Even celebrities are scared to ring the closing bell now. On Monday, when the market dropped almost 800 points:

The actress Missi Pyle, who appeared as the buxom alien Laliari in the cult hit “Galaxy Quest” and is currently on Broadway in the French farce “Boeing Boeing,” said on Tuesday that she had “decided to let the day be about the market and not about having a celebrity ring the bell.”

Ha, well at least she has a decent PR person. The stock exchanges themselves say to the Times, Oh yea dude, we still have like a ton of celebrities and athletes and executives who want to come ring our bell, no problemo. But one flack accurately calls it "a little bit like being asked to blow the foghorn on the Titanic." And the company that did ring the opening bell that terrible Monday? They're, uh, satisfied:

While chagrined at the day’s events, executives at Duff & Phelps take some heart that because of electrical glitches, the bell never actually rang on Monday. “We didn’t actually open the worst day in recent history,” said Marty Dauer, a spokesman for the company. “And that is fortuitous for us.”

See, Julia has actually prospered (in a publicity sense, okay?) by not following the advice of PR agencies:

For instance, one PR company that I met with advised me not to give any more interviews after the Wired piece came out. They said, ‘Your reputation is atrocious and the only way to redeem is to stop talking to the press.' That just didn't ring true to me. I thought, ‘Yes, I'd made some mistakes, and talking to Gawker at certain points has been not smart.' But ultimately, I think that saying yes to things is smarter than saying no to things. But it depends on what you want to achieve obviously.

Most PR agencies want to keep their clients from looking ridiculous, which would entail Julia not doing what Julia does. But her wisdom—which paid advisers fail to grasp—is that, in this wild world, the microfame-to-macrofame road is not supposed to be smooth; it just needs to be 51% positive:

The best way to handle bad press is to overwhelm it with other press. If you try to refute, and think that's an effective way for that to go away, it's not. All it will do is increase that particular angle in your Google search. The only way to deal with is to keep on going and take in other press for good things. I wouldn't have the Wired cover if it wasn't for Gawker, but Gawker has also closed a lot of doors for me. But if someone wants to be a well-known writer, I can't say that I'd recommend that strategy.

She'll be on retainer at Edelman before you know it.

[PRWeek]

• "Two of Mr. Laswell's songs will be played overhead in Courtyard by Marriott lobbies and on the hotels' Web site."
• "The singer-songwriter has been a spokesman for Apple Inc.'s GarageBand software, showing off how to use the technology to record songs on a laptop."
• "His songs are being played before the previews at large movie theater chains like AMC Entertainment Holdings Inc. and at Landmark Theaters' art houses."
• "This summer, an online Pepsi and Amazon ad will feature an MP3 player with images of Mr. Laswell."
• "Indeed, Mr. Laswell's songs have been featured in two movies and 11 TV shows, including 'Grey's Anatomy'"
• "Mr. Laswell's EP, released in March to promote the July record, became part of the Artist Discovery Series of Whole Foods Markets Inc., where customers in grocery checkout lines saw him compared with EMI Group's Coldplay."

As long as he stays indie.

[WSJ]

Perez Hilton for Hot Topic

The various items in Hilton's much-ballyhooed clothing line (for chintzy, Clearasil-smeared clothing chain Hot Topic) were criticized for many by being ugly and ridiculous. Which is not true. They are heinously ugly and ridiculous. But the people who read his blog and care about his personality enough to actually think about buying the clothes are stupid so the line could very easily sell well. Plus, Perez has been doing a tour of Hot Topic stores, where the clothing is sold exclusively, doing autograph signings and posing for photos in front of the crappy clothes hut. Though, apparently the appearances aren't going well so far. No one showed up! Because nobody cares. It's another story of internet fame being not quite the same thing as actual real-life fame. Plus, a commenter on Perez's blog says he was horrible:

Hello- I work at the HOT TOPIC where this piece of shit appearted on friday ( I was not working that day but showed up for shit n giggles ) ONLY 7 people showed up.SEVEN.That's it.Mario was BEYOND upset texting and DEMENDING the right water,food,ETC he was a rude royal pain in the ass and BEYOND crass.Talking about scat porn,fisting some kid and otherbest left unsaid topics.My manager was trying to get people to come in to meet Perez by handing out $5 gift cards NO ONE WANTED TO MEET HIM! His mother and sister were there and he seemed to take it out on them (they are both fat BTW and smelled nasty!) anyways he left around 8:45PM without saying goodbye to anyone & looked like he had been crying like the little bitch he is. We sold a grand total of $6.45 of Perez Hilton items between 6PM - 9PM. My manager has already talked about discounting his "line" !

