According to Curbed, Falcone, the Harbinger Capital hedge fund guru, sent his 10-man team before the Landmarks Commission yesterday to get approval for his plans, which they quickly gave. Aside from updating the facade of the 27-room estate at 14-16 E 67th Street—which Falcone bought from financially-strapped Guccione's creditors for $49 million in 2008—he is also going to cover the fourth-floor courtyard, update the rear facade, create a new backyard with a swimming pool, and get rid of legendary indoor swimming pool. Well, you probably can still catch an STD from the thing, so maybe that's a wise idea. But what about the sauna? And the "dance room?"

Falcone's plans call for a full reboot of the property inside and out, so we can probably kiss them goodbye. He's already auctioned off some of the kookiest interior details, like columns with Guccione's face carved in them and fire panels featuring a woman with five pairs of tits. Everything else will be erased for some granite-counter-top, Eames-chair, beige-walled brand of stale luxury. This isn't evolution, it's just conformity.

Update: Falcone emailed to say: "How is the "Castle" ruined? We happen to be returning the integrity to the building. Check out the photos from the 1800's and maybe you will understand." When asked if he had the pictures for us to post, he responded, "Not yet but when you see the result and compare to the 1890's, you will be surprised. The place inside was an absolute mess. And no, we are not putting a pool outside in the courtyard." He didn't respond to further requests about plans for the house.

America's House Flippers, the backbone of our economy's rise to world dominance, have been waiting dormantly for this moment, like so many of those frogs that hide under mud in the desert during the dry season, then come out when it rains. Well, it's raining now—raining opportunity! For house flipping! Now, people are flipping houses that got foreclosed on after the last Greater Fool bought it, from a house flipper. But beware: "Unlike the boom-time flippers, the latest generation needs cold cash, lots of local-market knowledge and strong nerves."

Or you can learn how to make your fortune with no money down and no knowledge, from an infomercial!

Either way, it's a good career for homebound retirees, who would rather not be retirees except for the fact that they're old and there are no jobs out there, so guess what, they're retirees. Just accept it, grandpa. But with house flipping easier than ever, you old folks should have no trouble raising more than enough money to pay off the massive MTA budget gap, which will obviously require fare hikes, especially since the MTA swears it will not hike fares.

Investment. Real estate. Transportation. Entrepreneurship. Old people. These words, taken together, spell Strength For America. As long as you don't trust the credit rating agencies.

Or drink the water.
[Pic via]

OH YES. Nick's new neighbor is Samuel Motherfucking Jackson. You know there was a movie made about this, right? [See above. It was not the one where Samuel Jackson gets EATEN by a MOTHERFUCKING SHARK.] Like, they gave this to me, on a Sunday. Holy shit, I'm never asking for anything ever again.

I mean guys, I don't know, all I see is "sitcom" potential written all over this. Wait, the item, the fucking Page Six item is so classic, I'm dying here. Breathe, Foster. Okay, okay. Let's handle this like adults. Look:

We hear the seller, Wall Street dude Eric Gross, got such a kick out of Jackson buying his pad, he may have accepted the bid, despite it being a tad lower than a nonceleb offer of about $4.1 million. Let's hope Jackson doesn't have any secrets, though. It'll be hard to keep them from the only other neighbor on his floor — Gawker guru Nick Denton.

BAHAHA. Oh, come on. You think that glee was because it was Sam Jackson, or did he get a "kick" out of this because it was Sam Jackson living next to Nick? [Former Gawker Intern Turned Page Six Reporter] Neel Shah, PLEASE tell me you wrote this. This is going to be a beautiful wellspring of material. Sam! We have a tips line. If Nick puts his motherfucking recycling in the motherfucking trash, you know exactly who to call.

Freshman NYU ladies come running to windows of their dorm every time Jude Law comes out on his balcony. The reason for this, again: Jude Law lives in a condo with a balcony that is towered over by a dormitory full of 18 year-olds. He has not made friends with his neighbors, according to the NYP:

"He noticed we were there and we started waving at him. Then he went inside and came back with two oranges," freshman Neha Najeeb told The Post. "He threw them at our window, but he missed." Law then went back inside and returned with two additional oranges, she said.

