Hell, they have the same publicist, Cindy Berger from PMK/HBH. She probably got them on some sweaty, wheezy conference call and told them that since RoRo needed to promote her new Ed Sullivan-esque variety hour and Babs needed some View coverage since the election ended and lil' squeakers Elisabeth Hasselbeck no longer has Issues to spew her poison candy about, they should have a fake fight and get some attention. This whole thing just reeks of PR stuntery. Like the whole supposedly nasty Madonna/Guy Ritchie divorce, which ended quickly now that she's got just three US dates left on her tour and his RockNRolla has already opened in theaters. Or Andy Samberg and Mark Wahlberg, who had a staged animosity to get some sweet ass SNL ratings.

And it doesn't really hurt anyone at this point, because neither of them, especially Walters, really has any credibility left to debase. Which makes the whole thing just a bit sad.

Ah well.

• Rosie O'Donnell, contradicting Barbara Walters' rosy description of relations on The View: "I’m not saying they loathe each other, but the fact of the matter is, there was not a lot of camaraderie off camera.” [LAT]
• Bill Clinton supposedly wants Hillary's old job if she becomes Secretary of State, and so gave a backrub to New York Gov. David Patterson. A better headline would have been "Happy Ending?", Six. [P6]

• Paris Hilton's ex, the Greek shipping heir she was all over after breaking up with Benji Madden, has not been waiting for a girl like her: He's smitten with Annabelle Dexter-Jones, daughter of Foreigner lead singer Mick Jones and, obviously, much classier. [P6]
• Winona Ryder's "mystery illness" brought an airplane down early and warranted hospitalization in London. But everything's suddenly OK now! [Daily Star]
• After previously offering to let Anderson Cooper ogle her chest, NeNe Leakes of Real Housewives of Atlanta is hip to the CNN anchor's desires: "He is THE silver fox, and I just wish he’d come over on this side of the street." [People]
• There are rumors that married Mel Gibson was tight with "a dark-haired beauty named Oksana" on the set of one of his movies, and now the wife is supposedly suspicious. Someone should reassure her: Oksana is a name of Hebrew extraction!
• Marc Jacobs is "seriously considering marriage." Just one... last... three-way... [NYM]
• Justin Timberlake would only wear a black leotard on Saturday Night Live if he was guaranteed residuals. [Gay Socialites]

They always remember names and stuff? Well that's easy enough to fake. They just have their assistants look up whatever journalist they're meeting with that day, print out a picture, and make a little flashcard. Simple as that! Of course these people are friendly to the press. They're at work. Though I'm sure myriad waiters and Starbucks baristas and parking valets and hotel concierges would agree with the choices, right? Right?

• Tyra Banks is to dress as Michelle Obama for Harper's Bazaar, thus ending all rumors about the prospective first lady being kind of crazy and off the handle. [NYM, P6]
• Ryan Adams is supposedly a big jerk who doesn't bathe, Googles himself constantly and regularly verbally berated Mandy Moore. When presented with this allegation, this is the strongest his flack could muster: "I don't think any of that stuff is true." He sounds reasonably certain, people! [Post]
• Rosie O'Donnell left her apartment door open! Dead?? Robbed?? Or just hiding hiding from Julia Allison? [Julia Allison]
• Conrad Black's wife is shocked — SHOCKED — that Henry Kissinger was conniving and Machiavellian with regard to his friend Black. Who would expect that from Henry Kissinger?? [Post]
• The CEO of Blackbook admitted models are invited to his New York and Miami apartments for "shoots," but said he's not around when the come by. Or at least he wasn't around at the shoot in Miami. [P6]
• OK! and Us Weekly are supposedly sending "twice as many staffers" to the Democratic convention as to the Republican convention. Wait, OK! and Us Weekly are even going to the Republican convention? [Daily News]
• When she's not making Anderson Cooper blush, CNN's Erica Hill will now sometime tease other people on the CBS Early Show, apparently. [TV Newser]
• Someone's trying to develop a reality show about cougars in New York. [P6]

