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New York, 10:04 PM
Sun Dec 20
10 posts in the last 24 hours

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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of cassandra cassandra
    12/19/09

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Complicated Courtships
    Brian, these anthropological studies of Jersey Shore are BRILLIANT. Every time I see Sammi I remember what you said about her being a "Helen of Troy type"
     Reply
    cassandra was starred cassandra was unstarred
    Image of karion karion
    12/18/09

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Complicated Courtships
    Brian, this, honestly, is goddamn genius.
     Reply
    karion was starred karion was unstarred
    Image of Brian Moylan Brian Moylan
    12/18/09

    @karion: Thank you. I'm blushing.
     Reply
    Brian Moylan was starred Brian Moylan was unstarred
    Image of TNT Freckles McGee TNT Freckles McGee
    12/18/09

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Complicated Courtships
    OK I have watched the Snooki punch clip a few times and the one thing I am surprised with is that the only one that is in there, defending Snooki is ShamWoww. I thought for sure the guys in the house would beat the snot out of her assailant but I don't really see them in any of the clips other than running after him when the cops have already shown up?
     Reply
    TNT Freckles McGee was starred TNT Freckles McGee was unstarred
    Image of Spirit Fingers Spirit Fingers
    12/18/09

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Complicated Courtships
    Oh, Brian, be still my 80's heart. A Real Genius reference AND Pat frigging Benatar! Way too good for this show about goofball, sex-starved, mini-adults with personality issues, and poor copulation methods.

    Also, I'm losing all Guido-driven respect for Ronnie. This whole girlfriend/decade long marriage thing he has going on with Quizno's Sammi is just a show killer. The emoting, the crying, the Dawson's Creek angst beyond all reason...yeah, fucking awful. He was marginally funny when he berated the other dudes for having no game and relatively comfortable in his steroid-y ability to "pull" all unsuspecting guidettes, despite atrocious dance floor spazz. I'm almost positive he'd be a better wingman than either Paulie D. Winkledink and The Catastrophe. (And him in a towel...uh, fuck, was hot.) So I'm team, Ronnie/Sammi-Applebee's Slider...divorce. And somebody better look for Vinnie and make sure that dude didn't drown or something.

    I'm predicting Snooki/Vinnie hook up! Why? Why not? That little event should get them both about eight minutes airtime. (Never want to see Snooki doing munchkin whore-flips again.)
     Reply
    Spirit Fingers was starred Spirit Fingers was unstarred
    Image of TNT Freckles McGee TNT Freckles McGee
    12/18/09

    @Spirit Fingers: Well judging strictly from next week's previews, your wish for Ronnie may come true.

    I just don't understand how in just a few short days, they have lost a roommate, been in two fist fights, gotten drunk countless times, had two pukers, been late to work twice (Even though they live DIRECTLY ABOVE the store), started a fire, had a soak in the hot tub 5-6 times, and one couple has already fallen in love. How can all this happen so quickly!?
     Reply
    TNT Freckles McGee was starred TNT Freckles McGee was unstarred
    Image of Spirit Fingers Spirit Fingers
    12/18/09

    @TNT Freckles McGee: I know right? It's like living 30 years in one episode. I swear I won't be surprised if a child is conceived, sent to college, married, and returns to the Jersey Shore during the same summer to party with his parents who still remain there. It's like time elapsed filming. Guido's have control over the time/space continuum, Marty!
     Reply
    Spirit Fingers was starred Spirit Fingers was unstarred
    Image of missdelite missdelite
    12/18/09

    @Spirit Fingers: I wanna be Ronnie's towel - ok, I said it.
     Reply
    Brian Moylan promoted this comment missdelite was starred missdelite was unstarred
    Image of TNT Freckles McGee TNT Freckles McGee
    12/18/09

    @Spirit Fingers: I think I'm caught in that time/space continuum now as my comments appear/disappear/appear in this thread.
     Reply
    TNT Freckles McGee was starred TNT Freckles McGee was unstarred
    Image of sfBirdie sfBirdie
    12/18/09

