Penned by one Mr. Ben Sisario—whose writing is typically quite wonderful—the song is broken down as such:

...roughly 50 percent rote Jay-Z chest-beating ("I'm the new Sinatra"), 30 percent tourist-friendly travelogue ("Statue of Liberty, long live the World Trade") and the rest a glorious Alicia Keys hook.

Which is true! Jay-Z goes from the Bronx to Tribeca and back; most people who live in the West Village like Jay-Z think they get nosebleeds above 14th Street and apply for visas every time they cross the East River. For all intents and purposes, Jay-Z has probably visited more locales in New York than Sinatra ever did, even goddamn Williamsburg. Sinatra was from Hoboken, Hov is from Marcy. And Jay-Z can even get the hardest reservation in New York, a tabled at famed mobster hangout Rao's (as evidenced by his D.O.A. video), something only someone like Sinatra could pull off back in the day. And Sisario makes a great point, noting that when you're Jay-Z, who do you beef with? Where do you go from here?

But there's a more basic explanation for this new rivalry: If you are the king of rap, and you've already topped all the charts, trounced all other M.C.'s, and even run a major record company, what's the next challenge? Where do you go? Answer: You start beefs with pantheon heroes, thus muscling your way into their realm. And it seems to be working pretty well: "The Blueprint 3" has sold 1.2 million copies, according to Nielsen SoundScan, and after eight weeks it is still in the Top 10.

Let's be honest: Jay-Z's stature, at this point, is a little absurd. He could've had a fighting chance against Bloomberg if he were on the ballot; he surely would've gotten a more ringing endorsement from this website than Billy Talen, for one thing. But he needs to catch paper, and he needs the mayor in his pocket to do that, and the only rapper trying to start fights with him is Beanie Siegel, who, exactly. So who does Jay-Z beef with? Sinatra. Obviously. But is Jay-Z's anthem as utilitarian as Sinatra's?

"New York, New York" is built around a handful of memorable phrases ("I want to wake up in a city that never sleeps") that resonate with a universality perfect for a baseball stadium. Ms. Keys supplies that ingredient in "Empire State of Mind," singing somewhat trite slogans ("These streets will make you feel brand new") in a huge, rousing voice. Yet like all Jay-Z songs, "Empire" is, in the end, solely about Jay-Z. And while his personality may fill Yankee Stadium more persuasively than any other pop star, would 50,000 fans ever have the timing, or the memory, to recite "Say what-up to Ty-Ty, still sippin' Mai Tais/Sittin' courtside, Knicks and Nets give me high-five"?

For better or worse, I'm willing to bet that there's a significant difference in the number of people who can rattle off four out of five members of the Rat Pick as opposed to the number of people who can tell you what a Ty-Ty is, though both groups of people definitely have no idea why they should care about Joey Bishop.

Then again, rap is crossing over into audiences who'd never listened to it before—primarily, more adults, who were once the kids that grew up on it—and was "New York, New York" ever a song of the people, or was it always a song of rich privilege? Sure, there's a peasant's, hustler's tone to it, and sure, as Sisario makes clear, Sinatra came from the 'hood, too.

Real talk (oh yes): more people have heard "New York, New York." But what Sisario only hints at is that Sinatra's song will only be heard on one kind of radio station. Jay-Z's will be heard on at least three.

Derek Jeter, a person, walks out to Jay-Z's song. The Yankees—the rich, evil organization with an administration even Yankees fans detest—play "New York, New York" when games end. Rap like Jay-Z's is becoming more accessible to more people, while kids and adults alike aren't exactly going to be (and have never been) bumping Sinatra. Some people will call this a shame. Others will call it progress. I call it a win-win situation.

[Photo via Getty Images]

The Wall Street Journal, bless its nilla heart, breaks this story and undermines it in the course of two paragraphs:

"Do you think that hip-hop would be an appropriate area for NEA to fund?" I inquired.

"Absolutely. And mural painting and graffiti are art. There are popular aspects of all the arts that I think shouldn't be ignored."

Funding hip-hop-the best of which is rhythmically poetic, but commonly punctuated by profanity, violence and/or misogynistic sexuality-could put the previously embattled agency back in the crosshairs of the decency police.

