Over the weekend, the Post's magical resurrection of the Spitzer hooker scandal hit its peak. Instead of taking our advice and either disappearing or becoming a self-sustaining business mogul via pornography (either one of which would make her the master of her own fate and Money$$), Ashley foolishly chose to "get into bed," HEH, so to speak, with the dirty tabloid, in exchange for some "publicity" for her "musical career." It is a trick, Ashley! Give up this "musical" "career" at once and get as far away from the Post as possible!

The paper extracted the following things from the empowered young woman over the weekend:
1. Sexxxy photos.
2. Exclusive debut and video for her craptastic new pop song.

In return they gave her a puff piece calling her a "poster child for redemption." LOL! Oh and an explanatory piece on her tattoos. That too. And the Post's most painful concession (if you're a music critic): A positive review of her new single, "I Feel So Alive Without You." It's in the paper, but not online. That may have been a concession to Dan Aquilante, the critic forced to write this:

Unlike her first single, "Inside Out," a molasses-tempo ballad, this new tune has youth appeal in its complex melody that segues from a rock opening to a poppy chorus and ultimately plays with an unplugged acoustic bridge. Dupre should consider weaving in a quick rap for good measure.

Yes, weaving in a quick rap usually gives these things a touch of class. Aquilante didn't let this mandatory positive review go through without exacting his revenge in the kicker:

Ask any rock star and they'll tell you it's all about hooks, looks and the smarts to know how to take advantage of an opportunity when it falls into your lap — Miss Dupre has an abundance of all three qualities.

References to hookers and lap dances. You see Ashley, this is just the nature of the game. It was actually impressive when you turned down multimillion-dollar porn offers in the wake of the Spitzer scandal and went quiet for a while. What you don't realize, Ashley: the New York tabloid industry is shadier than the porn industry. And the tabloids don't even pay you.

"THE DEMON OF SCREAMIN IS NOT DEAD.

Yes it's true my dad walked the wrong way and landed on his head. He broke his left shoulder and had to get a few stitches on his noggin.

He is now at home resting and will be back on his feet just as soon as he can to rock the world once more."

Wonderful, no? That's how you give a press release. Meanwhile, E! found footage from the fall, which is simply funny.

It resulted in a few stitches and probably a few canceled tour dates. So goes the perils of being a crazy-old-rock-star who's still kicking and screaming and doing the twirly dance like you always did. While a few amyl nitrates would normally clear this kind of thing right up as recently as ten years ago, sadly, the wear-and-tear of rock star aging requires more than a few poppers. So it goes. Getting old, like falling in love, is hard on the knees.

The Quoted Ones:
Andre Leon Talley – Editor at Large.
Grace Coddington – Creative Director.
Designers: Karl Lagerfeld, John Galliano, Nicholas Ghesquiere.
And Bernard Arnault, Chairman of LVMH.

If you thought you might be quoted, but you're not on this list: Sorry. Take heart, though. There's much more to learn about Anna in the last two days!

• Anna reveals why she wears sunglasses: "I can sit in a show and if I am bored out of my mind, nobody will notice . . . At this point, they have become, really, armor." That's thoroughly unsurprising.
• Anna gave a public interview at the 92nd St. Y this week which cause fashionistas to pass out in paroxysms of overwhelmedness just by its mere existence! PETA protested her for being a fur-wearing murderess, but she totally shrugged it off to the delight of the crowd!
• Here's a fairly complete transcript of the the interview. Let's pull out one interesting bit, shall we?
  Q: You've said it's time to move on from a job when you get too angry. Are you getting to the point where you're thinking about other options?
  A: Well, mostly I'm thinking about the next day. I think that I have the best job in the entire world. To be honest, I don't think I'd be very good at anything else!
  Anna I think you would be a great schoolmarm or foreign policy analyst so don't give up, ever!

Here's the preview clip of her 60 Minutes appearance. In which she is in charge:

Even celebrities are scared to ring the closing bell now. On Monday, when the market dropped almost 800 points:

The actress Missi Pyle, who appeared as the buxom alien Laliari in the cult hit “Galaxy Quest” and is currently on Broadway in the French farce “Boeing Boeing,” said on Tuesday that she had “decided to let the day be about the market and not about having a celebrity ring the bell.”

