Looks like The Wiggles have finally given up on your children. The BBC reports that three of the four founding members announced their retirement Thursday.

Christmas 2012 has come early! Democratic Nebraska Sen. Ben Nelson reportedly will announce that he's not seeking reelection, a move that will disappoint precisely zero people in the United States of America.

Sen. Joe Lieberman actually went through with his retirement announcement! Who knew it would ever be this easy to get rid of him? Thanks, Joe! Let's check out what he said at today's grand press conference.

Senator Joe Lieberman (I - His Own Butt), will reportedly announce tomorrow that he won't be seeking re-election next year, because he won't win. And, by denying us the thrill of watching him lose, America's greatest political troll strikes again!

After 28 years of hosting his morning show, Regis Philbin has decided not to renew his contract when it expires this Spring. Video of his announcement from this morning, inside.

Larry King's last day on his CNN show has been pushed back from October until the end of the year because his presumed replacement, Brit Piers Morgan, is having visa issues. Well, maybe if they stopped giving away American jobs...

Wild-maned ad whiz Alex Bogusky, famous for weird Burger King ads and being a sickeningly stereotypical "creative," has resigned from his company, and is reportedly retiring from the ad business for good to focus on outside "initiatives." God speed, dude.

General Stanley McChrystal, who headed the war in Afghanistan until disparaging comments about his bosses came to light in an article last week, will retire. Let's pitch in and get him a Rolling Stone subscription as a going-away gift! [Reuters]

Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens will retire this summer. He will turn 90 in 11 days. Stevens is a member of the "liberal" wing of the court, which means he is a Republican-appointed moderate. Now comes the fun part!

Democratic deficit hawk who never met a tax cut or agricultural subsidy he didn't love Evan Bayh is retiring from the Senate. Because of partisanship! Oh, partisanship. God bless you.

Jon Winkelried, Goldman Sachs's No. 2 and Lloyd Blankfein's right-hand man, announced this afternoon that he's retiring from the firm. "Winkelried cited fatigue as the reason he is stepping down," reports the New York Times. Nothing, we're sure, that some downtime at his $38.5 million waterfront home in Nantucket or…

As the October 1 retirement party for quintessential rabid right-wing New York Post hack Steve Dunleavy approaches, everyone who knew him is scrambling to write their remembrances of his alcohol-inspired behavior. It's funny how the passage of time can turn a man's reputation from "inappropriate, mean, and downright…