Sure, rappers have rhythm. Many can dance! But, you know...bitches and hoes. Guns and malt liquor. Pussy and weed. Glocks and rocks. The WSJ thinks you know what it means. The things those people talk about. [Pic: Rob Gale]

Starting in 1983, Mr. Magic hosted "Rap Attack" with Marley Marl on WBLS radio in NYC—which was the first all-hip hop radio show, anywhere. For a long time, he was the man when it came to breaking new rappers on the East Coast. He got name-dropped a lot, as you would imagine. "Every Saturday, Rap Attack, Mr. Magic, Marley Marl," said Biggie Smalls. "I gots to have it/ I miss Mr. Magic," said Nas. Miss Info [via Gametagradio.com] posted a letter from DJ Premier this morning remembering the man's accomplishments:

HE PAVED THE WAY FOR ALL RADIO STATIONS THAT EVER DID MIXSHOWS AND ALSO SPARKED THE CAREER OF BOOGIE DOWN PRODUCTIONS DUE TO THE DISS HE SHOWED WHEN THEY CAME TO SHOP THEIR DEMO TO HIM AND WAS TURNED AWAY WHICH THEN SPARKED "SOUTH BRONX" AND "THE BRIDGE IS OVER"…….

And a late pass from us: RIP to Roc Raida, another hip hop legend and a crazy skilled scratch DJ with the X-Men who died about a week and a half ago after a martial arts accident. Life's short.

I don't know how many rappers (or black guys, period) Spitznagel's interviewed, but surely he doesn't talk to all of them like this, seriously or not:

During the 90s, you were rapping about "Money, cars, bitches, and drugs." What have you cut back on because of the recession? The cars? The bitches? The drugs?

All that been cut out of my lifestyle. I'm not really trippin' on that shit anymore.

Surely you keep a bitch or two around the crib just for old time's sake.

It ain't like that. You get older and realize you gotta mature....

But hits without bitches or one of them bouncy cars, doesn't it feel kinda hollow?

Naw, man, it's played out. I got four kids and one kid on the way.

Could it get worse? Yes, it could. And it does:

From Madoff to AIG, it doesn't seem like there's anybody we can trust. In this financial climate, does it make more sense to invest in Citigroup or the Crips?

Oh, hell no! Invest in the Crips? That's crazy, man!

So you think the Bloods are a better investment?

Neither one of them! You don't wanna get involved in any of that!

As Rap Radar succinctly put it: What kind of asinine question is that to ask a father of four? But Eric seems to develop a nice rapport with Mr. G, as evidenced by a dumb joke at the end involving sounding out "bleach" like "bleeotch" and Warren G supposedly laughing at it. Better question, though: what kind of answer is this for someone who's supposed to be, you know, as an artist: progressive?

I mean, I ain't against the gays or nothin'.

Wait, what? You had me until the "I ain't against the gays" part.

I ain't against gay people. I'm just against it being promoted to kids.

I'm sorry, I don't follow. What does the recession have to do with gay propaganda?

I know people that's gay. My wife's got friends that are gay. I got family that's gay. Cousins and shit. He cool as fuck. He cool as a motherfucker. He's my homie. I just mean that on some of these TV shows, they got dudes kissing. And kids are watching that shit. We can't have kids growing up with that.

So you've got a "pot leads to heroin" theory about Hollywood homosexuality? Today there are men kissing on network TV, and tomorrow Grey's Anatomy is all about mouth rape?

I know it happens, but let's keep it behind the scenes. Ain't nothin' wrong with it if that's what two dudes wanna do. Cool. But that's not bring that out into the world, where the kids can see that. We don't want all the kids doing that. ‘Cause that ain't how we was originally put here to do. Like I said, I ain't got no problem with the gays.

Ah, well then: Gays are fine, so long as we keep them "behind the scenes." Like, African Americans—who also didn't choose the color of their skin—are fine, so long as we keep them "behind the scenes?" Yeah, that would fly. Like all the weed you smoked on the Up In Smoke tour? Or any number of the shady criminal activities you've rapped about being involved in? Whatever. Rappers are still homophobic. Funny, because it's been long spoken that one of the most revered amongst their ranks—and one especially close to Warren G—swings the other way. Easy-E seemed to think so.

Eazy-E accused Dr. Dre of homosexual tendencies, calling him a "she thang", and the music video for "Real Muthaphuckkin G's" shows promo pictures of him wearing make-up and a sequined jumpsuit.

So did Tupac:

I could care less whether or not Dr. Dre's gay. He's still the best rap producer alive, and could still kick the shit out everyone I know. But I guess the rap community would, or does.

