EXT. BAY BAR
The Sunday noon crowd at Bay Bar consists of those running in and out to get iced coffee products and those sitting at tables enjoying iced coffee products. VISORGAY, wearing olive drab cargo shorts and a navy mesh Nike visor, sits with TANKGAY, in olive drab cargo shorts and a robin's egg blue tank. They are at a prime table overlooking the harbor and the boardwalk that runs along it. Across the water, unidentifiable shrieks can be heard.

Previously: The Pines Party

This all has to do with teenagers snapping wet t-shirts near some moms and kids. The teens didn't enjoy being told to stop. Many recriminations ensued. Threats were uttered by the kids to the adults. The police were called—and to us this is the most interesting part—didn't respond to what could have become a lousy incident in anything resembling a timely fashion. The kids kept up the harassment. They threw things at the adults. And, when the cops finally showed they are said to have been disinterested if not dismissive.

(The Post has a follow-up story today.) And we're still torn about the whole thing.

It would be pretty damn easy to simply dismiss the (white) parents' complaints about the (black) kids as just another example of clueless upper-middle-class, overprotective parents with expensive strollers getting all unnecessarily agitated about a little horseplay by kids who have probably lived in the neighborhood longer than they have, who are probably subconsciously bitter and acting out over suddenly having to cater to the whims of over-privileged yuppies who have invaded their neighborhood, bringing their perhaps latently racist attitudes with them. (A friend reports once being at a community meeting with a parents' association in the neighborhood, and one mother asked whether it would be possible to "move the projects." Er, eek!) And, you know, the fact that these "scary" kids are being raised by (probably single) parents who don't have the money to send them to a fancy day camp, and that there aren't many options for poor kids in the summer, and that they have just as much right to be in the park as anyone else, is another thing! And maybe the police didn't respond quickly because, frankly, water balloons are annoying but last time we checked, not illegal! It's very Fortress of Solitude, don't you think?

But on the other hand! That doesn't mean you can go around throwing rocks at people and threatening to break their noses. And they may be being raised by single parents, but who said that gives them the right to be rude, violent little twerps? Little girls shouldn't be walking around with knives. (Unless it's on the Upper East Side.) And the police probably don't want to get involved because the whole thing is a bloody nuisance.

Park Punks Amok [NYP]
Mom Confronts Hooligans in Carroll Park [Gowanus Lounge]

Sam already outdoes her dad in terms of multicultural makeup. Her Swedish mommy adds an extra layer to her papa's already far-flung heritage.

He's one-quarter Chinese, one-quarter Thai, one-quarter African-American, one-eighth American Indian and one-eighth Dutch, and has always referred to himself as "Cablinasian."

What that makes Sam is anybody's guess.

A BABE IN THE WOODS FAMILY [NYP]

Observer-gay John Koblin beat the mean gay streets and the homo hangouts and found that, guess what? Chelsea-living middle-class honky-homos think that every day is their rainbow flag-waving, leather buttfloss-wearing excuse to be as gay as a day in May.

"I live in New York, and it's sort of like every day is Gay Pride Parade," said Matt Davie, 37, an associate publisher at Simon & Schuster, standing in the main room of G Lounge in Chelsea on June 14. "It's not this special day that I can suddenly throw on my rainbow flag, or whatever. That's every day. I don't need this special day where I'm out of the closet."

"White people say they experience the parade as being tired and corny," said [journalist Richard] Goldstein. "They'll say it's unattractive to them. The reason it's unattractive to them is because there are all these faces of people of color from all over the world.

"What happens is the parade gets blacker and blacker," he said. "Fewer white people feel drawn to it. The result is, to be seen at the parade is a little déclassé."

Goodbye, Mr. Chaps [NYO]
[Image via LOLGay]

Uncle Ben, who first appeared in ads in 1946, is being reborn as Ben, an accomplished businessman with an opulent office, a busy schedule, an extensive travel itinerary and a penchant for sharing what the company calls his "grains of wisdom" about rice and life.

