PRs - that mysterious and dark breed of fixers, stuntsters and arch media manipulators - have, for more than a century now, been as fundamental to the Tinseltown fantasy as the Hollywood sign itself. They are, according to Borkowski, in his new book The Fame Formula, the hidden gatekeepers of the Hollywood dream machine “who guard its formula, often to the death”

Even today, Borkowski, whose clients have included Michael Jackson, claims that movie publicists are part of a powerful cabal who mostly go unnoticed, who ruthlessly hold the media in their grasp and who “truly understand the dark Conradian soul of man” (ie, our baser instincts).

And the most incredible line of all:

Here, increasingly, the job of the publicist is to tread the fine line between matching a “suitable” journalist with the talent and choosing a craven sycophantic hack who will play the promotional game.

That would be you, Times reporter Kevin Maher! Flack-turned-author Mark Borkowski thanks you for being enough of a sycophantic hack to make his book sound interesting!

Remember, a "Hollywood publicist" is often a guy like this.

[Times UK]

[Big Think]

Who is Rob Shuter? Once upon a time, he was one of the most powerful celebrity flacks in America, repping clients like Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson. Eventually he got fired from his agency, Dan Klores Communications, lost his big clients, and ended up at OK!, which is really where he belongs. What went wrong?

• Shuter planted a fabricated item in Page Six about his client Paris Hilton being attacked at a club by a supposedly "jealous" Zeta Graff. Graff subsequently sued for $10 million, which compelled Shuter to give legal depositions demonstrating his sleazy method of doing business (plant fake shit on Page Six, specifically). It was all very entertaining. Paris Hilton ended up paying $2 million for this transgression.
• He treated his work on behalf of vapid singer Jessica Simpson like he was a Cold War CIA operative behind enemy lines. He planted nasty items about Simpson ex Nick Lachey. Then he decided to help Simpson get some press by fabricating a big romance between her and singer John Mayer. He convinced People and Us Weekly to put the story on their covers, and then made them all look like fools when the celebs themselves admitted there was no big romance at all. In one masterstroke, Shuter had shattered his own credibility (ha), made his own client look like a desperate liar, pissed off fellow celebrity flacks, and, perhaps worst of all, made enemies of some powerful celebrity magazines. He was then fired by Joe Simpson, for all of the above reasons.
• Having established himself as an untouchable dirtbag that no legitimate PR agency would hire and no smart news outlet would trust, Shuter was scooped up by OK!, first in a consulting role and then as entertainment editor. And now as the top guy. Just perfect.

In unrelated rumormongering, there was gossip earlier this year that Shuter may have been somehow involved in a purported FBI investigation of In Touch magazine for "payments to at least one editor in exchange for prominent placement of certain B-list celebrities." Supposedly some shady British cabal of celebrity flacks and gossip reporters was under scrutiny. We hoped Shuter was wrapped up in it! Alas, no evidence ever confirmed the rumors. And to be fair, he even has some admirers among the gossip press, who say he's friendly and witty.

So what will Shuter be doing for OK!? A good guess: helping them continue to spend big with no apparent monetary return. We hear that OK! is the leading bidder in the war for Angelina Jolie's upcoming baby pictures, with a sum rumored to be around $15 million for worldwide rights. That's in line with the magazine's history of profligacy; we also hear that they've yet to turn a profit, despite an investment in the nine-figure range.

And Shuter, the fabricating flack, will fit right in. One of the best quotes I ever heard while working at PRWeek was from an editor at OK! who gushed on and on about how nice the mag was to its friends in PR, summing it all up by explaining, "We work directly with publicists and celebrities themselves to get the real story." Sure. All together now in the race to the bottom.

Anyone with a phone and a computer can hang out a public relations shingle these days. In fact, with today's bloggers and party planners fancying themselves as high-powered PR gurus, just about anyone has. That's why Media Image Consultant MICHAEL SANDS stands out, and away, from this self-absorbed, self-important crowd...

MICHAEL SANDS has been instrumental in helping the Public Relations industry of the '80s transform into Media Consulting in the '90s and evolve into the wide range of competencies that constitute today's Media Image Consulting profession. In fact, he coined the phrase...

