• WIRED: Wired.com laid off two top editors earlier this month. Today, tipsters tell us "at least six people" were canned at Wired—a mix of editorial and ad sales employees, including at least one veteran editor.
• Glamour: At least a half dozen editorial layoffs today. This follows at least seven business side layoffs there earlier this month, including a reality TV star.
• Lucky: At least four editorial layoffs today.

If you don't work at the New Yorker, be nervous.
UPDATE: Then again—a tipster tells us "at least 7 people let go from ad sales and creative services over the past 3 weeks" at the New Yorker. But uh, editorial side should be perfectly safe.
[Pic: AP]

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• Dave Went Out With Another Intern, In the 90s, and TMZ Got Pictures Of Her: Yes! In the "early 1990s," Dave had a (sexxxy?) "relationship" with his then-intern, Holly Hester, who seems to have nothing but warm feelings towards him, still. TMZ got these decidedly non-scandalous photos of the female half of this long-ago routine interoffice romance. There she is: Holly Hester.
• Dave Was the First Man Ever to Dislike His Ex-Girlfriend's New Boyfriend, According to Anonymous Sources: The Post's daily Dave scoop: Some people who probably work in the office say Dave didn't like Joe Halderman, the new boyfriend of Dave's ex, Stephanie Birkitt. By contrast, most men greatly enjoy hanging out with their ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend and building close relationships. Although this guy did try to extort Dave for millions, so maybe there are two sides to the story. The Post sums this all up as "Hate show." It's like "Late Show," but with hate.
• Tonight's Show May Be Awkward: Last week Dave came out on air with all this scandal stuff. Now it's the week following that. Is there a potential for tonight's show to be kinda awkward? Yes, say the show's staffers. It could very well be awkward. Now you know.
• Women Are More Mad About This Stuff Than Men, Maybe, Or Not: Some people feel that Dave will have to make a strong effort to win back female fans, because females tend to view his behavior more negatively than men. Some women, though, are not so concerned about it. And some people (us) suspect that the angry women Dave will have to contend with will mostly be Sarah Palin supporters with long memories and a lust for schadenfreude.

Ads via The Official Real"ad"tors Awards blog. Click to see the captions! We did this once before, too, which obviously did not stop the maniacal realtors.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.He is a "working man." Is that even good? Also he's obviously insane.

She's just saying: To god be the glory. She's just saying.

Realtor and white slaver.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Liz Carter also sells reefs.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Chet's debilitating case of the mumps hasn't prevented him from becoming a real estate professional.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Because when you need to sell your house, why not have twins sell your house?

BONUS: Richard Blakeley brought this one to my attention. It's Brad J. Lamb, the fabled Moon Sheep of Toronto, and, presumably,close friend to Blakeley.

It's Not So Bad!

NYT: "The rate of job losses in the United States slowed significantly in May, the government reported Friday, lifting hopes that the country's plummeting labor market was on its way to stabilizing."

WSJ: "U.S. job losses softened markedly last month, sending one of the strongest signals yet that the severe recession may be winding down."

LAT: "The number of lost jobs was the lowest since September, and it was only half of the average monthly job losses in the last six months."

WaPo: "Economists had expected a much worse loss, of as many as 525,000 jobs. The Labor Department also said that April job losses were somewhat less severe than originally reported."

It's Bad!

NYT: "These are still terrible numbers," said Ian Shepherdson, chief United States economist at High Frequency Economics. "We're a million miles away from a recovery."

WSJ: "When marginally attached and involuntary part-time workers are included, the rate of unemployed or underemployed workers hit 16.4% last month, up from 15.8% in April and almost seven percentage points higher than it was one year ago."

LAT: "The Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that the nationwide unemployment rate now stands at 9.4%, the worst it has been in more than 25 years."

WaPo: "That said, the labor market is far from rosy. Since the beginning of the recession in December 2007, 7 million people have become unemployed, including an additional 787,000 in May alone."

The Funemployment numbers, however, remain smooth as a baby's bottom.
[Pic via]

Ideally the Somali pirates would go around, swashbuckling, but not actually killing people, and they wouldn't mess with Americans, because America kicks ass all over the world, thank you very much. Then we could keep the Pirate Folk Hero thing alive, no big deal. But look guys, how can we secretly idolize your unrestrained manliness when you are not really beating anybody at anything?

Example A: Five pirates who hijacked a Yemeni ship were killed by the special forces of Yemen—a nation which we did not even know had special forces.