Ha, well at least she has a decent PR person. The stock exchanges themselves say to the Times, Oh yea dude, we still have like a ton of celebrities and athletes and executives who want to come ring our bell, no problemo. But one flack accurately calls it "a little bit like being asked to blow the foghorn on the Titanic." And the company that did ring the opening bell that terrible Monday? They're, uh, satisfied:

While chagrined at the day’s events, executives at Duff & Phelps take some heart that because of electrical glitches, the bell never actually rang on Monday. “We didn’t actually open the worst day in recent history,” said Marty Dauer, a spokesman for the company. “And that is fortuitous for us.”

See, Julia has actually prospered (in a publicity sense, okay?) by not following the advice of PR agencies:

For instance, one PR company that I met with advised me not to give any more interviews after the Wired piece came out. They said, ‘Your reputation is atrocious and the only way to redeem is to stop talking to the press.' That just didn't ring true to me. I thought, ‘Yes, I'd made some mistakes, and talking to Gawker at certain points has been not smart.' But ultimately, I think that saying yes to things is smarter than saying no to things. But it depends on what you want to achieve obviously.

Most PR agencies want to keep their clients from looking ridiculous, which would entail Julia not doing what Julia does. But her wisdom—which paid advisers fail to grasp—is that, in this wild world, the microfame-to-macrofame road is not supposed to be smooth; it just needs to be 51% positive:

The best way to handle bad press is to overwhelm it with other press. If you try to refute, and think that's an effective way for that to go away, it's not. All it will do is increase that particular angle in your Google search. The only way to deal with is to keep on going and take in other press for good things. I wouldn't have the Wired cover if it wasn't for Gawker, but Gawker has also closed a lot of doors for me. But if someone wants to be a well-known writer, I can't say that I'd recommend that strategy.

She'll be on retainer at Edelman before you know it.

[PRWeek]

• "Two of Mr. Laswell's songs will be played overhead in Courtyard by Marriott lobbies and on the hotels' Web site."
• "The singer-songwriter has been a spokesman for Apple Inc.'s GarageBand software, showing off how to use the technology to record songs on a laptop."
• "His songs are being played before the previews at large movie theater chains like AMC Entertainment Holdings Inc. and at Landmark Theaters' art houses."
• "This summer, an online Pepsi and Amazon ad will feature an MP3 player with images of Mr. Laswell."
• "Indeed, Mr. Laswell's songs have been featured in two movies and 11 TV shows, including 'Grey's Anatomy'"
• "Mr. Laswell's EP, released in March to promote the July record, became part of the Artist Discovery Series of Whole Foods Markets Inc., where customers in grocery checkout lines saw him compared with EMI Group's Coldplay."

As long as he stays indie.

[WSJ]

"We're trying to resuscitate this franchise from the fucking cellar!"

We kid, we kid. We applaud Ed Norton for his willingness to poke fun at the public and industry perception of him (and also for not caving into the pressure to turn this into an unbearable "I'm Fucking The Hulk" sketch). And while we would've liked to have seen him add a bit of pseudo-intellectual heft to the normally inane talk show publicity circuit, it's worthwhile to note that he did hit the red carpet at the film's premiere and resisted the urge to heckle Liv Tyler when she botched Coldplay's name at the MTV Movie Awards. And while we doubt that the lack of Norton on Letterman made any real dent in Fanboy Nation's appetite to cream their purple jean shorts at the multiplex this weekend, there is one question that remains unanswered that would make for the journalistic score of the first-half of 2008: what does Ed Norton really think of the film?

