Ke$ha is not an idiot.

Alfonso Cano, leader of left-wing guerrilla group FARC, was reportedly killed in a raid by the Colombian military. Cano, a middle-class intellectual, apparently shaved off his trademark bushy "middle-class intellectual" beard before he died; he was identified by his fingerprints.

Libyan rebels are storing Muammar Gaddafi's body in a walk-in refrigerator at a shopping mall in Misrata. They were supposed to bury him today, as per Islamic tradition, but the AP says the interim government delayed the interment so the "circumstances of his death" can be determined. (Check YouTube!) So they've…

According to reports, "hundreds of Libyan rebels" have stormed Muammar Qaddafi's compound at Bab al-Aziziya. There's still fighting going on, though Reuters reports that Libyan rebels have entered Qaddafi's home in the compound. Jubilant rebels are bringing out official government files from the compound and showing…

According to this CNN screenshot (apparently from Monday), Libyan rebels are advancing on Tripoli, Lebanon. Wrong continent, guys! They all do sort of look the same, if you are a 4th grader trying to pass her geography pop quiz.

After months of trying, rebel forces finally and quickly entered the capital city of Tripoli—busting through 42-year dictator Muammar Qaddafi's "ring of steel defense." Ecstatic Libyans are celebrating in the streets, honking their horns, jumping up and down, and chanting "down with Qaddafi! or Khaddafi! or however…

Libyan leader/fashion icon Muammar Gaddafi might have to file for unemployment soon, as it seems rebel fighters in his country—emphasis on "his," at least until now—have put down their bongs and taken control of several cities. Now they're gearing up to take over Tripoli, the Libyan capital city. Like, for real this…

Colombian special forces infiltrated territory occupied by FARC rebels and installed Christmas lights on an 82-foot high tree. They hope that this will encourage them to surrender. Except the Jewish FARC rebels, I guess?

Edgy comedian David Cross: Just how edgy is he? Edgy as a knife (double-edged). Sniffing coke while sitting near the President of the USA. That's what David Cross did, says David Cross.

The job of Somali pirate continues to grow ever more alluring! Not only do they run around making millions, doing drugs, and collecting pirate groupies, now they are actually able to change the course of the world oil market. Can't say that about working at Barnes & Noble, suckas!

This is certainly a scary time in America, what with the racist McCain/Palin fans and a liberal response that is still cringing and frightened to offend no matter what crazy shit the Wingers spew. But America has had scary times before—times when racists and rednecks and bullies and other pieces of shit went all out…

Lee Bollinger—president of Columbia University and friend to the Bush administration? We were not aware such an oxymoronic existence was possible, but it seems Bollinger's little performance during the recent visit to the school of a certain Iranian dictator has his faculty all atwitter.