For many years, Michael said "Cheese" to the clicks of Nikons...

Michael was photographed for: GQ, ESQUIRE, BRIDE'S, L'UOMO VOGUE, PARADE, TIME, the NEW YORK MAGAZINE, NY TIMES SUNDAY MAGAZINE, and even a few JC Penney catalogues...

Michael knew when it was time to stop saying "Cheese" and start saying "Cheesecake," as in C'est Cheesecake, his successful LA-based gourmet cheesecake business...

Designed and implemented Los Angeles Police Chief Daryl Gates' campaign and slogan "Gates Must Stay", increasing public awareness during the Rodney King incident.

"He's in a meeting."

"That's a great question."

"So good to see you."

"I really don't know."

Anything preceded by the word "candidly."

And from Kevin Mercuri, a senior VP at 5W, comes this email:

"Regarding the Joe Francis entry, don't believe everything you read. Sitrick didn't garner this Sunday's Style piece, the 5W Public Relations team did. We've been placing him on Nightline, Greta Van Susteren and roughly thirty national and regional radio shows every week, and we've been pitching Mareya Navarro and just about every other applicable journalist. I could even connect you with Joe Francis (yes, from Jail) to back up the story that 5W is getting him coverage, not Sitrick."

Wow, thanks! That won't be necessary.

Mathis (who is good at her job) "will continue to be responsible for investor relations, media relations, public relations, community relations, crisis communications, corporate speechwriting, employee communications and the Company's Internet and Intranet sites." She's also won some big-time awards! If you'd like to know more, you can ring up the contact listed on the release—Catherine Mathis!

The New York Times Company Names Catherine J. Mathis Senior Vice President, Corporate Communications and Kenneth A. Richieri Senior Vice President and General Counsel

NEW YORK—(BUSINESS WIRE)—Dec. 13, 2007—The New York Times Company announced today that Catherine J. Mathis, vice president, corporate communications has been promoted to senior vice president, corporate communications and Kenneth A. Richieri, vice president and general counsel, has been promoted to senior vice president and general counsel. Both promotions are effective immediately. Ms. Mathis will continue to report to James Follo, senior vice president and chief financial officer, and Mr. Richieri will continue to report to Janet L. Robinson, president and CEO, of the Times Company.

In making the announcement, Ms. Robinson said, "These appointments reflect the depth of experience and numerous contributions Catherine and Ken have made to our business during their respective tenures."

"Catherine is the consummate communications professional. She has a deep understanding of our business and, under her leadership, we have taken a smart, strategic approach to media and investor relations.

"Ken's breadth of knowledge has served us well for the past 24 years, and his expertise is invaluable to us as the Company continues to execute complex business strategies."

Ms. Mathis will continue to be responsible for investor relations, media relations, public relations, community relations, crisis communications, corporate speechwriting, employee communications and the Company's Internet and Intranet sites. She joined the Company in 1997 as director of investor relations. In 2006 Ms. Mathis was named Communicator of the Year by the New York chapter of International Association of Business Communicators. The award is the chapter's highest award, recognizing integrity and excellence in everyday communications or in response to specific crises or challenges.

From 1992 until 1997, Ms. Mathis was vice president of corporate relations at the Overseas Shipholding Group, Inc. Previously she held various management positions at International Paper Company. Ms. Mathis graduated with a B.S. degree in business administration and an M.B.A. degree in marketing and management information systems from the University of Minnesota.

Ms. Mathis serves on the Board of the National Investor Relations Institute and is president of the Investor Relations Association.

Mr. Richieri became general counsel of The New York Times Company in January 2006. He served as deputy general counsel from 2001 until 2005, and was promoted to vice president in 2002. He served as assistant general counsel for The New York Times Company since January 1993, handling electronic publishing, intellectual property and business issues. Previously, he was senior counsel since 1989. Mr. Richieri joined The New York Times Company in 1983 as legal counsel.