• Amy Winehouse was rushed to the hospital after maybe mixing up some "medication" she is on to fight drug addiction. The basketcase British singer was released within 24 hours.
• For some reason Page Six is reporting that Marc Jacobs did marry Lorenzo Matrone, even though two of Jacobs' PR reps denied the story to Fashion Week Daily.
• In other weird denied-gossip news, Lindsay Lohan is still refuting reports she was struck by a motorcycle Saturday, but supposedly she is simultaneously acknowledging to friends she went to the hospital around that time. "But [she] won't tell anyone why. It's really odd." [R&M]
• Chace Crawford and roommate Ed Westwick, both of Gossip Girl, stayed within a foot of each other throughout a recent Ting Tings show. They also supposedly ignored a bunch of "flirty girls." [R&M]
• Rosie O'Donnell was going to be in Les Miserables? And now she's not because her kid broke his wrist?? The tigers really do come at night. [Showbiz Spy]
• Indiana Jones star Shia LaBeouf wasn't just busted for driving drunk — he was also busted driving around at 3 am with actress Isbael Lucas, aka the girlfriend of Entourage star Adrian Grenier. [Daily News]
• Now you've gone and forced Britney Spears to make another reality show. Sigh. [X17]
• Jerry Seinfeld's TV mom doesn't even has his phone number. Right, because she's his TV mom, not his real mom. Get in line, lady! [P6]
• Sad George Michael was delayed by weather on his jet trip to Boston for his concert tour, then had to wait for Sting and Bruce Springsteen to take off first. [P6]

• Testifying against her alleged stalker, Uma Thurman's dad said the man emailed him a few times about the study-abroad program at Columbia, where the dad is a professor. He had no clue the guy was a stalker, or even knew who his daughter was. Then one day the alleged stalker wrote: "Today the center of my forehead is ticking now and then. I feel in love with your daughter Uma." And later: "Apparently hoping it would be forwarded to the actress.... 'Work on that accent for our wedding night. Pretty please.'"
• Charlie Sheen resumed seeing hookers at least until last year, including while he was in rehab, using fake doctor's appointments, according to a former Los Angeles madam. Sheen's rep said "this is an old, old, old story," as though that's not the point. [P6]
• Rosie O'Donnell on Miley Cyrus' Vanity Fair shoot: "Leave Miley Cyrus alone... Listen, Annie Leibovitz – I had two photo shoots with her... You kind of do what she says. It's intimidating. I also didn't think it was a pornographic photo in any capacity. I thought it was sort of a beautiful portrait." [People]
• Spencer Pratt on Miley Cyrus' Vanity Fair shoot: "I didn’t think it was that bad. Supposedly, she’s wearing a top underneath. It’s artistic." [Us]
• Jennifer Lopez's reality show will involve her stupid new perfume, and not the fortified wing of her house she and her Scientologist friends designed for her twins. Great, I just signed up for TLC, and now I have to cancel. [People]
• Rehabbed actress Kirsten Dunst is supposedly taking co-star Ryan Gosling to 12-step meetings. [P6]
• Singer Mariah Carey is engaged to rapper Nick Cannon. The ring is 17 carats and cost $2.5 million. Tasteful. [P6]

• Jennifer Lopez is going to star in a TLC reality show about raising her twins. Oh this is going to be awesome. We're going to get to see all of the crazy stuff Tom Cruise and Lopez's other Scientologist advisers had installed for the little ones: the security cameras, "sterile" baby wing, sanitized flowers and the staff of baby bodyguards and color therapist.
• Semi-retired comedian Rosie O'Donnell on Star Jones' divorce from Al Reynolds: "we all fool rselves [sic] / sometimes." Also, Drudge dropped her from his blogroll for some reason. [Ask Ro]
• Amy Winehouse got high in the street, headbutted someone, punched someone in the face, stiffed her cabbie and made out with some dude. Leave it to Fleet Street to hype up a typical Wednesday night like it's some big thing. [Sun]
• Ashley Olsen's mansion is undergoing a $1.6 million spruce-up and the actress was kind of wondering if she could crash at your place for a while?? Five-star hotels get so lonely. [Star]
• Doogie Howser went on Ellen and pretended to have his head cut off. This is the same guy who didn't want any more Britney Spears cameos on his sitcom because it infringed on his artistic integrity. [YouTube]
• John Mayer is totally going to work his way up to black belt. [X17]
• Meadow from Sopranos broke up with her boyfriend. [Us]
• FHM magazine decided Megan Fox was the hottest woman in the entire world, this year. Angelina Jolie slipped four places to number 12, because pregnancy is so not hot, and Britney Spears somehow rejoined the list at #100, because crazy is very much hot. [OK!]
• We have all made Naomi Campbell so furious with our incompetence that either her hair is falling out or the supermodel is tearing it out. [Sun]