The credibility of this anonymous commenter is not terribly high, obviously, but if it is true it's funny and a little sad and mostly gross (scat!) But Perez's PR person has a different story! He sent us an email yesterday:

I know you guys will write what you want, with out any research but I wanted to let you know that this article is no true at all.

I'm helping launch (along with Hot Topic) Perez's new line. We were all very pleased with the turn out, over 100 people showed up to meet and purchase Perez's new line at the Hollywood and Highland Hot Topic Store. The pictures shown on your site are not accurate. Perez was excited to meet his fans and sign autographs. Everyone from the manager of Hot Topic to a "first day of work" employee stayed to meet Perez after fans left. Perez (Mario) stayed late to hang out with them all and personally thank them for their support, taking pictures, signing personal autographs and getting to know them better.

Perez at Hot Topic clothing line is selling very well at all Hot Topic stores.

Who to believe?? Well, it's probably somewhere in between the two, but either way it doesn't seem like a terribly auspicious beginning to the endeavor. If the line really was selling well and a good time was being had by all at the meet-and-greets, we doubt this flack would bother trying to correct us. We asked the PR drone to provide some, you know, proof that the event was such a success, but they only meekly pointed to this Perez post, which doesn't exactly show a big crowd. It mostly just shows that people who like Perez Hilton are crazy people.

Perez the Record Executive

Remember when we said, one sentence ago, that people who like Perez Hilton are mostly crazy people? That rings true for those fans who turn to Perez for music advice. But there are, sadly, so many of them that, like a pasty young Oprah, he has turned into a man who can actually break new bands. So Warner Bros. is paying him $100,000 a year to do so. At least he's keeping his ethical code strict:

If Mr. Lavandeira sets up formal ties to a record label, can he still be an objective taste-maker? He seems to think so. In an interview last month, he said he would still have the freedom to rave about artists on rival labels and had no obligation to praise acts on Warner Brothers' roster...

"There's no need to trash them," he added. "Unless they do something stupid."

This is pocket change for Warner Bros., but quite a coup for the legitimacy of Perez. Also a sad statement on sheep-like musical tastes of the masses, but whatever. That's the internet for you.

Perez the Musical

An obnoxious blogger play? An inherently bad idea, but probably the most stunning sign of all of the pudgy man's brand power. Why? Because he didn't actually produce it himself. Three otherwise sane young men who paid good money to attend NYU's Tisch School of the Arts are rolling out the play Perez Hilton Saves the Universe (or at least the greater Los Angeles Area) in New York, off-Broadway. Pretty smart move from a business perspective though, because their appeal to his vanity got posted on his site, which is like a quadrillion dollars worth of free PR for what can only be—at best—a sedating way to spend two hours.

Hot Topic, Warner Bros., some random dudes in New York. Do you see the common theme here? All of these Perez-branded products might end up sucking, but that's not really the point. The point is that he's his own publicity machine, which makes him bankable. Until interest inevitably wanes, and Perez is left alone, in a Hot Topic shirt, listening to club music alone.

"If anyone has any clues to who would do this, some of the messages were quite personal, and therefore seems to narrow the prankster down to someone who knows me. If you weren't effected please disregard this message."

[pics via NYT. PETA is mostly okay!]

To promote the book, Mr. Frey will eschew typical bookstore readings for events at rock venues. He will appear at the Blender Theater in New York, Whisky A Go Go in L.A., and Slim's in San Francisco. At each venue, he will have music and a light show, with images from "Wives, Wheels, Weapons" projected on a screen while he reads. At the San Francisco and L.A. readings, local heavy metal bands will perform.

Members of the Hell's Angels will handle security at the events, in what Mr. McWhinnie described as an allusion to the infamous 1969 concert at the Altamont Speedway, in which fighting between members of the crowd and the Angels led to one fan's being stabbed to death. Presumably Mr. Frey will not attempt to carry the historical echo that far, but who knows? Perhaps he can stage an altercation and use it as grist for his next book.

