Soderbergh told the Wall Street Journal that he didn't expect much of a reaction by casting a world-famous porn star in his sex-free story of a Manhattan call girl, because:

"It's so mainstream now.... When you look at people who are transmitting the news to you on television they all look like they're in porn, the way they're coiffed. It's really crazy. There's this like hyper-grooming thing going on now, men and women.

Maybe it's because cable news and your typical Van Nuys porn flick are made with the same production value, but we think Soderbergh may be on to something. So, we turned to our own video whiz Mike Byhoff — the only person we know who spends all day alternating between watching porn and cable news — to put together a photo line-up. Answers for who is who are at the bottom.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

Answers:

1. Courtney Friel of Fox News (left) and porn star Kayden Kross (right)
2. John Stossel of ABC (left) and The Legend John Holmes (right)
3. Porn star Lisa Ann (left) and Suzanne Malveaux of CNN (right)
4. Porn star Lexi Belle (left) and Jenna Lee of Fox Business Network (right)
5. Porn star Lela Starr (left) and Natalie Morales of NBC (right)
6. Cal Perry of CNN (left) and porn star LeRoy (right). That's it...LeRoy
7. Rebecca Gomez of Fox News (left) and porn star Austin Kincaid (right)
8. Jesse Watters of Fox News (left; we haven't forgotten about you) and porn star Peter North (right), ambushing unsuspecting women with facials.

Pareene and I both scored 60%, because he is a genius and I was a journalist then. (All journalists covered nothing but 9/11 until January 2002; it was like Sarah Palin but with anthrax too.) (Also, remember Ashleigh Banfield? Just saying.) Richard got 50%, because he is secretly a genius. Jim Newell of Wonkette got 40%, because he is a child genius whose contemporaries were barely reading that Pet Goat book* in 2001 and Sheila got 40% because she was late to theater class and thought people were describing the plot of some wack ass movie. Ryan Tate got 20% because his mind is filled with information and data points that are actually usable in blog posts.

[MSNBC]

*Yeah, extra credit if you knew it was actually called "The Pet Goat", not "My Pet Goat." I guess we can blame Michael Moore for that common misnomer, but hey, like I told someone I misidentified in a post yesterday accuracy in these times is a giant fucking bridge to nowhere.

For each time you did the following in the last thirty days:

1 point

• Asked for a digg
• Added someone on Facebook the day you met them
• Visited MySpace
• IMed someone asking who they are
• Messaged someone on a site like Facebook when you could have called or e-mailed
• Used a "Sent from my Blackberry/iPhone/etc." e-mail signature
• Discussed an Apple rumor
• Made a joke about fonts

2 points

• Commented on a blog just to say you liked or hated something
• Posted a Craigslist missed connection
• Used MySpace
• Submitted your own blog post to Digg
• Asked someone to blog you
• Added to a Wikipedia talk page
• Bought a Threadless T-shirt

3 points

• Told a personal story in a Yelp review
• Used Tumblr
• Gave a bad review on Amazon to a book written over thirty years ago
• Added a celebrity on Facebook
• Made a YouTube response video
• Twittered about your blog
• Got fake-married on Facebook
• Friended someone on MySpace, LinkedIn, Friendster, or Yahoo 360
• Asked anyone to tag anything

4 points

• Invited someone to add their photo to a Flickr group
• Invited someone to a Facebook app
• Vlogged
• Made a Facebook event that wasn't really an event
• Blogged about dealing with someone in the service industry
• E-mailed a press release
• Wrote "why do I care" in a blog comment

Death Round: 20 points

• Sent an unneeded "reply to all"
• Sold someone's contact info
• Played Second Life
• Rickrolled someone
• Reviewed your own book on Amazon
• Complained that someone reblogged a third party's content without crediting you for finding it first
• Said the word "microcelebrity"
• Invited your whole address book to something
• Talked like a LOLcat in real life

Results
0-10: Get the hell off my blog. But first digg my story.
11-15: You must feel great about yourself. Add twenty points for taking the quiz.
16-25: Very mediocre. Why are you reading this on your Playstation? Go play GTA IV.
26-40: All your Tumblr posts are stolen from other people's blogs. Your Twitters are about Twitter. But somehow all the YouTube clips you IM me are two years old.
41+: All my base are belong to you. Oh god, you probably laughed at that. You can haz the finger, jackass.

Picture: A very funny College Humor article. Before you go, I was serious about the digg.

A: Moscone sandwiches and Aroma Blend coffee from the nice silver. Eaten in space that felt a bit like dining in an empty blimp hanger.