• Rob Lowe sued two former nannies and a former chef after saying one nanny tried to extort $1.5 million from him. The nanny basically accused the movie and TV star of hitting on her, while Lowe denied it and said the nanny was stalky. The second nanny supposedly plotted to spread lies of some sort about Lowe and his wife. The chef allegedly stole drugs from the medicine cabinet and had sex in Lowe's bed. You know, there may be a remote possibility that Lowe is a poor judge of character. [People]
• British Airways did it: they banned Naomi Campbell from their planes, presumably for life, for her tantrum at Heathrow. The model's rep said she had been flying the airline for 30 years and "she hopes this can be resolved amicably," which of course means an unrepentant Campbell is on the verge of a kill-crazy rampage if she doesn't get her way, sort of like in No Country For Old Men but with a cellphone instead of an air gun. [Showbiz Spy]
• Britney Spears' dad is pimping her out to sell Danish furniture and maybe go on a $100 million comeback tour.
• Paris Hilton, who is trying to sell shoes, has some nasty, size 11, feet. They sport at least one big ugly corn, probably from kicking small, discarded animals. [Daily Mail]
• Chace Crawford of Gossip Girl has moved on from co-star Carrie Underwood to co-star Michelle Trachtenberg. How convenient for publicity! [P6]
• Stella McCartney, daughter of Paul, hugged Yoko Ono at the funeral for a longtime Beatles business manager. [Daily Mail]
• Actress Kirsten Dunst is out of rehab, flirting. [P6]
• Dirty old BayWatch star Pamela Anderson stripped for dirty old Playboy chief Hugh Hefner on his 82nd birthday. She's also getting her own show on E!.
• California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger got really upset about how UCLA Medical Center staff peeked at the medical files of stars like Britney Spears. He and his wife Maria Shriver use the medical center. Not that he has anything he's trying to keep quiet. Just "heart surgery or hip surgery, shoulder surgery, all of those things." [E!]
• The Golden Girls are switching networks, from Lifetime to Hallmark Channel, assuming none of them breaks a hip during the move. [Perez]
• Rosie O'Donnell fears Mexico and black helicopters. Someone writes in to the comedian's Q&A section, "AMERO?!?! One step closer to One World Currency... Kinda scarey [sic]." Rosie writes, "yes." [Ask ro]

Answer Rosie here (form in top right corner) if you can help her! Because bathing is, indeed, important.

10. Mark Cuban: The billionaire dot-commer and owner of the Dallas Mavericks actually gets a lot of attention for his real blog.

9. Al Sharpton: A site called News Groper started running celeb blogs last year; Sharpton's is one of the few funny ones.

8. Tom Cruise: A shame this one hasn't resurfaced this year.

7. Darth Vader: The jokes are too geeky, but this is one of Twitter's most-followed accounts.

6. Nick Denton: The fake blog of Gawker's publisher, dirty and full of in-jokes and totes written by a former Gawker editor.

5. Rosie O'Donnell: No wait, it's real, I just keep forgetting when "ro" posts things like:

effective monday march 17th 35 years 2 the day my mom left the governor goes thru the whore door

4. Condoleezza Rice: Most jokes on this fake Twitter account are about White House personal politics: "Stuck in traffic on Pennsylvania Ave and guess who pulls up next to me. Colin in his Avalanche! AWKWARD!"

3. Harriet Miers: The Supreme Court nominee blogged like a 13-year-old girl. Fake Harriet kept posting photos of Real Harriet to throw the ludicrous style into sharp relief.

2. There is no #2, because nothing deserves to come close to #1.

1. Steve Jobs: The only consistently great parody blogger, Fake Steve Jobs is more entertaining than real Steve would ever be. Better yet, the Fake Steve book isn't just a rehash of the blog.

• You're making a music video for Britney Spears, who has been committed to a psychiatric ward twice in the last two months. How to best open your video and grab the viewer's attention? Depict Spears jumping off a building! [YouTube]
• That crazy guy who called 911 and said Heather Locklear was maybe about to commit suicide, even though Locklear later said everything was fine and the police left her alone? A doctor. And friend of Locklear's. [People]
• A woman named Billy Jean is still claiming to be Michael Jackson's lover. She climbed over a fence to try to get into his house and was arrested. Breaking my heart, babe.
• Paris Hilton attended her sister Nicky's fashion show, undermines her with reddest, most distracting lipstick in the world. [LA Times]
• ER wants George Clooney back. Well, of course it does, and of course he hasn't committed. Noah Wyle signed on, though! [EW]
• What? Rosie O'Donnell said on her blog, of Spitzer hooker Ashley Youmans, "I know her / I get it." She "knows her" knows her, or was O'Donnell just rying to make her poem rhyme? [Ask Ro]
• O'Donnell also called Geraldino Ferraro, "Wonder Woman" and agreed she was a "BRILLIANT WOMAN" in the wake of Ferraro's comments that Barack Obama unfairly benefits from the cushy life of a black man in America.
• Michael Jackson's brothers are somehow under the under the impression that heavily indebted Michael is going to help everyone acquire a country home in the English countryside. Yes. Tito is involved. [Sun]
• Patrick Swayze is undergoing chemotherapy plus a new experimental drug, but can't quit smoking, even though smoking is linked to his type of cancer. [Sun]

