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Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning Have Made Out
"Which Way To the Besparkling Chamber?"
Pick the Most Loathsome Financial Villain
Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Multiple Celebrities Scarred By Sight Of Naked, Obese Kazakh TV Producer

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limber
11/19/09

In reply to Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning Have Made Out
Joe Francis tells drunk women to take their clothes off, he gets millions. Sparkly Vampire tells insane woman same, and he gets trouble.

World gone mad.
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thatgirlinnewyork
11/19/09

In reply to Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning Have Made Out
clicking on a suri cruise item seems as low as one can go, until one does and discovers that this toddler wears slingback heels. closer to xenu, or her parents' way of keeping her from bolting from the compound?
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A Message To Rudy
11/19/09

In reply to Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning Have Made Out
So have girls reduced the number of instances they have gone wild?
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mommas-boy
11/19/09

In reply to Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning Have Made Out
It's refreshing to see that Dakota Fanning has blossomed into a seemingly normal, gorgeous young woman. She could have ended up taking the Lohan route to fame, but she seems to have a good head on her shoulders. She's a perfect role-model for how young stars should progress to more "grown up" roles.
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A Message To Rudy promoted this comment mommas-boy was starred mommas-boy was unstarred

A Message To Rudy
11/19/09

@mommas-boy: I still say she's L0han-bound. As she nears the drinking age, look out. Those "grown up" roles (child rape, pseudo-lesbian make out session) are probably making her feel, well, grown up. Hope I'm wrong but I sense a TMZ moment coming on with her.
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mommas-boy
11/19/09

@A Message To Rudy: Yeah, I hope you are wrong, but I was thinking there's still a possibility we may be reading in the future about her wrecking her Mercedes after a wild vodka-fueled orgy, and getting busted with "a usable amount of cocaine" in the fifth pocket of her jeans. Lindsay already used the "I borrowed these pants from a friend" excuse. Hopefully Dakota will come up with a better lie than that.
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BadUncle
11/19/09

@A Message To Rudy: Right, because actors are always compelled to live out their characters' lives. Really, why do they call it "acting," anyway? Meantime, I'm sure it was doing Freaky Friday that killed Lohan's life, and not her family dynamics.
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A Message To Rudy
11/19/09

@BadUncle: It's a little deeper than that, Freud. The reference was not to the characters she plays but the maturity level she's been asked to handle to portray the roles she's played. Maybe she's handling it well, maybe she leaped up the "I'm now mature" ladder a little too early. Who knows how she's handing it. Not you. Not me. Hence my use of words like "probably" and "wrong."
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BadUncle
11/19/09

@A Message To Rudy: Deeper than a guess based on a Gawker-based diagnosis? Wow! Tell us more, Doctor Depth of the Human Psyche!
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gawkimo
11/19/09

In reply to Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning Have Made Out
I am in my middle 30s. No matter how old Dakota Fanning gets, any prurient thoughts about her makes me either a ped, a perv or a prick.
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Lysergic Asset
11/19/09

@gawkimo: Well, given her mind-blowing precocity, I'll bet in three years or so she'll start dating guys older than you.
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badasscat
11/19/09

@gawkimo: I don't even know how old she actually is, but dude. Isn't there something even creepier about refusing to see a grown woman as anything other than a child?
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DahlELama
11/19/09

@gawkimo: I believe she's 15, so hold onto that feeling for at least another three years.
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gawkimo
11/19/09

@badasscat: You misunderstood my comment: pedophile to pervert implies recognizing the a girl becoming a woman -- the age difference is still there, even when the girl becomes a woman.

My views on the matter are best expressed by Jon Spencer Blues Explosion:

Now you girls 16, 17
Now you just don't know what's happenin'
Come on
Full grown woman
I said full grown
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gawkimo
11/19/09

@DahlELama: Try 11 years. I don't voluntarily hang out with anyone under 25 because they're fucking boring and predictable and their taste in music sucks.

So, get off my lawn, you hoodlums!

#tips
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PaisleyPajamas
11/19/09

In reply to Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning Have Made Out
Does Joe Francis understand that you cannot discharge debt owed to the IRS in a bankruptcy? If this loser is allowed to file for bankruptcy with the stringent new laws, I predict a screeching, ear-piercing public outcry from the unemployed and struggling masses like none the world has heard before.
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gawkimo
11/19/09

@PaisleyPajamas: He could be doing so to protect himself from other creditors.
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PaisleyPajamas
11/19/09

@gawkimo: That has to be the reason, although again, if you have more than you owe, and what you have is in the millions, how the heck is it possible to file for bankruptcy with the new laws? It's not so easy anymore, thanks to the Bush Admin.
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NigelAstydameia
11/19/09

In reply to Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning Have Made Out
Funny how even Kirstie Alley's insults involve eating something.
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DahlELama
11/19/09

In reply to Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning Have Made Out
I always thought a cleaned-up Tommy Lee was the one meant for Pammy.