B: Palace Hotel "free itemn onry!" (Sorry, racism doesn't come across well in type). Three items: Kobe beef sliders, three-pieces-of-lettuce-in-a-cardboard-bucket-with-some-parmaisan-cheese-and-a-cup-of-dressing, mint fruit salad, worms in a chinese bucket, and rice crispy treats. The best part here is watching guys in suits eat Snap Crackle and Pop.

C: Harry Denton's Starlight martini followed by ten minutes of vomiting in the lovely bathroom facilities of room 1602, which the cleaning lady has run screaming from only moments before.

Answers after the jump — RSS readers, shield your eyes!

A: Informatica World

B: Salesforce.com's 5 hour sales pitch

C: JP Morgan Technology Conference

Sharpen your schadenfreude — no cheating with Fucked Company — and guess which companies got scooped up, and which were left at the bottom of the barrel. (I got 17. You?)

Acquired or expired? [Cerado.com]

But the real problem: what does this quiz have to do with Newsweek's "Putting the 'We' in Web" cover story? If someone can honestly answer "What browser do you use?" with "What's a browser," they have no business taking a web quiz anyway. So here's the real quiz — user-generated, if you will — that Newsweek should have run.

1. How many times did you check in on Dodgeball last week? Take a half-point for each.

2. Take a point for each social-network site where you have a profile:
- MySpace
- Facebook
- LinkedIn
- Yahoo 360
- 43 People
- Consumating (two points, you damn hipster)
- Friendster (extra point if you deleted it in protest)
- Dogster or Catster
- Tribe
- Orkut (on second thought, subtract a point)

3. Take two points for each community site you're on:
- Upcoming
- Flickr
- YouTube
- Buzznet
- Last.fm
- Odeo
- Digg
- del.icio.us
- Metafilter

After the jump, finish the quiz (or get offline and, I don't know, play baseball, or whatever you non-web people do).

How geeky are you? [Newsweek]

4. Who cares how many friends you think you have? Add a tenth-point for every Flickr user who counts you as a contact.

5. Take a point for each blog post you made today.

6. Open your feed reader; divide your unread items by 100 and round off. Add those points, dude.

7. Grab five points for every private beta you're in.

8. Do you have Flickr clusters? Take a point for each one. One bonus point if you have a preferred Flickr tag other than your full name.

9. Own your own dot-com? Five points. Dot-org? Six points.

10. And if you've registered a joke site (FancyTrousers.com, anyone?), grab five more points.

11. Four points for every place you own on Plazes.

12. Three points if you've been tagged on Riya.

13. One point for every thing you bought, sold, or fucked through Craigslist.

Now add those points up, divide by your Google employee number, and figure out where you fall:

0-9: Look, since you're not actually doing anything, Valleywag's looking for a writer...
10-19: So you have a few old Fakester accounts, and you lurk in Casual Encounters. Either get a life, or give up and dive in.
20-29: Well aren't you special, Ms. Didn't-drink-the-Kool-Aid.
30-39: Okay, count your dot-net and that'll put you over 40.
40-49: Good job. Now stop reading blogs and call that hottie from Consumating.
50-59: Can danah boyd please touch you?
60+: Mena Trott, get the hell out of my quiz.

So how does a young New Yorker know right this minute if they are a hipster or not? Simple: by taking our spanking-new quiz. After the jump, Blue States Lose mastermind Joey Arak guides you down the path to self-discovery.

Give yourself 1 point for each question you answer yes, or for each statement you agree with. Just like Cosmo, add up your points and check your results at the end.

1) Have you ever commented on Brooklyn Vegan?

2) Without looking it up, can you fill in the blanks in this sentence:
The Dark Room is on _______ between _______ and _______, but why are you going there? That place sucks now.

3) Sure you've been to the Tribeca Grand before, but do you remember the name of the Saturday night party that, until recently, called the basement home?

4) You've seen David Cross and [enter favorite Stroke here] at a bar, but you didn't make a big deal out of it, right? After all, they're just dudes hanging out.

5) In the past six months, have you been to two Fader-sponsored parties? (anybody can luck into one).

6) The ratio of free Sparks or Red Stripe that you've consumed to the number of Sparks or Red Stripe you've actually paid for is 2:1 or greater.

7) Do you know who Gavin McInnes, Michael T and Todd P are? (Give yourself 1 point for each.)

8) Have you been in a photo, even in the background of a photo, published on The Cobrasnake or Last Night's Party?

