Ohio Governor John Kasich, who has been running for the Republican nomination for president for seven months, decided last night that he would like to be president, after all. At a town hall on Tuesday, he told voters, “I don’t know if my purpose is to be president,” but in an interview with Fox News’ Megyn Kelly last…
Donald Trump, who is currently leading Republican primary polls by saying things like, “I would bomb the shit out of ISIS,” revealed today more of his nuanced plans to combat the terrorist network. In a call to his fans at Fox & Friends, he said he would “take out the families” of ISIS members, too.
Isn’t life terrible? Obama’s in office, gays are getting married, and humanity has just generally lost its way. All of this comes with a whole slew of exciting punishments, since the End is nigh. And presidential candidate Mick Huckabee can’t wait.
There are the GOP debate moments everyone talks about and we all remember: Romney's $10,000 bet, Newt being indignant about a Juan Williams question, Romney saying "I'm running for office for Pete's sake," Newt being indignant about a John King question, Cain introducing us to 9-9-9, Newt being indignant about a…
Tonight's Colbert Report featured a major announcement. Spurred on by polling at five percent in South Carolina, Stephen Colbert has passed his Super PAC to buddy Jon Stewart and is forming an exploratory committee for a possible Presidential run. As long has Colbert and Stewart don't coordinate in any way, it's all…
On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart gave us his thoughts on the results of the New Hampshire primary. He took a swipe at Mitt Romney's victory speech and the results spin by MSNBC's Lawrence O'Donnell. And Stewart had time for a couple of shots at Jon Huntsman and the victory speech that accompanied his third place…
Former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty has abandoned his sad quest for the presidency after a disappointing third-place finish in yesterday's Iowa straw poll. He told staff Sunday morning.
Looking for a candidate who comes across like a thinly-veiled George W. Bush caricature from some forgotten mid-2000s political satire? Good news! Rick Perry just announced his candidacy for president. (Of all of the United States.) And he made it through his announcement speech without executing a single innocent…
In 2008, presidential candidate Mitt Romney spent $2.5 million to buy a win at the Iowa straw poll (an August event that "is one of the landmark events of the nominating contest"), and then, hilariously, lost the caucuses a few months later, because he doesn't love fetuses enough and may have once seen two men…
Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee won't run for president! The Fox News host, who led in several polls released over the last few months, said it was a "spiritual decision," which we think means he used a Ouija board.
Squinty boor Donald Trump has secured a crucial endorsement! Gary Busey, the wild-eyed actor and celebrity apprentice, is not only campaigning for Trump, but has created an acronymic "Busey-ism" in support of the candidate: "Taking Redirection, Understanding Massive Power." Poetic and political!
Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum has announced plans to form a presidential exploratory committee! Santorum is, of course, the anal sex byproduct candidate, but he's so much more than that, too—he's also the family values candidate:
