For decades, Rod Stewart's name has been synonymous with ingesting quarts of cum. The rumor goes that he sucked off (and swallowed) so many sailors in a gay bar in San Diego that he landed in the hospital and needed to have his stomach pumped. What a lightweight.

Is a Rihanna-J. Cole sex tape about to come out? Does Lindsay Lohan really think she is "just like Marilyn" Monroe? Christina Aguilera freaks over a child abuse rumor. Lady Gaga starts a fashion line with her sister. Thursday gossip has lecherous intents.

Prince Harry censors his "risque anecdotes." Emma Roberts is pursued by two men at the same party. Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson are, metaphorically, sittin' in a tree. Gossipmongers of the world, unite: It's May Day gossip.

A man says he stole Paris Hilton's fancy birthday cake, and offers photographic proof. Lindsay Lohan goes clubbing, then home with Samantha Ronson. Ashlee Simpson parties until sunrise with sk8er bois. TGIFriday gossip.

Another day of Lindsay Lohan reckoning is nigh. Kim Kardashian's birthday cake will be encrusted in diamonds. The Sister Wives polygamists are actually kinda incestuous. Like, more than we realized the first time around. TGIFriday gossip.

Toronto-based photographer John Hryniuk has spent the past couple of years photographing subjects at celebrity lookalike conventions. Do you think these George Bushes, Barack Obamas, Sarah Palins, Tiger Woods(es), and Hillary Clintons are as good as the real thing?

Lady Gaga crowd surfs in pasties and fishnet, and gets licked. Dina Lohan plans a family garage sale. Katy Perry's new song is about how bad her ex-boyfriend was in bed. Monday gossip is orally fixated.

Heidi Klum's legs. America Ferrera's pearly whites. David Beckham's precious limbs. Jennifer Lopez's aging ass. David Lee Roth's semen. (Seriously.) A list of 15 of the weirdest insurance policies ever created after the jump.

David Bowie turns 63 today. Fashion designer Carolina Herrera is turning 71. Everyone's favorite British theoretical physicist, Stephen Hawking, is 68. Robert Kelly (or R. Kelly to you and me) is turning 43. Sean Paul is 37. Baseball players Jason Giambi and Carl Pavano are 39 and 34, respectively. Actress Sarah…

[Fake Sean Connery, fake Johnny Depp, fake Rod Stewart, and fake Elton John mingle at the Sunburst Convention of Celebrity Tribute Artists in Orlando. Image via Getty]

Last Week, Lady Gaga accidently/on-purpose showed off her penis to the world. We don't think she's really a hermaphrodite, but the fiction has already joined the great pantheon of celebrity urban myths.

Well, that's it. After all this tumbling and mumbling and Kara bumbling, the eighth and most bespangled season of American Idol yet has come to a screeching, crooning end. How'd it end for you? Are you satisfied? Surprised? Gassy? To work through all these emotions and sensations, let's discuss.

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] Feb. 20 @ 4:15pm I just saw a very befuddled looking Rod Stewart wandering down 7th Ave.

Model Maggie Rizer is turning 31 today. Dave Matthews is turning 42. Times book critic Michiko Kakutani is 54. Hot 97 host Angie Martinez is 37. Internet tycoon Lockhart Steele is 35. Indie film honcho Michael Barker is turning 55. Earl Graves, the founder of Black Enterprise, is turning 74. Author Judith Krantz is…

Steve Schwarzman's 60th birthday party last year may go down as the last, great party before the fall. Days after closing on what was then the biggest leveraged buyout in history, the $39 billion purchase of Equity Office Properties, the billionaire chairman of the Blackstone Group invited 500 people to the Armory…

Sometimes a new celebrity hookup will bare its ugly-bumping face, and you're just not sure who to feel sorrier for. Such is the case with Hair Club For Men member Jude Law and rebellious rock royalty Kimberly Stewart. The two were spotted "snogging" in a British dive bar, and fellow Guinness gulpers took advantage…