As a white, college-educated, American born male, I presumably could have gotten into any number of fields and should have done well. Not to belabor the point, but I was sort of expected to succeed at something.

A week after completing my [real estate] licensing exam, I was explaining to an Indian couple why that particular unit was such a smart move. They didn't take the apartment, but I left there feeling pretty lit up. I calculated what my fee would have been had they taken the apartment and then immediately began devising ways in which I could have forced them into it.

Rental Dementia [NYPress]

We kid, of course. The second shot comes from Cityrag, who takes you inside the construction of the new building. If all goes according to plan, the last brick should be in place sometime in 2006, or in layman's terms, when Radar magazine finally relaunches. —AB
Sign of the Times [cityrag]

After the jump, the exclusive memo outlining the details of TSP's limited partnership deal and plans to make the stalwart newsroom into styling office. Complete with decor from the Queer Eye team, we're sure.

Subject: Press Release - Tishman Speyer & NYTC Announce Deal for Times Building
Date: Mon, 8 Nov 2004 16:40:13 -0500

Press Release
TISHMAN SPEYER & THE NEW YORK TIMES COMPANY ANNOUNCE DEAL FOR TIMES BUILDING

NEW YORK, November 8, 2004 - Tishman Speyer Properties (TSP) and The New York Times Company (NYSE:NYT) today announced that they have reached an agreement under which a TSP-led limited partnership will purchase the owner-occupied Times Building at 229 West 43rd Street for $175 million.

The property is expected to be owned through a limited partnership between TSP, the New York City Employees' Retirement System (NYCERS) and the Teachers' Retirement System (TRS). Similar limited partnerships also own the Lipstick Building in Manhattan and a 3 million square foot development site in Long Island City. The Times Building transaction is expected to close before the end of the year.

The Times Company will remain in the building as TSP's tenant until its new building is ready for occupancy in 2007. After the Times Company moves, Tishman Speyer will begin an extensive interior renovation to transform the building into a state-of-the-art, Class-A office property. In addition to a new lobby, tenant floors will be redesigned to take advantage of the building's high ceilings and many windows, while the building's loading docks will become retail space.

"The Times building represents an extraordinary opportunity to create a unique office environment, one that recognizes the great historic significance and inherent value of the property, with its unrivalled location and majestic facade," said Robert Speyer, senior managing director of TSP. "This will be an excellent addition to our New York City portfolio, in keeping with our other signature Manhattan properties."

"The Boards of Trustees of the New York City Employees' Retirement System and New York City Teachers' Retirement System have invested with Tishman Speyer because of their mutual commitment to the City," said New York City Comptroller William C. Thompson, Jr., the investment advisor to, and custodian of, the Funds. "This is a solid investment and one that will promote the economic health of New York City."

The 750,000 square foot building, located between Seventh and Eighth Avenues, features 15 floors of office space. The New York Times Company (NYSE: NYT), a leading media company with 2003 revenues of $3.2 billion, includes The New York Times, the International Herald Tribune, The Boston Globe, 16 other newspapers, eight network-affiliated television stations, two New York City radio stations and more than 40 Web sites, including NYTimes.com and Boston.com. For the fourth consecutive year, the Company was ranked No. 1 in the publishing industry in Fortune's 2004 list of America's Most Admired Companies. The Company's core purpose is to enhance society by creating, collecting and distributing high-quality news, information and entertainment.

Tishman Speyer owns and manages signature properties around the world, including Rockefeller Center and Chrysler Center in New York, SonyCenter in Berlin and Messeturm in Frankfurt, among others. Tishman Speyer Properties is headquartered in New York City with sixteen offices and a staff of over 400 professionals worldwide. The company has developed or acquired a portfolio of more than 57 million square feet, which includes high-rise office buildings, retail spaces, residential properties and entertainment centers.

Actually, this is a gag cover put out by the scurrilous editors of Stay Free Magazine. Copies are being distributed for free all throughout Brooklyn, wherever brie and $1200 baby strollers can be found. We knew it was a joke because it wasn't called AMRCN GNTRFIER.

Well, we'll always have New York.

"Various materials?" It's 2004, can't we just say "syringes and latex?"
Kravitz's Crammed Commode [TSG]

Sales appear particularly hot on the Upper West Side, where median sale prices jumped 48% from last year to $1.29 million, but brokers say it's just that crazy Time Warner Center throwing things out of whack. Meantime, East Side condo prices actually dropped in the last 12 months, from $952,000 in 2003 to $903,000. Quick, someone build a towering monolith to corporate glory on Fifth Ave! Er, another one!

Condo Prices: West Up, East Down [Curbed]
Mondo Condos [NYP]

"They're better than Match.com," Evans said. "If you're single, they have the best eye."