    @Spirit Fingers: This is one of the reasons why I firmly believe it is the greatest reality show of our time. I also like how there are even people infiltrating the house - like that Ron/Russ character who macks it with Snooki, but was really sent by Jhownowbrowncow's boyfriend to spy on her. Crazy!
     Reply
    sfBirdie was starred sfBirdie was unstarred
    Image of Brian Moylan Brian Moylan
    12/18/09

    @missdelite: I'd do some business with Ronnie.
     Reply
    Brian Moylan was starred Brian Moylan was unstarred
    Image of Spirit Fingers Spirit Fingers
    12/18/09

    @sfBirdie: MTV hit gold with this bunch, definitely. The things they say, the whole crotch display/dance-seizure moments of pure joy they perform, the duck phone, everything. It really is like Real World 1992 all over again. Groundbreaking. I'm sorry, the bar has been eclipsed and now all others have to live up to Jersey Shore in sheer shock and awe. The best part...the absolute BEST part... these kids are completely SERIOUS!
     Reply
    Spirit Fingers was starred Spirit Fingers was unstarred
    Image of TNT Freckles McGee TNT Freckles McGee
    12/18/09

    @Brian Moylan: Yeah but would you be Vibing, Feeling it, Experience it or would it be a Pay Per View event?
     Reply
    TNT Freckles McGee was starred TNT Freckles McGee was unstarred
    Image of Brian Moylan Brian Moylan
    12/18/09

    @TNT Freckles McGee: "You vibing me, Ronnie?"

    "Yeah, you wanna hang out?"

    "You're not gonna waste my time?"

    "No, I don't fuck around, I get right down to business."

    "Let's smoosh."
     Reply
    Brian Moylan was starred Brian Moylan was unstarred
    Image of heywhat heywhat
    12/18/09

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Complicated Courtships
    Ahhh, the old Aunt Flo's in town excuse. I've had to use that one a couple of times. No man will question that excuse. The only downside is they may request a blowjob. That's when you have to pretend that the stomach cramps are kicking in and you have double over pretending to be in excruciating pain. This usually cools his jets.
     Reply
    heywhat was starred heywhat was unstarred
    Image of FitnessMadeSimple FitnessMadeSimple
    12/18/09

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Complicated Courtships
    I really, really hate to say this...but if it wasn't for the stylistic choices that make Pauly so visually absurd, he wouldn't be such a bad dude. I cracked up when he stopped halfway up the stairs to the roof deck and went to bed. I'd have done the same. The blonde girl was unbearable.

    Is it bad that I'm starting to sympathize with some of these people? Ack!
     Reply
    FitnessMadeSimple was starred FitnessMadeSimple was unstarred
    Image of theresa crane theresa crane
    12/18/09

    @FitnessMadeSimple: HAHA! I was drinking hot chocolate while watching this last night and I fully spit it out when Pauly just straight up turned around, ditching that chick.

    She was a hater for sure. But she was right when she told her friend, "You don't want to do this. Believe me." I've had friends do this to me, and while I'm pissed at them at the moment, I appreciate that they care enough to save me from drunkenly hooking up with some gross dude.
     Reply
    FitnessMadeSimple promoted this comment theresa crane was starred theresa crane was unstarred
    Image of sfBirdie sfBirdie
    12/18/09

    @FitnessMadeSimple: She was unbearable, but I would've probably acted like a total B if I were in the same sitch.

    Then again, I would never be in that sitch in the first place, so maybe she should think about reevaluating her life choices. When and why did she end up hanging out with that pseduo-guidette girl? Why did she sign a waiver to be seen with these clowns on national tv? What thought process takes you from "let's do shots" to "I'm going to drive home"?

    I don't think she was busted, she was just too pasty for them. And yeah, it was nice of her to save her friend, but sometimes friends don't want to be saved.

    I also found it extremely rude of her to dump all over that glorious sexxytime jacuzzi. That thing is magical! Like Sex Panther on 'roids or something!
     Reply
    sfBirdie was starred sfBirdie was unstarred
    Image of FitnessMadeSimple FitnessMadeSimple
    12/18/09

    @sfBirdie: Exactly. You get it. The fact that she was in that situation in the first place means she gets no sympathy.

