Last night, we were even more excited and honored to meet and talk with del Toro (director of Pan's Labyrinth and Blade II, among others) and The Strain co-author Chuck Hogan (Prince of Thieves, among others) in the green room of the Union Square Barnes & Noble here in NYC. They had some interesting things to say, despite the fact that they are still convinced that vampires are a myth.

Here's what happened:

Bloodcopy: Have you worked together before or is this a first-time collaboration?

CH: No, I've never collaborated with anyone. Guillermo has in the past, so he's used to it.

BC: Are you working together on the upcoming books?

GdT: Yeah, both. The two volumes. We are working on the second one right now, having a good time.

BC: Right now?

GdT: Yeah! In the car. [Laughs] We exchange fluid information all the time.

CH: But not fluent. [Laughs]

BC: Why did you want to write about vampires for your first book?

GdT: Well, what I was proposing originally was to do a biological/anatomical reinvention of vampires and then go to mythology and social stuff and do three books that show an alternative possibility of vampire origins. I showed Chuck the meager documents I had for the original TV series and he got excited, mercifully. I love his work.

CH: I saw about a 12-page outline, but my head exploded reading it. I got about 2 pages in and got back to my agent immediately.

BC: What was it about the outline that was so compelling?

CH: Everything. I could tell already that is was a really fresh take.

BC: How long did it take to get your first draft written?

GdT: It took all the way until the galleys were taken away from us. We started sending chapters back and forth early on and we didn't flesh it out, we went to chapters straight away.

CH: We were finding our way.

GdT: And he surprised me a lot and I surprised him a lot. He came up with the occultation of the sun. One day I was reading along and all of a sudden the sun is going into occultation and I thought "That's pretty cool!" And he invented the rat-catcher character, which I think is one of the great characters in the book. And I sent him stuff the same way.

CH: Yeah, when I see his address in my e-mail inbox, the heart starts going and I think, "Here we go."

GdT: He was sending me all these strange e-mails, like asking, "Guillermo, what color is vampire blood and what consistency?" Then I'd go into a dissertation. There were some morbid questions.

BC: Why do you think people are obsessed with vampires?

CH: I really don't know. Time has proven that it's a really flexible myth. We really focused on taking it back to the time where creatures slept in dirt.

GdT: They are as romantic as colon cancer. An infectious vermin. I mean, they are truly brutal. The flashpoint of vampire mythology is in 1819 when Polidori writes The Vampyre and he's born as both Lord Ruthven, the dandy, and he's born also as the monster that sucks blood. And I'm partial to that. I think Chuck's partial to that, judging from how brutal he is when he writes.

BC: Did you have anything to do with the promo videos for the book?

GdT: Yeah. [Chuck] wrote all the blogs on the website. They are funny. They're really good. I took over the audio/visual stuff, exploiting friendships to the maximum to make them look a little bigger. We were given a very tight budget. But we wanted to give the impression of a big event that combined the book with a movie, like a strange hybrid. I am partial to hybrids. And I don't meant the cars. I think it's exciting when people think about a book as a world.

BC: Is The Strain going to be turned into a movie or a TV series?

GdT: A series is possible. But a movie, no. When we sent galleys out, we sent some to people in the movie industry as gifts and we got several offers. But I didn't want to sell the rights. If anything, it should be a series.

BC: Why do you think it's better-suited to a series?

GdT: Because of the long arc of the characters. The beauty of cable writing now is that I think it's very close to literature in a strange way. It's not about the ratings, it's about the stories.

BC: Would you ever want to be a vampire?

GdT: No. No. Oh no. I want to be a finite entity.

BC: You don't want to live forever?

GdT: No. When I was a kid I wanted to die at age 25 so I could leave a acceptable corpse. [Laughs] And now I have made peace with the fact that the worms will be happy. They'll think I'm a buffet. I won't be an admired work of art, but I'll be a large fucking buffet.

BC: Have you met any real vampires?

GdT: Not me.

CH: No, not yet. Tonight probably.

GdT: I've seen those things on TV where they talk about how they are real and the drink blood. To each his own. Some people believe in one religion, some people believe in another. They are not more or less than a Buddhist or this or that. They believe in that? Great. Cheers.

The first post went up just over five weeks ago, and since then the creator has kept up a steady stream of photos and the occasional video of hipsters/scenesters/indie kids/whatever trying really hard and looking like idiots alongside his own biting commentary. In this interview, he talks about the braindead emails he receives and why the site probably won't make him rich.