Of course, these people are clearly too helpless to get on Match.com anyhow. All that pointing and clicking? Just have Mr. White Gloves spot some hot young broker for you and set things up — we're sure he doesn't mind acting as procurer for a better Christmas tip.
Open-Door Policy [NY Newsday via Curbed]

In any event — this picture accompanies a piece by the new NYT architecture critic Nicolai Ouroussoff. I'm still asleep (cough hungover) today, so maybe it's me, but the story strikes me as way tepid. Hey, Ouroussoff, you're brand new in town! Shouldn't you be breaking a chair over someone's head to prove yourself the alpha-critic?
Gardens in the Air Where the Rail Once Ran [NYT]
You won't have old Herbert to kick around anymore... [Miss Representation]

Anyway — they have a really really really big apartment. How nice for them.
For the Olsen Twins at College, It's 4 Penthouses, $7.3 Million [NYT]

Rick confesses that living with the little people is hard, chiefly because their lack of wealth threatens his view of his own dick:

My tool-belted neighbors are man enough to aerate their own lawns, shingle their own houses, self-install their pools. Effete city boy that I am, I have to hire people to do those things.

Poor guy. He and Howard Stern just can't get a break in the tough wilds of Eastern Long Island.
Between The Tool Belt Set And The Jet Set [NYT]

Still with me? Now Arnell is being sued by Corcoran for $500,000 and Gonzalez looks like a total bitch-ass bitch. Those rap guys hemorrhage money like it's their job, yet Gonzalez let Arnell work it when he wasn't looking. For shame! Never come in contact with a rapper without getting a piece of the bling for yourself.
Rappers Feud Over Luxe Pad [Page Six]

Oh, please. We don't want them to care about us. And why most people would care when something far away blows up is beyond me — I don't remember Fran Lebowitz and Ivana Trump rushing off to Oklahoma City, do you? No, most probably one was sittingly forlornly in her ugly apartment and the other was getting a gold-plated manicure. Hello? We don't give a shit about the rest of the country, and I'm pretty sure we'd prefer the attitude returned.
Coverage Tied to Locale of Warnings [NYT]

Hey, cuz everything has gone so well in Manhattan, right? Architect Richard Meier is said to be developing a new residential building in Park Slope for developer Mario Procida. "It s sixteen or eighteen stories, varying from one- to three-bedroom units," he tells Mag's Deborah Schoeneman. Apparently, the new building "will not be luxury," yet will carry the tony address 1 Prospect Park. Completion is set for 2006; chaos for 2007-2009.

Richard Meier Comes to Park Slope [Curbed]
Park Commission [Intelligencer]

This is dangerously close to designer Isaac Mizrahi's West Village apartment, we must point out. What happens if ol' Sheppie and Isaac — who is certainly the anti-Shep — meet one dark summer night on those cruisy streets? Will there be a massive fusion reaction as good and evil meet — sort of like the one at the end of Spiderman 2? Will we all die?
Sheppie on the Block [NYO]

5000+ units in construction downtown — lots of it on the Lower East Side — this and next year surely equals an influx of 20,000 jackass Ivy League grads (and drop-outs) whose daddies are still paying their rent. And you know what that means: an explosion in homemade hipster pornography on the web, an upswing in Pabst Blue Ribbon sales, standing room only at Punk Rock Karaoke, and even more knucklehead Craigslist Casual Encounters postings.
Planned Developments for 2004 and 2005 Map [The Real Deal, via Curbed]

Desperate times call for desperate measures: cajole, borrow, or even rent, if you must, some out of town residence between August 29th and September 3rd. Fuck the do-gooders and the politicos — when it all blows up, we can rebuild a shallower civilization from our squatted property in the Hamptons.
Searches of Convention Protesters Limited [NYT]
Related: New York to kiss media ass during convention. NYT.

A broker is visiting 14 East 4th while the Princess is away... looks like she might be selling. FYI: same spot that Russell Simmons, Cher, and Keith Richards used to own — it's about 6000 square feet, I'm told.

Mmm, buyer beware. Many a dancer has fallen to his doom in that apartment.

Anyway, perhaps she's merely clearing up some cash to finish up payments on her monster house on Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire?

