We know the story: a talented, well-regarded guy by plenty of people in Hollywood, DJ AM (ne Adam Goldstein), died of a drug overdose after a life spent fighting addiction. Compounded by the physical and emotional stress of a plane crash he was in with his touring partner Travis Barker, AM started to buckle while filming a reality show for MTV, and was found a few weeks later having died of an overdose. I'm actually pretty impressed that the New York Times is even willing to make this suggestion. It's a meta take, but an obvious one: a star with pop culture appeal is approached to do a show about addiction, a compelling subject and one he's been in close proximity to. He goes through with the show, and dies a few weeks later. At this point, it's pretty obvious that it's not a question of "Did the show contribute to his death?" so much as "What did the show contribute to his death?"

It sounded like a stunt jump. There's the anecdote about AM having to hold the crack pipe in his hands, getting sweaty over it, and having to hand it over. It sounded like a disingenuous rumor on the first read. Well, I read it wrong:

In one episode, Mr. Goldstein picks up a crack pipe. Ms. Hickman [an intervention expert] said it was clear he was wrestling with the tug of his own addictions. "As soon as the cameras stopped, he put it down," she said. "He had a moment holding that crack pipe, and he had to talk about it. He spoke to his sponsor. He made program calls."

Salkin notes that the clip of that scene on MTV's website was removed, and a reference to it scrubbed from one of the pages. As it turns out, MTV's currently "looking into revising its policies about vetting" according to MTV exec Tony DiSanto. Given the Ryan Jenkins murder-suicide and, well, this thing we're reading about today, yeah: it might be wise for MTV to start re-evaluating their safety checks as they move forward in making TV shows about people who drink themselves braindead in hot tubs filled with gonorrhea. To start. As for DJ AM, who knows: he was having a bad go of it for a while. Putting him in contact with addicts and drugs obviously wasn't healthy for the guy. And this doesn't look good, either:

MTV included a dedication to Mr. Goldstein at the start of the show and an "In Memory of" title at the end, but it did nothing to inform viewers that the host had died of a drug overdose.

We can just say it: MTV should've been more aware of this. On the other side of it, who sees some of these things coming? Nobody.

But—and a very important "but"—Salkin finishes with a nice payoff that complicates the issue further. I'll let you read it, but it's the kind of thing that mangles this story into too many different pieces to put any kind of score on. Can Reality TV actually be good for people? As Intervention's proven, there's an audience for watching people recover from drugs (it's agonizing for me to watch), and it can sometimes work. It's just hard to be sure putting a famous former drug addict at the center of a show about addiction was the smartest idea anybody's had.

Dancing With Demons [NYT]

Like Ryan Jenkins, Randone sought fame and fortune on television. This time it was 2000's The Sexiest Bachelor in America, a title for which he wasn't qualified. No matter, because Randone had another profession: he's a preacher who once said he wanted to use the show to display "masculine characteristics of a Christian," whatever that means.

And, like alleged kidnapping rapist Phillip Garrido, Randone once maintained a website, through which he spread his wacky ideas, like the importance of hell, a place where he envisioned going:

We are all sinners. Sin is a bigger problem than we care to admit or that we think. Sin is as small as thinking a bad thought and/or as big as murder. Because of sin, we deserve hell. I know that if there is one thing I deserve in life its(sic) hell…

Well, he could be headed that way, because cops say that on September 11, he tortured and the killed his live-in girlfriend, actress Felicia Lee, who appeared in such classics as Asian Fever, Hotel Decadence under the name "Felicia Tang." She also appeared in Rush Hour 2.

Randone's now being held on a $2 million bond and will be arraigned on Tuesday, although cops still don't have a motive.

So, the lesson here: America's popular culture, not the four horsemen, will spark the apocalypse. Also, if you meet someone who's been on a reality star, run, because they will kill you.

• Because we don't see enough of her, Lindsay Lohan's reportedly shopping a reality show. Said a source, "Her manager is helping Lohan with a potential reality show that will encapsulate her trials and tribulations as she gets back on her feet and actually becomes a working actress again." [Mirror]
  
  
• Redmond O'Neal, son of Ryan O'Neal and Farrah Fawcett, wants to star in a reality show. That is, after he gets out of a detention center, where he's trying to kick his raging drug problem. [NYDN]
  
  
• Chris Brown's post-Rihanna beating rehabilitation will include a year of domestic violence counseling at Virginia's Commonwealth Catholic Charities. If anyone can set him straight, its the nuns. [AP]
  
