So far the only things that are really releasing trailers are the big budget comedies and action pictures. We threw in the trailer for A Single Man even though it opens this year and it's an indie movie because we wanted everyone to think we watch more than popcorn flicks. We also watch The Hills and lots of porn. But we'll put A Single Man on our Netflix queue, but we're not promising we watch it before sending it back so that we can get The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 for the third time instead.

Here are some new(ish) trailers for upcoming movies and our snap judgments.

Date Night
Starring: Tina Fey, Steve Carell, James Franco, Marky Mark
Reminds Us Of: 48 Hours, for some strange reason.
Plot Summary: A boring suburban couple go out for a big night in the city. They impersonate another couple and all hell breaks loose.
What Looks Good: Tina Fey and Steve Carell together at last and being hilarious.
What Looks Bad: This whole over-wrought, high-concept plot seems way too over-the-top for this duo.
Final Verdict: We'll see it, but we're going to complain that it wasn't as funny as one episode of 30 Rock.

Clash of the Titans
Starring: Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Sam Worthington
Reminds Us Of: Clash of the Titans, take one.
Plot Summary: Greek gods, lots of fighting, special effects.
What Looks Good: Medusa, the giant scorpion things, the monster they ripped off from Pan's Labrynth, Sam Worthington.
What Looks Bad: Since there isn't even an iota of narrative, the story is probably going to suck. But that's not why you buy a ticket to this anyway.
Final Verdict: Our eyeballs are dancing and our brain has checked out. Sounds like a great Saturday night.

A Single Man
Starring: Colin Firth, Julianne Moore
Reminds Us Of: Mad Men, that other retro movie Julianne Moore got an Oscar nomination for, the perfume bottles on our grandmother's vanity.
Plot Summary: Based on this trailer, we have no clue. Something having to do with how sexing Julianne Moore leads Colin Firth to want to do it with young boys.
What Looks Good: Art direction, wardrobe, performances.
What Looks Bad: This trailer reeks of a movie that is 20 minutes too long.
Final Verdict: Yes, please. We go see everything Julianne Moore is in, even though she hasn't made a good movie in a long while. Also, Oscars.

Kick-Ass
Starring: Aaron Johnson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Nicolas Cage
Reminds Us Of: Napolean Dynomite after karate class, Kevin Smith's wet dreams.
Plot Summary: A bunch of kids decide to put on costumes and become super heroes.
What Looks Good: The costumes are cute, and we bet there is going to be some great comedy.
What Looks Bad: Surprisingly this trailer does its job and makes this thing look really appealing. Good job.
Final Verdict: We're going to wait to read reviews before buying a ticket, but we're sold on the concept.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Ben Kingsley, Gemma Arterton
Reminds Us Of: Video games, that we need to go to the gym.
Plot Summary: There's a dagger that stops time and evil people want it, so a prince and his sexy lady have to go through the desert to get rid of it.
What Looks Good: The special effects, Jakey G. and his slutty princess.
What Looks Bad: The accents! The accents!
Final Verdict: This could either be Pirates of the Carribean good or The Mummy bad, both of which are pretty low bars.

• What may be Miramax's last great premiere took place last night at the AFI Festival, celebrating the debut of Everybody's Fine, the news dramedy starring Robert De Niro, and the company appears to be going out with something less than a roar. There were early hopes that the film might give Miramax — and De Niro — one last Oscar hurrah. HItfix reports however, that "the film a mess in so many ways that neither the legendary actor or the stars who play his children — Sam Rockwell, Drew Barrymore and Kate Beckinsale — can save it." [Hitfix]

• The natives are getting restless and the drumbeat grows ever louder for the NBC/Universal Comcast deal. In their quarterly earnings reports, Comcast reported their profits were up 22 percent, bringing to a crescendo pleas that they just go ahead and buy NBC already and end our long showbiz-wide nightmare of suspense. [Variety]

• At the other end of the spectrum, Time-Warner was the beneficiary of low expectations. Its profits fell 38 percent last quarter, which remarkably was above expectations and led the company to raise its earnings projections for the year. [Hollywood Reporter]

