This notion of “phrases that are worse than meaningless”—let’s discuss it.

History regularly offers up events that turn out to be litmus tests for political courage, wisdom, and judgment. The last one was the Iraq War. The new one is the candidacy of Donald Trump.

A hellish and desolate landscape of “freeways”—an ironic name, for they only serve to imprison you in an idling, air-conditioned bubble as life slowly passes you by.

Diners: not a fast food restaurant, but also not a “real” restaurant. Something in between. Seems like it should be in between the price of fast food and a real restaurant. But is it?

Though we wish it were not so, America has a two-party political system. Both parties share many of the same bad qualities. But one is unique, in that it is a machine made of fraud.

During this election season, you will hear candidates argue about lots of things. Only two things are really important.

Humans invented weapons in part to equalize the physical differences between us. That’s perfectly understandable. But does your weapon have to be a gun? Chill out. Jesus.

Many of America’s political leaders are warning of the dangers posed by Syrian refugees. They are underestimating, though, the much greater danger: dumbass hicks, in charge of things.

At a star-studded gala honoring Angelina Jolie last night, Robert DeNiro reportedly got angry at some tech guy for “condescending” to celebrities. Chill out Robert DeNiro.

After patriotism and religion, “attacking the media” is the most popular refuge of the scoundrel.

So there were rats in the restaurant. Okay. You’ll be fine!!!

Hello, Donald Trump supporters. Donald Trump believes that you are very fucking dumb. And you are proving him correct.

I understand that America is fucked up. I understand you’re angry about it. Still, you might as well vote.

“All right, we just have a couple more songs for you guys,” announces the singer of a band you like, or a band you are seeing out of obligation, from the stage. You look down at your watch: It is 11:25. Man—come on.

Hey Jeff—great meal. Just great. Well, it’s all done. What’s that? Did you say it’s time to “load the dishwasher?” Sorry Jeff—I now think you’re not very smart at all.

The big controversy in the political pseudo-journalist world this week: the stunning revelations that ABC news anchor George Stephanopoulos made undisclosed contributions to the Clinton Foundation. Allow us to point out that George Stephanopoulos never should have been a news anchor YOU IDIOTS!!!!