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New York, 3:43 AM
Tue Nov 24
47 posts in the last 24 hours
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11/16/09
11/16/09
For another, the assumption that she was engaged in all sorts of drug shit, unprotected sex and kinky shit. Which doesn't happen with most high end escorts. This woman has also documented her life as an escort and said that stuff didn't happen.
Next, the idea that she was exploited. She had a job that paid well. Sometimes she enjoyed that job. Sometimes less so. Just like everyone who has a job that doesn't involve sex. There are good days and bad days.
Then, this idea that it's mostly college girls who get into escorting to pay for tuition/rent/books and other things.
Lots and lots and lots of dudes become rent boys for similar reasons - often when dad stops paying for tuition when their son comes out. Rent boys just aren't as visible to the straight community as escorts.
As to the question of if she liked it why didn't she do it for free - um I like writing blog posts but if someone wants me to write for their blog I'm going to charge them for it. I love writing porn, but when I get a porn job I charge people for it.
Beyond that men who pay for escorts aren't paying for sex. Sex is just a side benefit. What they are paying for is a feeling of temporary intimacy and a break from loneliness without social and moral obligations.
As one of my clients once said to me "My clients don't pay me for sex. They pay me to go away." #belledejour
11/16/09
11/16/09
I've been writing ad copy for male and female sex workers for years and the main thing I've learned is this:
IT'S JUST THEIR JOB.
It has nothing to do with whether they are a good person or not. It doesn't mean they were abused. It doesn't make them automatically victims and it doesn't mean any of them are stupid.
In fact, the high end sex workers are often really smart, charming people with a lot of ethics.
I talked about this with College Call Girl last year.
[collegecallgirl.blogspot.com] #belledejour
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11/16/09
She and I used to talk on email all the time and then she just disappeared!
I get so few chances outside my job to talk to other people who work in the sex industry that I miss being able to relate to her about the frustrations and stuff that are industry unique. #belledejour
11/16/09
Most of my friends are female - and they often tell me about their conquests, infidelities and naughtiness, but make me swear that I won't tell other girls about it.
Since most of them are happy with their choices, I'm happy for them but it sucks that they can't/don't feel comfortable talking about it with another girl. #belledejour
11/16/09
11/16/09
Not all sex workers were abused little girls/boys, which is the misnomer that the naysayers need to GTFO. You can't pigeon-hole people via second-hand knowledge about their sex lives in any reliable way. People are too diverse and hearsay is worthless when it comes to sex.
Truth is this: Most sex is on a barter system if those who are judging would just stop and think about it. #belledejour
11/16/09
Of course if there are any literary agents who are reading this who think a book about a drunk American guy living illegally in the South of France writing escort ads, gay porn and being paid to pretend he's a bottom on gay discussion groups/chat rooms while in an open relationship with plus sized female travel writer who used to be a child star would make a good read, I am more than available! #belledejour
11/16/09
Sex is marketing. It's about putting on a nice outfit/new hair cut/pec implants etc... to sell yourself to attractive members of the gender of your choice.
Then that person does the same thing to try to sell themselves to you and like any good business negotiation the goal is for both parties to feel like they got the better part of the deal.
And to pretend that money, real estate, level of education and other quantifiable material things don't play into that negotiation is to be stuck at the Walt Disney level or romance. #belledejour
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I've often wondered why I find their stories so captivating. My current theory is that when you choose sex work in this milieu, you're separating yourself from your female peers not because (or not just because) you're doing it for money -- but because you're forced to confront the realities of (male) desire and your specific place as an object in its hierarchy...which is something your female peers rarely seem to grapple with.
Put simply, when you turn to this work, you can retain no illusions about exactly how much sexual power you have over men. You have to find out. I suspect many women are able to go through their entire lives without ever posing this question to themselves, and thus they can maintain a kind of winking-nodding-flirting acquaintance with male desire. While a woman who takes this further step probably comes to understand a lot of things about men that her peers will never know.
Perhaps this is part of what's going on when men fall in love with sex workers. That hasn't happened to me, at least not yet...but sometimes I think I can understand why it happens to some guys.
11/15/09
11/16/09
(reading this over it's kind of aggressive, which is not meant personally) #belledejour
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11/16/09
I meet many, many women who seem convinced that they have no power in their lives over men. They equate male desire solely with their role as "object." Thus they tend to avoid or denigrate all expressions of male desire, or even male social power in general. This is despite the fact that these women actually possess a lot of social/sexual power, which they could choose to exercise if they wished.
So I guess all I'm proposing here is that women who have an understanding of the power they have over men -- however they've gained that understanding -- tend to have rare and fascinating observations to offer. #belledejour
11/16/09
Could I take your parsing as an admission that these women's stories have some quality which is intrinsically interesting, for reasons that might be complex and challenging to describe?
11/16/09
My view of sexuality -- both men's and women's -- is that it is much, much, much more complex than you describe. Although I don't doubt that your own personal experience might nevertheless support your view here. #belledejour
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No more so than I am. I could never watch Top Chef again. #belledejour
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I adore her already. #belledejour
11/15/09
I wonder if more experienced prostitutes have some sort of derogatory term for the upper middle class white girls who take up the profession as part of a documentary film project or to build street cred among hipsters. There must be a lot of them. #belledejour
11/15/09
11/15/09
There's a word for it, though, which is "tourist."
11/16/09
@gawker008: "Tourist" indeed. That works. What does your wife do? #belledejour
11/15/09
11/15/09
You never hear about male scientists becoming rent boys. Unless there’s some saucy secret Stephen Hawking is hiding from the world! #belledejour
11/15/09
Or ARE they?.... #belledejour
11/15/09
@pollyannacowgirl: Are you really asking whether men tend to have more money than women? #belledejour
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They just aren't selling themselves to women. #belledejour
11/15/09
I would guess I write ads for about 70 to 100 male college students a year who are rent boys.
Some of them just want "easy" money and some of them do it because dad stopped paying for school when they came out of the closet. #belledejour
11/15/09
It isn't really about ethics, it is about morals.
In cases where the woman enjoys her chosen profession, I can't see what's wrong with it. Adults should free reign over their own bodies. My only objection is the number of young women kidnapped/ jumped into it who are not "escorts" but put straight out onto the street by fucked up pimps. That's messed up.
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Though either way, I think she looks pretty good.
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