• There may be signs of life in that old DVD market yet. The Wrap reports that after the huge success of the Transformers 2 DVD release, analysts are optimistic about the upcoming crop of blockbuster home releases to fuel strong sales. [The Wrap]

• The American Film Market, where US independent filmmakers peddle their wares for international distributors, opened yesterday and Variety saw hopes that the expo may be coming out of the doldrums it has been in in recent years. In addition to a line-up of films made by and featuring some heavy-hitters, Variety says the worldwide success of a handful of indie films — including Slumdog Millionaire — has created a more favorable climate. [Variety]

• Gerard Butler will star in the directorial debut of actor Ralph Fiennes, a modern adaptation of Shakespeare's Coriolanus. [Hollywood Reporter]

The busy David O. Russell has signed on to direct the annoyingly-titled Aaron and Sarah, a sort of When Harry Met Sally... for the high school set. Kids meet as friends and, over four years, fall in love. Cue retro twee pop score, end with dancing. [Variety] The always-busy Ralph Fiennes might play Hades, god of the underworld, in the upcoming Clash of the Titans. Liam Neeson is scheduled to play Zeus. Why they would want to remake an amazing classic is beyond me, but I suppose that's acceptable casting. [Variety]

Botox spokeswoman Virginia Madsen will be producing a documentary called Defying Gravity, about lonely gay kids on Long Island who are really into Wicked. Actually, it's about women ski-jumpers fighting to be able to participate in the 2010 Olympics. So far, women have been banned from competing in the sport, making it the only Olympic event that is exclusive for men. [Variety] Meanwhile her costar in The Haunting Two Towns Over from Hartford, You Know, Where the Kohl's Is, Kyle Gallner, will play the lead in A Nightmare On Elm Street. Elm Street is famously where the International Ski Jumping Association headquarters are located, and the movie tells the story of men frightened of lady ski jumpers. [Variety]

Well fuck me. HBO has renewed Danny McBride, Jody Hill, and Ben Best's Eastbound and Down for a second season. Production is scheduled to start in the fall so I guess we'd get the new episodes sometime about a year from now. It's unclear whether the show, and lead character Kenny Powers, will return to the North Carolina setting of the first season, or if it'll head out on the road. No matter what, this is good news. [Variety] In the land of shitty TV, The Bachelorette will return as a mainstay of ABC's summer programming next month. But that's not all the good news! Each episode of the show will now be two hours long. [Variety]

Out-to-lunch Brittany Murphy has joined the cast of out-to-lunch-sounding action movie The Expendables, Sylvester Stallone's paean to action stars of yesteryear. Mostly like, himself. And Arnie Schwarzenegger. And, heh, Dolph Lundgren. Presumably she'll play a tough, smart, independent woman who has a great career, a nice condo by the marina, and doesn't need a man to rescue her. [THR] Actor who is everywhere Xander Berkeley has been cast in two different new series. He'll play a regular on ABC's Day One, which, judging by the title, is about vitamins, and he'll be a recurring character on Shonda Rhimes' (Grey's Anatomy) new series Inside the Box, which is also a medical drama, this one set in the world of gynecology. [THR]

Page Six reports that Rourke was at the Chateau Marmont the other night with Sean Penn (guess they made up!) when he was accosted by Ms. Bai, who beelined toward the actor's melty mug like a moth to a flame made of fame. Then, says the paper, they "made out and partied pretty hard." Aside from the fact that Rourke is a dog person and Bai is devoted to her cat Qiji, we think this is a match made in celebrity heaven. If this doesn't last until Bai crashes the Academy Awards red carpet, we're throwing our votes to Frank Langella.

Still, the rumors about the pair prompted us to seek visual confirmation at Bai's blog (newly retitled "Naked Seduction 永恒的诱惑" for 2009, and why not), and that's where we stumbled upon rival suitors. Sure, there was a picture of Rourke and Bai together, but the camera-hopping starlet showed off equally scorching chemistry this past week with the eclectic group of Ralph Fiennes, John Legend, and American Idol winner David Cook. This can only be settled with a massive, stapler-wielding tag team match at the Red Bank Y. Better start juicing, Fiennes!

