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the hills
How To Put Gold Back In Them Thar Hills
Well, she's over. (For now. Sigh.) Last night saw the end of the most boring season yet of MTV's already-pretty-damn boring reality gobbledygook The Hills. And, what happened? Well, not a whole hell of a lot. Audrina continued to be sad and lonely, and Lauren still remained (falsely?) clueless to the evil Lo's machinations. Their tearful encounter at the end of the episode was a little bit sad, but completely unresolved. If that is what constitutes a cliffhanger around there, then I think our old bejeweled friend has flat lined. In Speidiland, Heidi continued to square-face her way through meetings with Brent Bolthouse and his swaggering business partner in Las Vegas. This new planned hotel/casino is going to be classy! Just like St. Tropez! Of course Spencer, under the lame "no...don't...don't do it..." protestations of sister Stephanie, had to come and muck everything up. He made an impassioned, scripted plea for Heidi's heart. We already knew they'd get back together, so the only real fun surprise was to watch Heidi treat her job like a real grownup and just, um, not show up for her flight with her bosses. Professional! So that was about it. Little lost, little gained. If this show has any hope of "redeeming" itself next season, the producers need to do one simple thing: for God's sake, don't ignore the fact that these people have become famous. More »
the hills
No One Likes Anyone Anymore
Last night on not so crazy exciting television, The Hills mumbled on toward next week's finale. The penultimate episode of the MTV "reality" soap was about home and the pulling apart of things; relationships, friendships, and familial bonds were all torn slightly asunder as the sun continued to slowly broil our friends to a (hopefully) inevitable crisp. Heidi accepted new responsibilities at her fake PR/events job, which would take her to Las Vegas a lot (on a fancy private jet, no less) and away from sour old Spencer. The be-sweatpanted layabout further bitched at his sister, who kindly requested that he stop sleeping on her couch. Understanding that the cameras follow the women on this show, he returned to Heidi's condo, hoping for continued air time, only to find it empty. He sat there lonely and, I'm sure, hungry. But bluer still was poor Audrina. More »
gossip girl
Gossip Girl Fails the SATs
Um, has anyone ever studied that much for the SATs? When I took that odious exam (back when it was out of 1600 points! I don't understand this new math! what's a computer?!) I just showed up the damn day of and suffered through it. And I did OK. Not great, but good enough. Even friends who took the prep classes weren't drinking cup after cup of fancy coffee and getting massages and looking at notecards and whatnot. So, all in all, the whole conceit of last night's episode of Gossip Girl was... well, wrong. That aside, though, things happened! More »
the hills
The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of Absolutely Nothing
I'm not sure why I do this to myself. My roommate joined me as I watched The Hills last night and, having never seen it, was shocked by just how miserably bad the show is. Part of her distaste came from the fact that, yes, she was not inured to the show's particular brand of "nothing ever happens" and "what?", but also last night's episode was just plain bad. What exactly did we see? The old fake-out of the Stephen and Lauren "relationship" and some ridiculously staged Heidi/Spencer/Stephanie gobbledygook. While I am loathe to use that tired idiom about leaping over sea creatures, I do think that last night's episode issued something of a death rattle for the three year old series. More »
the hills
Everyone Upset About Everyone Else Being Friends
Last night's Hills quadrille was all about cross-pollination. Lauren "LC" Conrad and Stephanie Pratt continued to circle each other, tipping their hats, and going to birthday parties. Well, it was Lauren's birthday party specifically, and she, in resplendent pointy party hat, kindly invited Stephanie and her friend Roxy (throw up all over the place what a dumb name). At the party, Lauren was drunk in the way that my sister gets, all kindness and big declarations. "Seriously, you're a good person," she slurred to Stephanie. Aww. Meanwhile, old Fauna and Merriweather, Audrina and Lo, looked on skeptically. It's always amusing to watch the supporting players on this show start to get cagey about their possible airtime (though, maybe Lo's never really cared all that much). Remember the poor, desperate attempts of Jen Bunny to stay on the show? This series' depiction of daily anxieties and injustices continues. More »
servicey
Prepare For 'Lost,' Or Just End It All Now
Ultra-creepy ABC mystery "Lost" returns with eight episodes Thursday night, about half the number originally planned. If you agree with critics who think the show is at the top of its game, enjoy the eight-minute video recap of the first three seasons after the jump. If you lost interest after the weak start to season three, jump straight to the spoilers to see if there was ever any point to the secretive show. More »
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