• Jimmy Kimmel Live! [ABC]

Perez Hilton for Hot Topic

The various items in Hilton's much-ballyhooed clothing line (for chintzy, Clearasil-smeared clothing chain Hot Topic) were criticized for many by being ugly and ridiculous. Which is not true. They are heinously ugly and ridiculous. But the people who read his blog and care about his personality enough to actually think about buying the clothes are stupid so the line could very easily sell well. Plus, Perez has been doing a tour of Hot Topic stores, where the clothing is sold exclusively, doing autograph signings and posing for photos in front of the crappy clothes hut. Though, apparently the appearances aren't going well so far. No one showed up! Because nobody cares. It's another story of internet fame being not quite the same thing as actual real-life fame. Plus, a commenter on Perez's blog says he was horrible:

Hello- I work at the HOT TOPIC where this piece of shit appearted on friday ( I was not working that day but showed up for shit n giggles ) ONLY 7 people showed up.SEVEN.That's it.Mario was BEYOND upset texting and DEMENDING the right water,food,ETC he was a rude royal pain in the ass and BEYOND crass.Talking about scat porn,fisting some kid and otherbest left unsaid topics.My manager was trying to get people to come in to meet Perez by handing out $5 gift cards NO ONE WANTED TO MEET HIM! His mother and sister were there and he seemed to take it out on them (they are both fat BTW and smelled nasty!) anyways he left around 8:45PM without saying goodbye to anyone & looked like he had been crying like the little bitch he is. We sold a grand total of $6.45 of Perez Hilton items between 6PM - 9PM. My manager has already talked about discounting his "line" !

The credibility of this anonymous commenter is not terribly high, obviously, but if it is true it's funny and a little sad and mostly gross (scat!) But Perez's PR person has a different story! He sent us an email yesterday:

I know you guys will write what you want, with out any research but I wanted to let you know that this article is no true at all.

I'm helping launch (along with Hot Topic) Perez's new line. We were all very pleased with the turn out, over 100 people showed up to meet and purchase Perez's new line at the Hollywood and Highland Hot Topic Store. The pictures shown on your site are not accurate. Perez was excited to meet his fans and sign autographs. Everyone from the manager of Hot Topic to a "first day of work" employee stayed to meet Perez after fans left. Perez (Mario) stayed late to hang out with them all and personally thank them for their support, taking pictures, signing personal autographs and getting to know them better.

Perez at Hot Topic clothing line is selling very well at all Hot Topic stores.

Who to believe?? Well, it's probably somewhere in between the two, but either way it doesn't seem like a terribly auspicious beginning to the endeavor. If the line really was selling well and a good time was being had by all at the meet-and-greets, we doubt this flack would bother trying to correct us. We asked the PR drone to provide some, you know, proof that the event was such a success, but they only meekly pointed to this Perez post, which doesn't exactly show a big crowd. It mostly just shows that people who like Perez Hilton are crazy people.

Perez the Record Executive

Remember when we said, one sentence ago, that people who like Perez Hilton are mostly crazy people? That rings true for those fans who turn to Perez for music advice. But there are, sadly, so many of them that, like a pasty young Oprah, he has turned into a man who can actually break new bands. So Warner Bros. is paying him $100,000 a year to do so. At least he's keeping his ethical code strict:

If Mr. Lavandeira sets up formal ties to a record label, can he still be an objective taste-maker? He seems to think so. In an interview last month, he said he would still have the freedom to rave about artists on rival labels and had no obligation to praise acts on Warner Brothers' roster...

"There's no need to trash them," he added. "Unless they do something stupid."

This is pocket change for Warner Bros., but quite a coup for the legitimacy of Perez. Also a sad statement on sheep-like musical tastes of the masses, but whatever. That's the internet for you.

Perez the Musical

An obnoxious blogger play? An inherently bad idea, but probably the most stunning sign of all of the pudgy man's brand power. Why? Because he didn't actually produce it himself. Three otherwise sane young men who paid good money to attend NYU's Tisch School of the Arts are rolling out the play Perez Hilton Saves the Universe (or at least the greater Los Angeles Area) in New York, off-Broadway. Pretty smart move from a business perspective though, because their appeal to his vanity got posted on his site, which is like a quadrillion dollars worth of free PR for what can only be—at best—a sedating way to spend two hours.

Hot Topic, Warner Bros., some random dudes in New York. Do you see the common theme here? All of these Perez-branded products might end up sucking, but that's not really the point. The point is that he's his own publicity machine, which makes him bankable. Until interest inevitably wanes, and Perez is left alone, in a Hot Topic shirt, listening to club music alone.

"If anyone has any clues to who would do this, some of the messages were quite personal, and therefore seems to narrow the prankster down to someone who knows me. If you weren't effected please disregard this message."