In four tries, he landed two oranges on the windows next door. I see several problems here:

1. They don't play baseball in England. Try kicking the oranges next time, Jude. Heh.
2. Jude Law goes out on his balcony to exercise with a personal trainer, then gets upset when people look at him. Go to a gym, you bizarrely attractive yogi. Rich people seem to enjoy Equinox.
3. Look at these pictures of his totally comical workout outfit. Heh.
4. Just be thankful you're not located next door to a state school dorm, Jude Law. Your balcony would be covered in shattered beer bottles at all times. It's not as bad as you think. Your every move is an object of fantasy for dozens of young women, just enjoy it. God.

Not that we begrudge Sara Morishige, Ev Williams' glamorous and chic spouse, her design flourishes. After all, she did the interior for Twitter's last new office and was brought back to do this one, meaning, at the very least, there was no staff revolt about her prior work. And on balance, the level of quirk seems appropriate for a company whose unlikely success was built on the world-changing potential of 140-character status updates. (You can take the full official tour here.)

But the new batch of pictures, compiled by VentureBeat's Kim-Mai Cutler, contain the same sort of oddities as the last one, with its toilet-stall vanity mirrors and dining room DJ booth. And Cutler drops words that Morishige, seen yesterday decorating hubby's office, had a hand in the overall design. Highlights:

These sleigh chairs meld old-fashioned rocking chairs with a modern Ikea seats. Weird. Also, we want one. Via Twitter on Flickr.

Where have we seen these green, toy-soldier-esque deer before? Oh right, at the old office, which Morishige also designed. They became almost iconic. But not to the commenter who wrote, under this picture on Flickr, " this is what happens when you give the interior decorator a budget and no guidelines along with it. ;P " Zing! Via Twitter on Flickr.

The deer theme has been extended, with a hunting-and-death twist. Via Twitter on Flickr.

Not only does Twitter have a DJ booth, it also has a house DJ, apparently. Or maybe "Chief Wax Officer" would be a better term. Via Twitter on Flickr.

The very nice view from 795 Folsom St.

It's hard to blame them. Still, some of the pictures compiled by TechCrunch — from Twitter, naturally — have us scratching our heads. Click on any of the first three items in the gallery below to see what we mean.

The mirror in the toilet stall. Bill Farner, who took this shot, is confused about this oddly-located "vanity" mirror's purpose. Can't say we blame him!

The lone "at" symbol on this wall. Wouldn't "@wall" be more appropriate? Or "@couch!"By Ryan King.

The DJ booth in the dining room. It's not just lunch, it's a party! By @caroline.

DJ booth in context (it's in the back). By Bill Farner.

This isn't one of the "weird" things, but it's noteworthy because of the subject: That's Ev Williams' wife Sara Morishige. So this, presumably, is the CEO's own office. Anyone know what the "795" is about? In any case, it's generous of the new mom and longtime designer to handle the interior of her husband's office. That's going to be a crowded wall, judging from the density of what's up so far. By @caroline.

Business Insider has the full, 29-picture photo tour. Google has been outfitting its various offices like this for a while, but it's always an eye-openingly retro experience to actually see the office trappings of the hugely profitable company. Below, find our five favorites, the ones that really take us back to the days of Webvan and Pets.com. We mock, of course, because we're insanely jealous.

The reception area is straightforward enough...

Google takes a systematic approach to free snacks. A less successful dot-com would just have pre-wrapped candy and open/stale cereal boxes and so forth.

"We've hired a substitute short-order cook named David Chang. Apologies in advance if he screws up your lunch."

Of course there are razor scooters.

The requisite exposed brick. Plus a can of of kerosene in case you should ever feel disgruntled. Don't be evil!

Socketside heard Cruise was the buyer of an $18 million mansion in the ritzy Sea Cliff neighborhood. NBC Bay Area soon pointed out that, if that's true, Cruise's neighbors would be Robin Williams, Cheech Marin and the guitarist from Metallica. It's like the Bay Area's very own stunted little fog-swept Beverly Hills. But many locals will remember that the Church of Scientology was on the hunt for "apparent expansion" space starting in 2006, nosing around the once countercultural North Beach neighborhood.

So is Cruise, the alleged inspirer of Scientology beat-downs, spearheading a renewed expansion campaign by the cult to which he belongs? Maybe, or maybe said SF mansion is just being bought by another local tech exec like Oracle CEO Larry Ellison, per a SocketSite update:

Another reader quickly notes the mailing address for the purchasing LLC ("Tawaraya") is that of "a high-end accounting firm in Walnut Creek" which happens to advise Larry Ellison (amongst others). And The Real Estalker adds, "Tawaraya is a super posh and searingly expensive, 300-year old ryokan–which is essentially a Japanese bed and breakfast sort of place–located in Kyoto" which is rather Ellison-esque.

