This jobless recovery of ours is now officially just joblessness. According to new data from the Bureau of Economic Analysis, GDP grew by just 1.3% last quarter. Worse, the growth we thought we've been seeing since 2003 has been more anemic than we thought: According to the revised numbers, the economy grew a lousy .4…

While America struggles to get out of its current economic shit-pit, its desperate citizens are resorting to interesting methods of relieving their financial stress. Namely they're buying lots of sex toys and getting off like crazy.

Oh good heavens, it looks like we've got some trouble in Mittens Land. The presidential candidate formerly known as Willard Romney has been yapping to anyone who'll listen that President Obama made the recession "worse" since coming into office. This is a defensible line under the loose standards of Republican…

Over the weekend, bankruptcy-declaring restaurant chain Marie Callender's sent some of its elite squadrons of corporado commandos to at least one of its Seattle area locations to kick out everyone inside—including longtime employees and customers who hadn't finished eating yet. Hard times demand even harder hearts!

You're not handling this well, America.

[A young (and probably unemployed) surfer walks past a closed train station in Lisbon as workers in Portugal went on strike to protest the government's austerity measures there. Image via AP]

Have you heard? Wall Street is getting its swagger back! But while this is obviously great news, it's been a long time since finance guys turned their swag on. So we've assembled a guide to help them!

After guaranteeing its banks' debts in October 2008, Ireland announced this weekend that it applied for a multibillion-Euro bailout package from the European Union and the International Monetary Fund. Don't freak out, though! The corporate tax rate won't be raised.

New York City swinging venues—spots for couples looking to swap spouses—are reporting a 20-60 percent decrease in attendance because of the economy. At $110-150 per couple, it's no wonder sex isn't selling! Maybe they need coupons?

The Federal Deposit Insurance Corp yesterday announced it was closing four more banks, bringing this year's total to 143 — up from 140 banks closed all of last year. But hey, their total assets should be lower, says the FDIC!

At times of economic recession, even the big advertisers have to think twice on how to allocate their funds. Inside, a look at how brand names we all know may have to market their products if things go south.

The unemployment rate held steady at 9.6% last month, while the economy added 64,000 private sector jobs and cut 160,000 public sector jobs. This was "far worse" than economists had been predicting, but it sounds about right.

Today we told you that, unfortunately, no one's buying you anything for Christmas this year. This inspired one commenter to write a cursed economy-themed poem for us.

According to an analysis of census data, young Americans are marrying later and less frequently than ever. Not surprising, but some experts say this is in part due to our crappy economy. Young people are too poor to get hitched.

Sotheby's next week will auction off the $10 million art collection of deceased investment bank Lehman Brothers, including works by Damien Hirst. One collector said, "It's not a fire sale, but it's priced to sell." Just like a subprime mortgage!

How bad is the economy? So bad that even the usually-booming "things you can kill other people with" sector is doing badly. According to a recent report, the value of worldwide arms deals in 2009 dropped 8.5 percent from 2008.

For the second straight year since the global financial meltdown, the U.S. birthrate has dropped and is now at its lowest point in 100 years. Who knew that losing your house, job and life savings would ruin your libido? [AP]