Before joining the Times Company, Mr. Richieri was an associate at Cahill Gordon & Reindel from 1976 through 1982. Mr. Richieri received an A.B. degree in political science from Brown University in 1973 and a J.D. degree from Harvard Law School, graduating cum laude.

Photos of Ms. Mathis and Mr. Richieri are available at: http://www.nytco.com/press/press_photos.html.

CONTACT: For The New York Times Company
Catherine Mathis, 212-556-1981
mathis@nytimes.com
or
Abbe Serphos, 212-556-4425
serphos@nytimes.com

"Later, while sitting in a coffee shop in the West Village—inexplicably one of the only areas in Manhattan Ms. Crosley can comfortably navigate in spite of the spatial dysphasia disorder from which she has suffered since childhood—she politely said she did not find the question of her universal appeal very interesting." Okay; let's talk about your bizarre disease, then.

Indeed, given that "Ms. Crosley appears actually to enjoy the clusterfuck" of media parties, we have a right to know: What is this spatial dysphasia and, more importantly, is it contagious? Following in the grand tradition of Pasteur and Salk and House, let's proceed first to an exact-match Google search, which reveals that one thing "spatial dysphasia" is not is an accepted medical term. Or any other kind of term for that matter. Leon seems to have sort of made it up, actually!

One might fear that the trail ends here. Happily, though, we find that, in addition to personal essays on her butt and her goldfish, Crosley also recently wrote one, for Salon, about her "severe spatial disability." The scene after a seven-year-old Sloane scored in the tart-cart tranche on her first standardized test:

My mother went on to explain my brush with brilliance, my aptitude for geniusness, my general awesomeness, but the school was having none of it. They made me take an IQ test, after which the test administrator announced he had never seen such a right-left brain discrepancy. I was diagnosed with a severe temporal spatial deficit, a learning disability that means I have zero spatial relations skills.

It was official: I was a genius trapped in an idiot's body.

It makes some sense now: "spatial dysphasia" as a phrase of solidarity with "someone else who hid her problems in plain sight...working double-time just to keep up with everyone else's standard of 'normal.'" Now is also when our investigation becomes irretrievably weird, because "recognition dysphasia" is just as non-term a term as the spatial variety. As it turns out, "face blindness" is actually a form of agnosia, which Wikipedia tells us is the "loss of ability to recognize objects, persons, sounds, shapes, or smells while the specific sense is not defective." This might be Crosley's problem with subways and the street grid, but it's definitely not dysphasia.

Truth is, dysphasia is just another word for aphasia, the familiar catch-all term for post–brain damage problems in producing and comprehending language. That's langauge, as in speaking and writing. It is therefore impossible to be a "spatial dysphasic," or a "facial" one. But perhaps Sloane Crosley is in fact an aphasic/dysphasic whose condition prevents her from accurately describing her condition. (Certainly, she appears to have some kind of difficulty communicating normally: "Ms. Crosley...cuts to the chase with editors and writers, and conscientiously tailors her pitches to suit their tastes.") Then again, there's the distinct and unpalatable possibility that Crosley, like so many before her, confused dysphasia with the identical-sounding dysphagia ("difficulty swallowing").

But, let's not work too hard at his; she probably won't be the best person you know in publishing anymore if she ever actually became knowable:

Earlier, an ex-boyfriend had walked by carrying something like four drinks; asked to describe Ms. Crosley, he gave a wistful smile before turning away. "Inscrutable!" he said to no one in particular as he disappeared into the crowd.

The Most Popular Publicist In New York [NYO]

Copperfield and Sitrick's latest press release is in response to last weekend's Seattle Times exclusive that gave some of the seamier details of the grand jury investigation. Copperfield reportedly said he'd help a Seattle woman with her modeling career (oh, aspiring models of the world, please demonstrate better judgment) and "invited her to his isolated $50 million private retreat at Musha Cay, in a tiny string of white-sand islands 85 miles southeast of Nassau, Bahamas."

When she showed up, there weren't any other guests there! And Copperfield allegedly "raped and struck her" during her stay, then threatened her if she went to the authorities.