  
• Michael Jackson's family intended on burying him over the weekend, but have now decided to do the deed on a Thursday. And that decision will triple their costs, bringing the grand total to something around $150,000. [TMZ]
  
  
• Some insane fans of Robert Pattinson, the hunky Twilight star, put his face on a shower curtain. Now they can say, "I shower with Robert Pattison" and almost be telling the truth. [3am]
  
  
• Anne Heche railed against the institution of marriage on The Late Show. She's crazy, but we like her. [YouTube]
  
  
• Her rep insists it's hog wash, but an "insider" insists that actress Minka Kelly and baseball playing man Derek Jeter are engaged. [Page Six]
  
  
• Avril Lavigne and her husband Deryck Whibley are headed down the road to divorce, say sources. She apparently wanted time alone, but spent her time hanging out with "male admirers." [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Deformed music producer Scott Storch was kicked out of his Miami home when a bank took it back last week. Now he's living in Fort Lauderdale's W hotel. [Page Six]
  
  
• Jason Mewes, the actor better known as Jay from Kevin Smith's movies, attended the Degrassi Goes to Hollywood premire and revealed that he wants to touch Seth Rogan. [Zack Taylor]
  
  
• Dumb model Paulina Porizkova doesn't want people to think she's a dumb model, so she took to the web to name some of her favorite literary works. And they're all over 500 pages! [Page Six]
  
  
• Paul McCartney, we know you're a legend and all, but do we really need to see you getting fresh with your girlfriend at a baseball game. Really? [Daily Mail]

Police sources in Jenkins' native Canada, where authorities believe he fled after murdering Fiore, say that the 32-year old took his own life in a British Columbia hotel room.

"We were able to determine that it was Ryan Jenkins," said Sgt. Duncan Pound of the RCMP's Federal Border Integrity Program, during an early evening news conference. "At this point it would be speculation as to how long he had been there."

The find came just hours after RCMP said Jenkins was in Canada...

Honestly, we feel a bit cheated on this one: not only are we firm believers that murderers should feel justice's swift kick, but the brutality of this crime - Fiore's body was found in a suitcase sans teeth and fingers and was identified via her breast implants - only enhanced our thirst for a relatively happy ending, not a hanging.

After reporting Jasmine Fiore missing on Saturday night, Jenkins disappeared and is now believed to be hiding out in his home country of Canada after driving up the West Coast from Southern California and then boating into Canada. According to the Telegraph, Jenkins has a history of domestic violence in his past, including one incident involving Fiore:

Court records show that Mr Jenkins was charged in June in Clark County, Nevada, with a misdemeanour count of "domestic violence" when he was accused of hitting Miss Fiore on her arm.

Mr Jenkins was also charged with assaulting his girlfriend in July 2005 in Calgary and given a conditional discharge with 15 months probation.

As you may recall, Jenkins met Fiore, who was reportedly working as a stripper at the time, in a Vegas casino after being booting off of the VH-1 show. They were married two days later and divorced a short time after that.

Interestingly, Jenkins appeared on another VH-1 reality show, I love Money 3, where he supposedly won the show's grand prize. That show has yet to air, and it's doubtful it ever will now that VH-1 is desperately trying to distance itself from Jenkins in every way now that he's wanted for murder with his bail already set at $10-million.

UPDATE: ABC just released a story containing some details about a "blow-out fight" Jenkins and Fiore engaged in at a poker tournament in San Diego, which was the last place she was seen alive.

"Jasmine was playing poker with a big group of friends at the Hilton Hotel," the source said. "She was being very rude and kept putting Ryan down. It was really awkward. She has a cutting sense of humor. He was getting really angry, and it totally set the tone for the rest of the evening."

The group later moved to the Ivy Hotel for drinks.

"She spent an enormous amount of time in the bathroom on the phone," the source said. "Ryan started asking who she was on the phone with, and she said her mom. It was 12:30 at night, and she was not on the phone with her mom.

"He kept screaming, 'Who were you talking to,'" the source added. "At about 1:30, they went up to their room to continue fighting."

The channel announced today that the Project Runway All-Star Challenge two-hour special will air on Thursday, August 20, right before the first episode of the sixth season of Bravo's former crown jewel and the first episode of Models of the Runway, their ill-fated attempted to beat Tyra Banks at picking America's next top clothes hanger.

Being devotees of the program, of course we have opinions about the returning cast as Tim Gunn tells them to "gather 'round" once more.