[pics via NYT. PETA is mostly okay!]

To promote the book, Mr. Frey will eschew typical bookstore readings for events at rock venues. He will appear at the Blender Theater in New York, Whisky A Go Go in L.A., and Slim's in San Francisco. At each venue, he will have music and a light show, with images from "Wives, Wheels, Weapons" projected on a screen while he reads. At the San Francisco and L.A. readings, local heavy metal bands will perform.

Members of the Hell's Angels will handle security at the events, in what Mr. McWhinnie described as an allusion to the infamous 1969 concert at the Altamont Speedway, in which fighting between members of the crowd and the Angels led to one fan's being stabbed to death. Presumably Mr. Frey will not attempt to carry the historical echo that far, but who knows? Perhaps he can stage an altercation and use it as grist for his next book.

[NY Sun]

"Mr. Gessen, 33, boyishly handsome and possessing the self-assurance of a writer twice his age, has never had an easy relationship with literary fame, even as he has gradually amassed it." [NYT]

We'll let someone else investigate Grayson's charming encounter with teen sex. The only thing we desire is for Dumbo to consider our teen sex manuscript, It Happened One Puberty, as they promise below.

Cool Brooklyn book publisher looking for cool 18-25yo hipsters to blurb our cool forthcoming book of sex stories for teens. We will send you a PDF of the book and ask for a blurb & headshot for advertising, website, publicity. Tiny honorarium of free books and our guarantee to read and consider your own book manuscript for publication. Our books have been reviewed in Phila. Inquirer, Kirkus, Hipster Book Club, Florida Book Review, etc. You must be cool-looking, smart-looking. Minorities encouraged to apply. Under 18, must have parents' permission!

Say what you want, but their support of people of color demands respect. Strike that, cool people of color.

Commentor: ms2fab (same IP as Gena and Amanda): Secrets out, is hollywood a new game? I love this show pop fiction, i think its awesome not only for the celebrities to be getting back at papparazzi, but also showing us, the vieweres, that we shouldn't honestly believe everything we here is true!! Incase any of you missed this show, heres a link to a clip that showed what happened a bit, check it out next sunday on E! to see what other stories we have learned to believe is not true!! Why not let the celebrities have their own fun with us,, we are so quick to be able to get a littl epeep into their lives and are the ones obsessed with these kind of things. Billiant Ashton! Absolutely Brilliant! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L...h? v=LiIJczDRd00

THE THREE SIX MAFIA STRIP CLUB TOUR SCHEDULE, SO IF YOU ARE ON EVEN A CRAPPY LITTLE LOCAL PAPER AROUND HERE YOU BETTER START BRAINSTORMING QUICK, FELLA:

Tennesse 3/17, 3/18, 3/19

Jackson, MS
3/20

Birmingham, AL
3/21

Atlanta, GA
3/22, 3/32, 3/24

Tucson, AZ
3/29

San Antonio, TX
3/30

Texas
3/31, 4/1, 4/2, 4/3, 4/4

Chicago
4/10, 4/11

Lake Forest, Il
4/12

Detroit, MI
4/13

St. Louis, MO
4/14

A blogger at The Syndicate raised the question when he stumbled across a huge billboard for Simmons' show going up in downtown Manhattan yesterday. We all know that sex tapes have been strategically leaked for publicity purposes before—sometimes by the celebrity themself, to jumpstart a flagging career, and sometimes by their more anonymous partner, to grab a turn in the spotlight.

On his own website, Simmons said of the tape, "You may have heard or seen garbage that has sprung up from my past. Rest assured the proper legal team is looking at all ramifications and options." But that vague statement would of course not preclude any covert plans to put him in the news on the eve of his show's debut.

And the whole premise of Family Jewels is that Gene is a big-time swinging ladies man who manages to have an "unconventional family" as well. Wacky! It's basically a poor man's version of The Osbournes. So a sex tape could be a nice tie-in. Of course, there's absolutely no way to confirm something like that, unless some new information came out. So it will remain an odd coincidence of timing. If it had been planned, it would have worked like a charm; watch this clip and feel your anticipation rise!