Heaving, bulbous bosoms—of doom. That is what America and, indeed, the world is facing, in the alternate universe where terrorists with plastic explosive breast implants threaten airline safety. Also, butt bomb implants. Please let this be real.

Aspray your butt. Why have a stank butt, or stank privates? Aspray them. The odors disappear. As this commercial that's really been running on TV emphasizes: Aspray is safe for your butt, and privates. Click to watch. [via Adfreak]