Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice spoke at the RNC tonight.

Governor Perry, is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

There is an official Romney/ Ryan souvenir store in the Tampa Bay Times Forum, where the convention is being held. It's a store that would normally be selling Tampa Bay Lightning shirts and whatnot, but now it's selling souvenirs to people with poor taste who may not even like hockey.

The Republican Convention isn't all "inside baseball" and "delegates" and "wandering around inside prison-style fencing in search of meaning." It's also about venturing out to see "the real Tampa." Sometimes, you have to get out of your chair, go "outside the wire," and take in a screening of a haranguing right wing…

As if the hours of Republicans dancing broadcast on CSPAN yesterday wasn't steamy enough, here it is, edited down by Corey Ann Clark and set to "My Neck, My Back." "**WARNING YOUR HORNY LEVEL WILL SOON BE VERY HIGH**," Clark writes. "While I was watching the RNC yesterday, I noticed during the musical numbers some…

Yesterday the Ron Paul rEVOLution was thrown out in the gutter, alongside the storm-bathed protesters carrying 99% signs. Thanks to the RNC's backroom rules changes, the good doctor's delegates were not seated. Supporters' chants of "point of order!" from the convention floor failed to incite a floor fight. Their…

Other guesses for non-dead speakers include Tim Tebow, Colin Powell, Clint Eastwood, and Nancy Reagan. But hopefully the RNC reanimation squad will be able to conjure up the most profane and laughable addition to a political convention in history.

Pretty much any asshole can get some kind of credential to get into a political convention; a look at the press room can tell you that. It's a low bar. Which is not to say that the RNC organizers are fools.

It's not particularly difficult to spot the members of the working class at the Republican National Convention. Invariably, they are in uniform. They hold tools that cost under $500 dollars. Most of the time, they are not white. Nobody who is not lost or looking to transfer irate Newtonian force to a rung below…

At times, as circumstances dictate, we will cover the 2012 Republican National Convention in the style of noted New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman. The following reporting is 100% real:

You can't really appreciate the extent to which politicians are actors until you're seated in a shitty press seat at a political convention that does not give you a direct view of the stage, but which does give you a view of a huge TV screen showing the politician speak and, simultaneously, a view of the teleprompter…

In a fit of Oprah-channeling enthusiasm, Ann Romney went off-script tonight and told the RNC crowd "I love you, womennnnn." And I bet that's true. Of course, she didn't mention this, this, this, or this, but it's a long campaign season; I'm sure she'll get around to it eventually.

Rick Santorum is still talking on national television. Tonight, during the Republican National Convention, he decided to talk about hands. But not just any hands. He talked about his father's hands, his daughter's hands. Poor hands. Weathered hands. Old hands. Young hands. But what about dude's hands that hold other…

Someone attending the Republican National Convention allegedly threw peanuts a black camerawoman for CNN and said, "This is how we feed animals," according to Talking Points Memo. The nut thrower was then escorted from the convention.

The sensible and not-at-all xenophobic and/or racist GOP Convention attendees welcomed the delegate from Puerto Rico with boos and shouts of "USA!" The "lady from Puerto Rico," as RNC Chairman Reince Priebus put it, tried to join in on the "USA!" chant to no avail. It seems like the GOP's "overtures to women and…

If you don't know where you're going at the Republican National Convention, one of the things you notice first is that nobody else does either. The upside of this is that, once beyond the security cordon, you can do pretty much whatever you want, in an event surrounded by federal agents. The downside is that it's…

Celebration time: Day-Two-Which-Is-Actually-Day-One of the Republican Convention is now, as we speak (type), UNDERWAY in Tampa, a hot parking lot located in a swing state. We can assure you that our investigations have revealed that absolutely no one, including those in official capacities, know where the fuck they…

I will now cover the 2012 Republican National Convention in the style of noted New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman. The following reporting is 100% real.

Whatever ugliness might later emanate from the Tampa Bay Times Forum, there's no escaping that, for now, its interior is stunning. The much-mocked array of LED screens, bordered in hardwoods meant meant to evoke America's living room, create a captivating depth of field behind the podium. Textured images split amongst…