[NY Sun]

"Mr. Gessen, 33, boyishly handsome and possessing the self-assurance of a writer twice his age, has never had an easy relationship with literary fame, even as he has gradually amassed it." [NYT]

We'll let someone else investigate Grayson's charming encounter with teen sex. The only thing we desire is for Dumbo to consider our teen sex manuscript, It Happened One Puberty, as they promise below.

Cool Brooklyn book publisher looking for cool 18-25yo hipsters to blurb our cool forthcoming book of sex stories for teens. We will send you a PDF of the book and ask for a blurb & headshot for advertising, website, publicity. Tiny honorarium of free books and our guarantee to read and consider your own book manuscript for publication. Our books have been reviewed in Phila. Inquirer, Kirkus, Hipster Book Club, Florida Book Review, etc. You must be cool-looking, smart-looking. Minorities encouraged to apply. Under 18, must have parents' permission!

Say what you want, but their support of people of color demands respect. Strike that, cool people of color.

Commentor: ms2fab (same IP as Gena and Amanda): Secrets out, is hollywood a new game? I love this show pop fiction, i think its awesome not only for the celebrities to be getting back at papparazzi, but also showing us, the vieweres, that we shouldn't honestly believe everything we here is true!! Incase any of you missed this show, heres a link to a clip that showed what happened a bit, check it out next sunday on E! to see what other stories we have learned to believe is not true!! Why not let the celebrities have their own fun with us,, we are so quick to be able to get a littl epeep into their lives and are the ones obsessed with these kind of things. Billiant Ashton! Absolutely Brilliant! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L...h? v=LiIJczDRd00

THE THREE SIX MAFIA STRIP CLUB TOUR SCHEDULE, SO IF YOU ARE ON EVEN A CRAPPY LITTLE LOCAL PAPER AROUND HERE YOU BETTER START BRAINSTORMING QUICK, FELLA:

Tennesse 3/17, 3/18, 3/19

Jackson, MS
3/20

Birmingham, AL
3/21

Atlanta, GA
3/22, 3/32, 3/24

Tucson, AZ
3/29

San Antonio, TX
3/30

Texas
3/31, 4/1, 4/2, 4/3, 4/4

Chicago
4/10, 4/11

Lake Forest, Il
4/12

Detroit, MI
4/13

St. Louis, MO
4/14

A blogger at The Syndicate raised the question when he stumbled across a huge billboard for Simmons' show going up in downtown Manhattan yesterday. We all know that sex tapes have been strategically leaked for publicity purposes before—sometimes by the celebrity themself, to jumpstart a flagging career, and sometimes by their more anonymous partner, to grab a turn in the spotlight.

On his own website, Simmons said of the tape, "You may have heard or seen garbage that has sprung up from my past. Rest assured the proper legal team is looking at all ramifications and options." But that vague statement would of course not preclude any covert plans to put him in the news on the eve of his show's debut.

And the whole premise of Family Jewels is that Gene is a big-time swinging ladies man who manages to have an "unconventional family" as well. Wacky! It's basically a poor man's version of The Osbournes. So a sex tape could be a nice tie-in. Of course, there's absolutely no way to confirm something like that, unless some new information came out. So it will remain an odd coincidence of timing. If it had been planned, it would have worked like a charm; watch this clip and feel your anticipation rise!

• Forbes is over it. Former corporate clients told the magazine last July that Second Life was empty except for undesirable horny cybersexers. A rep for Wells Fargo compared it to Iraq.
• TIME is over it. The mag's August takedown story called Second Life's traffic "disappointing," trashed the world's poor usability, and said the government sees it as a criminal kiddie-porn gambling tax evasion wonderland.
• The Times itself is over it. Except when the Times tech blog deconstructed Second Life, all the corroborating links came from competing newspapers.
• Actually everyone's over it. The spike in media mentions, rising from under 200 to over 1000 mentions per month over the last two years, is finally receding, with under 800 mentions in January.
• The headlines are still cheesy. When did blogging become mainstream? When papers stopped using "virtual" and "diary" in every headline about a weblog. Second Life hasn't made that jump. Times headlines include: "It's My (Virtual World);" "A Virtual World But Real Money;" "Obama Is First In Their Second Life;" and "The Reporter Is Real, but the World He Covers Isn't."
• Every story opens like this: "Joe Blow woke up this morning and flew above his house while playing the ukulele. He then did some other impossible things, quite matter-of-factly." [paragraph break] "He was in the virtual world Second Life." [gasps, applause, cheers]
• To wit: "Mr. Gould showed up in a Superman costume. Next, he invited me to sit down next to him in a chaise longue that overlooked the crashing surf. As we talked about my strengths and weaknesses, crabs skittered along the sand at our feet. At another point, in the middle of responding to a question about overcoming professional challenges, I stood up and performed a hula dance."