• Actor George Clooney Googled himself in front of Esquire and addressed the various rumors that popped up. On his alleged feud with Fabio: "There is a moment when you are actually in the argument and you're thinking, 'If I do get beaten down by Fabio, that will be far worse than the pain. I wouldn't shake that.'" On being called "gay, gay, gay:" "No, I'm gay, gay. The third gay – that was pushing it." [People]
• At long last police and maybe the FBI are more concerned about a deranged fan hurting singer Britney Spears than about a deranged Spears hurting herself. A fan is sending sex toys, customized porn stories and a picture of himself with the eyes cut out and, in at least in one case, odd liquid squirting into his mouth. The letters maybe also had talk of bombs and the Middle East. And the only reason you're reading about this is that Spears hasn't gone on a crazy rampage and thus buried the news of her insane stalker. Yay?
• Spears shouldn't worry too much about the crazy, since she has a cussy new bodyguard, seen here about to grope her.
• Also, comedian Rosie O'Donnell made Spears one of those YouTube-esque fan mashups, with just the song "Calling you" by Patti Lupone and some still pictures of Britney. OMG, more of this, please, Rosie. [P6]
• Someone not home with actress Heather Locklear called 911, worried she would commit suicide. When police arrived at her house, Locklear seemed fine so the emergency crews left. ShowbizSpy detailed her love life.
• Heath Ledger left none of his assets to his daughter or her mom. [Sun]
• Matt Damon and his wife Luciana are expecting another child. [Us]
• An aggressive and determined Kimora Lee Simmons conceived another child for her Scientology army. Some guy was involved, but that seems beside the point.

• Singer Britney Spears, said to be worth around $50 million, has become steadily more sane since her father was placed in control of her finances and other affairs several weeks ago. She parted ways with hanger-on ex-paparazzo Adnan Ghalib and earned the right to see her children more often. Apparently her father is compensated at $2,500 per week for his oversight, and the many tabloids that make money off Spears insanity are incredulous. So is comedian Rosie O'Donnell, who wrote in her Web Q&A forum that Spears' dad's high pay has become "the problem." Apparently these people have never priced rehab, or done some simple math on the scale of Spears' image problem.
• Singer John Mayer wrote the sweetest song while at the airport. It starts, "Dear Ex Lover, Perhaps you didn't understand the last time I told you to stop contacting me, so I'll do my best to spell it out for you." It just gets even more tender from there, if you can imagine that. [Mayer blog via Perez]
• Jerry Seinfeld's pitch for his new network show: "Just like Curb Your Enthusiasm, but with Jerry, instead of Larry [David]." Curb Your Enthusiasm, of course, was like a slightly more improvised version of Seinfeld, but with Larry David instead of Jerry Seinfeld. Just admit you want your old show back, Jerry. [P6]
• American Idol Season One star Nikki McKibbin had a Feb. 21 breakdown in the wake of weak album sales, her mother's August death and abuse of migraine medicine. [Star]
• Posh Spice at last gets her Vogue cover, but notice only after the Spice Girls finally promised to finally just stop existing.
• Irish actor Colin Farrell told off by boyfriend of model Meghan Lowther at the Rose Bar in Gramercy Park Hotel. "You tried. Now get out of here." [P6]
• Sad: Harvey Weinstein wants a meeting with novelist Linda Fairstein, so she makes swanky reservations at a Midtown restaurant and alets the maitre d' about exactly who is coming. Turns out, it is Harvey Weinstein all right — the "octogenarian tuxedo manufacturer" who just loves her books. [P6]
• Another girl got between Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of "the Hills." Shocker! [Us]
• Kelly Rowan of "The O.C." is being kept hidden away by a reclusive Canadian billionaire, who doesn't like media attention. If you read between the lines in this item, it's like she's sending coded messages just begging some brave paparazzo to come rescue her. [P6]
• Actor Will Smith is hosting world icon Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday party in London. [Sun]
• Actor Patrick Swayze maybe not really going back to work, because he dropped out of a gay role in this one comedy flick. [OK!]
• Actress Natalie Portman on Hillary Clinton: "A lot of the stuff people say about her, I hear it and my stomach falls because it's so sexist... You ask people why they don't like her and it's because her husband cheated on her! That was obviously not her choice." [Us]