How does it feel to be an exciting new Internet sensation? It feels wonderful! My cup runneth over (with feces, that two women then start eating). No, in all honesty, it feels dumb. Really, really dumb.

What prompted you to start the site? At first, I wanted to help my dad start a blog called "IsThatAHipster?.com" Because, when he visits me in Williamsburg, that's literally what he says anytime a person walks by. But since he's old and doesn't know what a blog is, I decided to do this instead.

Do you actually hate hipsters? Quick follow up: what the fuck is a hipster? Are you one? I don't hate hipsters. Not at all. I just find them to be wildly fascinating. And if that sounds condescending, that's because yes, I am being condescending. Obviously. But I do think condescension comes from a gentler place, don't you? In fact, I think its weird how much other people seem to hate hipsters. For example, I'll occasionally post a YouTube of some terrible hipster band's music video. You should read the comments people leave on those videos after visiting my site. Some of them are like, "DIE HIPSTER! I WANT TO SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE!" What? No! How about you get shot in the face? I didn't intend for this to be some kind of hate crime website. Look at This Fucking Hipster is about laughing at clowns for being clowns. That's all.

The only hipsters I hate are the motherfuckers who write quasi-intellectual hate email to me. I get so many messages that are like, "Fuck you, man. You're the hipster...You're using a false term to describe something that's just a social construct." Okay, I get it, you went to college. What do you want from me? A grade? You want me to grade your email? 'F' There. You get an F. Go away. Everyone went to college.

Am I a hipster? I don't think so. I mean, I like MGMT a lot. But I'd never go to one of their shows.

It seems pretty clear that the people who love the site most are the same people it's mocking. Do you feel embarrassed for everyone involved? Yes. Especially the four people who actually bought t-shirts.

What do you think of the comparisons between LATFH and Vice's Dos and Don'ts? Oops! I forgot that Vice magazine held a patent for making fun of idiots. I should probably stop.

What's your favorite band? Tinted Windows

Getting rights to publish photos probably makes a book hard. What happens now? Yeah, with all the legal issues involved, I don't see a LATFH book happening. Which is too bad, I bet a ton of people would have wanted a book full of content they can already get for free online. You know, like that best-selling IMDB book.

Have better questions than mine? Well, too bad. I am sorry I am not as talented as you.

Interview conducted, condensed, and edited by Deborah Solomon.

So what do you think is the issue that people will end up voting on?
STEWART: Whatever happens that week. It all depends on when that Michelle Obama ''I hate whitey'' tape comes out. If it comes out now, it could dissipate by the election. But if it comes out a couple days before, that could be dangerous.
COLBERT: Jon? I have it.

There are a lot of issues in this election. The biggest one right now is the economy.
STEWART: We were in this huge credit crisis, out of money. Then the Fed goes, We'll give you a trillion dollars, and all of a sudden Wall Street is like, ''I can't believe we got away with it!'' Can you imagine if someone said, ''I shouldn't have bought that sports car because it means I can't have my house,'' and the bank just said, ''All right, you can have your house. And you know what? Keep the car.'' [He throws up his arms joyfully and shouts] ''Yeaaaaah, I get to keep the car! Wait, do I have to give the money back?'' ''No, it doesn't matter.'' ''Yeah, I'm gonna get another car! I'm gonna do the same thing the same way, except twice as fucked up!''
COLBERT: The idea that Lehman Brothers doesn't get any money and AIG does reminds me very much of ''Iran is a mortal enemy because they have not achieved a nuclear weapon. But North Korea is a country we can work with, because they have a nuclear weapon.'' The idea is, Get big or go home. How big can you fuck up? Can you fuck up so bad that you would ruin the world economy? If it's just 15,000 who are out of jobs, no. You have to actually be a global fuck up to get any help.

Can any [politician] break through this mess?
STEWART: I worry that those people are there, but we won't recognize them — or we'll destroy them so thoroughly that their voice won't be heard. I just imagine Lincoln out there, and people throwing the gay stuff at him. ''And what about depression running in his family?''