Previously: Missing Babies Are Cash Cows For Newspapers

Whores for Low Rent [VeeCee via Adrants]

In an ill-advised publicity stunt and/or world record attempt, Blender editor Russ Heller spent last Friday imprisoned in a Plexiglas cell at the NoHo Best Buy, listening to Starship's "We Built This City" on repeat for 24 hours. Blender had picked the track as the worst song of all time, which apparently led to some unresolved feelings of guilt over maybe liking Grace Slick just a little bit. Enjoy the clip above from staff video hatcheteer Richard Blakeley, where a placid Heller blogs the experience while sipping Red Bull; weirder still is a spectator who seems far more amused than the situation warrants, at least until security escorts him away from the freakshow.

We Built This Blender Blog [Blender]

From: Amy Jaick
To: Smith, Ben
Sent: Thu Sep 14 12:08:09 2006
Subject: Ann Richards-Interview Opportunity

** INTERVIEW OPPORTUNITY **
THE LIFE AND LEGACY OF ANN RICHARDS THROUGH THE EYES OF A CLOSE FRIEND AND COLLEAGUE IN TEXAS AND NATIONAL POLITICS

September 14, 2006- As you have been reporting, former Texas Governor Ann Richards died yesterday at the age of 73 after a six month battle with cancer. As governor, Richards fought tirelessly for women and minority rights, but may be remembered best for her vigorous re-election battle, and ultimate loss, to George W. Bush in 1994.

Leading political strategist and former Texas Lt. Governor Ben Barnes was a close friend of Richards'. He describes their political alliance and friendship in his recently-published memoir Barn Burning Barn Building, identifying her as a charismatic leader with honest political ideas.

Mr. Barnes is available to discuss her life and legacy. To schedule an interview, please contact Amy Jaick at 212.576.xxxx or xxxxx@goodmanmedia.com.

Amy Jaick
Assistant Account Executive
Goodman Media International

Death as Marketing Opportunity [NYDN]

NOW you can bet on Katie Couric.

An online odds-maker is taking action on what kind of ratings Couric will drum up her first night behind the anchor-desk, according to Media Life magazine.

BetCRIS.com, an Internet bookie, is offering 13-2 odds that Couric will draw an audience greater than 8.5 million viewers that first night.

From Media Life Magazine, yesterday:

If there's any doubt that the anticipation over Katie Couric's debut as anchor of "CBS Evening News" has reached a fevered pitch, one can now bet on her ratings that first night.

But just don't bet on Couric drawing huge numbers of viewers when she takes over from interim anchor Bob Schieffer on Tuesday. The odds don't look so hot.

At BetCRIS.com, a sports betting site based in Costa Rica, analysts put odds at 6.85-1 that Couric will draw more than 8.5 million viewers.

From an e-mail sent out by Ronn [sic] Torossian on Tuesday:

CBS IS PLACING THEIR BETS ON KATIE COURIC'S AUDIENCE APPEAL

BetCRIS Sportsbook Posts Odds on How Many Viewers CBS Evening News Will Have on Couric's First Day

August 29, New York - September 5th is right around the corner and CBS is banking on Katie's ability to turn her daytime audience into nighttime viewers, but is CBS hoping for too much?

Analysts at BetCRIS Sportsbook made predictions on how many viewers CBS Evening News will have on Katie Couric's first day.

KATIE DEBUT POINT SPREAD [NYP]
Don't bet the sugar plantation on Katie [MLM]

The Leonard Lopate Show: Winning Strategies [WNYC, via AdFreak]

• "Richard Nouveau" is the pretend persona created by realty broker Urban Hostess to sell their Pocket Change lifestyle newsletter.