Not so. say Sitrick and Copperfield! They claim the entire story is false, and as supporting evidence they claim that, contrary to prior reports, the FBI did not seize $2 million from Copperfield's Magic Museum or whatever the hell his presumably wacky Vegas house is called. And FURTHERMORE: Copperfield's attorney "said that Mr. Copperfield is among those rare celebrities
with a blemishless past."

Yeah! He's not like those other rapey celebrity magicians. Like David Blaine or Teller.

David Copperfield's Attorney Says Allegations in Saturday Seattle Times Are False [Newswire]
Grand jury investigates Copperfield allegations [Seattle Times]

To find out, I first talked to one boutique publicist who was shocked, SHOCKED that guests were being pigeonholed in print so crassly. "I've worked at a few agencies and we'd NEVER do this. Even when we were partnered with big companies for projects and parties we wouldn't do it. You have to have people at the doors who know people!"

I wasn't convinced. After all, it just seems so... practical! So I asked a publicist who works at a marketing PR firm that specializes in fashion and retail what she made of the codes.

"Well, there's a lot of ins and outs involved in lists."

"Most companies that do events have lists of people to invite to events, yes. They range from social(ites), to models, celebrities, to everyday people. Most databases, usually you use Filemaker or Microsoft access or something like that so that you can code people (i.e. put them in different categories). Different categories would be something like - Gay, Fashion, Art, Finance, Real Estate, etc. So that you know what group they are friends with, what events they are interested in, what they are appropriate for, etc."

"You can also put notes in that help you when you are culling a list - obviously there are a certain key members of NY society that you want at events, because they get press or because they are very important. Under their notes, it could be married to xxx, lives on UES, these charity interests, wears a size 2 (because you also use this to gift certain 'influencers' things). These are your go-to people who get invited to almost all appropriate events, but you also have TONS of fillers, who could be like some cute/fashionable girl who works at Marc Jacobs, who would make the room pretty, plus everyone talks about what events they go to. So maybe her note could be cute, because I mean unless they are important, we want pretty unimportant people over ugly unimportant people."

"I would have to see this list to try to figure out what the codes mean, because I could guess due to what names they are next too. 300, 400, 500 could mean that the one person is in the Top 300 people to invite to a party, and the others are in the Top 400 or 600. Remember if you want 250 people at an event you tend to have to invite 1000."

"Also our clients sometimes ask for specific types of people to come to their events, so it could be we want rich hedge fund guys who live in Soho, so you do a search by finance or hedge funds, then sort by zip code and boo-yah you have that list, but then you also have to invite pretty girls to fill the room and make the hedge fund guys happy and also you want to make it fashionable, so you may through in some gays and fashion people. Doing lists take a delicate balance and it really is harder than it seems, because you have to be careful of your mix if you want people to have a great time, and let me tell you the first things people say is either 'Man there are hot chicks everywhere' or 'Ooh, cute boys,' if its good. And remember when it comes to the top people you have to remember who is friends with who, who hates who, who dated who, etc. Oh and you also have to be careful who you invite because say you have a great event, but only like a z-level socialite/gossip person comes, I would rather not have photos of the event on PMc, if they were only of like Olivia P[alermo] Kristian L[aliberte] or Bridget H[?] or Leven Rambin or someone like that, because it makes my event look crappy and low-brow, so I wouldn't invite them in the first place or would only invite them after I secured like A or B socials."

Chilling, right? Go ahead and imagine, for a second, what you'd be coded. On second thought, it's more like junior high than college, isn't it.

UPDATE: Drew emails to say:

No, that is not true at all.

We will be parting ways with Maxim and Blender very shortly (our doing 100% — after 11 years, it's time to give the incoming regime their due). But otherwise, we still have accounts we've had for a a long while as well as new ones.

Earlier: Drew Kerr Sends Us A Present

So that's who he is. The woman in charge of the party's RSVPs was a tall, tanned publicist named Annabelle Dunne, who used to do PR for the West Village-y fashion designer Catherine Malandrino. She has moved up in the world, to guarding Graydon Carter's interests, and she and her nervous boy-assistant were not interested in letting us in. Annabelle's superior, a woman named Lizzie, had hemmed and hawed about whether we would be allowed in to chronicle the foibles of the overpaid editors and writers that make up the VF masthead, and whether Graydon would be wearing a blue blazer with gold buttons, and whether he would be holding court in the corner of the front room, his hair doing that thing that it always does, and whether there would be a sentry stationed at the entrance handing out glasses of white wine from a tray.

