That was great! I laughed out loud at the Anderson comment. Scared the crap out of my dogs. You'll be missed, and I already feel for whomever has the unhappy task of trying to fill your shoes.
Never before have I encountered someone with the writing talent to make so many incredibly boring and unpleasant people seem so thrilling and wonderful. Handbags? Countess Crackerjacks?
Your writing is . . . . fantastic, is the only word that comes to mind. I look forward to reading more at tv.com, and I hope (!) that one day, as I peruse my local bookstore, I'll have the opportunity to say to myself "My goodness! Is that Richard's new book?"
Here is the paragraph that I think I love the most:
"If someone were to find a slab of browning butter lying on the side of the road, and they carved New Hampshire's (now deceased) Old Man in the Mountain out of the butter, and then propped it up on thick toothpicks, and then told it to twirl like a pretty ballet princess, but of course it couldn't because it's just old butter on toothpicks, so it cried salty, buttery tears.... that thing would be Prom Queen to Handbags' runner-up. Handbags is one step down from weeping toothpick Old Man in the Mountain butter.
@Richard Lawson: Hey, it also has those cheap flights out of Manchester, which came in handy when I was a Mainer.
Richard, I have a friend who used to write fiction for fun, but got so bogged down with work and life that essentially stopped. Reading your recaps actually helped remind him of the fun and creativity in writing, and he's been starting to dip his toes back in the water. There are many of us who will be looking so forward to your book.
@Richard Lawson: Excellent. I'm really happy to hear it!
The paragraph is really weird, but also completely wonderful. Now, I can't help but think of the poor buttery toothpick ballerina when I read about The Hills. It's the perfect reference.
Richard, it has been a pleasure reading recaps of everything and anything you had to offer. You, sir, could make the phone book full of snark and for that, you are truly a talent. Thanks for the good times, and the bitchy times (which can easily be construed as good) and much luck with your next venture.
Well, it's been a blast, sir. I remember when you were one of us chickens, cracking wise, until you became a single noun, "Richard" like "Cher" or "Stamos," yes, until the arrival of the eventual dual-named recap Goliath you are. I've watched you grow and gain a cult following, a mere Lolcait no more. It's nice that Gawker has provided this place for your spun tales of lapsed ladyhood, douche-regaled gents, and of course, those who sing badly, wear headbands, or use their housewifery vows to disgust, excite, or "Oh, no she ditn't" us. You will be missed. Our midweek will never be the same. As all things Gawker that must end, Commies, FNFF, Mr. Ketch. (Just kidding, Ketch. If you still exist. Was it you all along, Richard?!) you will forever be inscribed and heralded as one of Gawker's better ideas and brighter successes. (Did they offer you more money at least?) So, farewell, good buddy, and good luck. (I didn’t mean that to sound so totally like Smokey and the Bandit.) You know what I mean, though. An end to an era, certainly.
I think they're supposed to hang your jersey from the rafters now or something.
@Spirit Fingers: I'd like to cosign on this lovely letter, if I may.
I often paste little snippets of Rags McTattershanty's story of class struggle into my gmail away messages, and they never fail to get IMs and comments.
Okay, I don't know their names (they're all pretty much the same person, right?) BUT did you see the pseudo-choke move that red-bedecked girl put on screechy formerly-hottubbing girl (at 29 seconds remaining)? That girl wins, as far as I'm concerned.
I feel like there should be a bottle of Champagne and balloons and shit somewhere in this post. And maybe a Photoshopped picture of PC (or whomever Richard fancies most) jumping out of a cake shirtless. It is, after all, ~The End of an Era~ here in Gawkerland.
I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure it was Emileee who ran into CJ's boudoir. Also, Amanda stuck around to high five CJ after the argument with Ayiiiia. Why? Who the hell knows. Amanda is a curious creature. She should have been in the cast. One other thing - isn't the DJ guy that Jazmin likes gay? Again, I could be wrong. But as far as I know, DJs from Canada only swing one way...
Thank you. Thank you for the MacBeth allusion (and the Langston Hughes one yesterday, in the "Prep" recap!). Thank you for words that make my mind hum and my heart full.
You are a nuanced genius, Richard Lawson, with a wonderful sense of the absurd.
I've not watched this show, but based on that clip and this recap, Ayiiia seems to have thrust herself into that rare category of unpredictability I like to call the CT & Ruthie Funtime Drunkie Punchie Suicide-ie Pep Squad. Her timing is good, coming on the heels of the "Dunbar-Irene-clown-car-Grand-Canyon" incident, and all.
@Nice Beaver: I honestly believe that if I met CT he would, without provocation, try to kill me. I think trying to kill you is CT's way of saying hello.