Daniel Vosovic, Season 2: Best known as the chic but unseasoned designer who won nearly every challenge his season. His clothes are as cute as he is. Odds on winning: 2-1

Santino Rice, Season 2: The greasy villian and yard sale impresario was taking interesting risks when he wasn't designing something that looked like maroon goose vomit. Odds on winning: 10-1

Jeffrey Sebelia, Season 3: The only winner to return, this tattoo-necked jerk combined rock 'n' roll and couture. We always thought he combined ug and ly, but the judges liked it. Odds on winning: 3-2

Uli Herzner, Season 3: Her flowing gowns already lost to Sebelia once, but we always thought she never got the respect she deserved. Odds on winning: 10-1

Mychael Knight, Season 3: The fan favorite was a shoo-in to win his season before his ghetto-tastic final collection shit the bed. Now he's got something to prove. Odds on Winning: 15-1

Chris March, Season 4: He got kicked off and came back only to take his human hair dresses to the final. This big boy with a big laugh won't win, but he'll be our favorite. Odds on Winning: 30-1

Sweet P, Season 4: How did she ever make it to the final? Yeah, she was charming and some of her baby doll dresses were cute, but we don't remember a single thing she made, except her frequent tears. Odds on Winning: 40-1

Korto Momolu, Season 5: She was the biggest surprise of her class, and we have a feeling that she has been thinking up some great ideas while she was sitting at home plotting her fashion revenge. Odds on Winning: 5-1

The rough outlines of the case are known: Staub's drug-dealer boyfriend kidnapped a client, and Staub ratted him out, cutting a deal with federal prosecutors. That deal was brokered by her boyfriend, professional informant Kevin Maher, who knew the U.S. Attorney in Miami. But the details in the documents are spectacular.

In 1986, Staub went by the name Beverly Merrill, but her working name as a high-end prostitute was "Angela Minelli." She was living in Miami, and one of her clients was Daniel Claudio Aguilar, a cocaine dealer for the Medellín cartel. According to a federal indictment, Aguilar was selling two kilos of cocaine to a group of men for $48,000 in June of 1986. The deal was being "brokered" by Staub's neighbor, Carmen Centolella. Before it was consummated, Staub accompanied Centolella to his apartment down the hall from hers with one kilo to "test" it. When they got there, four men jumped Staub and ran off with the cocaine.

Aguilar blamed Centolella for the robbery, beat him, kidnapped him, and repeatedly called his father demanding $25,000 and threatening Centolella's life. Interestingly, one of those threatening phone calls was made by Staub—we mean "Angela"—herself.

Centolella's father called the FBI, who arrested Aguilar and another man with a 9 mm pistol in their car. They picked up Staub at Aguilar's house with six kilos of cocaine and $16,000 in cash.

After talking to Maher, Staub turned on Aguilar. She pleaded guilty to one extortion charge and cooperated with prosecutors.

This made Aguilar mad! Maher told us a couple weeks ago that Staub was crazy to appear on a reality TV show, because the guy she put away might want to know where to find her: "The guy she locked up was a high-level drug dealer from Medellín," Maher said. "Now he's out. What do you think he's gonna do when he sees her face on TV and knows exactly where she lives? She's got to be out of her fucking mind." That makes even more sense now, because according to court documents, Aguilar orchestrated threats against Staub back then: After she started cooperating with the government; Aguilar's mother called Staub to yell at her, another woman called to say "Your life is at an end, honey,"; her apartment was broken into; and a male called her to say he'd seen her walking her dog and that she shouldn't take "risks" like that. Aguilar was released from prison in 1994.

During and before the trial, Aguilar's attorneys tried to attack Staub's credibility by pointing out repeatedly that she was a prostitute.

And two years after the trial, while Staub was out on probation, a doctor wrote the court to advise that, given her "drug history and her former drug lifestyle," she should remain in a court-mandated rehab program.

And that's the story of how New Jersey's sweetheart used to be an extorting coke whore. Read the whole thing here. Really.

Maher told Gawker that Staub claimed to have slept with Don Johnson. Which pretty much makes sense, given Maher's accounts of coke-fueled orgies in Miami in the late 1980s. Miami Vice shot on location there, and the woman Maher describes —the bisexual "paid escort" and stripper who was "messed up on cocaine"—certainly sounds like the type who might find a way to snuggle up to a nearby TV star.

We asked Johnson about the claim—like he'd remember!—and here's what he said:

Not every guy who drove a Ferrari and didn't shave was me.

So true. It could just as easily have been Philip Michael Thomas.