No punchline. It just sucks. Here's a good Warren G song:

David Segal, it's wonderful that other nillas at the Times besides Sia Michel and Jon Pareles and Jon Caramanica listen to Jay-Z, and for the most part, you're kind of right, but please, next time you do this, note the following five suggestions. I'm only trying to help:

1. I haven't heard it called "Gangsta Rap" since Tupac and Biggie were still alive. I doubt anyone mentioned has either. Please, unless you're being cute, keep all suffixed consonants intact, for the sake of your fellow white guys.

2. Ian Spiegelman's had better beefs than 50 Cent vs. Ja Rule, which is to say nothing of other rappers. Also, these guys are about as "gangsta" as Clark Hoyt, if that.

3. Rush Limbaugh peppers his show with self-adulating incantations that would seem right at home on a Snoop Dogg track, calling himself "Chief Waga-Waga El Rushbo of the El Conservo Tribe," "doctor of democracy," and "a weapon of mass instruction." Well...okay. You get that one. I'm pretty sure Snoop actually has called himself Chief Waga-Waga El Rushbo, and has possibly been ordained as such by an obscure, cannibus-harvesting tribe.

4. You only lent a paragraph to this assclown, this DJ Clayvis character, a conservative talk show host who's also a rapper who I think might secretly be Sage Francis. There's an entire story waiting to be done on him.

5. The difference between these guys? Ludarcis recorded "Southern Hospitality" and gives away cars. Glenn Beck recorded this and gave us The 9/12 Project.

Finally, you failed to bring the viral wonderfulness that is the internet into the equation. Let me assist: the remix culture where beats, music, and the untended moments of a broadcaster meet in the middle.

Yes, for, uh, $2.99, you too can now have the technology that gave rise to one of the most irritating sounds in modern hip hop and made Kanye West waste a bunch of months trying to sing. Rather than just sit down and die, T-Pain decided to cash in and bring autotune to the masses. If you thought the guy listening to music through his phone, sans headphones on the subway was bad, wait until you meet the one singing into his. This is wonderful, and awful, and I can't not promise possibly sometime over the weekend posting a video of me using this in the comments, doing a Gawker Weekend Autotune Rendition of Jennifer Holiday's "And I'm Telling You" verse. Meanwhile, watch and learn:

Jay-Z's last headlining date at a festival was at Glastonbury in London, where he became the first rap headliner in the history of the festival. The gig provoked Oasis to say something bitchy about it, and he responded by opening the show with a jokey rendition of "Wonderwall."

This time, he was a little nicer, and possibly answered the demands of the people: after a large countdown clock played out, Jay-Z launched on stage with a cover of the Beastie Boys' classic Licensed To Ill track, "No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn." He's now the first rapper to headline a major American rock festival, and maybe the first rapper to cover the first act to open up hip hop for white guys. He dedicated his entire set to Yuach, paid tribute to Michael Jackson, and via most of the reactions popping up so far, crushed it. He probably won over a few non-believers, too. The guy's talent, business savvy, and class is simply impressive.

Now, the following list is definitely some of the best, but it's by no means definitive, or comprehensive: surely, there're far more examples out there that we encourage you to throw in the comments. We've put screengrabs of each example in this gallery, and videos will be on individual threads in the comments for us to break down and discuss together! Maybe President Obama, Gates, and his arresting officer, Sgt. James Crowley, can make cute references to each of these examples when they have a beer together later this week. Or maybe they can actually discuss some of the realities of racial profiling in America, which pop culture can sometimes get right, and sometimes: absolutely mangle.

The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air: In the episode "Mistaken Identity," Will and Carlton - on their way up to Palm Springs - get pulled over in a family friend's Mercedes Benz while going 2MPH looking for a freeway entrance. Because they're black, they're assumed by a cop to have stolen the car. Will tries to stonewall the cop while Carlton tries to reason with him, and of course, they end up in jail. Some singing and dancing later, Aunt Viv and Uncle Phil bail them out. The episode ends with Will castigating Carlton for not knowing better.
White Guilt Factor: 5. Funny whiteguy Andy Borowitz was the show's creator, but it had a predominately African American cast.
Black Anger Factor: 7, but it's subdued: After Carlton asks Uncle Phil if he would've pulled them over, Uncle Phil reminds him: "I wondered the same thing the first time I was pulled over." Not your typical Fresh Prince ending: Carlton sits alone in silence to ruminate with his newfound disquiet as the credits fade to black.
Accuracy: 6. Black guys in nice cars are red flags for suburban cops, but really, who would mistake Carlton for a criminal? [Answer: Who would mistake Henry Gates for a home invader?].