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: You guys regularly make a mockery of the 24-hour news networks. Do you see anything good about the format?
JON STEWART: It's Muzak now. You ever walk into a clothing store in New York City and they're not playing music? And you go, ''What's going on here? Did a virus hit? This doesn't seem right.'' Twenty-four-hour news now is this weird companion to my life.
STEPHEN COLBERT: There's not more news now than there was when we were kids. There's the same amount from when it was just Cronkite. And the easiest way to fill it is to have someone's opinion on it. Then you have an opposite opinion, and then you have a mishmash of fact and opinion, and you leave it the least informed you can possibly be.
STEWART: We've got three financial networks on all day. The bottom falls out of the credit market, and they were all running around. On CNBC I saw a guy talking to eight people in [eight different onscreen] boxes, and they were all like, ''I don't know!'' It'd be like if Hurricane Ike hit, and you put on the Weather Channel, and they were yelling, ''I don't know what the fuck is going on! I'm getting wet and it's windy and I don't know why and it's making me sad! Maybe the president could come down and put up some sort of windscreen?'' By being on 24 hours a day, you begin to not be able to tell what's salient anymore.

Read the whole interview here.

Q. Books are weird and old and almost nobody buys them anymore. Why bother writing one? What're you trying to pull?

A. Books may be weird and old, but when the terrorists launch their EMF War against us (electro-magnetic frequency) and all electronic data is erased, isn't it comforting to know that you'll still be able to curl up with a book containing an essay entitled "How to Approach the Sensitive Question - Anal?"

Q. And the people who still buy books are ladies, mostly, and they mostly only buy books written by ladies with a photo of pretty feet and/or shoes on the cover. How are you gonna leap this hurdle?

A. I have an advantage with the female book-buying population in that I am a very attractive man. Women go gaga over my pronounced jaw line, high cheekbones, and full, supple lips. So I'm trying to emphasize those qualities to the book-buying population. How am I doing this? In every interview, I make sure to discuss my jaw line, high cheekbones, and full, supple lips. Also, I smell like chocolate.

Q. David Sedaris makes me angry and mumbly, but I'm not really sure why. Meanwhile, his sister, Amy Sedaris, makes me want to marry her every time she says or does anything at all. Why does she rule and he kind of makes me want to hang myself in the shower like that guy in An Officer and a Gentleman, or at least fling feces at him like the monkeys at the zoo?

A. This is a question that has bedeviled me for, literally, years! How can one family produce, on one hand, an American icon (Amy) and a virulent anti-American crusader (David)? It just doesn't make sense. I think you can learn a lot by looking at their individual books: David writes poignant, often painful essays about dysfunctionality (a word I think I just made up), while Amy writes recipes for cupcakes. That pretty much tells you all you need to know.

Q. Speaking of monkeys... Some monkeys are dangerous and terrible, while some monkeys are adorable and probably know the Secrets of the Universe. In your estimation, what is the most horrible kind of monkey, and what is the most wonderful kind of monkey? (Warning: I already know the answer, so I will correct you if you get this wrong.)

A. Obviously, the most wonderful kind of monkey is the baby chimpanzee. Michael Jackson proved that to us with Bubbles. Once they get much older than three, though, they get too grabby and should probably be euthanized. As for the most dangerous and terrible kind of monkey, that's easy—flying monkeys.

(The correct answer is that drunk monkeys are the most adorable and the worst monkeys are the terrible, terrible spider monkeys!)

Q. What is the greatest sandwich of all time? And why?

A. You can't beat a good reuben. The reuben is maybe the perfect combination of terrlble-for-you-meat, terrible-for-you-cheese, and terrible-for-you salad dressing, all mushed together on fried bread. It is truly fantastic. Better even than the Big Mac, which is also among the greatest sandwiches of all time, and which also includes salad dressing.

Q. I can't write my own stuff for more than three hours at time, excluding editing. Do you have a process? If so, what is it?

A. Sure. I use the QWERTZ method. I find that it's the most efficient process for writing ever invented. Also, when I write, I tend to try to think as much as I and and then just transcribe my thoughts as fast as I can. Thinking is easier than writing, so I just try to think instead of write.

Q. I actually love every single version of "I Love The..." on VH1. Even that weird 90s one! Is there another in the making?

A. I assume they will continue to make them until time itself comes to an end.

Q. We do our own "I Love The..." for the 80s and the 70s every weekend here. We call it "One More Thing." A theme is presented, and then everyone posts their fave clips and comments and comments and comments. Why won't you help? How hard is that? Just sign in and post a YouTube clip. Geez!

A. The only reason I won't help is because I never read this site. Otherwise, I would be all over that shit.

Q. Has Sedaris or any of his feverish followers contacted you yet? I kind of have to think that they have. Because they would.

