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more about #swineflu more comments → Lysergic Asset: Come back when you sparkle or can turn into an eagle or some shit. - Most excellent turn of phrase. more » MattGaymon: I was run down by a cab on my way to Buddakhan. I blame myself. more » bowleserised: "laughing at Courtney Love's batshit claim that Britney Spears was molested as a young girl, and the British tabloid who's paying an unnamed female Sp... more » lobstr: In 2003, shortly after Versace's murder, some pals and I were in South Beach walking south when we happened upon a mansion with a spotlight on it and ... more » Hiroine Protagonist: "Hotmess Courtney Love reports that hotmess Britney Spears molested a kid. " This is how rumours start, children. more » AzureTexan: "Glenn Beck's job is to stick his dick in your ear." Aural sex? more » Airvault: Look for "Lil Warry" to blow up big in '10, yo. more » Foster Kamer: 16 items. Bang-bang. more » intime: Reverse cowgirl is only necessary if he's butt-ugly. more » BookishLookish: This is all a moot point if he has a ball gag in place. Just sayin'. more » Claire Buoyant: I guess oral sex is out, since "direct contact with an infected person's mouth...will transmit the virus." more » Atilla the Bun: This was obviously written by a man since it assumes absolutely no foreplay other than possibly a pre-coital bumping of fists and a light upper-arm sq... more » raincoaster: Fist bumping is very popular at the conferences I attend. Not so sure about reverse cowgirl, sadly. Will have to do more research. more » raincoaster: Or you could just have sex with somebody with a surgeon fetish. The masks come in lots of colours! more » i'm a bottle: This chart is useful for separating complete idiots out from the general population. Do you go in for mass hysterias? Yes. Do you blindly follow inf... more » -
#gossiproundup
Britney Spears Was Molested as a Young Girl, According to Her Hotmess Courtney Loves
Hotmess Courtney Love reports that hotmess Britney Spears was molested as a kid. Usher is a girlyman. Captain Scuzzybutt Esq. will make Page Six one day. Natalie Portman's "tits." Barbara Cocoran's PR team. Presenting your late-edition Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup: More » -
#servicey
Reverse Cowgirl Is the Most Swine Flu Resistant Sex Position
Just in time for flu season: Cosmo's guide to making your man's cheeks flush with pleasure, not fever. It should be noted that sex partners you don't kiss may be "high risk" for other contagions. [scan via] -
#writerscompanion
The Swine Flu-Necktie Epidemic: How to Write a Cautionary Medical Article
Everyone's talking about swine flu, which means medical journalists are in high demand. But how do you come up with new angles on something so overplayed and relatively straightforward? More » -
#vitalsigns
Benoit Denizet-Lewis Health Report
Formerdrug-and-sex addict and current writing-about-drug-and-(just!) sex-addiction addict Benoit Denizet-Lewis had the swine flu for eight days. Then he ate bad sushi and got sick. There's a fine how-do-you-do, eh? [BDL] -
#aporkalypsenow
Swine Flu Strikes Cats and Ferrets! What's Next?
If you were planning on taking a feline friend to Des Moines on a sightseeing trip to see whatever the hell is in Des Moines, stop. Cats (well cat, singular actually) there are being struck by the vicious porcine plague.
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#aporkaplysethen
The Great Swine Flu Pandemic of... Six Months Ago
According to the Times, a new CDC study says between 1.8 million and 5.7 million people were infected with swine flu this past spring. Quick: We must travel back in time and warn the past that they weren't panicking enough. -
#health
At Last! Obama Girls Finally Vaccinated
So now you know it's safe to do the same for your kids. Although there is no video footage of this suspicious event, so proceed at your own risk! More » -
#h1n1
Obama Girls Spared Maoist Vaccination Indoctrination
The Swine Flu is either a excuse to declare martial law and enslave the white race, or it is genetically engineered plague with no cure. Either way, isn't it convenient that President Obama's daughters haven't been vaccinated? More » -
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#healthcrisis
Is The Swine Flu Vaccine Gonna Kill Us All? Answer: Just The Youngs
What's more dangerous, the Swine Flu or the Swine Flu vaccine? 'Depends who you ask. Proponent of alternative medicine Bill Maher tried to make his case again this weekend. More » -
#gossiproundup
Stop, Jennifer Aniston, We Can't Keep Up!
Jennifer Aniston's in love with someone, again. Paul McCartney's son's dreams are coming true and dying all at once. Jon and Kate are still deplorable. And Courtney Hazlett calls out Melissa Rycroft. Hoorah! It's your Friday morning gossip roundup! More » -
#videuhoh
Bill O'Reilly Calls Glenn Beck Insane, Glenn Beck Calls His Viewers "Zombies"
Glenn Beck's doing well in the ratings these days. So well, that Bill O'Reilly doesn't mind letting his viewers know what he thinks of Beck, and that Beck doesn't mind letting his viewers know what he thinks of them. Frankness?
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#aporkalypsenow
Swine Flu Officially a Tool of Satan
The deadly Mexican Pig Flu's dirtiest deed yet: Coming between you and the literal body and blood of Christ. You will pay dearly for this, heathen microbe. More » -
#gossiproundup
Tila Tequila Tweets Own Death
Things are getting bad down Tila Tequila way. Claudia Schiffer needs a prayer. And there's gay marriage in a certain Mad Men actor's future. Yes, it's your Tuesday morning gossip roundup! More » -
#aporkalypsenow
Fall's Hottest Accessory: Swine Flu Vaccine
The good news: one shot of tasty swine flu vaccine is all it will take to save you from the dreaded pig virus this year! The bad news: All the medicine is going to special interests. More » -
#hugs
Swine Flu Imperils Times Trend Piece Topic
Is the Times getting cute with us? Months after warning us of the teen hug epidemic they are now asking if teen hugs spread swine flu. More » -
#aporkalypsenow
Swine Flu Targets Colombian President
Like the Costa Rican president before him, Colombian president Alvaro Uribe has the fearsome swine flu. He came down with the symptoms during a meeting with regional leaders. Ha! And they're worried about the American military? [WaPo] -
#aporkalypsenow
We Have Swine Flu to Look Forward To
Right this very minute, trillions of deadly Mexican Pig Flu microbes are just cold chillin' in nooks and crannies somewhere, waiting for the fall flu season, when they will emerge and strike nearly 100,000 Americans dead. Say scientists! More » -
#aporkalypsenow
Which World Leader Has Swine Flu Today?
The President of Costa Rica has swine flu. He vows to "carry out my work by telecommuting"—presumably from the Conde Nast building, which is the Pig Flu World Headquarters. His nation's only hope now: Flying Rabbis. -
#mediacrack
Donny Deutsch, Howard Dean Also Journalists Now
In your woozy Tuesday media column: MSNBC pulls in the crazies for airtime, Gallant former journo beats Goofus current journo, NYT family members catch the swine flu, and the LA Times is all fucked up. More » -
#aporkalypsenow
Swine Flu at the National Geographic Society!
In a clear act of porcine aggression against our nation's geographers, the dreaded Mexican Pig Flu has struck the National Geographic Society. We have the memo. More »
