: 'Responsible Decisionmaking'
God damn teenagers: they're going to (community) college in record numbers. Also they're finishing high school in record numbers, because why not? More » -
#trendwatch
Sex, Drugs, Rock 'n Roll: How Can We Put a Stop to Them?
The generation that brought America sex, drugs, and Rock 'n Roll has had just about enough of you kids and your disgusting dance moves, weed smoking, and loud noise. More » -
#sweetscience
Candy Kids Kill
If you give your kids candy they'll end up in jail, scientists have now proven. More » -
#therealissues
We Will Not Stop Fighting For Kids' Right to Smoke Salvia and Record It
More news on the internet's greatest issue, saving salvia videos on Youtube! Annoying politicians and grown-ups are still trying to ban salvia but do they know what they would be missing out on? It's a good time to review. More » -
#smoking
Kids No Longer in Danger of Smoking Embarrassing Cigarettes
Suck down the last sickly sweet puffs of your precious Warm Winter Toffee Camels, kids, because as of today, flavored cigarettes are illegal in America. Time to move up to the real stuff! More » -
#beeshaffer
Anna Wintour's Daughter Is a Poor Theater Hobo
Bee Shaffer is the daughter of Anna Wintour, Queen of All America. Despite that fact she cannot "find" a "job," allegedly? It's because she keeps it too real, yall. More »
