Real Housewife Alexis Bellino has got herself some new Orange Country digs, and it's pink and plastic-y like the lady herself.

I was determined not to say anything about the interminable Real Housewives of New York reunion, but after watching the three-hour cackling death march, I couldn't remain silent. There's something very wrong with the Housewives, and someone needs to fix it.

Last night was the season finale of American Sun Fart, and boy was it a doozy. A corker! A real ho-down showdown. Tears were shed, insults were hurled, and drinks were thrown into people's big stupid faces. Let's recap!

Last night's episode of SoCal misery involved, as always, fashion. It involved, as always, drinking in big echoing restaurants. And it involved, like never before!, butt bleeding. Yup.

Yee haw! Last night's episode was a rootin', tootin', vaguely sapphic adventure to River Walk City. Well, for some of the ladies. For the other ones, it was more of the same pallid misery of home.

Everything is unraveling! Marriages and friendships and dress companies. It's all coming undone for our California bliss-monsters, their threads pulling and fraying like so many, well, cheap dresses. At least there was wine to comfort them, as there always is.

We're back! After a technical glitch last week, we have returned to recap Bravo's unsettling study of what happens when you take your brain out of your skull and leave it soaking in a vat of wine in the sun for too long. Good things do not happen.

Last night's episode of American Sun Farts was mostly a transitional one, with people assessing old fights and laying the groundwork for new ones. A few sparks flew, but they had short trajectories, sputtering and dying out quickly, like so many SoCal marriages.

On last night's serving of sun-splashed mania, we were treated to, well... not a lot of mania! It was a strangely pleasant little episode. At least as pleasant as this show ever gets. Vows were renewed (as they always are on this show) and we went to Spain!

When the five horsewomen of the apocalypse finally bring about their Armageddon on the seven million families that live in gated communities, there will only be one thing left for us to remember them by: their stuff. Let's sift through the Real Housewives rubble.

On last night's news reel of the latest Southern California disaster area, we saw friendships mended, relationships teased and tested, and the offering up of flesh for the consumption of rabid, water-soaked masses. So, Orange County business as usual.

All of the bottle blond birdturds in the O.C. were obsessed with sex last night. Tamra even had some. On camera! Then everyone went on vacation. Sadly, we had to follow them and watch them cavort and howl like sex banshees.

Week two of the newest rash of Orange County wildfires introduced us to a new horrid character, taught us a little about how assistant-friends work, and, actually, carried us to Seattle for the drunken business trip of our mom-related nightmares.

Last night the "original Housewives" returned for a one millionth season, though only one of the original monsters is left. The rest are the squealing wraiths we've collected along the way, blonde harridans who like nothing more than to fight with each other and blame it on the alcohol. So, nothing's changed.

During a recent Real Housewives marathon, I came to a realization: You can identify a rich lady's hometown by the look on her face. Trend-wise, it turns out that cosmetic surgery is more like cosmetics than surgery: Women who live near and socialize with each other end up looking physically similar by dint of…

That strange rumbling and eerie orange light coming from the West are signs that season six of Bravo's Real Housewives of Orange County is almost upon us. Further proof comes today in video form, a short but enticing season preview.

Calvin met his matches on The Fashion Show when some New Jersey and Orange County Housewives had gala gowns designed for them. After some problems though, Caroline had a little tiff with Calvin that resulted in a ridiculous tantrum.

The uber Christian, wife-as-slave couple Jim and Alexis Bellino, from Orange County, are reportedly facing foreclosure on this 6,400sq.ft. Newport Beach, CA mansion, which they're trying to sell for $3.395M, way down from the $6M they paid for it.

Real Housewife of New York Sonja Morgan filed for bankruptcy in New York yesterday. She listed about $13 million in assets and $19 million in debt. Being secretly poor is an epidemic with these ladies!

Real Housewives of Orange County's Vicki Gunvalson has been hospitalized for internal bleeding. TMZ reports she's being held overnight for "observation for upper G.I. problems." Last week Gunvalson filed for divorce from her husband of 16 years, Donn.