There was! Because they allowed us in for the briefest of moments before Annabel's associate came inside, all apologetic, and asked us to step outside again, because there was one more person Annabelle needed to check with before we could be allowed in, and he was very sorry, but they didn't think they were doing press, and could we just wait one moment? We briefly regretted not taking the chip with tuna tartare on it that had been offered to us in the 30 seconds that we had stood there in the low-ceilinged bar room of the Waverly, trying to get our eyes adjusted to the darkness before we were thrust so cruelly back into the light. Annabelle was on her cell phone; no one wanted to make eye contact with us. As they entered, a young man asked Doug Stumpf whether his book had gotten a bump from the reviews that had recently been published. We recognized him as the same young man we had once seen at another book party, who had told us he was picking up books for "his boss," and told us he was a reporter at Vanity Fair. Funnily, we never saw his name on the masthead! Anyway, he and Stumpf entered the party together.

Then! "David Margolick!" exclaimed one of the publicists, upon that editor's arrival. He seemed both pleased and embarrassed by this show of recognition. It was deceptively warm outside, in a pre-storm humidity kind of way, and we were sweating. Inside had been very nicely air-conditioned.

Annabel returned from the vestibule, where she had finished her phone call, and apologized, but there was no press at the party, really, and we were not going to be allowed in. So we went to Morandi and had a perfectly pleasant drink outside (iced tea for Josh, since he was going boxing afterwards, a glass of wine for me, since I was going home and watching recorded episodes of My Super Sweet Sixteen afterwards), where we discussed how the restaurant is basically like the Italian version of Pastis and maybe Keith McNally just has this, like, build-a-restaurant game on his computer where you just plug in what kind of restaurant you want (French, Italian, American, what have you) and the computer spits something out for you. Next to us was a group of four women who looked like ladies who lunch, except it was dinner time, and then Betsey Johnson walked in, looking exactly like you would expect Betsey Johnson to look, and she seemed cheerful and like she didn't give a shit about not being invited to Doug Stumpf's book party, anyway.

1996

2006

2007

[Top two images: Getty; bottom: NYSD]

We're so happy for your client that he has managed to snag an appearance on the finale of the Sopranos. And how helpful to know that he is "A SAG, AFTRA and AEA member!" But what the HOLY HECK were you thinking sending out a mass email describing the role he'll play in the SUBJECT LINE OF THE EMAIL? Are you the worst person alive? Do you eat puppies? We'd wish a horrible fate on you, but you already rep Janice Dickinson so that seems to be covered.

GRR!,

The Universe

First, we rang one of Drew's lackeys, who seemed genuinely surprised to hear us ask whether Drew was closing the firm. (Prepare the resumé!) Then he told us Drew was out to lunch. And then he told us he didn't know Drew's cell phone number. How strange!

So we called the main number and were put straight through to Drew himself. (C'mon, kids.)

"We're not shutting down Four Corners at all," Drew said. So there you have it.

And yet. We hear that half Drew's agency left like a month ago, and someone else quit last week—so there aren't even that many people to lay off. But maybe we're wrong! Good publicists, after all, never lie to reporters.

Start date is ASAP, Hours are 9:30 till 7 p.m. (officially) with lunch of course but you work until projects are done and sometimes its till 8 or 9.

We have summer hours. Everyone on the staff rotates. We give 1/2 days on Friday and you get two a month. But you are expected to be on Blackberry and work, you just don't have to physically be in the office. You and the other assistant/coordinator will trade off and give each others responsibilities to each other so you can have that 1/2 day Friday and that is from 2 p.m. on.

The starting salary is 29K with full benefits, health, lots of perks, swag, bonus, and commission. When you work on signing a client with someone at the company other than me, you get a partial commission on the project so you can make more money for Example, if you work with Stacey on a team to sign a new client to the company at your level you would get 5 - 10 percent of the commission. That is part of the incentive plan I have because I have not yet been able to set up retirement for the company. So this is the employee savings plan.

