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Gawker 
04/15/09
If you're one of the few people who care about whatever happened to Nic Cage, this movie won't provide you with any answers. Slow-witted and just shocked to be here, Cage couldn't hold the interest of a kitten even if he had a lazerlight pointer and crotchful of catnip. Fortunately for his Thai co-stars, it appears that none of them could understand him anyway in this inexplicably faithful remake of a foreign language movie that was terrible in the first place.
Anyway, based on his slow speech and Rainman gait, it appears that the Celestials may have given him syphilis, so I have to give them credit for that.
04/11/09
Whether it is deus ex machina or deus ex moenia, Horace still says "you fucking suck."
12/05/08
11/21/08