YES. I can't help but believe these two are soulmates and hope that they'll find their way back to each other, even though that's probably not a good thing for anyone. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a weird, twisted, videotaped love story.
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Mama Penguino
11/19/09

@DahlELama: I think they seem sincerely into each other - and in a genuine, loving way - in the video. Didn't you make a video this summer, Dahl?
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DahlELama
11/19/09

@Mama Penguino: In my defense, Virus and I were very much in love, and no one has seen it but his cats. And, of course, Chillbear, but that's just because he pressed F12 a whole bunch of times.
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topsy
11/19/09

@DahlELama:I finally saw their video earlier this year and I couldn't believe how boring it was; one of the unsexiest sextapes ever. I guess they loved each other (I could care less) but it seemed to me like neither one were capable of any kind of genuine emotion.
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Mama Penguino
11/19/09

@DahlELama: Oh, I knew about Chillbear. I mean, I was there and all.
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DahlELama
11/19/09

@topsy: I saw about two seconds of it once, and I actually thought it was sweet. I'll have to watch it in full to form a real opinion. (For research purposes, of course.)
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gerbilsoutofexile...is cheap and easy
11/19/09

@Mama Penguino: I'm telling Rene. I'm assuming this was during one of his breaks when he was released from your basement and allowed to lounge around my pool.
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Mama Penguino
11/19/09

@gerbilsoutofexile...is cheap and easy: You and your damn pool! Listen, you sexy blonde types are all the same with your pools, your boats, your well-endowed rock star boyfriends. I'm just waiting for the video, Gerbils. I only hope you and Sance have enough decency to be as obviously in love as Pam and Tommy. In the meantime, I'm free to hang out at the pool???
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gerbilsoutofexile...is cheap and easy
11/19/09

@Mama Penguino: Darling, the pool is a free-for-all! Bathing suits not required. But since when is love required for hot, sweaty, throw-down sex? It was delicious, I promise, but without even a hint of that l-word shit.
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Mama Penguino
11/19/09

@gerbilsoutofexile...is cheap and easy: If you care about anyone in the world besides yourself, you will write up this encounter and submit it to WS post-haste!
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gerbilsoutofexile...is cheap and easy
11/19/09

@Mama Penguino: I don't have the nerve yet to submit to WS. I have threatened to send in pics of my boobs, and I may still, but only if ReneSance says it's okay.
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KikiCanuck
11/19/09

In reply to Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning Have Made Out
I think we all need to spend some time seriously thinking about how Kirstie Alley knows how men behave when you bite their dicks off. Also a little ironic for her to get all up in arms about Conan for making fun of fat actresses, when her most recent stab at stardom was the dripping-with-self loathing (and hilarious!) "Fat Actress." She's fat - that's the joke, get it?

Inarticulate tweets are the new bathroom wall.
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Mama Penguino
11/19/09

@KikiCanuck: With all due respect, I'd rather not "spend some time seriously thinking about how Kirstie Alley knows how men behave when [one] bites their dicks off."
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Mo MoDo
11/19/09

In reply to Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning Have Made Out
Great. Now I'm going to have "Cherry Bomb" stuck in my head as the soundtrack to all my 70s era girl on girl fantasies. Oh, wait. I already do.
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Z und Vielpunkt's chick
11/19/09

@Mo MoDo: One question: how the hell did you get into my brain and shoplift my fantasies?
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TableNein
11/19/09

@Mo MoDo: not "Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah):?
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Cam/ron
11/19/09

@Mo MoDo: "I'mmmm the fox you've been waitin' for!"
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Private Hangnail
11/19/09

In reply to Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning Have Made Out
With the illegally taped peephole videos I send out I'm always sure to call them [Insert Celebrity]'s Hot Naked Butt. I find the intense feelings of violation are somewhat lessened when you add a compliment.
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DevilsAvocadoRedux
11/19/09

In reply to Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning Have Made Out
"Joe Francis plans to file for bankruptcy today"

Well, isn't that just the choc-dipped cherry to top off my already perfect day?

Oh..."(1) Why does this man have so much money?"

More to the point - if this repugnant man has so much money, why is it that he still fields the freakiest set of itty-bitty baby Tic-Tac teeth this side of my local creche?

PS - I note your name is still in italics, Azaria. Loving your writing - hope they keep you on. So - did a dingo get your baybee?
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DahlELama
11/19/09

@DevilsAvocadoRedux: Total conjecture, but I think the italics are because it's a pseudonym and masthead placement means she's safe.
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Steverino Begins
05/27/09

In reply to "Which Way To the Besparkling Chamber?"
Driving Miss Pasty
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Steverino Begins
05/27/09

In reply to "Which Way To the Besparkling Chamber?"
Agony & Ivory
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Steverino Begins
05/27/09

@Steverino Begins: Atrophy & Ivory

?
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Steverino Begins
05/27/09

In reply to "Which Way To the Besparkling Chamber?"
Off, White
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