A new study indicates that psilocybin—which you may know by the "street name" magic mushrooms—can help cancer patients alleviate anxiety and depression some six months after the initial dose. Illegal drugs: Totally good for you!

A bunch of states held primary elections on Tuesday night, and I know what you're thinking: More elections, really? Can't Obama do something about that? But don't despair! These ones featured America's second choice for President, Arizona Senator John McCain!

Rest easy, nation. Though same-sex couples were recently allowed to compete in the Today Show's popular Modern Wedding contest, none of them advanced to the final four. Phew. Now we don't have to have that awkward conversation with our kids.

Primaries just happened! Former World Wrestling Entertainment Executive Linda McMahon won the Republican Senate nomination in Connecticut, performing [wrestling joke] on her opponents. In Colorado, Obama-backed incumbent Senator Michael Bennet beat challenger Andrew Romanoff for the Democratic Senate nomination.

America doesn't suck at soccer! A technically outmatched U.S. team tied England 1-1 today amidst the droning vuvuzelas, thanks to a fluke mishandling of Clint Dempsey's shot by English goalkeeper Robert Green. Ha ha. Next match: Against Slovenia this Friday.

Four candidates in Tuesday's primary elections in Alabama created campaign ads that "went viral" on the internet, including the "Most American Thing Ever" guy, Dale Peterson. So, does it help your electoral chances to have blogs laugh at your ads?

Fox News Anchor Greta Van Susteren started a poll on her blog asking if she was dumber than a guy who sent her hate mail. She "won." "havw [sic] some fun!" she wrote today, "the poll was a joke!"

Guess what happened while you were watching Lost on Tuesday night? A revolution! Dozens of people showed up to the polls to vote for change, and hope, and especially, Ron Paul's son, Rand. Want to know who won?

It was just on Monday that we demanded that everyone shut up about Health Care reform for a while, because honestly it is in a boring and necessary stage of dull legislating. Look who reads Gawker: the President!

The results of our poll to find America's best city for journalism, story-wise, are in. Chicago surged into second place thanks to a characteristic ballot-stuffing campaign, but in the end, good sense prevailed. Full results below!

Rape Watch 2008 continues. Yesterday we wondered about the identity of the blind item gay rapist, going so far as to put it to a poll for y'all to answer. And answer you did, resoundingly. While Will Smith pursued his happyness to an early lead, the srsly detailed evidence that it's dreamy (sigh) Columbia-bound…

According to the results of our poll yesterday, you, our angry readers, believe John Travolta is a worse environmental hypocrite than any other celebrity! This one was a runaway. Travolta got 48% of the vote, crushing second-place hypocrite(s) Brangelina, who only got 18%. Barbra Streisand (17%) was a close third,…

PEREZ LIE DETECTOR RESULTS. It's all true. They made out! John initiated it! There was tongue! Perez pulled away first! Then they ask Perez if he's doing all this for publicity and he says no! And it's a lie! Haha! If you need me, I'm going to be running around in circles on the floor, weeping.