99 Problems by Jay-Z: The song - from his I'm Retiring-Before-I-UnRetire Black Album - was produced by Def Jam founder Rick Rubin, and one of the prominent verses is about being pulled over by police for a Jim Crow-esque speeding offense. Observe: "I...pull over to the side of the road/I heard "Son do you know why I'm stoppin' you for?"/Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hat's real low?/Do I look like a mind reader sir? I don't know../Am I under arrest or should I guess some mo'?/"Well you was doin fifty-five in a fifty-fo' "/"License and registration and step out of the car"/"Are you carryin' a weapon on you I know a lot of you are." The Mark Romanek-directed video - which showed Hov and Rubin being searched by cops - was a source of much controversy on MTV, where they ran it with a warning. It won three VMAs that year. Wikipedia-sourced trivia: Jay-Z performed the song for the White House Staff Ball, and tweaked the lyrics: "I've got 99 Problems, but a Bush ain't one."
White Guilt Factor: 3. Rick Rubin might be white, but he's about as white as anybody who looks like this can possibly be.
Black Anger Factor: 8. How many times do you think this kind of shit happened to Jay-Z in his 20s? He still keeps a pretty cool head about it.
Accuracy: 9. Rappers in nice cars getting pulled over and searched for weapons? Never.

Crash: Paul Haggis directed and co-wrote the 2004 drama about racism in modern-day L.A. with another white dude, Bobby Moresco. There're a variety of situations in the movie showing all of us exactly how racist we are, which many complained were incredibly heavy-handed and overreaching. One in specific: a prominent African American director and his wife get pulled (Terrance Howard and Thandie Newton) get pulled over by two white cops (Matt Dillion and Ryan Phillipe). Matt Dillion's character ends up molesting Thandie Newton's character and they almost shoot Terrance Howard's character dead. Via an ensemble cast and a strong campaign, the drama beat the odds and won the Best Picture Oscar in 2004, beating out Brokeback Mountain in what's widely considered to (A) prove that Hollywood would rather talk about racism than sexual orientation because there's no such thing as a gay male megastar (B) prove the Oscar voting committee to subscribe to this idea, and (C) total "bullshit."
White Guilt Factor: 9. The film was written, directed, and produced by white guys (the sole exception being Don Cheadle's producing credit). Again, the racism depicted in Crash is seen by many as way overreaching.
Black Anger Factor: 7. Has a pretty split cast, and the portrayal of said racism-in-action scenarios is, while sometimes outlandish, not impossible.
Accuracy: 8. At least some of the shit in Crash has happened somewhere, at some point. Not all of it - people don't have magical epiphanies at what utter racist dicks they've been at then end of an episode of racism when karma's reached all the way around - but definitely some of it.

"The Message" by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five. The 1982 rap song is often considered one of the greatest, and while there's no specific reference to racial profiling in the song, the video caused some controversy when it explicitly played it out: Flash and Posse are walking down a street when two white cops pull up to them, stop, get out, and throw them in the car. Bummer.
White Guilt Factor: Eh. 6 for the people at MTV showing it.
Black Anger Factor: 6.5, if only because they could've really had the cops rough the kids up, or have the kids do something like volunteering when the cops picked them up.
Accuracy: 5. Well, the roundup at the end of the video takes, like, fifteen seconds. I think it'd take two cops a little longer to do that. Also, I'm not sure if anything as explicit as that happened in 1981 - probably, would be my guess - but it gets docked on speed alone.

The West Wing: In the first season of Aaron Sorkin's dialogue-porn show about the inner-workings of White House staffers, a Democratic administration is trying to get an activist Latino judge - "Robert Mendoza," played by Edward James Olmos, who you might remember from Stand & Deliver - confirmed to the supreme court. Judge Mendoza goes antiquing in the northeast, and driving back down to Washington D.C., he gets pulled over for "erratic driving," asked to take a breathalizer test, and when they encounter hostility, taken to jail in front of his wife and child. The White House communications director and his deputy (played by Richard Schiff and Rob Lowe) have to go retrieve Mendoza - who has yet to tell the cops that he's a Supreme Court nominee - from police custody. Mendoza wants to make a statement of it by taking this to trial, and the White House won't let him. Mendoza ends up leaving peacefully, but not before warning Toby: "They pulled me over because I look like my name is Roberto Mendoza, and I'm coming to rob your house...and all (my son's) gonna remember from this is his Dad being handcuffed, and America's got another pissed off guy with dark skin."
White Guilt Factor: 8. It's Aaron Sorkin. You need to know anything else? Docked two White Guilt points for being consistently grandstand-y.
Black Hispanic Anger Factor: 8. Give it to Sorkin: he knew how to write this one, and Olmos delivered the lines.
Accuracy: 7. This probably hasn't happened to someone of a Supreme Court nominee's stature, while they're in the middle of being confirmed. Also, the cops escorted Mendoza back to his hotel and apologized to his kids. Psh.