    She seemed totally into the idea of hanging out at first...remember, they went and sought out the guys after being ditched. Still not even sure how they found the place, since the guys even seemed confused about that. So she had plenty of time to save her friend in between getting ditched and stalking them/entering their house uninvited. She didn't seem to have a problem with that at all...certainly didn't look like her friend was twisting her arm. If that was the case, I'd be sympathetic to her bitchiness.
     Reply
    FitnessMadeSimple was starred FitnessMadeSimple was unstarred
    Image of sfBirdie sfBirdie
    12/18/09

    @FitnessMadeSimple: That was the most puzzling part to me! Why would you hunt down a bunch of leather frogs after they ditched you for a freaking car? You know, if she and her friend had taken a good look at The Situation, they would've realized that getting ditched was probably for the best anyway.
     Reply
    sfBirdie was starred sfBirdie was unstarred
    Image of TNT Freckles McGee TNT Freckles McGee
    12/18/09

    @sfBirdie: The fact they also thought they looked respectable enough to sign off on the waivers is beyond me.
     Reply
    TNT Freckles McGee was starred TNT Freckles McGee was unstarred
    Image of cassandra cassandra
    12/19/09

    @sfBirdie: I have to disagree. The girl was ugly. Her albino coloring was a problem, but even if not she talked like a wheezy accordion and stomped around like a draft horse. She was critical, bitchy and demanding. The problem was, she realized she was the "ugly friend" and she wanted to get revenge by making sure her friend did not get any play. She didn't stomp into that bedroom to "protect" her friend. She seemed awfully jealous, I think.

    I think The Situation's tactical mistake was to address her directly when she walked into the bedroom, and asked her to calm down. The Situation should have kept his dialogue purely to the girl in front of him. By arguing with her friend, he made her friend the authority on whether the hookup would take place or not.
     Reply
    cassandra was starred cassandra was unstarred
    Image of FitnessMadeSimple FitnessMadeSimple
    12/18/09

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Complicated Courtships
    Brian, you forgot to include "Knock a bitch up" in this glossary. It should be included, lest someone watch Jersey Shore and get the impression that Sammi wants to impregnate a bitch, rather than physically assault her.
     Reply
    FitnessMadeSimple was starred FitnessMadeSimple was unstarred
    Image of Brian Moylan Brian Moylan
    12/18/09

    @FitnessMadeSimple: See last week's glossary!
     Reply
    Brian Moylan was starred Brian Moylan was unstarred
    Image of FitnessMadeSimple FitnessMadeSimple
    12/18/09

    @Brian Moylan: Ah! How embarrassing! I read it, I swear. But I was thrown off by their re-use of scenes.
     Reply
    FitnessMadeSimple was starred FitnessMadeSimple was unstarred
    Image of Jes St.Lawrence Jes St.Lawrence
    12/18/09

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Complicated Courtships
    You know, I actually watched this for the first time last night, if only to see Snooky or whatever get popped in the face. I like watching someone beat on an expired poon balloon as much as the next axe-murderer, but what I noticed is that they don't seem to have a problem conjugating anything besides the English language.

    Or maybe not, these people all look alike to me.
     Reply
    Jes St.Lawrence was starred Jes St.Lawrence was unstarred
    Image of hamburgerhotdog hamburgerhotdog
    12/18/09

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Complicated Courtships
    Okay...that dancing clip. That is just one tiny step away from full on raving (only ravers have better taste in electronic music).
     Reply
    hamburgerhotdog was starred hamburgerhotdog was unstarred
    Image of Brian Moylan Brian Moylan
    12/18/09

    @hamburgerhotdog: As a child of the '90s, I recognized the same thing.
     Reply
    Brian Moylan was starred Brian Moylan was unstarred
    Image of FitnessMadeSimple FitnessMadeSimple
    12/18/09

    @hamburgerhotdog: That's just because your simple mind lacks the fine-tuned precision required to perceive the beautiful intricacies of battling.