Oh great, more Larry Ellison dick waving. Don't we at least deserve some fresh megalomaniac mansion owners, out here?

Yahoo's proposed new HQ in the Silicon Valley town of Santa Clara would be big enough to house 7,000 additional staff, according to former Valleywag Nicholas Carlson, at Business Insider. The company continues to try and push permits for the plan through the city's approval process despite plenty of available office space in existing Silicon Valley buildings.

We've seen this movie before. It does not end well:

• Fox Interactive's $350 million new HQ near Los Angeles was said to be the biggest area development deal in 25 years. Amid layoffs, Fox cancelled its move as the building was being finished.
  
• Internet conglomerate IAC finished its new Gotham headquarters in early 2007. Within months came a plan to break up the company.
  
• Amid the dot-com boom, network technology company Cisco Systems planned a controversial Silicon Valley megacampus for 20,000 workers. In late 2001 it scaled that back to plans for an office that could — maybe! — hold 3,000 to 9,000 workers.
  
• Handheld device maker Palm had dot-com-era plans for a 39-acre campus; the collateral alone on the project was $238 million. By mid-2001 Palm announced it would sell that land.
  
• From late 2000 to late 2001, USA Today reported, "Intel, Excite At Home and Inktomi... shelved or cut back plans for new plants or offices."

It's worth noting that Yahoo's plans have been underway since three years ago, when the company bought the land in question for $112 million. Seasoned real estate developers know it often makes more sense to obtain city approvals before canceling a project, since the approvals can usually be transferred to a new owner, making the underlying land more valuable. So Bartz is not necessarily at fault for Yahoo's hubristic plans. But that doesn't make her any less likely to be the victim of what they portend.

Or so we hear from a College Park tipster claiming to be familiar with the residences of Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg (paper wealth: $2 billion) and YouTube co-founder Jawed Karim (estimated wealth: $64 million). Public records confirm that Karim lives in the two-by-twelve-block Palo Alto neighbohood, adjacent to Stanford University; records indicate Zuckerberg has for months occupied property nearby, albeit in the form of Facebook's new headquarters, a short walk away from Karim.

But Zuckerberg is now a neighbor in a much more real sense, according to our tipster, renting a home right next door to Karim (as in side by side) on the same street. The brief commute would be one good reason for living there. Another: It looks like a leafy, laid back area, according to the ample photographs of the street on Google Maps. Based on Karim's address this is the block they share:

Why are Zuckerberg's neighbors ratting out his address? His employees are taking up the parking, and, we're told, residents complain that the fast-growing company is not providing enough spots (they're apparently not mollified by a proposal to begin requiring residential permits in some areas). You should probably get on that, Mark; these people know where you live.

In the meantime, local residents are missing the real outrage: That, in their 'hood, even insanely wealthy startup founders live in what most American suburbanites would consider modest pads.

The Africa honeymoon follows Wednesday's private reception for their nearest and dearest friends, relatives and tenants — 1,000 people at the Puck Building. And even then friends may still be discussing the wedding invitations they'd received. It had a flier inside for Donald's other golf properties.

Thanks, dad. You're a real embarrassment.

Take a look at the servicey Chupi index we ran almost exactly one year ago. It was clear then that the ugly pink celebrity-infested craptower was a great bellwether of the collapse of the high end real estate market. Now it's selling again! So, real estate is back! At one third of its previous value. Max Abelson reports:

Way back in early 2008, when Chupi was still West 11th Street's frothed-over mega-castle, Mr. Schnabel wanted $32 million for the unit...the penthouse, according to a deed filed Friday, just sold for only $10.5 million. That's less than a third of its original tag.

Pity.
[Pic: Flickr]

There were four bidders for the 1.2 acre, 3,000-square-foot beachside four-bedroom home, which sold last Friday. But the Wall Street Journal reports thatRoth, who heads the Vornado Realty Trust, won out. Maybe he just gets a kick out of the idea of living amid the ghosts of all Madoff's crazy coke parties—according to the New York Daily News' account of a lawsuit filed this week, Madoff's operation was an "animal house with 'a culture of sexual deviance' that often hosted drug-fueled parties featuring topless waitresses who wore little more than G-strings." Madoff referred to cocaine as "North Pole."

And the beach house does have an early-'80s Bolivian-marching-powder vibe to it. Can't you can almost see a skinny half-dressed blond rooting around on the floor behind that toilet, looking for glassine bags?

