predictions
If the Democrats pull this off and win the presidential election, the Republican "noise machine" will not simply give up and devote themselves to charity. They will need to undermine and delegitimize President Obama as much and as loudly as possible, non-stop, for the entirety of his term. Early predecessors of this strategy include claims that John Kennedy stole the 1960 election with Chicago Mayor Richard Daley's corrupt machine and reminding everyone that Bill Clinton didn't win a majority of the vote in 1992. But the 2008 version will be even nastier and so much more toxic! Thanks, then,
to Roger Stone, old-school GOP Political Operative, for giving us a sneak preview of the complaints you'll be hearing until 2012:
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Speeches
Our intrepid correspondent was
barred from covering political attack man
Roger Stone's speech at the offices of the bumbling, lowbrow
5WPR, but we win, because the entire speech is now on YouTube! Please watch all four poorly lit, nearly inaudible parts and let us know what he said. Plus we now have this picture of an appropriately shady-looking Ronn [sic] Torossian hovering behind an equally shady Stone! [
YouTube]
Field Reports
This morning, Republican political attack hack
Roger Stone traveled to the offices of
5WPR—the firm led by legendarily inept attack flack
Ronn [sic] Torossian—to give a speech entitled "
The World As It Really Is." (Dirty, we presume). One brave Gawker reader,
Stephen Kosloff, answered
our call and agreed to go cover the event. But when our operative arrived, Ronn asked him who sent him—and he gave an honest answer. That was his downfall! We pick up his tale of woe as he enters the room where the event will take place, and prepares to start his reporting:
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how things work
Florida governor
Charlie Crist is
maybe gay, but now he's engaged to a woman, so that he can be John McCain's Vice President. Brilliant GOP political operative
Roger Stone explains: "Politics runs on rumors and innuendo, and questions about bachelorhood persist. Getting engaged takes that off the table." See? Now no one will ever call him gay again. Roger Stone's record of
political genius continues! [
PalmBeachPost]
everyone is gay
Charlie Crist is the Republican governor of the great state of Florida. He is pretty popular out there. Less polarizing than Jeb Bush, certainly. And he's been named as a possible running mate for
John McCain. There is just one problem. Everyone seems to think he's gay, for some crazy reason.
"Some crazy reason," by the way, means "a 21-year-old Katherine Harris staffer who claimed he fucked Crist, and who went on the say that another Harris staffer was Crist's long-term partner." Crist denies everything. And now, conveniently, the heterosexual "Charlie Crist
sex tape" (ugggghhhh) has surfaced. You'll never guess who's behind it!
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dirty tricks
Roger Stone is a self-aggrandizing imbecile whose reputation for political
dirty tricks is obviously patently exaggerated. This much we know. But he maybe had something to do with the downfall of
Eliot Spitzer! It's still totally unclear, which is how Stone probably likes it. It's hard to tell if he acts like a buffoon because it throws people off the scent or simply because he
is a buffoon. The
New Yorker sent Jeffrey Toobin to investigate, but all he really uncovered was that Stone is a gross old pervert.
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dirty tricks
Roger Stone, GOP dirty trickster, attempts to reinsert himself into the news as often as possible. And as the man is a proud Nixonite, you can't ever actually believe a goddamn word he says. But
the Miami Herald reported this weekend that Stone wrote a letter to the FBI last
November informing them that former New York Governor
Eliot Spitzer enjoyed the company of expensive call girls. Also: "Governor Spitzer did not remove his mid-calf length black socks during the sex act." Good to know! Who is Roger Stone, and why, exactly, was he concerned about the sexual deviancy of the governor of New York? Read on!
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