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pundits
ordinary people
Chris Matthews Is America
Chris Matthews is actually incapable of conceiving of "regular people" who aren't him. Which is to say, aging white men with blue-collar backgrounds, probably from the eastern seaboard. The stream-of-consciousness pundit just came out and explicitly said it on his show yesterday, asking, "can Obama now win over the regular folks, white folks, against John McCain?" White folks! They're so regular! Previously, Chris asserted that he knew for a fact that only "people with money play pool these days," in his insane campaign to convince everyone else of his dearly held belief that the only people in America who count are those who are exactly like his own cartoonish and inaccurate sense of himself, the millionaire television personality. Anyway. The clip is after the jump. More »
John McWhorter Explained
An excellent analysis of bizarre racial thinker and hip hop hating intellectual John McWhorter traces his evolution from academia into neocon hackdom, and concludes, "We have admittedly now left the frame of legitimate criticism, but there is a sense in which McWhorter has never recovered from the shame and trauma of having been beaten up by a girl when he was four." [ebogjonson]
endorsement
Lou Dobbs For Governor
CNN shouter Lou Dobbs is apparently "mulling a run for New Jersey governor." Oh, please let that be true! Current governor Jon Corzine is quite unpopular and "Republican officials" claim the oddly orange-hued pseudo-populist pundit is "taking steps toward running" for that prestigious office himself. We cannot think of a better idea! For so many reasons! More »
BREAKING
According to MediaMatters, irrelevant New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd has a nasty habit of calling male Democrats fags and female Democrats mannish. Quelle surprise! [MediaMatters, Related, Related, Related]
startling disingenuousness
"Terrorist Fist-Jab" Secret Origin Revealed!
Fox blonde E.D. Hill, the lady who coined the phrase "terrorist fist-jab" in reference to Barack Obama's affectionate exchange of knuckles with his wife, went on-air to "clarify" her remarks today. "Now, I mentioned various ways the Obamas' fist pump in St. Paul had been characterized in the media," Hill said. "I apologize because unfortunately, some thought I personally had characterized it inappropriately." How could we have made that mistake?! We all should've realized she was just repeating someone else's characterization. It's just too bad there's no record of anyone else making that characterization! More »
explainer
Barack Obama: America's Cool Uncle
The "fist-bump" between Barack Obama and his wife Michelle in St. Paul the other night has already become a semi-iconic detail of an iconic moment—the first black presidential candidate sharing a funny and seemingly genuine moment of affection with his wife. Of course once the glow of "hooray us! we finally made it up to the blacks!" wears off among the pundit class, expect to hear about it again. The fist-bump, we mean—or, as the New York Times might refer to it, the "closed-fist high-fives." You will probably hear that it is a Black Gesture. Some particularly bent people will say even more confused things. Because these people are old and rich and out of touch. Much like the (admittedly AWESOME) time Obama "brushed his shoulders off," it was a simple moment that helped demonstrate that, contrary to popular belief, Obama is "in touch" with Real Americans. Allow us to explain! More »
generational warfare
Pollster Declares End of Boomerism, Rise of the Machines
Pollster John Zogby is rarely wrong about anything, ever (except of course the 2004 election and the 2008 New Hampshire and California primaries, all of which he got 100% wrong), so we're forced to accept the claims in his most recent email blast as fait accompli. "Clinton's Defeat," it announces: "The End of Boomerism As We Know It." See, the baby-boomers are liberals who love social justice but they are also dangerously self-centered and egotistical, and also trapped in permanent adolescence. Thankfully, due to the disasters that are George W. Bush and the Clinton family, the biggest generation in American history will only get two presidents. Ha ha ha. As we said, Zogby is never wrong! Ignore Zogby at your peril! Zogby is good! Read more of his analysis below! More »
sad
Chris Matthews and the Legend of the Reddish Skull
So Chris Matthews' new hair. It's... odd. Off-putting, at first. But doesn't it remind you of something? The hair, perhaps, of another man? A man who might hold the very job that Chris Matthews covets so dearly? Almost, Chris. Almost. [HuffPo]
death race 2000
Now What? (Hint: More of the Same)
For some reason, CBS called Indiana for Hillary Clinton at 8 p.m. or so last night, hours before anyone else dared. Katie Couric interrupted whatever nonsense they had on at the time and the CBS news website dutifully posted their story. They even got a Drudge link! So there's a lesson for you: better to be first than right. Maybe as a network without a cable news station CBS just decided to let their election coverage team go home early? Because everyone else had to stay up until 1 a.m., when the hanky panky in Lake County, Indiana finally ended and Clinton won her tiny, tiny victory. A tiny vicory that was immediately stomped upon by everyone from Drudge to Tim Russert. It's over, all the pundits said. You can go to bed! But America can't go to bed, because Hil's still staying up for that 3 a.m. call. The death march continues! More »