    Ravers do not beat up the beat.
     Reply
    FitnessMadeSimple was starred FitnessMadeSimple was unstarred
    Image of hamburgerhotdog hamburgerhotdog
    12/18/09

    @FitnessMadeSimple: No but they do do the bunny hop and that was some bunny hopping alright. And old house music heads do the clapping thing which predates the beat by a decade and doesn't require to you bend over and show your tramp stamp.

    The fist pump...only the Jersey ravers did that one.
     Reply
    hamburgerhotdog was starred hamburgerhotdog was unstarred
    Image of BettyCrocker BettyCrocker
    12/18/09

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Complicated Courtships
    We need Betty White to put on a pink pantsuit and say: "Ronnie and Sam smushed and vibed, and DJ Pauly's Prince Albert was almost in a can, because Shamwowowow is not legit with her man. Even when vibin', no one should be grindin' unless there's house music on. That's when it's time to battle! Battle the beats on the floor, battle a bathroom door, and do battlin' backflips in a thong like a whore.

    So get down to business and put it in the equation, kid! Don't fuck around and waste my time or I'll make you LOVE the situation."

    Then, Ms White should point a massive Glock at the camera, and pull the trigger. (The safety will be on.) After the scary click, she should blow a kiss to the camera and whisper "Booyah, Snookie!"
     Reply
    BettyCrocker was starred BettyCrocker was unstarred
    Image of She_of_the_Socks She_of_the_Socks
    12/18/09

    @BettyCrocker: Y E S
     Reply
    She_of_the_Socks was starred She_of_the_Socks was unstarred
    Image of raygun21 raygun21
    12/18/09

    @BettyCrocker: I read that entire thing in Betty White's voice and cadence. Someone get on this ASAP please.
     Reply
    BettyCrocker promoted this comment raygun21 was starred raygun21 was unstarred
    Image of DieAsAKite DieAsAKite
    12/18/09

    @BettyCrocker: Glocks do not have a safety switch you can engage, pull the trigger, and hear a "click" instead of a "boom". That is why so many people (like Flaco?, Zappo? Plastiko? that football player guy) accidentally shoot themselves with them.
     Reply
    BettyCrocker promoted this comment DieAsAKite was starred DieAsAKite was unstarred
    Image of BettyCrocker BettyCrocker
    12/18/09

    @DieAsAKite: I should know this, since there's one in my sock drawer. But it looked good on paper.
     Reply
    BettyCrocker was starred BettyCrocker was unstarred
    Image of BettyCrocker BettyCrocker
    12/18/09

    @raygun21: It would go viral in about 3 minutes.
     Reply
    BettyCrocker was starred BettyCrocker was unstarred
    Image of The One The One
    12/18/09

    @BettyCrocker: AWESOME!

    But I'm pretty sure it's spelled "Snooki." At least that's what I think it said on the butt area of that trashtastic long t-shirt she had made up for herself.
     Reply
    The One was starred The One was unstarred
    Image of pureblarney pureblarney
    12/18/09

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Complicated Courtships
    ShamWOWW! I love you, Brian!

    Also, don't forget this:

    - Falling in love: Subject to continual redefinition. While roaming males find the act repugnant, at various points they too may find themselves rendered vulnerable by the talents of the "wife-worthy" guidette (whose duty it is to cook and clean). Female participants can be identified by various colors of booty shorts, reading "Property of [Male]."
     Reply
    pureblarney was starred pureblarney was unstarred
    Image of Uncle_Billy_Slumming Uncle_Billy_Slumming
    12/18/09

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Complicated Courtships
    There's a symmetry in this Diane Fossey world -- all the guys have big shoulders, and all the girls have big butts. And they all have big mouths except for Pauly D, but he worries me... he's like the reserved smiling guy in the scariest horror movies.
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming was starred Uncle_Billy_Slumming was unstarred
    Image of The One The One
    12/18/09

    @Uncle_Billy_Slumming: The one in the end they always say was "such a nice boy" and he "really just kept to himself."?
     Reply
    The One was starred The One was unstarred
    Image of Uncle_Billy_Slumming Uncle_Billy_Slumming
    12/18/09

    @The One: That's the one. Wait... what?
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming was starred Uncle_Billy_Slumming was unstarred
    Image of AndPreciousLittleofThat AndPreciousLittleofThat
    12/18/09

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Complicated Courtships
    WTF? "House music?" Really? As a resident of Chicago, I'm offended.