• Beautiful weekend colored my space...... [Naked Seduction 永恒的诱惑]

Boomp3.com

The tension at the Toronto Film Festival press conference for the film The Duchess was so thick and juicy that it could be cut with a bread knife. When asked what it was like to work with her co-star Ralph Fiennes, Keira Knightley mistakenly called him "Ralph", instead of the preferred pronunciation "Rafe". Fiennes instantly began to sulk and slumped extremely low into his seat, at which point Knightley released an exasperated sigh. "If it bothers you so much, why don't you just change your name to Ocho Cinco?", she asked.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Martha's Vineyard Detox Diet: Followers include ridiculously skin-and-bones supe Gisele Bundchen, weight loss master Robin Quivers and the muscular Madonna. The 21-day detox promises devotees to shed 21 pounds in that many days "by subsisting on live juices, enzymes - and regular colonics." Fun!

The Master Cleanser: Reportedly what Beyonce used in order to nab her Dreamgirls role, Vince Vaughn allegedly follows the lemon juice liquid diet, and Jared Leto shed his Chapter 27 weight by drinking the "water mixed with lemon, maple syrup and cayenne pepper" cocktail as well. Yum!

Dr. Joshi's Holistic Detox: Fans include the clavicle-flashing Gwyneth Paltrow, original waif Kate Moss and currently slim Ralph Fiennes. The main focus is avoiding acidic and toxic foods, but the downside hardly sounds worth it, and sort of explains Kate's moody expressions in photo after photo: "Users report headaches, stomach pains, nausea and fatigue." Even more fun!

[Photo credits: Getty, Wireimage, FilmMagic]

• CELEB DETOX DIETS MAY PROVE HARD TO SWALLOW [NYDN]

And what sort of enlightened activities are the new LA couple up to these days? Well, for one thing, the pair is fond of staging elaborate spiritual lessons, including photos of the as-yet-unnamed guru teaching Bimbo Summit leader lessons from a book called The Path To The Painted Shaman, and driving around LA drinkin' Starbucks and talkin' inner peace. Though we're reminded of Paris's five-second religious awakening, that period merely included staged photos of Paris clutching the Bible (which she, uh, apparently didn't actually read), this new fella in Paris' life may actually be doing some good. According to the Daily Mail, The Bearded One has already convinced the lingerie-wearing birthday girl to "give away a piece of diamond jewelery as they wandered the streets together." Geez, and all Duke's healer did was run off with all her money. Maybe this five-minute fling may actually do some good?

[Photo Credit: X17]

• THE ODD COUPLE: PARIS HILTON TOURS LA WITH BUDDHIST MONK FRIEND [Daily Mail]

• Remember a time when you would have been excited to see a picture of Britney Spears' naked boob? Us neither, really. [Egotastic]
  
• Evil monster Ralph Fiennes and Ellen Barkin: canoodling! [Page Six]
  
• Regarding Paris Hilton: "The celebucon has complained bitterly to the press while in jail that she's not allowed to have facial moisturizer and her skin is dry." Worst "celebu-" construction yet. The English language will not stand for this. [Page Six]
  
• Michael Jackson and R. Kelly, among others, are suing Jay-Z's club for allegedly shorting them on royalties. [NYP]

In today's episode: Sean Penn; Mark Wahlberg; Ben Affleck; Ralph Fiennes; James Woods; Jessica Biel; Courtney Love; Randy Johnson; Jessica Simpson and Jewel; Stanley Tucci and Maura Tierney; Patrick Dempsey and Michelle Monaghan; Paula Abdul and Tony Schiena; Danny Bonaduce; Scott Speedman; Johnny Knoxville; Jesse Bradford; Paul Mazursky; George Lopez; Monica Lewinsky and Emily Bergl. In San Francisco: Owen Wilson.

· Sean Penn driving East on Santa Monica Blvd. on 5/1 about 6pm by Trader Vics in a grey Audi RS4, looking very tan. Nice ride.

· Friday 7:30ish walking home from early drinks at Ketchup (fun place) was with a friend from out of town and we came around the corner on sherbourne just above sunset on our way up to our street and walked right by Mark Wahlberg sitting in his black Mercedes SUV talking to some guy and signing something. It must have been business because i think he has offices right on the corner.............My friend was thrilled wanted to run up to him and tell him how much she loved his brother lol!!!