Uncle Ben, Board Chairman [NYT]

Drudge Report
Earlier: Matt Drudge Cannot Hide His Deep Knowledge Of African-American Culture

Spinach: Okay, well, having read the article, my thoughts are sort of, "I'm not saying it's right, but I understand."
TAN: Ha! I totally liked the guy who wanted to defend it, saying, "ACTUALLY, some people do think this way..."
Spinach: Well, yeah ...people are kinda racist. My grandmother, for instance. She doesn't even try to hide it.
TAN: I hate you, chink. Go make me some General Tso's. Your grandma too. So, anyway, what do you think you agree with? I loved his citing of Rush Hour.
Spinach: Because, you know, that's the only point where my culture and your culture intersect. Jackie Chan is our representative and Chris Tucker yours.
TAN: Fuck that. Oprah and Obama are our representatives. Jackie Chan is yours.
Spinach: My grandmother, though, bless her heart, she told my sister, "You can marry an American, just don't bring back a black man."
TAN: Ha. I have a problem with the weak-willed comment. Aren't Asians notoriously pussy-willed? We definitely make shit happen .
Spinach: Fuck naw. If we don't get shit done, we commit ceremonial suicide. That's the ultimate price.
TAN: That's the ultimate pansy-ass passive-aggressive move. If we don't get shit done we loudly vocalize it and blame it on white people. And, uh, when did you guys fight the Russians?
Spinach: Couple of times, actually. At least Japan did.
TAN: Oh, aren't you Mister Smarty-Pants. "Look at me, with my knowledge of history."
TAN: Speaking of Asian wars, Vietnamese is easily my most favorite asian cuisine.
Spinach: Pho is cure for whateverthefuck ails you.
TAN: I do think you guys win on the religion tip. I'm totally not down with Christianity.
Spinach: Christianity is too dogmatic for me. People use it too much as a get-in-heaven-free card. Whereas Eastern beliefs tend to be more about philosophy. It's about how to think, rather than what to think.
TAN: Word. Plus, fortune cookies!!!
Spinach: You know, there's definitely a love-hate relationship between our cultures.
TAN: Yeah... you know the origins at all?
Spinach: Should I?
TAN: I think it started in the ghetto Chinese spots. Once you guys started serving up chicken that we liked, it tipped the balance of power and we got defensive.
TAN: Did you ever have a black guy cheat off your paper/test or anything like that in school?
Spinach: I actually went to an almost-all-white school. There were maybe two or three black kids in each class.
TAN: Did they cheat off you?
Spinach: I think everyone cheated off me, black or white.
TAN: Ha...you're such a smart Asian. Er, REDUNDANT! So what could we do to make things better? If we agree there is some truth to Eng's sentiment...
Spinach: I think, what happens is that the black American experience is almost the opposite of the Asian American experience, and that's where the tension comes in.
TAN: How so? You're talking about the small penis thing?
Spinach: THAT IS A MYTH! We'd be driving bigger cars if that was true.
TAN: How's the homosexuality jumpoff in the Asian community? Are you guys as homophobic as black people?
Spinach: Not really.
TAN: It seems like there might be more gay Asians around than standard homosexual percentages. [Oh, God, here we go. —Ed.]
Spinach: I can't speak for other Asian cultures, but homosexuality is, if not completely accepted, acknowledged.
TAN: Chop Sticks ... not just for food anymore!
Spinach: That's because the gay community loves the Gaysians.
TAN: Ahhh.
Spinach: We generally don't have a lot of chest hair. Saves money on waxing.
TAN: Back to the rift: Between Chinese food, Wu Tang, and Lucy Liu, I cannot understand why we don't love each other. I actually think it's one-sided. Maybe Eng has a point: We eat your food, watch your movies, fuck your women ... and what do we give back? Ol' Dirty Bastard, the Inspector Deck, etc. Do you take anything from black culture? I mean, apart from our money? We support Asians over black people. Sigh.
Spinach: Yeah, well... Actually, if you go to any Asian community in California, you'll see these rice rockets with ridiculous bass speakers pumping out. Is E-40 still popular out there?
TAN: Maybe?
Spinach: That hyphy shit.
TAN: I don't know if that balances things out ... E-40 and hyphy vs. Chinese food and Lucy Liu?
Spinach: ...and you see those kids on St. Mark's with dreads and afros.
TAN: True. So have we concluded anything here?
Spinach: What are we doing here again?
TAN: i think we're either bridging the Negro-Asian gap, or making the rift wider.
Spinach: I blame my parents.
TAN: Ha, ME TOO!!!
Spinach: Here's what I think happens with my parents' generation: First-generation Asians come to America and see the poverty in black neighborhoods and think, "Why are they poor when we can make a living? It must be because they're lazy." Which isn't fair, of course - first generation immigrants are, by nature, entrepreneurial.
TAN: It's true, that is a difference. Eng doesn't even cite that. Asians work hard. Negroes party hard
Spinach: We're trying to change though
TAN: Us too... if only we could meet in the middle, we'd make the perfect human. Our big penises, your work ethic ...
Spinach: Too bad we can't mate.
TAN: We can... this is where Lucy Liu is so critical. We should convert Lucy Liu and Beyonce into breeders for a new generation of Negrasians
Spinach: Beyonce for Lucy Liu? I think that's a fair trade. We can throw in a couple more to make it work under the salary cap.
TAN: Alright, we probably have enough to give to our mutual enemy The White Man, don't you think?
Spinach: Yeah, I mean, it's not like we built a railroad here or anything. This should do. I'd hate to be the white man who edits this. [No fucking shit. —Ed.]
TAN: Ha... they can do something for a change.
Spinach: I should ask though, why do you hate us?
TAN: I envy your small penises and tapered jeans. Off to give this to Whitey. Wish me luck.