The dog looks nice, at least.

Apply now!

According to The Wall Street Journal, after Hughes' 1976 death his estate was divided among a handful of "cousins, aunts, uncles and other relatives." Now, thanks to the powers vested in hobby genealogy and weird property laws, their ranks have expanded to more than 1,000, only 200 of which are actually relatives. Some of the rando heirs are even plebeians, including schoolteachers, laborers, and people who need money for health care! They're all angling for one last Howard Hughes kickback when the estate sells off the 7000 acres in Las Vegas that Hughes used as an aeronautics base in the 1940s.

Once valued at $2 billion, the land is now tied up in crappy mortgages with a bankrupt shopping mall developer, which means the Hughes Clan Plus 800 will get very little money out of the sale, and what they do get, they'll be forced to divide 1000+ ways, which, alas, means no more Hughes billionaires. And that is the way dynasties end: Not with a bang, but an over-mortgaged whimper.

"We're building a modern house that we hope will be done by 2010," Williams told the Times. Instead, the couple moved into a pre-built modern Victorian earlier this year.

When news surfaced earlier this month that Williams and his wife had bought a Noe Valley home, we wrote that our best guess was that the house was an interim mansion. Why else would the couple be "selling one house, buying a second and building a third?"

After all, Williams' new Noe Valley house was finished and put on the market in October 2008, more than three months before Williams said in the Times that he was building his own house. The deed transferred to Williams this past April, according to property records, and since then there has reportedly been some interior remodeling.

Williams wrote in to tell us that he's not juggling homes: "We were building a house." No more.

We've updated our original post.

(Pic: by JD Lasica)

Via ABC News, just enjoy these:

"As soon as you walk into it, there is an understated elegance you don't see from the outside." - Roland Ubaldo of the Southern District of New York Marshal Service

"Buyers were extremely enthusiastic about the location of the house and its potential and not at all put off by the fact that it was Bernie Madoff's house." - Pamela Liebman, CEO of Corcoran group real estate.

"People recognized the value of the property, the home, the incomparable views and nice, easy access to the beach." - Joan Hegner, the broker who ran the sale.

So, you know, just like every other real estate sale in which the buyers do not want you to have any idea whatsoever who they are. Probably because of the tawdry Formica they just purchased.

That, at least, is the best explanation we can come up with for why Ev and Sara Williams are selling one house, buying a second and building a third, all at the same time. Their old penthouse was a two-bedroom in a gritty part of San Francisco Mission District, while the home they just bought reportedly has three bedrooms, a guest house and is in the yuppie-family haven of Noe Valley. The acquisition, reported today by SocketSite, can be confirmed with a search on the records website PropertyShark:

The Noe property, on the market for a full year and designed by architect Owen Kennerly, seems like a sensible place to wait out the construction of the new home; a comfortable interim house like this should allow the couple to complete their own house without rushing the job in response to the pressures of a new baby, fast-growing internet startup and cramped apartment. Plus, they got it for 16 percent under list.

That, at least, is what we'd tell ourselves if we had $2.4 million to drop on a temporary pad.

UPDATE: Williams writes, ""We're not building another house. (Also, the penthouse isn't in the Mission.)" The first assertion is very odd: The Times quoted Williams in March saying "we're building a modern house;" at that point the house below had been finished and listed for sale for four months. Perhaps the project proved to overwhelming. We've asked for clarification.

UPDATE: Williams writes, "we *were* building a house."

Pictures of the house below via SocketSite.

Front.

Kitchen.

Guest house.

Here in New York, housing the poor is just a self-satisfying way of wasting time, like running on the treadmill. During Bloomberg's tenure the city's created more than 70,000 low income housing units. But the market, capitalism, gentrification, the rich, you, have caused 200,000 low income housing units to be lost.

What is the point, even? All this work is like trying to empty the ocean with a bucket, and it burns precious calories which could be expended in the search for more calories, to sustain us during these tough times. American brains are clearly enfeebled, probably by a diet consisting only of 99 cent "value meal" asbestos lead paint burgers. What's the point of a rising crime rate if our criminals are getting worse? A man arrested with a bag of weed stuck to his forehead. A robber calling his victim and asking for his wallet back, which he dropped during the robbery. And fake lottery winners disappointing us, as they always do.

We're all poor, dumb, and malnourished. Now they tell us canning is back. Yea? Well canning was back five months ago. We've run out of pseudotrends. These are the bad times.
[Pic via]