If you help sign a client with me, you get a gift, usually something expensive. I always buy my employees presents.

So that's the deal for the first 6 months to a year. I usually give a raise after 6 months after your second review. You get a three month review and then a six month review. After six months you are eligible for a raise.

I won't lie, it's a little stressful here, but only because we are understaffed. We are looking for a really good assistant who can do the work like, clipping, putting press kits together, messenger, fed ex, press lists, light pitching. And coordinating interviews. Its very hands on.

We split the clients in half. This person would work directly for me and the person we have here works for Stacey. Both coordinators work for me and have to do work on some of the clients but its split in half so that you are not all working on the same clients.

If you want to come in and interview. Let me know

So on this Friday night as I am about to leave the office a few random thoughts: 1 - For those who think business is about luck, for me its quite simple - The more hours I work, the luckier I become. There is no substitute for hard work. 2 - Exercise. I think the best entrepreneurs need to work out and sweat now and then... (I have just started a new workout routine which has me running 6 miles a day 4x a week...)... The sweat allows you to get out emotions which would otherwise be taken out at work... and gives you a chance to reflect (Of course I work out most days at 530 AM)... 3 - Travel is never fun for business... In the last few weeks I have been all over the world, generally on 24 hour intervals... and the cities all look the same for me because office buildings are the same all over the world... That's all folks.

I LOVE MY JOB ! Have I said that lately ? Why ? Because today (and every day I meet great and amazing entrepreneurs).... Cant tell you more than that for today... but today was a great day and I wanted to share... and I don't think people can be great at their jobs if they don't love their jobs.... Passion is a price for success...

In contrast [to Snyder] Bronfman Jr.'s "climb" to the top did not derive from any achievement beyond the fact of his birth.

Bronfman Jr. was born in 1955 and attended prep school in New York City. By choice, his education stopped there. During the ensuing twelve years, Bronfman Jr. dabbled in the entertainment business as a songwriter and produceFailing to distinguish himself, in 1982 he went to work for his father in the family liquor business - Seagram Company Ltd. ("Seagram"). After three months of "training," he was appointed Seagram's Managing Director for all of Europe; two years later, he was made President, House of Seagram (Seagram's marketing department); five years later, he became COO of Seagram Company Ltd.; and, in 1994, he became CEO.

Immediately upon assuming his CEO position, Bronfman Jr. set in motion the demolition of Seagram, by moving its assets into the mercurial world of entertainment, his personal passion, but an industry in which he had no senior-level executive experience. Bronfman Jr.'s decision culminated in one of the great business disasters in North American history.

Bad hair!

Hidden hair!

No hair to speak of! But all are better than whatever Susan's got going on. We didn't even know they made whatever that is anymore.

[Images via PMC]

Dear Friends, My name is David Archer I work for Max Eisen WAIT, before you delete this email please do me a favor and listen to me for a moment. I maybe young and not the sharpest talker in the world but I am trying to do my job in away that will make Max happy. We all know that Max is very old and that he is hanging on to his pride his love which is this business that I am trying to make work for him and me if I am honest. To be perfectly honest with you I don't know that much about being a good business man like Max but I do know a lot about making people happy and I would love to sent this man off the same way he felt when it really took off for him. You should see his face when he gets a call from one of you or a person drops by and see him, he's happy for the rest of the day. That makes me happy because when Max is not happy we know what he's like! He's like the lord when he's is preparing his bride for the rapture! A little bit Horny! (In a non sexual way.) I am asking nothing of you, but Max is asking something of me that I haven't got the heart to do. That's lie to him when you good people say that you don't want to be apart of anything he has to offer. You may not say it but you don't have to. He just wants to feel like he's living and not dying and I can imagine what that is like for him and maybe you can too, because we will all be feeling like life is being sucked out of us soon and maybe its about time we start putting it back into people. That's the way I'd like to go out, what about you? So if you can't make the show tell the MAN himself because otherwise I'm just going to keep calling you up! You can't make me feel like I'm dying because I already die with the lord but you can make me feel like I can't do this job when I know I am doing it already. Hope you see that I am not wanting anything from you but a call to say YES or a CALL to say NO not in so many words please. It is best to call Max after 2pm most days as he likes to read the paper and catch up on all the gossip, you can call me anytime 10am to 10pm most days. Best wishes to you all. P.s. I would appreciate it if this was kept between you and I but I am prepared to lose my job.