I'm so happy I stayed up to watch this so that I could appreciate every last delightful word of your last delightful recap, Richard. You are wonderful. And even though I've been a member of TV.com for longer than I've been reading Gawker, I still hate them for stealing you. That said:
Last night was psychotic with a capital WTF. Joey, you are a low-rent Puck, and that is just sad. CJ, maybe you should stop chillin out naked all the time if you don't have the goods to back it up. (And btw, it's impossible to bone every chick on spring break if you don't even possess the skills to get laid ONCE, in CANCUN, while you're STARRING IN A REALITY SHOW.) Aiyiiia...I don't know what to say to you. There's no i in crazy, but there are a lot of both in you.
07/23/09
07/23/09
07/23/09
Never before have I encountered someone with the writing talent to make so many incredibly boring and unpleasant people seem so thrilling and wonderful. Handbags? Countess Crackerjacks?
Your writing is . . . . fantastic, is the only word that comes to mind. I look forward to reading more at tv.com, and I hope (!) that one day, as I peruse my local bookstore, I'll have the opportunity to say to myself "My goodness! Is that Richard's new book?"
Here is the paragraph that I think I love the most:
"If someone were to find a slab of browning butter lying on the side of the road, and they carved New Hampshire's (now deceased) Old Man in the Mountain out of the butter, and then propped it up on thick toothpicks, and then told it to twirl like a pretty ballet princess, but of course it couldn't because it's just old butter on toothpicks, so it cried salty, buttery tears.... that thing would be Prom Queen to Handbags' runner-up. Handbags is one step down from weeping toothpick Old Man in the Mountain butter.
Best of luck, Richard.
07/23/09
That paragraph is so weird! What was I thinking? The poor Old Man in the Mountain, though. That was like all New Hampshire had goin' for it. Sigh.
07/23/09
Richard, I have a friend who used to write fiction for fun, but got so bogged down with work and life that essentially stopped. Reading your recaps actually helped remind him of the fun and creativity in writing, and he's been starting to dip his toes back in the water. There are many of us who will be looking so forward to your book.
07/23/09
The paragraph is really weird, but also completely wonderful. Now, I can't help but think of the poor buttery toothpick ballerina when I read about The Hills. It's the perfect reference.
07/23/09
07/23/09
07/23/09
Well, it's been a blast, sir. I remember when you were one of us chickens, cracking wise, until you became a single noun, "Richard" like "Cher" or "Stamos," yes, until the arrival of the eventual dual-named recap Goliath you are. I've watched you grow and gain a cult following, a mere Lolcait no more. It's nice that Gawker has provided this place for your spun tales of lapsed ladyhood, douche-regaled gents, and of course, those who sing badly, wear headbands, or use their housewifery vows to disgust, excite, or "Oh, no she ditn't" us. You will be missed. Our midweek will never be the same. As all things Gawker that must end, Commies, FNFF, Mr. Ketch. (Just kidding, Ketch. If you still exist. Was it you all along, Richard?!) you will forever be inscribed and heralded as one of Gawker's better ideas and brighter successes. (Did they offer you more money at least?) So, farewell, good buddy, and good luck. (I didn’t mean that to sound so totally like Smokey and the Bandit.) You know what I mean, though. An end to an era, certainly.
I think they're supposed to hang your jersey from the rafters now or something.
Bye,
SF
07/23/09
I often paste little snippets of Rags McTattershanty's story of class struggle into my gmail away messages, and they never fail to get IMs and comments.
07/23/09
07/23/09
Who will I lament to about The Wire's lack of accolades and awards? Just thought about that.
07/23/09
07/23/09
07/23/09
07/23/09
07/23/09
07/23/09
07/23/09
07/23/09
07/23/09
07/23/09
Thank you. Thank you for the MacBeth allusion (and the Langston Hughes one yesterday, in the "Prep" recap!). Thank you for words that make my mind hum and my heart full.
You are a nuanced genius, Richard Lawson, with a wonderful sense of the absurd.
Best of luck,
Little Secrets
07/23/09
07/23/09
07/23/09
07/23/09
bye richard!
07/23/09
Last night was psychotic with a capital WTF. Joey, you are a low-rent Puck, and that is just sad. CJ, maybe you should stop chillin out naked all the time if you don't have the goods to back it up. (And btw, it's impossible to bone every chick on spring break if you don't even possess the skills to get laid ONCE, in CANCUN, while you're STARRING IN A REALITY SHOW.) Aiyiiia...I don't know what to say to you. There's no i in crazy, but there are a lot of both in you.
07/16/09
07/16/09
Richard, as always, you turned turd nuggets into shiny, shiny diamonds with your prose.