Recent commencement speakers at Howard University include Barack Obama, John Lewis, and Jesse Jackson. This year's selection: Puffy.

Justin Combs, heir to Sean "Just Call Me Puffy" Combs' hip-hop, clothing, vodka, and Cheeze Doodle empire (he owns "Puffy Cheeze Doodles," right?) is going to UCLA and is not going to pay one red cent.

Ashton's hot blonde lover tells all. Kristen Stewart says her teachers failed her. Beyonce says her bump is real. Rashida Jones poses in bunny ears and calls penises "unsexy." Wednesday gossip lasts for hours.

Cops bust Kim Kardashian's wedding, but let them eat butt plug cake. Jerry Seinfeld disses child fans. Kimberly Stewart births Benicio del Toro's baby. Chris Rock is a "divo." Monday gossip is black and white and read all over.

Henceforth, P. Diddy will be known as "Swag," according to CNN. Well, for one week only. Of all of Diddy's many name changes, this is the dumbest.

Former music executive and current advertising guru Steve Stoute took a full-page ad out in the Sunday New York Times basically saying, "Yo, Grammys. I'm really happy for you. I'm gonna let you finish, but Eminem, Kanye West, and Justin Bieber had the best albums of all time." The sad thing is he's right.

Justin Timberlake, Jessica Biel, and Gary Coleman are all having relationship issues. Megan Fox: macking on Zac Efron and smack-talking Michael Bay. Liza's mob problems, Twilight's freak fanbase, and celebrity cocaine usage! Presenting your pre-Holiday Friday Gossip Roundup:

She's old now too. It was her 40th birthday over the weekend, and her heartbreaker/lovemaker boyfriend Johny Mayer sang "Happy Birthday" to the actress at her bday bash. Tom Hanks was there!

2/5 — PUFF DADDY going through the motions on an elliptical at Equinox West Hollywood. His bodyguard actually approached my friend and said, "Sean would like your number." She didn't give it to him, but she did confess that his I Am King commercial makes her laugh her ass off every time she sees it. Grown men riding…

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our millions of Defamer operatives. We'd like to remind you that this feature is powered by you, so if you want to see more installments of PrivacyWatch, then all you've got to do is to send us your sightings. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put…

He can rap! He can act! He can produce (music AND plays)! He’s the dapperest of gentlemen ever to be accused of assault, bribery, shootings, sweatshop labor, a fatal stampede and making coats out of dogs! And now Diddy has a new occupation: screenwriter. According to the always reliable entertainment news service…

Whoo boy, LAT, this does not look good. According to The Smoking Gun, the alleged FBI documents the newspaper relied upon in their bombshell report accusing Sean "Diddy-Puffy-Puff Daddy-Sean John-P.Diddy" Combs's associates of having carried out the 1994 shooting of Tupac Shakur were forged. The culprit?…

Money can't buy class, but it can buy this place.

• For you alarmists out there who believe in the myth of forthcoming environmental disasters, enjoy a map of what Manhattan would look like if the sea levels were to rise a healthy 9 meters. Au revoir, Alphabet City. [Flood.firetree.net]
• Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn's engagement enters the completely…

We were so busy practicing our new hip-hop vocabulary (note to self: "cheddar" is not cheese) that we had to catch up with the rest of Martha on TiVo. We shouldn't have watched it at all, because it broke our little hearts: We were promised Martha rapping, and we were promised Diddy wrapping. Neither was delivered.