I am going to Eva del Barrio Friday as runs end on the 11th it would be nice to put a few faces to the names. By the way I am working on emailing releases to you but the contacts list is not up to scratch, what emails are good, who does what and who who, that sort of thing! I am a perfectionist you see and I like to start the way I mean to go on. If you can't make EVA then we have a great play called MURDER UNCENSORED on soon and the gals will love it as much as the gays love the boys!

Which fashion publicist needs to lay off the fiber? She's using all her spinning powers to try to cover up an embarrassing "accident" at Hiro on Saturday night. Don't worry, dear. We hear Gucci goes great with Depends!

Friends In Need [NYDN]

Update: Peter Shankman responds: "I don't know who would win in a fight - me or Ronn. But I'll race him around the Central Park loop anytime he wants." Up for it, Ronn [sic]?

—-—Original Message—-—
From: peter@geekfactory.com
To: Sent: Mon, 22 Jan 2007 10:24 AM
Subject: Not a pitch. My yearly attempt at Good PR Karma.

Dear XXX,

Consider this an attempt at good karma for a brutally cold Monday morning in New York City. And happily for you, THIS IS NOT A PITCH. So don't delete it right away. It's actually designed to help you.

In a nutshell, I'm inviting you to source my brain. Add me to your email list when you're desperately seeking a quote at 11 minutes to deadline. Call me when something major breaks and you need a comment from an expert. Put me in your rolodex, and feel free to dial. Here's why:

I know a LOT of people. Like, more than you would ever think possible.

I run a PR shop in New York City, as well as a few other companies, and about four years ago, it occurred to me that knowing as many people as I do has GOT to be helpful to the media, right? So I send out this email once a year.

Between the amount of time I travel for business (in excess of 275k miles a year,) the number of boards/advisory boards on which I sit, the amount of clients I have, and the fact that I'm just a talkative but nice, total ADHD 34-year-old entrepreneur, I have a Blackberry bursting at the seams. Add to this my hobbies, (marathon runner, triathlete, amateur boxer, and licensed skydiver) and I float between the most random of worlds, meeting the most random of people.

This isn't about my clients, by the way. In fact, they're the smallest category. Mostly it's people I've become friends/colleagues with in some capacity, who do the most random things. Loss prevention investigators. Adult-entertainment stars who also buy/fix/flip real estate in South America. The guy who manufactures the laces that go in 75% of the world's sneakers. The guy who just beat the rap for trying to BASE jump the Empire State Building. Knitters who only knit with Soy, Bamboo, or Hemp yarn. The Director of Arts Education for the NYC Department of Education - A child psychologist who only works with high risk, suicidal kids A guy with over 5,000 skydives under his belt. A former Navy SEAL who now teaches mortals like me how to stay in shape. The guy who designs solar clothing, that lights up with messages on the back All friends, people I've met on airplanes, or through the randomness that is my life.

I also have some great clients - OpSec Security (the largest anti-counterfeiting company in the world), AirTroductions (a company I started that lets you choose your seat-mate before you get on the airplane - a date in the sky), MomJunction (where moms meet, talk, and get advice on that ball of energy running amok in their home), Helium Report (Consumer Reports for the uber-rich - reviewing private jets and destination clubs instead of chairs and laptops), and a bunch of others. In addition, I throw a good number of events and parties during the year, and am constantly looking for members of the media who would enjoy attending. If that's you, let me know, as well.

Basically, I don't sleep much. (I've been tested for it. My "getting into and getting out of" REM cycles are about 45 to 90 seconds apiece , as opposed to 30 minutes apiece for the normal world.)