We wish both of you luck! And your communities. We're proud to have played a part, however small, in affecting rapprochement.

Black History Month Ends On Bad Week For Brown People
'Hate Blacks' writer dismissed by AsianWeek [SFC]
[Image via]

Eh, we give up.

COUNCIL GOES SLUR CRAZY OVER N-WORD [NYP]
Asian paper's 'I Hate Blacks' column assailed [SFC]
Song Wakens Injured Pride of Afrikaners [NYT]

• Content: "What is said clearly makes a difference. I think, for example, that hate speech is more hateful the more specific it is. To call someone a nigger is not as a bad as arguing that black people have lower intelligence than whites."
  
• Intention: "Was the remark intended to wound, or intended to perpetuate some social wrong? Was it malicious?"
  
• Conviction: "Does the statement represent the individual's considered opinion?"

  All solid metrics, but we can't help finding the list a bit incomplete. After the jump we provide a few suggestions of our own. Click through and see how many you qualify for!
  

• Creativity: Anyone can call someone a "cheap Jew." It takes a hard-boiled racist with an advanced level of vitriol to refer to a tribesman as a "hook-nosed, Challah-eating Heeb."
  
• Universality: While everyone has one ethnic group they particularly can't stand (well, one plus the Jews), the real racist can hate the blacks, the English, and the Chinese at the same time.
  
• Irrationality: It's okay to hate Italians because they're greasy and they're all somehow connected to the mob. A true connoisseur of bigotry will despise them for something completely nonsensical, like the fact that they eat dead chickens.
  
• Obscurity: If your racism takes the form of loathing not just the Irish, but specifically the Irish from Innishannon, Co. Cork, you are a true racist.
  
• Mel Gibson: If you are Mel Gibson, you are a racist.

  Defining A Racist [Gladwell]

  [Image via]

As part of a Paula Zahn Now special on intolerance we are doing a story that looks at hidden prejudices within us all. Three professors have come up with a test (taken by computer) that tells you if you have hidden biases. We would like to shoot a group of people taking this test and see what the results are. (We need a mixed group - black, white, asian, etc... young, old, male female...etc.)

Here's where I need some help. We are looking for 12 people who would be willing to come in to CNN office at Time Warner building and take the test this Friday (12/1); exact time TBD. It is such a sensitive subject matter and for the purposes of our program we will focus only on the biases of Americans. Therefore, we are looking for American students, or foreigners who have spent a considerable amount of time living in the United States.

We are looking to put together a diverse group!

Yeah, a diverse group of racists! This is like accepting a casting call for "To Catch a Predator." Good luck!

Hmm, it doesn't sound like he's suggesting that "nigger" should become a relatively offensiveness-free term like "queer." In fact, we're not really getting the point of the comparison at all. And we're definitely not getting the comparison of "the left"'s refusal to use the word to a "sick game of Twister." Or what Ridley is trying to mean by "I am unsure of how anyone can take a contrary stance with the tenant of self-reliance" (though we're 90% sure he meants 'tenet.')
Actually, the only thing we're really sure of is that the HuffPo might want to hire some kind of proofreader or something, so people would at least have a better idea of what, exactly, they should be getting offended by.

John Ridley: Nigger v. Queer: How Gays Got it Right [HuffPo]
Earlier: Esquire: Race-Baiting Hot New Trend For Spring

So I say this: It's time for ascended blacks to wish niggers good luck. Just as whites may be concerned with the good of all citizens but don't travel their days worrying specifically about the well-being of hillbillies from Appalachia, we need to send niggers on their way. We need to start extolling the most virtuous of ourselves. It is time to celebrate the New Black Americans—those who have sealed the Deal, who aren't beholden to liberal indulgence any more than they are to the disdain of the hard Right.

The Manifesto of Ascendancy for the Modern American Nigger [Esquire]

Wow. We thought we'd dispensed with this kind of thing a ways back, but apparently not: One drop of ivory blood and you're out of the race. Senator Obama had better start embracing his inner Caucasian (our suggestion: start with some Dave Matthews CDs) or Crouch is gonna bop him on the head.

What Obama isn't: black like me [NYDN]