This is the story of star-crossed lovers. This is the story of a newspaperman's last days. This is the story of A COUPLE OF BOOBS.

Al Roker sharted himself at the White House, which means it's time for us to come up with puns based on the word "shart." Please contribute your best below; to help get us started, here's a few from Twitter:

The practice of public relations is to subtle, poetic language what a hammer is to a willow tree: not it. These are the PR Dummies. Defending the right to poor taste, every week.

Santorum, as followers of politics know, is the Bible-thumping Republican underdog who tied Mitt Romney at last night's Iowa Caucus. Santorum is also, as users of Google and followers of Dan Savage know, a neologism for "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex."

Swiss pilot Konrad Schmidt was angry at his mother for divorcing his father. So, he decided to try to kill her by flying a small plane into her house. That's bad enough, but did he really have to end his life with a pun?

We've all seen a dirty car that said "Wash Me" on the back, but some pranksters in New York City took it a step further. Oh, to be literate and delinquent at the same time!

File under: things we wish we'd thought of first, but are glad somebody else did, because they're awesome. Here's Pun's Labyrinth, which takes Pan's Labyrinth and "translates" it in order to make hilarious, pun-tastic English captions. Watch and laugh inside.

[Yesterday's sunset seen from the Empire State Building; image via Pr3liator's Flickr. Click for larger.]

Obviously the forthcoming book Hollywood Babylon: It's Back is going to be the must-have ironic hipster book of the season, what with its collection of full-frontal shots of male celebrities like, allegedly, Mick Jagger, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Ewan McGregor and, terrifyingly, John Malkovich. But in case you can't…

Hey, we're still soliciting your bad faux New Yorker cartoons! Send them to Emily! Isn't this one something? You know, sometimes, at this job, we feel as if we're being punished for sins we committed in a past life. Get it? Punished?

This morning on the subway I actually LOLed at the Post article about Al Gore's son's pot and pills arrest: "Being the former vice president's son did little to blunt the charges." Ha! But then, I always laugh at pot jokes because I used to be a huge pothead until, um, about two weeks ago. Anyway, the Post's other…