A. There have been some Sedaris fans who have taken up his banner for him and defended him, which is at should be. One woman told me I wasn't witty enough to carry his shoes, which I thought was a strange thing to say, because honestly, how witty do you need to be to carry somebody's shoes? Carrying shoes requires no wit at all, which I suppose was her point, but even the completely witless, even those with negative wit, could carry his shoes, particularly because he has such small feet.

Q. Do you have Amazon Fever yet? You know, where you check your book's stats every few hours? And have they coupled your book to someone you can't stand yet? Because they love to do that.

A. They have coupled my book with my comedy album, entitled "I am a Wonderful Man," so to answer your question, yes. Because I am self-loathing. And yes, I do check my Amazon stats all the time because I really don't want to fail in this endeavor as I have in so many others.

Q. Bonus Question: What is the best thing to come out of the 80s? And what is the worst?

A. Best thing to come out of the 80's: the video for Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again." Worst: The phrase, "Hey, did you see the Space Shuttle blow up?"

Q. Another bonus Question! Why is David Sedaris?

A. Because he can.

But we felt that there was more yet to be told in this unseemly story of chefs, backroom emailing, and pork. Lots and lots of pork. So we contacted Neroni ourselves and asked him a few questions. You know, power to the people and all that! The real story, including some well-aimed potshots and some diplomatic Danny Meyer-placating, after the jump.

What's your side of the story? And how has it impacted business?

I got an email from a friend telling me about the Beard House's new voting procedures which allow internet voting, so, I called them to find out if it was ethical for me to vote for myself for Rising Star Chef. A rep from Beard House, who is also a friend, told me that not only was it ethical, but that I should call and email my friends and encourage them to do the same. I sent off a quick, personal email to some friends, and thought nothing more of it until a few days later when my picture and email appeared on Gawker, via Grub Street. I was definitely a little disappointed at Grub Street's choice to reprint my email without first calling me for comment, fact checking, or even substantiating the email's provenance (after all, according to Cutlets, it came from a totally anonymous source). They took a few pot shots that I thought were unfair (like calling me "desperate"), especially considering the fact that Josh used his position at NY Mag to come in to Porchetta for dinner and said everything was fantastic. I suppose now that I was a little na ve for trusting someone in the media (no offense). As for business at Porchetta, I have not noticed any impact and we are just as busy as before.

What kind of mentions do you expect in future issues of New York? Grub Street?

I don't really know what to expect from NY Mag or Grub Street in the future. Josh sent me an email the day my email showed up on Gawker to apologize and tell me that he understood if I thought he was an asshole (his words, not mine). I was understandably reluctant to talk to him. A few days later, he had his assistant call to get all the details on our monthly pork and beer dinner so Grub Street could put it on their calendar. We also had a photographer come in to take some pictures, I think for an end of year new restaurant roundup. In any event, I don't know if they will be inclined to give us positive or negative coverage, but I'll definitely be much more cautious in the future about what I say to them, you know, lest I come off looking "self-promoting."

Who's the one critic in New York City you'd be most afraid of pissing off?

Probably my fianc . She does some freelance food writing and I know that pissing her off would have much more dire consequences in my personal life than anything that I might do to Frank Bruni or Adam Platt. [Ed. note: Who's Neroni's fianc ?]

Who'd win in a fight, you or Josh "Cutlets" Ozersky?

I don't think it would ever come to that. I'm sure that my beating up a NY Mag food editor would make a much bigger splash than any email I sent and I would prefer the food get press not me. But I wouldn't rule out Iron Chef.

Danny Meyer famously "hosted" an event for a critic to win a favorable review for Blue Smoke. What would you to do get good mention for Porchetta?

I would hope that Porchetta would get a favorable review based on what we do on a regular basis, rather than anything special that we did for a reviewer. At heart, we are a neighborhood restaurant, and I want the guy who lives around the corner or the neighborhood couple out for date night to have the same experience as a reviewer would. I know that sounds a bit Pollyanna, and obviously, I am concerned with reviews and press, but I am not going to go out of my way to give preferential treatment to reviewers. It is nice to be recognized for what I do with a good review or an award, but what good does a glowing review do if it is based on a performance that I can't repeat with every diner? However, that does not mean that I am being critical of what Danny Meyer did for Blue Smoke. Danny Meyer is in a different league than we are at Porchetta, and I am sure he had his reasons for doing what he did.

Seriously, what's the deal with the pork vodka?

I've never actually tried pork vodka [Oops. —Ed.], so I can't really comment on that one. We serve a Maile Margerita, which is made with Anejo tequila and rimmed with slated pork cracklins. It's not too assertive, but you definitely get a little of the flavor of the pork - sweet, salty, smoky - on the back of your palate. I think it's a good compliment to the Anejo. You should come in and try one!

