The Washington Times reports that Bush is going to have a little sit-down talk, up in Toronto, with Bill Clinton. They will both make lots and lots of money for this, of course, but why in Canada? So that no one down here would notice, or care? And what is this about:

The event will be only the second appearance by Mr. Bush since leaving office; his first was also in Canada, in Calgary.

Has anyone seen Bush in America, recently? No. So either he fled or he's been permanently banished. Either way, why are we still stuck with Cheney and Rove? WHY?

"Pensions" were this crazy system in which employers contributed money to an employee's retirement account, and when the employee retired, he would have this money, to live on, based on how many years he had worked and how much he made.

Well at some point (the '80s) someone decided it would be much smarter to a) make employees pay for their own retirement and b) to make them put all their money in the stock market. That was a great idea, for like 20 years! Now, hah, no one in America gets to retire anymore.

But on the plus side, there will never be a cure for cancer. (Hey, this will be a fun multi-part New York Times series, right? Richard Nixon declared war on drugs, and cancer, and now there is just as much of both of those things. What a prick.)

The Oscar nominee told "Extra," "I want to take this opportunity... also to give you the exclusive and just talk a little bit about the fact that this will be my last performance as an actor... I'm not doing films anymore."

"Extra's" Jerry Penacoli, shocked by the news, further probed Joaquin. "Are you serious?" Phoenix, who was curiously being followed by his own camera crews, reiterated, "Yeah. I'm working on my music. I'm done. I've been through that."

Actor Casey Affleck, present during the admission, tells "Extra", "I don't think he's kidding. He's got music and stuff."

Today, "Extra" contacted Phoenix's rep for clarification and got this response: "That is what he told me."

Ah, the dreaded lure of the Hollywood vanity band! Actors like Russell Crowe and Keanu Reeves have been cast adrift on the shoals of rock before, so we can only hope Phoenix learns from their mistakes. Hey, Joaquin — don't listen to that impulse telling you to give up acting for a cramped North American tour of small clubs. That voice in your head? It's simply the brain-eating frog, come back to collect!

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Joaquin Phoenix: Leaving the Silver Screen? [Extra]

• From Paul Malmont: "I was in a car with him on the way to Amityville, hearing great stories about his career. For example, he had once slit the tires on his own father's (also a reporter) car to keep him from beating Steve to a story. Another thing he was quite proud of was he claimed to have written the book that killed Elvis. Apparently it was rumored that a book Steve had written, Elvis - What Happened? had been pried from The King's cold dead fingers - he had been reading it on the toilet when he'd had a heart attack.
  After A Current Affair I went to work on the rookie season of Good Day New York - Fox's local morning show. My job was to get in early, get the coffee going and pull gossip stories from the wire. When I say early, I mean like 4AM early. On more than one occasion I would come in to find Steve and several author Aussie reporters and producers crashed out on office desks they had pushed together. Apparently they would drink hard at the Racing Club across the street and not bother going home."
• "When ever Steve was covering a mob trial that was being heard in Brooklyn, he would stop into my local watering hole which was a Thai restaurant with a bar in front that seated about ten. The crowd was always mixed, middle age Gays and Brooklyn Heights locals . Steve would come in and after two visits knew and remembered everybodys name. Over the course of an evening he would consume about 10 to 15 drinks and still appear coherent . He would then use the pay phone to phone his story in and uaually a drive came in to scoop him up and drive him home.
  The first time he came in I was wary of speaking to him knowing his politics and the Post’s. But the funny thing is he never pushed his politics at the bar Instead he would talk of mob trials old time Hollywood , New York , movies and whatnot. He was actually fun to talk, never condescending. He had a great memory. Never saw him drop dead drunk but I heard the stories and seeing him in action I can believe them."
• "A favorite Steve story told by reporters covering the Michael Jackson child molestation trial is how he would turn up in the middle of the day or later, already trademark soused. One day he was so drunk he came out of the courthouse men's room having forgotten to tuck himself back in, let alone do his fly up, and walked unsteadily away down the corridor, to the gapes of onlookers."

Update: Well, yeah. They are now choosing the old white guy who will replace him.

"'The challenge Microsoft has when the founder departs is remembering its heart,' said analyst Rob Enderle of the Enderle Group in Silicon Valley. 'At some point the firm has to take the essence of what made Bill Gates successful and make sure that is preserved. Whether it is a company or a person, once you've lost your heart there isn't much left but a shell.'

"'They are in trouble on the desktop (computer software),' Enderle said. 'Microsoft started as a desktop vendor and suddenly it is its weakness.'

"'Microsoft has to leverage its strengths; right now it is thrashing a bit,' Enderle said. 'The company is on its own. The training wheels are off. It needs a way to point itself in the right direction and peddle like hell.'

"Microsoft's server and tools division is its most profitable unit. It's entertainment unit, which sells Xbox videogame consoles and gaming software, has yet to make a profit.

"'You could see Microsoft struggling after Bill Gates stepped out of day-to-day roles,' Enderle said. 'A founder takes such a larger-than-life role and directs a company in very subtle ways that are often forgotten when a founder leaves. That gap, for a lot of companies, has been almost terminal.'" [Breitbart via Drudge]

"I get asked the question so often, I thought it best to make an announcement. I thought long and hard about it and if anything could have pulled me out of retirement it would have been an Indiana Jones film. I love working with Steven and George, and it goes without saying that it is an honor to have Harrison as my son."

"But in the end, retirement is just too damned much fun. I, do however, have one bit of advice for Junior: Demand that the critters be digital, the cliffs be low, and for goodness sake keep that whip by your side at all times in case you need to escape from the stunt coordinator! This is a remarkable cast, and I can only say, 'Break a leg, everyone.' I'll see you on May 22, 2008, at the theater!"

The regrets, pithy as they are, should come as a significant disappointment to millions of fans, who longed to see three generations of Joneses trading wisecracks while taking turns manning the wheel of a hijacked Nazi convoy truck under heavy enemy fire. Still, Junior might do well to heed the advice of his former co-star—a trailblazing inspiration to all aging, cantankerous, leading he-men who have grown to prefer the quiet company of a good scotch and/or woman to that of a bearded, baseball-cap-wearing director shouting repeatedly through a bullhorn to infuse more enthusiasm into one's 50th take discovering King's Solomon's elusive Executive Bathroom Suite of Gold.

• The Indiana Jones Cast Expands [IndianaJones.com]