Rabbits! You could keep one as a pet, but cats exist, so ... why? Here is one reason, courtesy of a guy who trained his girlfriend's pet bunny, Wallace, to deliver a beer to him on a teeny-tiny little beer cart. Perhaps we have been drastically underestimating rabbits.

An Idaho biology teacher is facing disciplinary action after Steven Seagal-ing a live rabbit during a lesson for his 10th grade class, Boise's KTVB reports.

A lawsuit out of the Atlanta suburb of Sandy Springs is raising the question of whether the Constitution of these here United States protects the right to sell sex toys. Keep your Rabbits close, folks, because the answer isn't completely clear.

A local news station decided to add some cute to its Easter coverage by bringing in a pair of bunnies to do what they do best: delivering eggs and candy and bringing joy to children. Just kidding! Fucking.

Well here's a story that is bad from every angle; a multi-faceted diamond of misery.

Rabbits: adorable, fluffy, prone to dying. Seriously, these little guys can have actual heart attacks at the sound of a balloon popping.

Apologies if you've just barely digested your breakfast, but the economy is dying, you unfeeling bastard, and a murdered bunny* is the only way to truly understand it.

Will this bunny crime wave never end? Days after the tragic death of earless German bunny Til, a floppy-eared bunny named Miss Cooper has been kidnapped from her home in the window of a stylish boutique in Manhattan.

As gloomy poet Goethe once said, "Ich denke dein, wenn mir der Sonne schimmer Vom Meere strahlt; Ich denke dein, wenn sich des Mondes Flimmer In Quellen malt." Forget this little mutant rabbit's untimely end and only remember the good times. Til would have wanted it that way.

Since her death two days ago, little Til—the rare baby bunny trampled to death by a German camerman at her moment of fame—has become the star she was destined to be. Hundreds of news outlets have eulogized the tragic victim of the media, and new details continue to break.

"The future looked so bright for tiny Til, a baby rabbit born without ears three weeks ago," Der Spiegel reports. For little Til was born in the east German town of Limbach-Oberfrohna, and Germans are a people known for their love of adorable mutants and pathetic baby animals. Like an earless, 8-year-old Lindsay Lohan…

Today we heard the strange tale of a man in a rabbit suit who is terrorizing a small town. Oh no! Bunnies are supposed to be nice, not scary. But scary they are, now. Looks like we need to change all our children's songs. Luckily, one commenter got us started.

When the Royal Shakespeare Company opens its production of Shakespearean classic As You Like It (which is right up there in popularity with Cymbeline) in New York this week, there is going to be one part missing: the skinning of a rabbit on stage. Why? Because New Yorkers are a bunch of wimps.

This rabbit is very brave he is trying to get freaky with a dog and even though it goes against nature he is not giving up.

What is happening in the field of paleontology, these days? Oh, not much. Besides finding the actual bones of the Easter Bunny on its ancient island kingdom of Minorca, that is!

Across China, fun-loving cosmopolitans are celebrating the upcoming Year of the Rabbit by buying rabbits as pets, which are rapidly multiplying and causing ample hijinks for overwhelmed apartment-dwellers. Might China have equaled America in the sheer cluelessness of its citizenry?

[A rabbit gets a cup stuck on its face as it goes for food at the bottom in Beijing today. Image via AP]