The show's creator is Amy Ephron, novelist/screenwriter/sister of Nora, and is being produced by Reveille and Brillstein Entertainment Partners, in conjunction with Twitter co-founders Evan Willams and Biz Stone, of course.

The producers call their proposed series the first to bring the immediacy of Twitter to the TV screen.

''Twitter is transforming the way people communicate, especially celebrities and their fans,'' said Reveille managing director Howard T. Owens, who expects the new project to ''unlock Twitter's potential on TV.''

No further details were made available on the show's format or when it might hit the air.

Based on the vague details about the show to emerge so far, this already stale slice of American television crapcake sort of sounds like it's intended to be an Amazing Race meets Celebrity Apprentice meets, dare we say it, Gawker Stalker, style reality show. Let's just imagine for a moment MC Hammer tweeting about sitting in a booth at a Denny's in Knoxville, Tennessee with Ashton Kutcher, which would then spur Twitter users/show competitors to race to get there before both of them can polish off their Grand Slam Breakfast plates and win a $1000. Wow, that's television gold baby!

We'd like to offer congrats to Williams and Stone, who, in a desperately misguided effort to monetize their product, just managed to brutally slay their darling in spectacular fashion. The end is nigh fellas. You guys should put in a call to Henry Winkler's people so you can place him on a surf board off the coast of South Africa in the pilot episode, just to get it over and done with.

Web Service Twitter Proposes TV Competition Series [New York Times]

“It was horrible,” [Bravo programming head Andy] Cohen remembered aloud. The confrontation happened at the downtown Manhattan restaurant Pastis, at a breakfast meeting during which Cohen made a passing reference to an exercise mixtape that he made for himself. He had called it “Fit-n-40.” (“I was being ironic!” Cohen said in her office, defending himself. “It was all new Mariah, new Madonna.”)

As Cohen and Zalaznick ate their breakfast, discussing various other work projects, Zalaznick’s mind was still on the questionable-sounding mixtape. And there were, to Zalaznick’s mind, a few other false notes that Cohen struck over the course of the conversation. Suddenly, Zalaznick let him have it. “She says: ‘Just so you know, you have become that person who thinks he knows what is going on in the universe, but you really don’t. You’re really out of it. You don’t have the same reference points as anyone,’ ” Cohen recalled...

If Zalaznick came down hard on Cohen, it’s because she relies heavily on employees like him — trendy, about town — to help her figure out the precise moment when, say, Bushwick, not Williamsburg, becomes the place where hipsters in Brooklyn live; when people under 30 start watching her shows more on Web cast than on television; when a word like “fierce” is so tired it’s officially over and when it has been safely resurrected as mainstream camp.

No one has made the Alaska governor an offer just yet. Presumably they'll wait either until right after her ticket loses or a good deal longer after it wins. But declining poll numbers for John McCain have them convening internal meetings over what to offer her, according to the Reporter.

The odds-on favorite idea is a show like Oprah Winfrey's, with a Sean Hannity-style news and opinion program a distance second. Then there's the wild-card reality show idea — " The Osbournes meets Northern Exposure" as the Reporter put it.

Palin has a couple of years left in her term as Alaska governor, and the goals of a politician (be serious and, well, politic, i.e. judicious) tend to conflict with those of a media personality (draw attention by being provocative). But given that Palin seems to pulling off both right now on the campaign trail, maybe she could do so every day in front of TV camera, especially if she doesn't have to comment on the daily news cycle (as in the Oprah scenario).

That certainly must be more attractive to the ambitious politician, in the event of a McCain loss, than slinking back to the obscurity of Alaska. But there's no need for Palin to take on a full-time gig. She has Lorne Michaels' number, after all. And Bill O'Reilly's , Sean Hannity's, Oprah Winfrey's....

Are there any bosses anywhere as demanding as Ms. Slowey pretends to be? Not really, and maybe on some level we miss them. Part of the appeal of a show like “Stylista” is that it resurrects a long-vanished way of office life, one filled with rules and regulations, distinct hierarchies and dress codes and nothing as fuzzy as flex time. As Ms. Slowey succinctly explains to the contestants at the outset: “To be in my world you either get it or you don’t.” No one has to spend a lot of time figuring out a manager like this.

The same sort of nostalgia fuels fans of Mad Men, whose womanizing, emotionally-distant leading man Don Draper is beloved by women not only for his smoldering good looks, but also because they long "for an era they never knew and a type of man to whom they definitely aren’t married. Who, in fact, may no longer exist." Or at least that's what the Observer would have you believe.