Anyhow - source me. That's my offer for this morning. My contact information is below. Add me to whatever rolodex you're currently using, and if I can help in any way, feel free to call.

All the best,

Peter Shankman
CEO
The Geek Factory, Inc.

PS: Don't worry - this isn't a list from which you need to be removed. I won't start sending out weekly updates or anything, I promise. And to answer the second most frequently asked question, I got your name from Media Map, the PR/Journalist tool.

Earlier: If You Watch Only One "Publicist Gets Tased" Clip This Year...

All best,

Gawker

Earlier: Logrolling In Our Time: America's Third To Next Top Model Edition

HOLY CRAP THAT FREAKING HURT!!! [PR Differently, via SPR]

Earlier: Great Moments in "Journalism": Reporter Meets Taser

•Publicist Barbie
She's cute, she's bubbly and she, like, totally thinks the book is the best ever! Of course, she read it! Well, like, she read most of it. Most of the first chapter anyway. But she definitely read all of the flap copy.
•My Publicist Likes to Party All the Time
She's fun to drink with and she ain't bad-looking, but she's better at scoring party invites (and just plain scoring) than scoring a feature or review. And definitely don't expect her to wake up early to accompany your author to his GMA taping.
•PUM - Publicist Until Married
She's organized - at least when it comes to updating her Match.com profile. But she's not in it for the long haul. When you see a ring on her finger and/or notice she's learned a new term she likes to trot out at least 5 times a phone call ("my fiance..."), you'll know it's only a matter of time (seriously, like a year max) before she trades in her stilettos for a spit-up stained Juicy sweatsuit - permanently.
•The Three Ls: Lazy, Lying and... Lazy
These are the squirreliest of the lot. They can talk the talk (who's better at spin than a publicist?) but when it comes down to it, they are sitting in their offices playing solitaire while chatting on their cell phones dealing with their nanny/husband/mom. But while they might be slow to answer authors' voice mails and emails, they're always quick to claim credit where credit isn't due. (And, no, getting mentioned on awesomereadergirl16.blogspot.com doesn't count as a press hit.)
•Overburdened (and Soon to Be Otherwise Employed)
With too many projects on her plate, she barely has time to eat lunch at her desk and she certainly doesn't have the energy to answer your authors' questions. This publicist could be good, hell she could be great, but no one will ever know since soon, she'll be gone. Why slave away for publishing wages when PR is PR no matter what industry pays your bills?
•Still Waters Run Deep
You wouldn't think this woman is the one you want hawking your authors' wares - she's subdued, a little cranky sometimes, and doesn't speak unless spoken to - but set her loose on magazine editors and damn can she sweet talk a couple of column inches out of them.
•One in a Million
Responsive, creative, passionate about books, good with people. This publicist has her shit together, and if she acts like it don't stink, it's only because she's too busy being awesome to care about what people think. If you see her, let us know.

Unsolicited is a brand-new anonymous editor with a chip on his/her shoulder. Yes, somehow we managed to find another one.

So Rubenstein PR is doing something to their phone system, and now their number comes up as 111-111-1111. Which means that every reporter who uses Caller ID to avoid publicists is going to be thwarted. I just picked up my phone thinking maybe someone at the Times wanted to give me a job, and it was just a Rubenstein person.

Talk about heart-crushing disappointment.

Howard Rubenstein Even Spins Your Telephone [Daily Intelligencer]

After Page Six reported how "Atoosa the Hun" had lost several staffers because of her demanding, egocentric ways, she hired crisis manager Mike Sitrick, who also reps R. Kelly, Rush Limbaugh and Barbara Davis. Sitrick said of his client Rubenstein, "We do a lot more than crisis management."

If one is reflected upon by the company they keep, this might be doing Atoosa more harm than good. Also, according to the Sitrick and Company website, the company aims to "achieve the much more difficult task of keeping clients out of the press." For the 'Toos, this may very well be impossible. But if Sitrick's in the business of redefining a woman's soul, we fully stand behind him.

Image Doctor [Page Six]
Earlier: Gawker's Coverage of Atoosa Rubenstein