· 1:15pm today, saw ben affleck at rock island wraps in old town pasadena. he was alone, reading the paper and desperately needs to shave the scruff. that's all.

· Thursday, 5/3: Runyon Canyon - Spotted a shirtless Ralph Fiennes trekking up the main road, closer to the top of the park. He was with a tall brunette gal and gleaming with sweat, but had no dog. He's quite tall. And pale. Which makes sense, since he's Voldemort. Also spotted Eddie Jemison (Livingston Dell from the Ocean's Eleven movies)—he seemed very sweet. He was with another guy, who was walking a puggle.

· I just saw Ralph Fiennes in front of the Hermitage BH. He was talking to an industry "type" who was saying: "It's a great story about . . ." I kept walking on very coolly. But was sort of stoked! He was wearing a floaty shirt right out of the English Patient and khaki pants. He looked pretty cute.

· Tuesday 5/1, 11:15a, Old Town Pasadena: - while walking down Colorado Blvd. saw Celine Dion carrying a ginormous Tiffany's parcel, headed toward/ chatting to someone who looked like her assistant.

· I just saw James Woods and his teenage girlfriend and their little doggy getting into a grey Jeep Cherokee in front of the Hermitage, BH. People keep telling me he's hung like a horse. Is that true? Should I stop and ask him next time?

· Enjoying a leisurely Sunday (4/29) afternoon shopping trip at Ritual Adornments (DIY jewelry shop on Main Street in Santa Monica) when I noticed Jessica Biel shopping with her friends too. They were picking out beads and getting something made. She's shorter than I thought — but aren't they all. Looked very LA-ish in that I'm a celebrity but look oh.so. Bohemian chic kinda of way — if that makes any sense.

· Sometime last week, Courtney Love taking a purposeful walk down Hollywood Blvd at Ivar. She had on a low-slung cowboy hat, and made an unfortunate decision to bare her newly-tightened midriff (which looked like Jared Leto's arm in "Requiem For A Dream").

Sports might not count to many people here, but on Tuesday (5/1), couldn't avoid noticing Diamondbacks pitcher Randy Johnson at Amoeba. He was in the used section and had someone there helping him look for something I overheard was "UK only" that "doesn't come in often". Famous hockey hair and dirt 'stash were cut pretty tight. 6 foot 10 in person is even more disconcerting than you would expect. Everyone was double-taking at the sheer height.

· Tuesday, 5/1, Dresden Room (again): A group with that certain protected scent of sycophant/privilege walked in all laughs and smiles. I recognized nobody, so didn't think much about it but then Elayne asked me did I see Jessica Simpson was there? I looked over, but the blonde looked nothing like Jessica—turns out Jess has brown hair now and Jewel was the blonde. It was open mic night and they were both good sports enough to sing. Jewel was great, if a little too pleased with herself, and told the horn section to shut up which made more than a few people happy (except the horns). Jessica did "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'," kind of. She claimed shyness, said she didn't want to disrespect Nancy Sinatra and then just sang the chorus while Elayne sang the verses. She gave it the usual Jessica over-the-top talent show star treatment, of which I am a fan. Anyway...I don't know what they were doing on the East side, as there's nothing here.

· At the Elvis Costello concert last night (5-2) at the House of Blues I spotted Stanley Tucci and Maura Tierney ('ER') together. Not sure if they're friends or a couple, but they were wandering the floor together. She looked good, he looked bald.

· 5-2 Don't know if it counts when you see celebs "working", not hanging out with the plebes, but here ya go:

Patrick Dempsey and Michelle Monaghan walking Vermont Blvd in Los Feliz while filming tentatively-titled (according to signs up everywhere warning that you'd be filmed if you walked thru) Made of Honor. Much more exciting than seeing them, however, was the set design turning Vermont/Melbourne into a NYC street corner, steaming manhole cover and all.

