The Way We Live Now: being proven wrong. It doesn't do much for our self-esteem, but then again, self-esteem and a buck fifty will get you a cup of coffee these days. And a buck fifty's nowhere to be found.
The Way We Live Now: taxonomically. All of our expenditures must be organized into "necessary" and "unnecessary" piles. The hard part comes when deciding how to sort everything. Sliced bagels: necessary or not? Your financial future depends on it.
The Way We Live Now: huffing and puffing and blowing houses down. We're talking economically, okay? Home equity has evaporated. Deflation is inevitable. Credit card rates are increasingly usurious. Your safe investments are bubbles. And your painting's been stolen. Blows.
The Way We Live Now: Quantifordably. We don't actually need to change our current situation; we simply need to become more satisfied with it. For what is money but a number? And what is a number but...magic? I don't know.
The Way We Live Now: Drucken things up. Once you're already rich, why spend your life running a hedge fund, or something equally boring? Get out and live. Run a scam! Buy a decrepit town! Rule the world, for fun!
The Way We Live Now: doing the upper-middle class juggle. We're juggling baby! Can you keep a wife, a kid, a mortgage, a commute, and a second job in the air without dropping any? We'll watch you try!
The Way We Live Now: literally sitting on stacks of gold bullion. How you like that, ma? While the world fights over bus routes and the city fathers are getting evicted, here we sit, blinged, ringed, done, badumbumbum.
The Way We Live Now: girly. Meaning incapable of being paid what we're worth! Will the mighty USA one day be nothing more than a pit stop where Chinese Masters of the Universe pick up free cupcakes? It seems likely.
The Way We Live Now: machen Sie sich keine Sorgen. That means "don't worry about it," and that's what you can tell people if you're German, because Germany is running things now.
The Way We Live Now: tempting the gods of the hanging stones. You can't afford to keep Stonehenge looking nice? Then all of your other troubles are a moot point, friend. Druids know how to kill your home equity, fast.
The Way We Live Now: beating a hasty retreat. Back to the safety of the economic bunkers! Batten down the fiscal hatches! Hell, we'll take the slow pain of the recession over the fear of the unknown. Safety first!
The Way We Live Now: embracing peace out of necessity. The days of unlimited defense budgets are over, for at least a year or two. As are the days of inflation, optimism, and stable money market accounts. It's a party!
The Way We Live Now: in enslavement to repayment. Our salvation? Reparations. Or—damn it—at least a sandwich.
The Way We Live Now: shedding—shedding jobs, like a thick fur coat sloughing off in the summer's heat. You don't want our economy to sweat, do you? Not to worry: a little perspective will turn that frown upside down!
The Way We Live Now: sucking up to the populace. But only out of necessity. We don't make it a habit to smile in the face of people without money unless they have something else we want. (Votes).
The Way We Live Now: giving it away, giving it away, giving it away now, in the words of Warren Buffett's favorite songsmiths. Billionaires are giving it back! Minus the cost of goats, art sales, and hedge fund taxes.
The Way We Live Now: burning the ruling class's cherished symbols to the ground and salting the earth behind us. Why not? If we're gonna die from high salt diets, we might as well die while destroying a golf course.
The Way We Live Now: without the kitchen sink. We sold it off, along with the rest of the house. Had to. Can't afford a home. Can't afford a decent train. And even god can't get us a vacation.
The Way We Live Now: slowing down. Taking it easy. Why get so hung up on "economic growth?" Why not sit back on the yacht, counting our vast fortune obtained through professional sports or financial shenanigans? Doesn't that sound better?
The Way We Live Now: gettin' high. It's Thursday. You ain't got no job. You ain't got no subsidies. You ain't got no deflation policy. You ain't got no rising home prices. You don't pay taxes. What you gotta do?
