John Edwards' campaign finance fraud trial ended today in a manner so shambolic not even your mistress' spiritual advisor could have foreseen it.

A Judge has ruled that the legendary sex tape starring John Edwards and his mistress Rielle Hunter must be destroyed because, if unleashed, it could block out the sun and bring a thousand-year night to the Earth. The judge has ordered the tape to be cast into the very fires from which it was forged: a massive flaming…

As much of a pathological monster John Edwards is, the indictment against him for campaign finance violations this morning is almost Kafka-esque in its breadth: Under the prosecution's theory, there is essentially no legal way for a candidate for federal office to pay someone to keep quiet.

The Obama administration's Justice Department has given federal prosecutors the go ahead to prosecute former Senator and presidential candidate John Edwards, ABC reported late Tuesday.

Remember the sex tape that Democratic pariah John Edwards made with the mother of his illegitimate child, the delightful Rielle Hunter? Hunter is still suing Edwards confidante-turned-enemy Andrew Young for possession of the tape. Edwards has already offered some testimony, and now the judge wants more. Gross.

That strange shifting you just felt in the ground? Elizabeth Edwards rolling over in her fresh grave. The National Enquirer reports John Edwards "proposed to Rielle Hunter. Apparently Elizabeth's children are already working on their escape pumpkin. [via HuffPo]

Bill Clinton is pretty content nowadays. He's rich, his initiative is soaring, the White House needs him. This is happiness. But never underestimate his love for acting on ancient grudges, as he did with sex pariah John Edwards in 2008.

Lady Gaga buys some ghostbusting equipment. Michelle McGee strips for a cheating website. Sarah Ferguson has standards. How did Gary Coleman die? Sunday's Gossip Round up is trying to concentrate even though there's a big parade outside.

John Edwards' mistress turned baby mama Rielle Hunter's interview with Oprah Winfrey airs today, and some clips are already online. Rielle sports an elegant makeunder a la Monica Lewinsky on 20/20, and talks homewrecking and keeping Elizabeth in the dark.

The Daily Beast reports that John Edwards has been called to appear before a grand jury on May 13th. He will have to submit to a sworn deposition about his affair, the tape and his use of campaign funds. [TDB]

John Edwards two-timer and Rielle Hunter sex tape thief Andrew Young will discuss "Ethics in Leadership" at the University of Washington—almost as titillating as Spitzer's Harvard ethics speech! Why do unethical people always talk about ethics at colleges?

Rielle Hunter was once a ridiculous hippie videographer who shamefully lured John Edwards from his dying, cancer-stricken wife. Now she's got glossy respectability, made all the more lustrous by a command performance for Oprah Winfrey.

Aaron Sorkin is rumored to be circling a movie adaptation of The Politician, former John Edwards aide Andrew Young's tell-all book about his sleazy former boss (and his sex tape). But who should play Edwards, his mistress and wife?

Rielle Hunter has some artistic differences with the photographer who shot her sexy photos for GQ. But she is apparently a fan of this new exhibit at the Guggenheim. Today a reader spotted her and John Edwards there getting cultured.

"The Daily Beast can now describe" the John Edwards sex tape "in detail, based on accounts from multiple people who have watched it...." Good morning!

The Washington Post had some details last night, but we've now gone through the whole thing. Hunter thought Edwards was "reckless" to stay in the presidential race. But here are some highlights, in her own words.

Conservative opiner Ross Douthat says the weekly may even deserve a nod in the public service category, and that everyone else gets a big fail for not digging into the initial John Edwards rumors — including us.

• Alec Baldwin was rushed to Lenox Hill Hospital early this morning. What happened? That's still unclear for the time being. Although whatever it was, it couldn't have been all that serious considering the hospital released him about an hour later. [People]
• Did John Edwards propose to Rielle Hunter the same day he…