**

Maybe we will, Jason. Maybe ... we ... will.

Earlier: Piggy Self-Promoter: Jason Neroni?
Earlier: If Danny Meyer Does It, It's Not Illegal

Why'd you start the site? Is this your first blog? (It started in October, right?)

I started it mainly out of interest of keeping track of those people I have sex with. I am in my early 20s and its really quite unbelievable how many people 18-25 will have unprotected sex with someone who says they are "safe only." Dont get me wrong, I enjoy it, but remember - it takes two.

This is not my first blog, but it is the one that gets the most of my attention as of late.

And yes, it was sometime in October that I started it.

What has the response been?

For the most part I get replies from guys who are really into it. They get off on it. Sometimes stories like this can be played out into their imagination and they can release those thoughts by experiencing what I am writing - rather than actually going and doing it. There are other guys who are just fans - and some who like my writing...

And there are others who are not so into it. They post mean things like how they hope I die of AIDS and that I am a walking CDC petri dish. And thats all fine - it comes with the territory. But I want to reiterate that with the exception of one incident, all of my partners knew that we were going to have sex without a condom. Each and every one of them. Safe sex was discussed - but not followed through with. As I said, it takes two. (That is, with the exception of my post "The Boyfriend" where he did not know we were having unprotected sex.)

How many hits do you get per day?

I get many comments - mostly when I post a new story...but I moderate the comments because lots of people are dying to know what I look like, where I live, what I do...etc. I also field the negative ones because, guess what? Someone may have an opinion, but its my blog - so I will use MY blog the way I see fit.

In the spectrum of gay hookup blogs, where does yours fall in explicitness?

I think mine is not the most graphic - but its very high up in controversy. I am very old fashioned when it comes to sex. Kissing, some oral, and I stick it in. Some guys are into water sports (pissing), feltching (eating cum once it has been ejected into an ass), etc. I dont do that. None of that turns me on. But in level of controversy, this is pretty serious. I am online as a "SAFE ONLY" guy and I then try to fuck UNSAFE. Its serious to then write about each experience...the risk of getting caught is very high.

Do you get off on posting the stories of your hookups?

Not at all. Once I have sex - I write about it - and the experience is complete. Other guys get off on my blog big time. I get thank you notes - notes of how I need to keep it up because guys jerk off while reading it, etc. As I said before - its a way for guys who dont have unprotected sex to get off on it.

Do most of your hookups know about your blog?

None of them do. I try my hardest for them NOT to know. Currently, there are 2 people that I have TOLD I am the author - and 2 others have guessed. I have not confirmed if I am or not to the two that guessed.

Has anyone ever tried to take a photo of you? Are you worried about being outed (as a bareback)?

People have asked to see my photo. In the beginning, I sent my photo out to maybe 3-4 people but regretted it! Now, I dont send my photo - ever. There are many guys who email me and want to meet up and have sex with me without even SEEING my photo. The problem is then that they know me - they can identify me - and thats not good.

I am very worried about being outed as a "barebacker" because it has such a horrible stigmatism attached to it. Look at the comments posted on Gawker alone - nothing but bashing, etc. The funny thing is that most of my hook ups have bareback sex. That is the reality. This summer I had bareback sex with 2 guys who were notable "safe sex" advocates. So, again, it takes two.

Is everything real? I mean, that Barneys thing ... Whoa.

Everything is real. Names and locations might be changed to hide identities...but I try to make every detail accurate. If there is something I am not 100% sure about, I omit it. I look at it this way - if you lie once, who's to say you arent lying always.

As for Barney's, the location may or may not be correct (I cant confirm or deny) - but I assure you, it did take place.

What else would you like our esteemed readers, most of whom were shocked and appalled by your blog, to know?

I am not this sick diseased monster that I am being assumed to be. I have a sexual preference and that preference is to have sex without a condom. Sure, there is MAJOR risk in that - life threatening risk. But the same goes for smoking.

A lot of people say, "Well, you are putting two people at risk." That is not accurate. When I have sex, the other person knows what is going on. I have consensual "bareback" sex with people. There was one instance where that was not the case - and I accept any consequences.

Oh, and if you dont like my blog, dont read it.

[Sic, of course, to all of the above. —Ed.]

Confessions of a Bareback Top

Earlier: Remainders: What Do You Call a Racist Comedian?