It's all kind of sick, isn't it? Tapping into our worst impulses toward emotional self-immolation while rebuking decades of progress in our professional and emotional lives? Yes, yes, we can agree.

What's that? Oh, yes, Stylista debuts tonight at 9. What? Oh, CW, I think. Tivoing. For your friend. Gotcha.

"No way!" she gasped in her seat when she heard her name called as winner. Upon arriving at the podium, she gasped, "Well, well, well! Here we go again, f—ers. Here we go again!" Looking around the auditorium, she acknowledged some celebs in the audience, adding, "Hanks, Gandolfini — what the f—! I'm not going to tell anyone to suck it. I would make love to this thing if I could."

I understand she won in the "Reality Program" category, which is not exactly the Royal Shakespeare Company, but I think this woman is possibly the most grating person on television. Am I missing something?

[LAT]

TV PITCH ****AMERICAN PRETENSE*****

THE PREMISE: As the alarming, poignant Matter of Jessica Roy recently reminded the world, thousands of girls (or at least probably a thousand girls!) all across America dream of literary ingenueship in New York City. There's no money in it of course, but the romance! The richness. Pathos. And bathos! (Haha, Glamour…and Grammar!) Okay, so: It's an elimination-based competition show in which 10 photogenic 18-24-year-old females (yes, just females, blame affirmative action or something) cast as interns for N+1, the most important literary magazine of our time, compete for the chance to be…nominally paid interns? Token female contributing editors? Unclear. Wait, that's the gimmick! It's a SATIRE, of the conventional reality show PRETENSE that creative fields actually lead you to security/success/fulfillment!

THE MARKET: American Pretense will be the most laserlike television target yet at the "Everyone I know in the New York Media seems to be watching this show nobody is actually watching which is why the media keeps laying people off so in five years if I have not been laid off from my media job and quit for the Peace Corps and/or pharma sales referencing this show will be one of those cultish rituals in which I engage so as to act as if New York Media cultural currency was not actually the worst investment since the Indonesian rupiah" psychographic that has made "Gossip Girl" such a valuable brand.

Liberal use of sponsors, online component and free labor solicited by various proprietary email lists to offset production costs. (Obvs.)

GESSEN: Gessen is this show's CHIEF JUDGER NURTURER DIPLOMAT. Like Tim Gunn/Ryan Seacrest with a dash of Trump. He will introduce the show, offer tips and critiques interspersed with pieces of wisdom he wished he had known when he occupied the 18-24 demographic.

PANEL OF JUDGES: JUDGES are the crucial element that makes a voyeuristic treatlet into a FRANCHISE. Important to cull panel from three universes: PUBLIC INTELLECTUAL WITH LITERARY MERIT (Hitchens as Simon Cowell figure)…Has-been female with drugs (Wurtzel) … and a few new unknown but Googlable bad cop/villain types. (Like I have seen this guy around!)

CHALLENGES:
This is still sketchy. Because you shouldn't really be able to read/pontificate/frantically Wikipedia literary references you missed, and act out the Hobbsean histrionics that make for good reality television, simultaneously, and yet I somehow have a feeling you can! Like that guy on Project Runway who got kicked off for hoarding pattern books…we could have something like that happen here, like an Orwellian "no books on penalty of excommunication" policy that no one can, by the other requirements of the show, actually follow, and on that note, maybe the consequence of breaking rules, or losing individual challenges should actually be the opposite of elimination. You have to stick around forever like in that play! Maybe the biggest losers will mobilize to start a class struggle? (No of course not duh! They will discover some obscure post-structuralist theorist who restores their self-esteem or go into private equity or something.)
Other ideas:
*Competition to get the words "Mark Sarvas sucks cock" somehow published on McSweeney's website.
*Competition to get semi-famous rapper to write (publishable!) letter to N+1 website.
*Competition to convince minor literary celebrities to attend an official N+1 pizza party in Brooklyn and/or Foreign Policy-ranked public intellectuals to attend a loft party in the West Village. (The WINNER, though, gets Steven Pinker to the pizza party and sneaks some into the fancy loft party, right?)

MAKEOVER ELEMENT:
Obviously a slight makeover ("makeunder"?) element is involved, but will have to tread lightly w/r/t corporate sponsors so as not to pollute the N+1 brand. Ideas?