things that will never happen
Chris Matthews Will Not Be a Senator
Two years ago, rumors flew that well-documented insecure attention-whore (and MSNBC anchor) Chris Matthews was considering a run for Senate from his home state of Pennsylvania. On his recent, terribly sad Colbert Report appearance, an exhausted-looking Matthews mumbled that ever since he was a child, all he ever wanted to be was a Senator. (UGH.) (Seriously, UGH.) Sooo it's about time for that chatter to start up again! A New York Sun opinion-writer says Matthews could be Pennsylvania Democrats' best hope for winning a Senate seat in 2010, ignoring both the fact that that seat belongs to Senator-for-life Arlen Specter and the entirety of this piece. Really, Chris, it's not going to happen. Maybe if they award a special Senate seat to beltway journalists and Russert decides not to run. [NYSun]
sex and violence
Blood-Thirsty Pundits Demand Violent End to Primaries
MSNBC pundit Keith Olbermann on how to deal with Hillary Clinton's never-ending campaign: "Right. Somebody who can take her into a room and only he comes out." Ok! As HuffPo's Rachel Sklar points out, that means he would like someone to beat her up. Metaphorically! Also, sexistly! Well, it's maybe debatable. Like that New Republic cover. Clearly stupid, but scale of 1-10, how vile? We won't wade in! We will say, though, that it's not even the worst of recent cable news comments. More »
patriotism
Pundit Lapels Shockingly Bare
Doesn't anyone wear flag pins anymore? HuffPo's Rachel Sklar, who carries an actual maple leaf pinned to a beaver pelt with her at all times, pitted the cable news network talking heads against each other in a brutal MS Paint collage battle, and discovered that while people get all up-in-arms about Barack Obama not wearing his little American flag pin, no one else does anymore either. Except Brit Hume, Neil Cavuto, Karl Rove, and Lou Dobbs. The last defenders of patriotism! Everyone else in America is too bitter.
campaigns
Why the Never-Ending Primaries Are TV's Fault
So Hillary's "leaked" internal polling numbers gave her an 11 point lead in Pennsylvania, and Obama publicly predicted he'd lose by 8-10 percentage points. TV talking heads decided she needed to win by "more than 10 points" to justify staying in the race. And Clinton ended up clobbering Obama with 9.2 percent victory! Then, oddly, everyone suddenly admitted that the entire Pennsylvania primary was an elaborate farce with no actual point. More »
what the hell happened
A Brief History of the Longest Primaries Ever
So! Tonight! Pennsylvania's Primary! The current CW sez Clinton will win—her internal numbers have her 11 points ahead, public polling has a slightly narrower margin. But she needs a HUGE win to, uh, overtake Obama in the popular vote. The delegate thing? Well, that's a much harder gap to close. Hey, remember how Hil was inevitable? Anyone? It was less than a year ago that she was the unstoppable presumptive nominee. What happened? We went back in time, with our magic Googling time machine, to dissect 18 months of campaign spin, media narratives, and pundit bullshit to figure out how Senator Hillary Clinton went from our next President to this increasingly desperate-looking figure. More »
whoops
Pundit Underestimates Clinton
Hilarious Prediction Watch: "The Rezko business is also not likely to hurt [Barack Obama], because his principal rival will probably be Hillary Clinton, and she's not going to bring up the topic of questionable land deals." –Slate's John Dickerson, December 14, 2006.
shouting heads
Lou Dobbs Almost Calls Condi Rice "Cotton-Pickin'"
There's nothing wrong, obviously, with saying "cotton-pickin'" when you are, say, Yosemite Sam. But "one cotton-pickin' minute," while best avoided, is still less of a faux-pas than saying how you're sick of "cotton-pickin'" black people telling you how you can and cannot talk about race, which is more or less what baby-headed CNN anchor Lou Dobbs said on the air the other day. The occasion? Condoleezza Rice said something rather mild about how the United States has a racial "birth defect" on account of how the nation was founded on the backs of African slave labor and it took a while to get all that sorted out. But Dobbs is sick of people telling him to stop being so racist! "We've got to be able to talk about it," he sputters in the attached clip, "and I can guarantee you this, not a single one of these cotton—just ridiculous politicians should be the moderator on the issue of race." Good thing you caught yourself there, Lou! Thankfully, the CNN transcript omits the almost-gaffe completely, so it's like it never happened! Except for that YouTube clip we've embedded below. More »
christopher hitchens
Beloved Contrarian Still Delightfully Wrong
Next week in Slate:
Do I Have a Problem?
I'll fucking tell you when I've had enough.
Christopher Hitchens [Slate]
