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MincnglyWhrdL'mer: she could just accidentally bump him over with her bone structure more »
Steverino Begins: Stars Contemplate Suicide vs. Life Without Oprah's Couch more »
Steverino Begins: Antiquated, Fading Pillar Stands Atop Palace more »
Steverino Begins: Tom Cruise Finally Taller Than Citizens of Seville more »
Bos'un's Mate: (redacted) more »
smithhimself: Thank you for this, Brian. What she's really thinking is: "Wow, he really is a midget!" more »
drunkexpatwriter: Maybe she's thinking, "is that cum in his hair or gel?" more »
depardoo: Tiny sentient being stares at a thetan and his consort. more »
TedSez: Vampire Francisco Franco Is Still Undead! more »
Tattertotter: Cameron, thinking: Hmm, was that scene in Vanilla Sky where I told Tom ". . . you came in my mouth, I swallowed your sperm . . ." really the beginnin... more »
Spirit Fingers: Well, obviously, absolutely no one cares about these two people. more »
raincoaster: I don't know why, but I find the idea of Larry Ellison as a Scientologist to be absolutely delicious. #tomcruise more »
resipsaloquacious: Why on earth would Tom Cruise be interested in moving to SF? I mean, economically, geographically or culturally . . . what of SF could possibly be of... more »
raincoaster: Scientific proof. #scientology more »
Mount_Prion: He's invoking Tom Cruise to be physically intimidating? Aren't people on stilts usually present for more humorous occasions? #scientology more »

#opencaption

Push Him Real Good
[Cameron Diaz wonders if anyone will notice if she gives Tom Cruise a shove off the top of the Gothic Palace in Seville, Spain, which they toured on Saturday. Image via Bauer-Griffin]
#midweekmadness

This Week In Tabloids: Jolie & Johnny Destined To Fornicate
Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we take a walk through the celebrity weeklies, in search of entertaining gossip. This week: Britney's beach wedding; Katie's leaving Tom; Angie and Johnny are planning to make out and shower together. Naked. [Jezebel]
#clips

Oprah: 25 Years Of Screaming Celebrities' Names
Television will never be the same after Oprah goes off the air in 2011. If we had a "Favorite Things" list about O, in the top spot would be the way the talk-show host introduces celebrity guests. Mashup at left. [Jezebel]
#midweekmadness

This Week In Tabloids: Jen Waits For Brad To Text; Tom's Secret Scientology Van
If it's Wednesday, it's Midweek Madness, in which Margaret and I comb through tabloids, untangling knots of gossip! This week: Aniston's unprotected sex with Mayer while waiting for Brad; Tom Cruise's creepy black van; Twilight fanfic. [Jezebel]
#midweekmadness

This Week In Tabloids: Angelina's Adoption & Drug Rumors; Tom Talks To Ashtrays
Every Wednesday, we gobble up the tabloids in search of "news." This week, four out of five covers feature Angelina Jolie, with more about her pending adoption, her idyllic life in France and her cruel, hypocritical behavior. [Jezebel]
#surrealestate

San Francisco Braces for Gen. Tom Cruise to Move In (And Perhaps Lead Scientology Offensive)
There's a rumor circulating in the San Francisco press and real estate community: Tom Cruise just bought an $18 million mansion in town. An overgrown pied-à-terre wouldn't be too terrifying — except for that local Scientology expansion drive. More »
#awesomethings

Scientology Revelations: 'Presentation Drills,' Beatdown Offerings, and Tom Cruise's Audit Sessions
More juicy revelations courtesy of Marty Rathbun, the defector who's going all-out with deep insiders' knowledge of Scientology. This time, it's Tom Cruise: he offered to give deviant members a beatdown, and that "drills" were performed whenever he was oncoming. More »
#gossiproundup

Dina Lohan: Lindsay Punched Me in the Face
Dina Lohan recounts corporal punishment at her daughter's hands, Tom Cruise converses with doorknobs, and footage of Joanna Krupa at Snoop Dogg's Girls Gone Wild party surfaces. Come, stroke the supple hide of Friday's gossip. More »
#scientology

Tom Cruise Controls Books and Bottles with His Mind
Tom Cruise! He is so crazy, what with the Scientology madness. It's been so long since we heard examples of his craziness. Thank god there is a new tell-all book! In which Tom Cruise controls inanimate objects, with brainwaves. More »
#greatescapes

Tom Cruise's Wedding Cook Exposes Scientology's Scary Retention Practices
Ruh-roh. The St. Petersburg Times—Scientology HQ's hometown paper and perpetual investigative thorn in their side—has unleashed another scathing report on the religion. This time, it's on the lengths they'll go bringing deserters back, including Tom Cruise's wedding chef. More »
#scaredstraight

Anderson Cooper Is a Giant Homosexual and Everyone Knows It
Page Six today has a not-very-thinly-veiled item about Anderson Cooper going on a very gay vacation with his very gay boyfriend who owns a very gay bar. Enough: Anderson Cooper is very gay. It's time he said it. More »
#gambling

Now You Can Make Money When a Celebrity Bolts from Scientology
The Irish bookmaker Paddy Power is taking bets on which celebrity will be the next to turn their backs on L. Ron Hubbard. John Travolta leads the pack at 9:4 odds, and Tom Cruise is at 50:1. Place your markers. More »
#fieldguide

Tommy Davis: Scientology's New Angry, Unstable Pitchman
Tommy Davis, the latest chief spokesman and outraged-interview-cutter-offer for the Church of Scientology, is a callow Hollywood brat, Tom Cruise hanger-on, and "drug revert" who thinks "L. Ron Hubbard is the coolest guy ever." More »
#scandal

French Convict the Church of Scientology of Fraud, Almost Ban It
The haughty, stubbornly secular, French have convicted the Church of Scientology of fraud. Just for pressuring two women to pay tens of thousands of dollars for spurious Scientological products and services! Victimization of religion says this oily spokesman. More »
#scandal

Oscar-Winner Paul Haggis Publicly Resigns From Church of Scientology Over Gay Rights
When it rains, it pours on the Church of Scientology. First, spokescreature Tommy Davis publicly flamed out on his prime time interview. Now, Oscar-winning Crash director Paul Haggis' public resignation from Scientology has leaked. And it's incredibly damning to them. More »
#gossiproundup

The Ulcer-Inducing Career Updates of Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan's career brings out the worst in Jewish Mother impulses. Brad Pitt busts himself up on a motorcycle, LADIES. The Rock shows true colors: stone cold asshole. Sienna Miller, Roman Polanski, Morrissey, Musicals: presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup: More »
#gossiproundup

Bronson Pinchot Thinks Tom Cruise Is Weird
Onetime TV star Bronson Pinchot has some not-so-nice things to say about Tom Cruise. Fate will bring Octomom and Jon Gosselin together. Salman Rushdie is still pining for Padma. Presenting your Tuesday morning Gossip Roundup! More »
#gossiproundup

Tila Tequila Tweets Own Death
Things are getting bad down Tila Tequila way. Claudia Schiffer needs a prayer. And there's gay marriage in a certain Mad Men actor's future. Yes, it's your Tuesday morning gossip roundup! More »
#opencaption

In a Galaxy Far and Away
[Tom Cruise spots the return of his alien lord Xenu while staring up into the vanilla sky. Image via INF]
#heroes

Miyuki Hatoyama, Japan's First Lady, Would Love To Visit Uranus
We may have a new hero: Miyuki Hatoyama. While boring first ladies like Michelle and Carla like to remain prim and proper, Miyuki enjoys breaking boundaries, like confessing she was kidnapped by aliens. More »

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