Behind the Glass. Russia's first reality TV show, a transparent (har!) knockoff of Big Brother, in which six men and women, aged 21-24, live in a glass apartment in Moscow and are filmed by 26 cameras. Passersby on the street were charged 20 roubles to look in on the live performances, or they could order video copies from their local secret police headquarters. Intentionally not all that different from monitored life under the Soviet Union, as one of the series' producers said she got the idea after reading Zamyatin's dystopian novel We (forerunner of 1984). Featured a circus performer named Anatoly and a lesbian personal trainer named Olga. Season two was subtitled "The Last Beef Steak" (also the title of Vladimir Putin's forthcoming memoir) because everyone had to come together to start a food business. Given the cost of fine dining in Moscow, this may be interpreted as the country's way of embracing its economic boom and preparing the next generation of post-Communists for the blessings of middle-class capitalism. Oh, and when two contestants fucked, it was recorded and broadcast in infrared.

The Prince of Poets. Hosted in the United Arab Emirates, this literary spin on American Idol had 4,000 poets apply to read their work, improvise verse, and discuss women's rights, democracy and other political issues while being judged by a panel of discriminating poets and scholars. 35 were accepted. The winner received regional glory and 1,000,000 UAE Dirhams ($270,000). Some poets were more engaged than others — popular tropes including bashing Israel and the Iraq War. Hamas and Fatah openly supported one Palestinian-Egyptian participant, Tamim Al-Barghouti, whose "In Jerusalem" was about everything you'd expect it to be about. (YouTube of him here.) Poetry is huge in the Middle East, as evidenced by how Palestinian bard Mahmoud Darwish fills huge stadiums for his recitations the way T.S. Eliot once did here. Culturally sounder than, say, diving into a tank of fire ants. If this series were adapted for the U.S. today, it'd be a televised blog-off.

Desafio 10. A Guatemalan Big Brother mixed with Scared Straight in which 10 strangers live in a house and study accounting, marketing and customer service — except they're all former members of the bloodiest gangs in the Americas. One participant told the Washington Post, "Society used to discriminate against us but now that so many have seen that we are willing to make an effort ... many people are supporting us." Yeah, but don't discount the voyeurism of rehabilitation. People outwardly cheer for good behavior but secretly pine for brawling and recidivism. Whatever happens, the audience wins.

[The Forward]

After the network deemed the unsuccessful runs of Pirate Master and Kid Nation too high brow for American viewers, Greatest American Dog will surely become the feather in its cap. GAD is a brilliant idea, because there's nothing more riveting than simultaneously playing ball with your dog while watching someone play ball with his dog on national television!

Each week, the lovable pups and their owners compete in a Dog Bone Challenge. The winner gets extra-special kibble served in their luxury suite, while the loser must 'ruff' it in the outdoor dog house. How compelling! Of course, no show can claim to be a reality show without including an elimination challenge, because elimination challenges are real. Each week, the dogs and owners are asked to perform in a Best In Show Challenge in front of a panel of distinguished judges. And if little Moochie or Hadley can't raise a paw on command, then he can kiss that future appearance on I Love New York goodbye. And, unfortunately, last night Michael and Boston terrier Esmerelda (call her Ezzie!) were sent to the dogs.

The last dog standing walks away with the title Greatest American Dog and $250,000, presumably to purchase a life-long (8 years!) supply of pig's ears and Peanut Puppers. Of course, with instant fame comes inevitable heartbreak, and our once floppy-eared pal will end up spending his days licking himself and doing meth. Or worse, he'll end up in a sex tape with one of Hilton's mutts.

• Greatest American Dog [CBS]
• Snap Judgement: CBS'Greatest American Dog [E! Online]

A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that's a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood - maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect.

Cruise's high-powered attorney, Bert Fields, a frequent client of convicted wiretapper and racketeer Anthony Pellicano, called Pinsky an "unqualified television performer who is obviously just looking for notoriety," adding, "The last time we heard garbage like this was from Joseph Goebbels."

Cruise has already spoken on record about his abusive father. Strange, then, that he would snap so viciously over speculation he was neglected.

Perhaps the megastar interprets Pinsky's statements as a slam against his mother, the presumptive neglector. More likely, it was the line about Scientology's "cultish" environment that sent Cruise, a church bigwig, into attack mode.

But a slam this over the top only makes Cruise look more crazy while drawing attention to his own deep involvement with the sect.

[Post]

Tuesday night, Page Six spotted LuAnn "Countess" de Lesseps holed up with a hot, younger man at the NBC Upfront party on the roof of the Empire Hotel. A spokesman for the count ess told us: "There's noth ing to it. She was with friends."

Holed up on a roof? It sounds like a sniper rifle should be involved, and perhaps a mow-down of some of the other monstrous women on the show.

[Post]