Example B: Pirates tried to jack an Italian cruise ship but the captain had his security guys shoot back and then the pirates ran away. Um.

Hey Somali pirates, get with the program or get out. You guys are totally wrecking the fantasy lives of pirate re-enactors:

"Most of us don't consider what's going on there true piracy. They sound more like terrorists. Or thugs," complained Christine Markel Lampe, who edits No Quarter Given, a pirate re-enactor newsletter.

Christine is the only person that the pirates defeated today.
[Pic via]

The crew of the Maersk Alabama arrived back in the US, to "the gratitude of a nation," reportedly, although it's unclear why that would be the case. Captain Richard Phillips, the hostage-in-chief, reached dry land in Kenya, with "Sweet Home Alabama" playing at the dock. For real!

Hillary Clinton, our secretary of state who has, disappointingly, never been pursued by pirates, said the international community is planning on freezing the assets of pirates, to fight them. Is that some sort of "Freezing your ass—in the morgue!" joke? Let's hope so. Because it doesn't sound all that scary. Especially when said "assets" are two million dollars in cash bricks, dropped by a helicopter onto the deck of a hijacked freighter in international waters. Anyhow. The media continues to have success goading brash young Somalians into saying dumb things:

A pirate said Wednesday that his gang was targeting American ships and sailors.

"We will seek out the Americans, and if we capture them we will slaughter them," said a 25-year-old Somali who gave only his first name, Ismail.

Anything some 25 year-old dude says to impress a foreign wire reporter might as well be pirate national policy, and we must fight back, with patriotic insanity.
[Pic via]

• Captain Richard Phillips, the lone remaining hostage from the hijacked Maersk Alabama, tried to escape his pirate captors! He failed though. At about midnight Somalia time, Phillips jumped off his lifeboat prison and "began swimming." But not fast enough! The four pirates on the lifeboat recaptured him, but he's reportedly okay. Swim faster next time!
• Oh hell an armada of pirate ships is racing out to reconnoiter with the pirate lifeboat! See, the pirates holding Captain Phillips put in a call to pirate headquarters (Somalia) and were like come help us, we're cornered by a warship! Now fellow pirates holding other international hostages are coming out to meet them for some strength in numbers:

  Mohamed Samaw, a Somali resident of the pirate stronghold in central Eyl town, who claims to have a "share" in a British-owned ship hijacked Monday, said four foreign ships previously captured by pirates are heading toward the lifeboat. A total of 54 hostages are on two of the ships, citizens of China, Germany, Russia, Ukraine, the Philippines, Tuvalu, Indonesia and Taiwan.

  "The pirates have summoned assistance - skiffs and motherships are heading towards the area from the coast," said a Nairobi-based diplomat, who spoke on condition on anonymity because he is not authorized to speak to the media. "We knew they were gathering yesterday."

• One pirate associate describes their demands: "All we need, first, is a safe route to escape with the captain, and then (negotiate) ransom later." The four Somali pirates on the lifeboat are reportedly scared they'll be killed or arrested if they let the captain go. Yea well they should be! Because Navy SEALs were placed on board the Maersk, and more importantly, a "guided missile frigate" is headed toward the pirates as we speak. Guided missiles!
• Don't worry because Joe Biden is aware of the situation—it's being "worked on round the clock," he says. Something for Joe Biden to do!

• The satellite phone on board the hijacked vessel [Pic above, via AP] is now the most-called telephone on the high seas. First the AP and CNN called it yesterday and hey, somebody actually picked up, and next thing you know the sailors didn't have time to do anything except answer media phone calls. It's only been one day and they're already done with talking to reporters: "Hours earlier, a person identifying himself as a crew member answering the ship's satellite phone said, 'We're still in trouble,' and referred questions to the ship's owner."
• The crew is one of many talents! Take the ship's second-in-command, Shane Murphy. His father teaches a course in anti-piracy tactics. Handy! He's also a thespian:

  His mother said Murphy took a break from his studies a few years back and auditioned for a bit part in "Thirteen Days," a film about the Cuban missile crisis of 1962 that starred Kevin Costner.

  Murphy landed a role as a Navy officer, but the camera caught only his hand and elbow, so he persuaded the director to recast him as a ship's radio operator. He has no lines in the film but appears in another scene, frantically tapping out a Morse code message

  Some intern is doubtless screening the movie right now. Also, according to this mother, "We have a nickname for Shane — 'Shanbo,' like Rambo,." I'll say!