· Saw Paula Abdul early this morning at the Burbank airport dropping off her boyfriend, Tony Schiena (Thanks Google) They arrived, with him driving, in a large white Range Rover. She was wearing sweats, sneakers, and a pony tail. He was HOT, if you like the tall, sexy, rugged type. He gave her quite a nice kiss before heading off to the ticket counter. I was also there dropping off my boyfriend and came to 3 conclusions— Paula looks better then I do with no make-up, she has a nicer car, and a better boyfriend—she sucks. Also saw Danny Bonaduce at Starbucks looking like you think he would look.

· (5/1) In the parking lot of the Coffee Bean on Sunset and Fairfax this afternoon I literally almost broke my neck checking out some scruffy guy with aviators. My friend and I walk into the store, moments later the guy walks into the store and takes off his glasses, low and behold it is none other then Scott Speedman (Ben from Felcity, Van Helsing for the boys). And let me tell you, there must be something in the water in Canada, because he was even more gorgeous in person.

· O-M-G just took a swing down to Amoeba records on my lunch break and came face to face with Johnny Knoxville loudly giving another shopper a rundown on the folk music section. I think I was more stunned by the fact that his behavior (abrasive) and appearance (scruffy) exactly matched my expectations of a Knoxville encounter than the fact that I saw him in person. He is pretty hot, though.

· Saw Jesse Bradford at Orso on Monday night (4/30), early dinner...seriously besides him, me and my sister, everyone could have qualified for the early bird special. He looked beyond hot in a white buttondown and was with another guy, not sure what kind of dinner (business? friend? date?)...but don't want to start any rumors so we'll just leave it at that.

· Paul Mazursky parading by Frida's on Beverly Drive yesterday, saw him twice, at least. (5/2)

And George Lopez getting his own coffee at Coffee Bean on Riverside in Toluca Lake (5/3)? Don't these people have nameless assistants for this kind of thing???

· Wed nite May 2nd. Zipping around Sherman Oaks Fashion Square with a girlfriend. She wanted to go to Firefly (too much attitude for the San Fernando Valley) I opted for a quiet drink & salad at Cafe Marmalade. We hit the place about 8:45. Overheard a waitress chatting w/2 NY'ers about something banal when I heard "on Barbara Walters........" which piqued my interest. I headed toward the loo when I noticed a nice looking female brunette (we locked eyes for a brief second) sitting with this fat, nebbish looking fellow. Looked like Monica Lewinsky? I stopped our waitress and yes she wasn't sure either. About 9pm in walks the parents; I immediately recognize Dr. Lewinsky as the oncologist who was written up in a local magazine as he is some sort of part time artist. Same article failed to mention his lovely daughter. As we left Momma Lewinsky (she is very very loud-typical SFV Jew momma) blabbed on about nothing. The next day 8 different friends asked if me ML had on a navy dress........

· saw EMILY BERGL (yes...i imdb'd it), Annie the cute red-headed girl on Men In Trees, earlier today 5/2. what??! so i've watched it a few times. she was standing at the corner of Sunset + Cahuenga, waiting for the light to change. she was alone, looking lost and confused, but she was wearing a really cute hat.

Bay Area Butterscotch Stallion Edition:

· I almost feel guilty writing this in, but I was in SF this weekend, enjoying my Salted Caramel ice cream from Bi Rite Creamery & heading down from Delores Park when the Butterscotch Stallion (Owen Wilson) himself strolled on by, alone & fairly inconspicuous- well as inconspicuous as a Kate Hudson-loving man can be in the Bay Area...OK, I don't feel all that guilty anymore....

1. On Saturday, circa 2:00 p.m., he had a late lunch at The Mercer Kitchen alone with a young woman.

2. On Saturday evening, in the company of Liam Neeson and Natasha Richardson and the soon-to-be omnipresent unknown lady, took in "The Year of Magical Thinking." Removed hand from her thigh when he handed her a handkerchief to wipe away her tears.

3. On Sunday at 3 p.m., with a clipboard in one hand and a blonde lady in the other, entered 110 Central Park South with the additional escort of a real estate agent.

4. Last night, Monday, at 8 p.m., he dined with a/the younger woman at Cafe Luxembourg; dressed in a gray suit and blue shirt.

5. Then on Monday night, from 10:15 until after midnight, he went for drinks at The Spotted Pig with Edward Norton and a small crew of others, including the/a lady, who was reported by observers as, yes, being amenable to frequent touching.