Aniston sex partner and literary scion Justin Theroux shows his bush in this week's New York magazine, prompting squeals of dismay (and occasional arousal?) worldwide.

Paula Abdul's personal mantra is also her staff's. Adam Sandler is accused of dining and dashing. The cast of The Help likes to skinny dip. Angelina Jolie is "as kinky and insatiable as ever." TGIFriday gossip is titillating.

Reggie Bush texts Kim incessantly, begging her ditch Kris at the altar. George Clooney's female wrestler lover sleeps over. Angelina dodges rioters in London. Ali Lohan is officially more bankable than Lindsay. Wednesday gossip is the one that got away.

Lindsay Lohan pleads poverty in Louboutin heels. Arnold and Maria fight over child support. Jason Bateman gets upstaged by a puppy. Charlie Sheen likes sex twice a day, but his ex-girlfriend insisted on 19 lays per day. TGIFriday gossip.

Ice-T and Coco give marriage advice. Is Jennifer Aniston a boyfriend stealer? Thandie Newton names the director who took advantage of her when she was 16. Ed Westwick gets in a shoving match at a bar. Tuesday gossip is aggressive.

Evan Rachel Wood wants you to know that she sometimes dates women. Lindsay Lohan uses Good Friday to get out of court. Lea Michele pulls a bitch move at Coachella. Nic Cage goes back to work. Tuesday gossip is single and ready to mingle.

Kristen Stewart eats birthday cake in the vicinity of Edward and Jacob. Charlie Sheen is a serial pet killer. Tori Spelling is pregnant again. Ashley Tisdale shows her boobs, and so does Christina Hendricks. Tuesday gossip eats cake.

January Jones bitches about bitches. Kate Gosselin's marriage counselor is suing her. Paz de la Huerta bounces back from beating up a reality star. JWoww wants to have babies. TGIFriday gossip.

Ryan Kwanten eagerly awaits his superhero franchise. Justin Trousersnake canoodles Olivia Wilde. Reese Witherspoon releases pictures from her wedding. Monday's gossip roundup is a roundup of action.

Asked about his history of violence, Chris Brown flies into a violent rage. Rob Pattinson calls Justin Bieber a liar. Bam Margera calls a girl a whale and gets punched in the face. Tuesday gossip lacks impulse control.

Joe Jonas' relationship is a charade. Suri Cruise plays with penis candies. Jodie Foster is desperately in love with Mel Gibson. Thursday gossip is living a lie.

Congratulations, America! We have destroyed another teen icon. Vanity Fair's Nancy Jo Sales profiled Twilight panties-magnet Robert Pattinson, and the result is a neurotic portrait of a confused, fame-tortured agoraphobe. The opening salvo sets it up nicely:

Kim tithes to a church her mother founded with a wayward Rick Warren disciple. Countess LuAnn gets a job. Jennifer Aniston isn't adopting a baby. Jenna Jameson calls Chelsea Handler a "whore." Thursday gossip sends mixed messages.

Christina doesn't know Jeremy Renner, but she knows his bed. Melissa Etheridge's ex knew she was cheating because the dildos were different. Lamar Odom would like you to imagine him having sex with his Kardashian wife. Wednesday gossip sleeps around.

The Longoria-Parkers face conflicting rumors about adultery and divorce. Pink is pregnant. Stewart-Pattinson probably didn't get married, but Ochocinco will soon. Wednesday gossip is at loggerheads.

[An actress famous for her sulky detachment holds hands with her boyfriend and giggles. Must be the vampire pheromones. Image via Pacific Coast News.]

The Montag-Pratts formally end their divorce charade. Heidi Klum quits Victoria's Secret. Lindsay Lohan wears fancy outfits at rehab. Charlie Sheen's daughter has a Twilight-themed wedding. TGIFriday gossip.

Mr. Mariah Carey seeks sponsors for his birthday party. Paris Hilton "quits the club scene." Liza Minnelli celebrates photo retouching. Lindsay Lohan gets a job. Wednesday gossip will get you through the hump of the week.

A misplaced passport nearly kept Paris Hilton from Cannes. John Travolta and Kelly Preston are expecting. Sharon Stone regrets looking "like a trout." Heidi Montag's father "fears for her life." Wednesday's gossip will get you through the week.

Within hours of confirmation of their relationships, the seeds of discontent were sown—or fertilized, in Kristen's womb. Sean Penn gets probation. Kendra sex tape screenshots. Heidi Montag held captive in her own home. Here's your Thursday gossip.