• Previously, "Nouveau" faked a prank that he'd responded to 100 women's J-Date listings and intended to stand them up en masse.

• Earlier this week, BlogNYC received a tip that someone was passing out flyers in front of the Time Life building that claimed "Nouveau," now a "developer," was pressing to rename the stretch of 50th Street between 2nd and 3rd avenues.

• Today, BlogNYC runs photos of the flyers, posted in the windows of credulous local businesses. The flyers are actually from a group supposedly opposing "Nouveau's" attempt to change the street name (to "Richard Nouveau Ct."). The group, "Concerned Citizens for Change," has a suspiciously well-designed though content-free website with prose that runs a bit too purple for your average advocacy group.

• The chairman, president, and co-founder of "Concerned Citizens for Change" is listed as "Rose A. Goldstein." This is also the contact name listed in the site's domain name registration; site details are different from those for Pocket Change et al, though they use the same registrar and nameserver. Could be coincidence.

• Except that the phone number given for "Rose A. Goldstein" is a cell phone registered to one Michael Orell — who happens to be the "managing director of creative operations" for Urban Hostess.

The end.

Richard Nouveau Resurfaces [BlogNYC]

Is the Fictitious Editor-at-Large Richard Nouveau Coming Back as a Developer? [BlogNYC]

[ABC daytime president, Brian] Frons said "The View" will be making a few set changes come fall, such as bringing the audience closer to the stage. Ms. O'Donnell's homosexuality could provide an interesting new theme for the women this season.

'The View' Plans Increased Sponsor, Ad Activity [Ad Age]

[Photo: LauraFries.com]

Heavy.com To Launch Heavy News; Cond Nast Cafeteria Bans Live Sumo Press Tour [FisbbowlNY]

I went out to find the $5 giving robot. There were about a dozen people standing around it, at least three were capturing the moment on film. A late 30 something non-suited man, the type that would wear a fanny pack and make good, practical use of it, went up to the robot, who bleated, "Good timing." At this, a man behind me whispered, "It sees him." The robot said that in order to get the $5, the man had to answer the following question: How many miles are there between the Earth and the Moon? The man's shoulders slumped forward in disappointment when he heard this question. Not wanting to back down, he walked even closer to the robot so that their noses, the robot's much bigger than his, were almost touching. From that intimate distance, the man whispered something to the robot. Predictably, the robot emitted a "wrong-answer" buzz. The bystander closest to the robot giggled to himself, then turned to his friend and said loudly enough for others to hear, "Did you ... did you hear that?" His friend shook his head no. "He said ... [giggle] ... he said twenty thousand miles! It's ... [giggle] ... dangerously close!" Then everyone who overheard that turned to the man, still intimately embraced by the robot, and laughed with open mouths. Then the robot asked the man an easy question where the answer was the bank that the robot was marketing for, he got it right, and the robot gave him five bucks. Then we stopped laughing and were quiet/wistful/contemplative. Then I went back to work.

EJ [Official site]

For Cash Giveaway, Bank Hires Robot, Leggy Blonde [NYP]

For the past week, Pocket Change, has commissioned two interns to sit on jdate, setting up dates on behalf of Richard. Again, over 100 women and going to arrive anxious to meet the man they have been emailing, im-ing, and speaking with only to find 99 other hopefuls.

And it worked, apparently, as 100 women showed up at Fat Baby on Tuesday night, white roses in hand and looking to meet their date, only to find that Nouveau didn't exist. As if going to Fat Baby weren't bad enough.

OK, so Pocket Change duped a bunch of unsuspecting women. But, um, why? Is this to suggest that Jewish women are luxury items? We get publicity stunts — such as, say, dumping a bunch of pennies on a crowded sidewalk and then running away, as these guys have — but not when the stunt isn't easily connected to what's being promoted. Unless, of course, Pocket Change is for 8-year-old boys. Then it almost makes sense.

UPDATE: Apparently we've been duped now, by some coordinated email campaign saying that the stunt brought in 100 women. In reality, maybe 4 showed up (and that's being generous). Though we give Pocket Change some PR points for straight-up lying. This e-zine is gonna rock.