9) Do you know the name of the doorman at Misshapes and Motherfucker?

10) Do you know any of the details about why Death From Above had to change their name to Death From Above 1979?

11) Do you know what Cornerstone is?

12) Have you ever received anything for free — anything at all — from Cornerstone?

13) Do you work for Cornerstone?

14) Can you identify the fake UK buzz band in this group: Arctic Monkeys, Tiny Riot, Test-Icicles, Art Brut?

15) Do you know the procedure for gaining entry into the Alife Rivington Club and Nom de Guerre?

16) Famed graffiti artist Neckface designed T-shirts for a Williamsburg tattoo parlor that's in the back of an art gallery on Berry and North 9th. Can you name the tattoo parlor?

17) During the summer season that somewhat recently concluded, guys: did you wear a T-shirt with a blazer? Girls: did you wear a pair of
cowboy boots that you had bought before July?

18) Did you DJ at a party/bar/club in 2005?

19) While having a conversation with someone in a bar, has the topic ever turned to how much you both hate Ultragrrrl, even though you both agreed on "how nice she is in person?"

20) Rejoice, the used clothing/record store now located in Williamsburg, was chased out of the Lower East Side because of surging rents. Do you know what LES street it used to be located on?

21) During CMJ three months ago, did you attend two separate parties DJ'd by Steve Aoki ... in the same day?

22) Do the following letters mean anything to you: LVHRD?

23) Were you invited to the Subways show at the Northsix tonight by +1?

Results key:

0-4 points: You are a Normal Person. You can probably enjoy a solid hour of Top-40 radio without once considering slashing your wrists. You can talk to your mom about movies you both enjoy. You love hanging out with co-workers, especially when it's something fun like Happy Hour in Murray Hill. You don't think there's anything wrong with living in Queens. You are mentally at peace at all times.

5-9 points: You are Culturally Aware. You understand what "indie rock" is, and you can walk by the Angelika or Sunshine and recognize some of the titles playing, but you always say "Oh! I want to see that!" and never do. You think the OC mix CDs are a great way to discover new bands. You've started blowing off some get-togethers with friends for the occasional show at Webster Hall and Irving Plaza. Still, though, you're not quite sure why it's cool to like LCD Soundsystem but bad to like The Bravery. You're walking a fine line right now, and you could go either way.

10-14 points: You are a Hipster. You seek out the latest and greatest music, and you might have a blog. You go to shows at Mercury Lounge, Bowery Ballroom and Northsix several times a month, and most of your friends are hipsters, too. You have little in common with most co-workers or fellow students. You've gazed longingly at the Misshapes photo gallery and considered it — maybe you've even gone once or twice — but guest lists and Happy Ending after-parties are still a foreign concept, even though you'd love to be a part of it. You've stopped hanging out above 14th Street.

15-19 points: You are a Self-Loathing Hipster. You may not have "the look," but it's time to come out of the closet as a hipster. You've resisted this before, and you probably hate hipsters more than a little bit, but in the back of your mind you know it's true. You're already over M.I.A., the Go! Team and Maximo Park. You always know where to go. You'll go to hipster'd out venues such as Supreme Trading or the Delancey to have a good laugh, but you also can't dream of hanging out on a Friday or Saturday night at a place that doesn't play cool music. Special DJ sets and parties at Hiro and Tribeca Grand bore you, but for some reason you'll always find yourself there. It's a love-hate thing. You've written about your complaints with the scene on your blog.

20-24 points: You are an Unabashed Hipster. Odds are you can't even concentrate on this because the Bloc Party remix CD is playing through your Mac so loud. And you're proud of it! You work in music/media/art/fashion/promotion, but the day job doesn't stop you from going out 4-5 nights a week. You won't touch it unless it's an open bar. Either you're a DJ or you're in a band. Several of your shirts have no sleeves. For the most part, you've stopped eating.

25 points: You are the Hipster Messiah. Generations of hipsters have sung your praises and awaited your arrival so that you could show them precisely how it should be done. You are an immortal. Everybody in the scene has not only heard of you, but would probably recognize you even though they have never met you. Then they would softly whisper to a friend, "That's such-and-such." You aren't even invited to anything because it's just a given that you know about it and you'll be there. You work with bands and artists, but only the ones you feel like taking on. You're not a DJ, per se, but sometimes they'll ask you to play your favorite records just for shits and giggles. You own more than one headband. When Maureen Callahan needs a quote for a Post article, she calls you. You consider "Bronques" a close friend. You should kill yourself.