• As is the custom these days, these pirates have their own spokesperson: "In Haradheere port, a pirate stronghold, an associate of the gang said the gunmen were armed and ready to defend themselves. 'Our friends are still holding the captain but they cannot move, they are afraid of the warships,' he told Reuters." Then he added, "Off the record, the captain is a total diva."
• And what about that captain, Richard Phillips, the last remaining hostage? He reportedly volunteered to be the sole hostage. The crew overpowered the pirates and took one of them hostage, then set up a deal to trade the captured pirate for the captain; but the pirates didn't hold up their side of the deal. That's where we stand now.
• One fun fact not mentioned in today's coverage (but pointed out to us by a reader more familiar with the U.S. Naval history) is that the USS Bainbridge, the Navy ship now on the scene, is named after a William Bainbridge, who's accomplishments in the U.S. Navy around the turn of the 19th century included being the first captain to surrender an American ship to the enemy and, yes, being captured by pirates. According to a history of the USS Constitution, which Bainbridge once commanded, called A Most Fortunate Ship:

Also, the following Youtube clip is now the default representation of this situation, on the internet:

The fun thing about the Super Bowl ads this year is that they're doing away with all the humor or entertainment in favor of the HARD SELL, because hey, times are hard, and these ads cost three million bucks, and Budweiser is not fucking around: if they spend that money, you damn well better buy some Budweiser. With that in mind, we present Five Ads To Watch For:

1. Teleflora: Any other flower is an insult, cheapskate.

2. Sobe: Now with LSD, apparently

3. Ashley Madison: Isn't it time you started cheating? This ad was banned in Canada but will in fact run during the game in several US cities. Seriously, if you have money, they just don't care any more.

4. E-trade: The freaky baby is back. And he thinks now is a great time to start trading stocks online! (Below are 'Outtakes' from the baby.)

5. Pedigree: 'Here is the obligatory animal ad.'

Find more videos like this on AdGabber

[All ads still guaranteed to be more interesting than a Steelers-Cardinals matchup]

During the Q&A at America Anonymous author Benoit Denizet-Lewis' book party (hosted at a booze-free "sober living loft") someone asked whether whether being a sex addict made it, er, complicated to report on "Down Low" culture. Benoit's response, we heard, was uncomfortable.

Young hotshot Patrick Gavin, who runs Fishbowl DC, is going to Politico. He is the DC version of Neel Shah, except Neel lives in NYC and went to nightclubs with cool people so much he landed at P6, and Patrick is in DC so he goes to cocktail parties with political nerds and wears a blazer. And does not sell magic berries. [Politico]



A tipster tells us about a new push for buyouts at the now basically online-only Christian Science Monitor and if the buyouts don't come, the editor warns in a memo: "The regrettable reality, however, is that there is no way to meet our budget goal other than to reduce the staff. We estimate the reduction to be 15-16 positions (it could be more or fewer, depending on salary levels)." Our tipster adds, "this seems to [management's] attempt to push out the oldest; if it doesn't work, we (the younger folks) will all likely be sacked, because the monitor never fires anyone who's been there more than a decade. call it compassion, of a sort."

The traditional January round of layoffs-and-other-unexpected-occurrences at Conde Nast hasn't materialized yet. Probably because they just did that two months ago. So it will be at least another month before massive layoffs return. [NYO]

Life & Style's latest cover is one of those diet stories about how celebrities shed pounds. Their cover girls are Jessica Alba, in a photo by Mario Testino that was airbrushed before it went into a Campari calendar, and Britney Spears, in a photo our tipster tells us was taken in 2003 by Andrew Eccles. So, Photoshop and time travel, those are the ways stars lose weight.

The horrifically troubled New York Times has a new signup procedure for free employee backrubs. Presumably given by laid-off bankers. [Nytpicker]


Nat Hentoff works the phrase "He puts on his skunk suit and heads off to the garden party" into his final column. [VV]

1. The Flag Pin Issue

Obama did not wear a colorful flag pin, because he supported the terrorists. Hannity:

"[W]hy do we wear pins? Because our country was under attack." He continued: "And to politicize once again the war to this extent. Well, who cares about the war? Are you proud of your country?"

For a big ole gallery of Sean Hannity not wearing a flag pin, click here.

2. He Said Something About Defense Spending!

Obama said of the defense budget, "I will cut tens of billions of dollars in wasteful spending." Hannity:

Obama "talked about in the campaign cutting tens of millions of dollars in defense spending."