• Kate Hudson is, once again, riding the Butterscotch Stallion. She and fellow actor Owen Wilson had a weird double-date in Miami with Jennifer Aniston and Eric Dane the night after Hudson spent time with Wilson at a 10-bedroom mansion, having been spotted on the way in by crafty paparazzi. Their friends are totally against it.
• Actress Bai Ling said her arrest for shoplifting $16 in batteries and celebrity magazines was a big misunderstanding. Which actually makes sense, given the state of martial law under which most airports seem to operate, and given that no celebrity magazine (Star included) is remotely worth trying to shoplift. [P6]
• To make "those panties slide right off," rapper-turned-chef Coolio recommends "Sautéed Shrimp and Soul Rolls, baby." [Serious Eats]
• Late night host David Letterman jogs with two iPods and headphones with a proper headband, none of this "earbud" business. [P6]
• Professional rich girl Nicole Richie hates looking "slutty," so she wants her mama boobs to go away. [Showbiz Spy]
• Bizarre: Parker Posey and Keanu Reeves said to be an item. Maybe he was just sitting so close to her because he's weird and dense? Though she is weird and smart and you know what they say about opposite weirds: whichever one is freakiest kills and devours the other. [OK!]
• Rosie O'Donnell is launching a redesign of her website April 1. y do you have 2 change? [Ask Ro]
• Singer Britney Spears cannot stop dancing. Excellent activity, among the range of possible choices, to do compulsively. Bravo! [Faded Youth]
• Salma Hayek, the actress, really wanted a boy but is making do with her daughter. [P6]
• Chinese restaurant Philippe has potentially awesome hidden-camera videos of celebrity guests. [P6]

Feb. 16, Rosie fielded a Britney question (possibly invented!) from "Bella:"

Does Britney’s parents being in charge of her money/life give you a little releif?

no

Last night, Feb. 18, Rosie answered a question from "Sarah:"

Jordan Miller, the owner of the Britney Spears fansite breatheheavy.com, has claimed that you have spoken to Sam Lufti and have now changed your opinion on him. Is there any truth to this?

i have spoken to him in my life
a few times
i think he is a bad guy
all around

that has been my opinion

Adnan Ghalib has to be next. It's not going to be pretty — Rosie might even have to capitalize. She will have "23-year-old hot, skinny sexy girl" Britney in her bed if she has to blog until her fingers bleed!

Kathy writes:

So Rosie, Alcoholic or NOT? Just spit it out! Don’t go all Star Jones on us here. What led to you stopping the Beer? You’ll only help someone else. “you felt it was time”…WHY…inquiring minds…

cause i was drinking too much
cause i didnt want to anymore
cause it is hard to lose weight wen drinking
cause i can never have only one

[Rosie.com via P6]

[Rosie O'Donnell and wife Kelli Carpenter at opening night of The Little Mermaid on Broadway, Jan 10; image via WENN]

Pianos_Filled_With_Flames beat out the original, Rosie O'Donnell Moves Wooden Bride Into Position.

O'Donnell has insight into her neuroses - but is unable to control them, or change her behavior, says Dr. Robert Butterworth - a Los Angeles clinical psychologist who has done extensive work in the area of childhood trauma.

"Freud would have a field day with this book - everybody is somebody else," Butterworth said after reading the 200-page mix of adult musings, random childhood flashbacks and reams of prosy writings from Rosie's blog. "Obviously, she has a whole thing with men. Donald Trump is like a substitute daddy paying for something that happened in her past," he observed.

She also hints—but never confirms—that she was sexually abused at the hands of a "strange man" who came in her bedroom window at night.

The bizarre revelation, presented as a hazy memory of telling her mom the next morning that "a man came at night and got me," pops up as a flashback juxtaposed against Rosie's teary and rage-filled confrontation with Walters over the Trump flap while they got their hair and makeup done in ABC studios.
O'Donnell explains her off-camera confrontation with Walters by relating a murky recollection from her Long Island youth in 1971—"memories . . . more in feeling than form"—when she told her mother of the frightening intrusion by a mysterious man.

She says she never felt her mom believed her story—or that the man kept returning.