    I bet Frankie Knuckles wouldn't get within a hundred miles of these people, name not withstanding.

    "Shitty Dance Music" is currently an acceptable replacement word.
     Reply
    AndPreciousLittleofThat was starred AndPreciousLittleofThat was unstarred
    Image of bens bens
    12/18/09

    @AndPreciousLittleofThat: On the Jersey shore, house music = anything with a "four on the floor" beat. At least they're not just calling it all "techno."
     Reply
    AndPreciousLittleofThat promoted this comment bens was starred bens was unstarred
    Image of AndPreciousLittleofThat AndPreciousLittleofThat
    12/18/09

    @bens: True, true.

    Do you find it at all odd that most people could name at least a few different types of hip-hop or rock'n'roll, but if it's got a 4/4 beat it's always "techno?"

    I'd imagine people from Detroit and Berlin get stabby when they hear that kind of thing.
     Reply
    AndPreciousLittleofThat was starred AndPreciousLittleofThat was unstarred
    Image of bens bens
    12/18/09

    @AndPreciousLittleofThat: Indeed. The stuff they're listening to is "euro dance." Not house, not techno, not trance. There's like three distro's for that stuff in America ... if you wondered who would actually play the "club mix" off the b-side of current hip hop/rnb its those guys. Its terrible, terrible stuff.
     Reply
    bens was starred bens was unstarred
    Image of TNT Freckles McGee TNT Freckles McGee
    12/18/09

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Complicated Courtships
    We all must learn the situation that house music = safe. R&B, not so much.
     Reply
    TNT Freckles McGee was starred TNT Freckles McGee was unstarred
    Image of Brian Moylan Brian Moylan
    12/18/09

    @TNT Freckles McGee: Loving the new screen name.
     Reply
    Brian Moylan was starred Brian Moylan was unstarred
    Image of TNT Freckles McGee TNT Freckles McGee
    12/18/09

    @Brian Moylan: When I saw this scene last night - I could NOT WAIT to see your recap. I missed a good chunk of it as I was laughing so hard at "We are going to have sex. That's the situation."
     Reply
    TNT Freckles McGee was starred TNT Freckles McGee was unstarred
    Image of Brian Moylan Brian Moylan
    12/18/09

    @TNT Freckles McGee: I have to watch each episode twice, because there is just so much goodness!
     Reply
    Brian Moylan was starred Brian Moylan was unstarred
    Image of TNT Freckles McGee TNT Freckles McGee
    12/18/09

    @Brian Moylan: There was SO much to learn from this one. R&B slow jams are bad. Grenades are bad. Underwear is just the same as a bathing suit. When a girl won't let you take off her white pants, it is because she's on her period.

    You know...useful stuff
     Reply
    TNT Freckles McGee was starred TNT Freckles McGee was unstarred
    Image of hortense hortense
    12/18/09

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Complicated Courtships
    Looking Fresh: Getting a haircut, putting on a new shirt, spending approximately 1.5 hours in the gym, making sure one's artificial skin tone is continually enhanced by frequent visits to a tanning salon.
     Reply
    hortense was starred hortense was unstarred
    Image of pureblarney pureblarney
    12/18/09

    @hortense:
    Newports: The cigarette of choice for fresh-looking gym-goers.
     Reply
    pureblarney was starred pureblarney was unstarred
    Image of onandon onandon
    12/18/09

    @hortense: You would think that since they live on the beach, love their bodies and worship being tan that "looking fresh" would involve an afternoon on the sand, maybe a game of volleyball and a little swim in the sea. But it's weird...they don't ever seem to actually go to the beach...then again, we really only get to peer in on their night time activities. And sleeping on the beach doesn't count as GOING to the beach!
     Reply
    hortense promoted this comment onandon was starred onandon was unstarred
    Image of HereComesMyBaby HereComesMyBaby
    12/18/09

    @onandon: That's because in Jersey people don't go to the beach--they go to the SHORE.
     Reply
    HereComesMyBaby was starred HereComesMyBaby was unstarred
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