Chamillionare's "Ridin'" The worst-named rapper maybe ever - or the most incredibly-named, depending on which side you fall on, here - had a slammin' hit single the summer of 2006 that more or less tore up charts. It's explicitly about racial profiling: the act of "riding dirty" would be "driving a car with something illicit in it" and those "trying to catch him (riding dirty)" would be police. Sample lyric: "Thinkin they'll catch me on the wrong well keep tryin'/Cause they denyin is racial profiling/Houston, TX/ you can check my tags/Pull me over try to check my slab/Glove compartment gotta get my cash/Cause the crooked cops try to come up fast."
White Guilt Factor: 0. Maybe 1? Honesty, I thought the song was about a sexual act for the longest time before I realized it was about racial profiling. Goes to show how much I was listening. I just thought the chorus was great.
Black Anger Factor: 6. Does Chamillionare sound that pissed? Krazie Bone - who raps the second verse of the song - also admits to having ridden "dirty" previously: "Doin a hundred while I puff on the blunt/And rollin another one up, we livin like we ain't givin a fuck/I got a revolver in my right hand, 40 oz on my lap freezing my balls.." Well, come to think of it, yes, having a 40 Oz. in your lap while driving would be difficult, if only for the discomfort it might cause to one's genitalia. Never thought of that before. Hm.
Accuracy: 10. Well, sometimes, you ride dirty, you get busted. Other times, you're not riding dirty, you don't get busted. Other times, you swerve, you get pulled over, and you get searched, but, come on, you were swerving. Other times, you don't ride dirty, but you get pulled over, because you look a certain way, and you get hassled. And that's racial profiling!

Roger L. Simon proposes a theory on Friedman's buttugly house (see below): as is the case with his infamous pornstache, he's trying to impress the Saudi Royal Family - who he's inserted himself with on a number of world issues, like, uh, peace treaties - by going less with style, more with excess:

Chez Friedman seems like the most unimaginative of McMansions. Why, I wondered, would the New York Times man invest his (semi) hard-earned millions on something so dull and pompous, pretentious even? Why not hire one of those expensive avant garde architects so often trumpeted in his own paper? At least then he could come up with something that looks as if it's environmentally friendly (with solar panels on the roof, etc.), even if it is isn't . And it wouldn't be such an eyesore into the bargain. Then I realized – how could I have been so stupid? Friedman spends a lot of time romancing the Saudis. It's their Royal Family he wants to impress. What does Rem Koolhaas mean to Prince Abdullah? Not a lot, I would imagine.

And impress them, he'll need to, especially now that the self-parody of a columnist has to return moneys he's getting from speaking engagements because of the New York Times' stoopid ethics rules. Saudi Princes think little of paupers like Friedman (who makes $75K a speaking gig, and that's not when he's getting terror-pied). Meanwhile, if Friedman really wants impress the Saudi Royal Family with flashy excess, he's probably gonna have to learn a few moves, first. Observe:

Thomas Friedman – keeping up with the Saudis [Roger L. Simon]

The WSJ finds that the comically oversized pendant industry may be in peril:

"A lot of these rappers simply don't have the money for real stuff anymore," says Jason Arasheben, who crafts custom jewelry for wealthy clientele, including Saudi royals and Hollywood movie stars, at his California boutique called Jason of Beverly Hills. "It's to the point where they are wearing imitation jewelry, and that's ridiculous."

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Consider what's at stake here: we would lose the opportunity to idly play "Who has the most idiotic chain?" (Answer: Rick Ross, pictured, with himself as a pendant). Luckily for rappers, there is a template to follow in this situation. Country music has known how to combine flashy style and low cash for decades. Meet the future of hip hop fashion totems:


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.

[WSJ. Related: Since when did the WSJ start hiring reporters who can casually use hip hop slang in stories and sound competent, rather than sounding humorously stiff like, you know, WSJ reporters trying to use hip hop slang in stories? WHAT'S THE WORLD COMING TO YO?]