Calatrava designed the transportation hub at the WTC, and is working on something fancy-schmancy for the Olympics. So how long until Calatrava gets hated on? Curbed gives him 194 days until "media immolation." No doubt: January 2005 will find Calatrava getting cut down as an effete, intellectual snob. And worse — European! Eww! And he uses big words!
Santiago Calatrava, Media Darling of the Moment [Curbed]

Ratner's schtick: if he buys your apartment to tear it down, he can stick his hand up your ass like he's Waylan Flowers and make you sing like Madame. Not only will there be no complaining about Ratner's deals, you have to tell the whole world about how great Ratner's dollar bills feel, now that he's lined the birdcage of your soul with them. Genius! Our heartiest congratulations to Ratner's little sell-out bitches over the river.
Tout of Bounds [NYP]

New York lags Chicago in its efforts to turn out lights, although its bird death toll has declined since the Sept. 11, 2001 destruction of the twin towers, said Rebekah Creshkoff, founder of Project Safe Flight bird-protection group.

Lights-Out Policies in Cities Save Migrating Birds [Reuters]

Yesterday I visited 600 Washington Street, a new building in on the uberwestside that opened in May and still has a few lowish rent studios available. There is a new condo building being built on the "backside" of this development, facing West Street with unobstructed views of the Hudson. The two buildings will share a "looking" garden (lookie lookie but no touchie). As the agent was trying to sell me on the building, he mentioned that the area would only go up in value because of all the celebs looking at the condos on the "backside." He mentioned Leo, Beyonce, Denzel and — drumroll, please — the Olsen Twins! The diminutive duo allegedly bought a spot in the condos for a cool 5 mil, which immediately raised my personal perception of the building's property value. To share the same "looking" garden with the Olsen Twins! Perhaps management will eventually open the "looking" garden at we'll have access to the Olsen's backdoor.....

On a recent Saturday, Mr. Skroupa and Mr. Wilson went out for brunch and "literally less than one-third of the restaurant was gay," Mr. Skroupa said last week, pausing between bench presses at a New York Sports Club on Eighth Avenue.

Edged Out by the Stroller Set [NYT]

Here's my tip: for 10 bucks, you can get some kids with safety pins on St. Mark's Place to help you emulate Lenny's "genital piercing." Make sure you swab your member down with iodine on the way.
How to live like a rockstar [Sensory Impact]

Related: With another kid on the way, Harvey Keitel looks to upgrade his housing situation too. [Page Six] [Corcoran]
Tenuously Related: BlackTable wonders if the Sopranos' Steve Buscemi is bad luck charm Cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch

"What does Madonna living next-door do to the property value? It could add 30 percent," claims former Douglas Elliman pres Paul Purcell.

The one exception so far: the Meier Perry Street towers — which also get trashed in this June's Vanity Fair — are suffering from a celeb-exodus. "Perry Street," says Donald Trump, "has been a disaster."
Glitzerati Pump Apartment Costs, Fleeing, Flipping [NYO]

Having once lived in tiny quarters next door at 307 E. 8th Street — yes, I had to fold up the single futon to open or close the bedroom door — we can vouch for the 'hood. The days since our friend Josh was bitten by a pitbull and had to get an endless series of rabies shots are long gone. And that time we saw that homeless girl pause to insert a fresh tampon right outside our front door, well... that was years ago. Don't be afeared.

So what's the catch to the apartment contest? Your application must be accompanied by a fee of $69. If the contest doesn't receive at least 3000 entries, the fees will be returned, minus a handling fee of $29. (2,999 applications with a handling fee of $29 comes to $86,971. I'd like to "handle" that.) However, the entry fees for 3001 applications at $69 a pop come to a grand total of $207,069.
Rent Free NYC Contest [via Lockhart]

Bush Gardens, East Williamsburg: Located in Brooklyn, charges stoners $1700 a month for illegal loft-living where they may highlight each other's hair and cook meals of vegetarian slop and live like drunken tourists.

Busch Gardens, Williamsburg: Makes summer wage-slave hipster kids sleep in workhouse bunk beds.

Bush Gardens, East Williamsburg: Hipster kids spend $2500 to build their own workhouse bunk beds.

Busch Gardens, Williamsburg: Named after cheesy beer company, making it hard for visitors to retain cred — unless they're stepping up from Pabst.

Bush Gardens, East Williamsburg: Named after President George W. Bush, making it hard for mohawked hipsters to retain cred. ("We were doing this right after 9/11," landlord Mordi Halberstam explains to the New York Times. Guess "Guiliani Gardens" sounded too much like a minimum security juvenile facility.)
20-Something Trio Sings the Praises of Loft Life [NYT]

How is it that an underpaid (though certainly not underfed) journalist from the NYT manages to have a BACKYARD in his NEW YORK CITY APARTMENT? How is it that he manages to position himself a distance of 75 feet from his router and not be trespassing on a distant neighbor? Does Jean Georges pay his rent?

[UPDATE: Okay, reading comprehension isn't our specialty. So Grimes lives in Queens? That's what you have to do to get a backyard? Screw that noise. Thanks, everyone!]
Seeking Xanadu, a Novice Sheds Earthly Tethers [NYT]