Whatever that guy said.

3. Michelle Obama Is Racist

Michelle Obama wrote in her senior thesis at Princeton that "[i]t is possible that Black individuals either chose to or felt pressure to come together with other Blacks on campus because of the belief that Blacks must join in solidarity to combat a White oppressor." Hannity knew this proves she is RADICAL, and added:

"Do the Obamas have a race problem of their own?"

4. Obama Hates The Troops, Particularly The Wounded Ones.

McCain released an attack ad saying Obama refused to visit wounded troops. The press debunked it. Hannity:

Obama "abandon[ed] the troop visit because the cameras weren't around — allowed and the campaign wasn't allowed,"

Sean Hannity is a wounded veteran. Wait, no; what I mean to say is, Sean Hannity is a former Hunstville, Alabama radio talk show host.

5. Criminals Know The Name 'Obama'

Hannity on the ROD BLAGOJEVICH corruption case wiretap transcripts:

"The pres — the word 'president-elect' is mentioned 44 times in the document. Pretty troubling."

The term "Sean Hannity" is mentioned 42 times on Gawker. Pretty troubling.

[Media Matters]

• His ignoble end: opening the door "in his upper East Side apartment in pale blue bathrobe and slippers, facing two FBI agents."
• Madoff had a super-select client list, including the co-owners of the New York Mets. A spokesman says this won't effect the team at all. Focus, Reyes.
• One competitor investigated Madoff's firm and wrote a letter in 1999 (!) to the SEC saying, "Madoff Securities is the world's largest Ponzi scheme." That dude should start his own hedge fund, tomorrow.
• Who did Madoff's scam really hurt? The rich! And the Jews! And above all, the rich Jews! He may have totally broken most of the Jewish members of the Palm Beach Country Club:
  

  He was a brilliantly successful money manager who may well have handled the assets of a majority of the 300 members, as well as that of those of a largely Jewish clientele across the eastern United States and a number of wealthy WASPs.

  Lots of Palm Beach millionaires are wiped out! And their charity money!

  There was one largely Jewish charity event last evening.
  "It was like the Titanic," one attendee said. "The ship was sinking, and people were crying, 'I lost this and that.' And everybody was drunk. The Titanic was going down, and we might as well carry on."

  College funds! Pensions! Everything! Up and down the east coast!

  “There are people who were very, very well off a few days ago who are now virtually destitute,” said Brad Friedman, a lawyer with the Milberg firm in Manhattan. “They have nothing left but their apartments or homes — which they are going to have to sell to get money to live on.”

  At least it's gone to a better place:

  And one hedge-fund manager, Douglas Kass, estimates that "at least $15 billion of wealth, much of which was concentrated in southern Florida and New York City, has gone to 'money heaven.' "

[Pic via]

• A complete history of Raffaello Follieri.
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• Raffaello is arrested by the feds.
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• Highlights of the criminal case against Follieri.
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• The Follieri Crime Family: Dad was a crook, too!
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• The Follieri Foundation is still collecting donations.
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• Poor Anne Hathaway almost bought a house with the guy.
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• Hathaway's InStyle interview: They are so in love! Oops, poor timing.
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• New York Mag: Why was Raffaello so weird in court yesterday, allegedly? A codeine prescription. Oh, sure.

• Show star Lauren Conrad who sells "tchotchkes, trinkets, and trash", got angry on the cover of Us magazine, saying that she'd been betrayed by friends and lovers.
• Audrina Patridge, one of the betraying friends, had old nude photos surface. They were taken when she was young and trusting, said the 22-year-old.
• Lauren Conrad accused the show's crew of stealing the cast members' souls with their magical cameras. Or their stares. Or something.
• Lauren renounced the Us cover story, saying "I do not feel betrayed by Audrina or Brody" on her blog. But, of course, she later recanted and said she's not mad at Us magazine (teacher, mother, secret lover) for running the article.
• It's revealed that Lauren called Brody "scum" in French during the premiere episode. Also revealed: Staffers at Us have a French-to-English dictionary.
• Evil couple Heidi and Spencer kidnapped a child and made it forage for food.
• Gina Bellafante at the New York Times compared Heidi Montag to Gloria Allred and said that Whitney was "the best approximation of a Shakespearean mute that reality TV has ever produced." Radar balked. (Get it??)
• Gen. David Petraeus said he has evidence that Iran was behind the Easter attack on Baghdad's Green Zone.
• A new lame love interest for Audrina was cast. The info was leaked.