• Shia LaBeouf more or less told Playboy that he (incidentally) doesn't have the biggest tool out there. Thanks, man, like they don't already know about us. He also tried the "put a pillow under her butt" (?!) move he learned from watching porn, and it didn't work out too well. [P*r*z H*l*on]

  
  

• Some Broadway actor tells Jeremy Piven he's still not welcome around these parts. Okay, so he was the guy who replaced Piven off-Broadway in Neil LaBute's Fat Pig way back when, but still: solidarity, brother![Page Six]

  
  

• Once role-model to young women everywhere Alicia Keys is dating Swizz "Swizzy" Beats, and Beats' soon-to-be ex-wife is very much making it a part of what's probably going to be an excruciating divorce. Anyway, this is what a Swizz Beats produced song sounds like. Rap music! [R & M]

  
  

• E! wants to know what Kate Gosselin needs a bodyguard. Honestly, it's kind of a good question. Why the fuck does Kate Gosselin need a bodyguard? How 'bout those kids, no? [E!]

  
  

• Everyone wants to play Frank Sinatra in Scorsese's recently announced biopic, speculation immedietly goes to DiCaprio, blah blah blah. Johnny Depp, James Franco, etc. You get the idea. [Page Six]

  
  

• TMZ got all up in Larry King's grill about Miss California - you know, the homophobe? - being too hungover to make his show, and he was like, I could give a shit about Miss California. But I could give you this! Blaw! And he totally wrecked the TMZ guy's noise with a nasty ripping of ass, which, really, is what everyone should do to TMZ people. [TMZ]

In January Notorious, the biopic about the life of deceased hip hop legend Biggie Smalls, was released. One of the centerpieces of the movie's soundtrack was "Letter to B.I.G.," an in memoriam-type song by Jadakiss—a rapper that Biggie helped put on, with his group The Lox. Jadakiss told MTV: "it's nothing fabricated on there. It's gotta be all real on there. Everything was personal."

In his first verse, Jadakiss (who's wearing Coogi in the video) says, "In your memory I keep Coogi in my closet." Why? Well, Biggie did love those crazy ass Coogi sweaters. But a more important reason: because, a good source tells us, Coogi paid Jadakiss tens of thousands of dollars to drop their name in the song.

Maybe save the product placement for normal, non-memorial-to-my-deceased-friend songs?

The grumbly actor announced back in November that he was done with the acting game. He wanted to pursue a music career. Everyone assumed (or at least I did) that it would be some sort of Dogstar or Bacon Brothers-esque bar rock. But no... it was rap. Slurry, awful, heavily-bearded rap. And to add to the bizarroness of the whole thing, Phoenix's brother-in-law, actor Casey Affleck, was following him around with a video camera, getting footage for some sort of "documentary."

But now two people are telling E Dubs that it's all an Andy Kaufman-ish bugaboo. One anonymous source tells them: "[Phoenix] said, 'It's a put-on. I'm going to pretend to have a meltdown and change careers, and Casey is going to film it." A second confirms:

It's an art project for him. He's going full out. He probably has told his reps that he's quit acting. Joaquin is very smart. This is very conscious. He has a huge degree of control.

Oh good. A weird smirking art project from a self-important actor whose best work was playing a whiny lady in a sword and sandals movie. Thank ye, Art gods!

If this is all a ruse, we're curious about the endgame. Will there be a Guffman-esque, Affleck-directed mockumentary? A short-lived Showtime series? An installation exhibit at MoMA?? There's no way of telling. And that leaves us terribly vexed.

Canada's National Post was quite mean:

But can her daughter, a student at Edinburgh University in Scotland, rap? Well, not really. Her lyrics are so on the nose as to be polemic and the beat, which she apparently made herself, is a simple hand clap, piano loop and cymbal crash with a sped-up soul hook chorus that sounds like 2002 Kanye West....

This makes "Yes We Can" by will.i.am sound like Radiohead.

Snap! That'll teach Bakhtawar Bhutto Zardari to try and sell subpar rap music for her own self-aggrandizement! Or, uh, give away a heartfelt song, for free, to honor her mom.

UK Telegraph: "Dirgelike.... unlikely to secure... a Grammy." Vanity Fair: "Highly unlikely to win any awards." NewTeeVee: "Heavily produced and stylized."

Snap?

To be fair, those last three (especially the last two) also had some positive things to say. In fact, VF said Bakhtawar's video as superior to Puff Daddy's tribute to Notorious B. I. G. Faint praise, but not bad for an 18-year-old!

[via NewTeeVee]

If Ice-T doesn't at least make an appearance on South Park this month he totally loses. [SouljaBoyTellem.com] [I don't care what you think of Soulja Boy, this intro song is at least better than the Fresh Prince's.]